Spiritual/emotional cleansing?

[Loveisonlyformovies]

Have decided to give up hope about my ex even though i know it'll be years before I'll be ready to start looking for someone new. 

He made clear to me yesterday that he's not interested and i made clear to him that I can't stay around as a friend as he treats me terribly and I still love him. Then he accused me of emotional blackmailing, saying im forcing him to be with me or he can't see his kids..  I can't have him come here for a week at a time, it costs me a lot financially and emotionally. Im not selfish enough to forbid him to see the kids, ive agreed to having a social worker supervise his visits if they are regular, but he wants everything on his terms and basically just wants me to grow up and deal with it as if I didn't feel anything for him. He left the country, rarely ever calls them, so he clearly doesn't give a f***. 

 

Anyway, I want to start over so im looking for advice on spiritual(not involving any kind of God)/emotional cleansing procedures to make it easier to let go and become indifferent to him and be more positive about life. Im sick of the power he has over me. I cant burn anything as things and pictures are kept around for the sake of our kids, nor do I have anyone else to help me out with it and therapy is certainly not an option. So what do you all do to "reset" yourselves and find motivation to actually make a change in your lives? 

[2BGoodAgain]

4 minutes ago, Loveisonlyformovies said:

Have decided to give up hope about my ex even though i know it'll be years before I'll be ready to start looking for someone new. 

He made clear to me yesterday that he's not interested and i made clear to him that I can't stay around as a friend as he treats me terribly and I still love him. Then he accused me of emotional blackmailing, saying im forcing him to be with me or he can't see his kids..  I can't have him come here for a week at a time, it costs me a lot financially and emotionally. Im not selfish enough to forbid him to see the kids, ive agreed to having a social worker supervise his visits if they are regular, but he wants everything on his terms and basically just wants me to grow up and deal with it as if I didn't feel anything for him. He left the country, rarely ever calls them, so he clearly doesn't give a f***. 

 

Anyway, I want to start over so im looking for advice on spiritual(not involving any kind of God)/emotional cleansing procedures to make it easier to let go and become indifferent to him and be more positive about life. Im sick of the power he has over me. I cant burn anything as things and pictures are kept around for the sake of our kids, nor do I have anyone else to help me out with it and therapy is certainly not an option. So what do you all do to "reset" yourselves and find motivation to actually make a change in your lives? 

GOOD NEWS: okay, look....you did good so far. ;yeah, you can't be friends with someone who dumps you and then says what's the matter with you? just b/c he may not be emotionally invested in you, and can walk off, doesn't mean you're the same indifferent person he is. or rather, he's perhaps more years separating himself from you than you have had time to.

so this is the deal... therapy isn't an option. i get that. then go work out. work out at the gym like mad. I know, you are hurting emotionally and distracted mentally, how can physical activity help you? it does. it helps create a biochemical buffer for your mind to process things, and kicks in endorphins to deal with the pain you're in, and it kills time, it burns calories and pent up emotions and it helps you process things....

things will come to you, as you work out...sometimes during, sometimes afterwards... and it helps vent pent up emotions and thoughts... 

try it, and come back to me. 

BAD NEWS: there is no fix it all in a snap kind of book/guru/etc out there... this is a process and you will go thru ups and downs and feelings will pour out of you suddenly and from left field. I'm sure you've gone thru some of it already. but that's it, for bad news. The rest is UP TO YOU.  

i think you'll do great... so hang in there, go to the gym, don't sleep with the gym instructor and you'll do great.

good luck to you!

[Loveisonlyformovies]

We broke up 18 months ago but hes been giving me false hope of his return ever since.

Sadly i dont have money nor time for a gym, i also prefer working out alone at home. I was working out for a bit, but the physical pain got too much (happened after child birth so it's likely to be permanent nerv damage) so I stopped and gained 10 kg and now im so unfit I can hardly manage 10 min of pilates at this point.  Nonstop eating is currently the only thing to get me from missing him too much. Maybe I should start doing beginners yoga again to start with.. Getting back the body I had before i met him might actually help, or at least boost my confidence a bit. Thanks for the advice!

[preraph]

There may be meds that would help your nerve pain. I had chronic nerve pain from an accident in my leg and 30 years later had to have physical therapy for a knee problem and it actually improved the nerve pain in my leg that was preexisting. And there are pills that they turn off the pain if it is not still being impinged upon the nerve. In my leg, the pain would turn on and not turn off. But a three-week course I'm amitriptyline would turn it off. 

 

Now there are even better meds for nerve pain. so you just be sure you have been to a doctor who can treat nerve pain because they cannot all treat it. a lot of them are not educated well enough to know what to do so you have to go to a specialist. A neurologist should be trained in that area, and some pain management doctors. 

 

You have to get a court order in place that tells the father of your children when and under what conditions he can see them. It shouldn't even be up to you or him. You need to make it legal and petition the court. There's no reason he should need to stay with you to visit the kids and neither should he be able to just randomly visit the kids. He can take them and go on a little weekend trip or something. 

 

You two are not going to reconcile. The sounds like an extremely toxic two-way relationship and you two need to stop being in each other's presence because this is horrible for your children. 

 

You'll have a lot easier time getting over this if you are the one who completely pulls the plug on him. The reason you're struggling so much is because you're letting him call the shots still. You gave him your power. You need to get a legal court order in place about the children and completely cut him off and never see him. The only contact you two should have is in an emergency when one of the kids is in the hospital or something. 

 

You need to accept the reality. This sounds like a crappy relationship so you need to stop holding on to it and you need to go take care of yourself because if you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of your kids. 

[Loveisonlyformovies]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

There may be meds that would help your nerve pain. I had chronic nerve pain from an accident in my leg and 30 years later had to have physical therapy for a knee problem and it actually improved the nerve pain in my leg that was preexisting. And there are pills that they turn off the pain if it is not still being impinged upon the nerve. In my leg, the pain would turn on and not turn off. But a three-week course I'm amitriptyline would turn it off. 

 

Now there are even better meds for nerve pain. so you just be sure you have been to a doctor who can treat nerve pain because they cannot all treat it. a lot of them are not educated well enough to know what to do so you have to go to a specialist. A neurologist should be trained in that area, and some pain management doctors. 

 

You have to get a court order in place that tells the father of your children when and under what conditions he can see them. It shouldn't even be up to you or him. You need to make it legal and petition the court. There's no reason he should need to stay with you to visit the kids and neither should he be able to just randomly visit the kids. He can take them and go on a little weekend trip or something. 

 

You two are not going to reconcile. The sounds like an extremely toxic two-way relationship and you two need to stop being in each other's presence because this is horrible for your children. 

 

You'll have a lot easier time getting over this if you are the one who completely pulls the plug on him. The reason you're struggling so much is because you're letting him call the shots still. You gave him your power. You need to get a legal court order in place about the children and completely cut him off and never see him. The only contact you two should have is in an emergency when one of the kids is in the hospital or something. 

 

You need to accept the reality. This sounds like a crappy relationship so you need to stop holding on to it and you need to go take care of yourself because if you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of your kids. 

Im a firm believer that meds are for the weak and dying. I'll not consider it at all and there is really nothing to be done to it. 

What do I need court for? The kids are mine and he has no say and no court would grant him anything than a few hours of supervised visits a month. We don't even live in the same country so im not even sure why you keep going on about it in all of my threads. There are no legal issues concerning our children whatsoever. 

 

Your response just really bummed me out to be honest. Its really not relevant to the topic. I don't see him whatsoever so what reality do I need to accept? :s there's no need to bring up any of those things you just did. Or to include him in the advice at all. 

I was hoping for positive advice, not the kind that makes me feel even worse about things. How am i meant to let it go when you constantly bring such things up? Only thing you accomplished by that is making sure I don't ever wanna date again. I really don't need more negativity right now. I need more positivity right now. I hope you can respect that.

Edited February 14, 2020 by Loveisonlyformovies