Lillypilly Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 Hey Ladies i would love to hear you opinion about yesterday. I bought ous for a boat trip. He was excited and happy with the gift. but during the trip with other people he would be answer me in a agressive way. Because small things like i now hearing what he said and he you be angry. Few minutes pass and he react like nothing happened and did again and again. During the middle of the trip i got upset and became quite. Explained he was treating me unwell and that he told me it is my fault because i was controlling him when i advised him was time to get in the boat. He got even angrier. Well we arrive home and he told me to sleep in the spare bedrrom. Today he woke up and left for run by himself (what we always do together) . I am confused but dont wanna think i did anything wrong to cause his agression. It is not the same time and i dont know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 (edited) Hi Lillypilly, as you slept in the spare bedroom, I will assume you live together. I will also assume you've known each other for a substantial amount of time. With this in mind, I am wondering if you've ever seen this side of his personality before. If so, how often? Had he been dithering around and you got frustrated? Edited February 15, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lillypilly Posted February 15, 2020 Author Share Posted February 15, 2020 We have being living together for 6 years. I have seeing worse. There were times he would call me name and sometimes lose his temper and throw things on the wall. He usually talks down to me but he denies or tells me does because he is frustrated. I got sad because he want to make this relationship work. I want it to work. But he has done nothing to change his agressive voice. We lost many birthdays and important date because arguments. Yesterday was hard to put a big effort for the date and having him treating me bad Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 Six years is too long to spend with a guy who treats you badly. Why do you stay? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lillypilly Posted February 15, 2020 Author Share Posted February 15, 2020 I believed he could change.... also because i had my flaunts too. On top of that i dreamed with a family that i still dont have. At my age. Divorce and find a new partner and get pregnant is going to be almost impossible Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 13 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Why do you stay? 13 hours ago, Lillypilly said: I want it to work You can't make this work. he took pleasure in spoiling this trip for you. This is what abusers do, they are never happier than when you are miserable. They take happy occasions and turn them into hell for you, by picking fights and causing arguments out of thin air. You want a child, the poor thing would be treated in the same way as you. Walking on eggshells, having every happy occasion ruined by its father... Is that what you want? Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 It sounds like he is a control freak or just generally has a bad attitude. A partner needs to be sane and have a good attitude to be a good catch. Link to post Share on other sites
HappySenior Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Lillypilly said: I believed he could change.... also because i had my flaunts too. On top of that i dreamed with a family that i still dont have. At my age. Divorce and find a new partner and get pregnant is going to be almost impossible No, he won't. And you don't need to stay to be abused like that. I left one of those and have a better life, and you can too. Finding a new partner isn't impossible. Kids maybe, but you sure don't want that man to help you raise them! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 (edited) I personally would rather be single than live with an abusive man. I agree with the previous statement, it would be very irresponsible to bring a child into this world with an emotionally abusive father such as this man. I hope you find the strength to leave. Edited February 15, 2020 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 It would be great if abusive people could change, but there's no amount of love will make them change. They get worse, not better. He wants this type of relationship, where he can bully someone. He's sick. You can't fix him. You need to get out and away from him and find someone you can be happy with OR be alone. Do not bring kids into this!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lillypilly Posted February 16, 2020 Author Share Posted February 16, 2020 So hard to believe someone who says love you so much and just treat me badly. I guess he makes.me fell guilty. He blame me to get upset for nothing,to be a princess and for being controlling. He is financially irresponsible and i need to take care for greater part of the bills. That is the think. He has 2 kids and treat them so nicely. He is a good father. But i guess you all right. I should have seeing that long ago. ... he was my best friend.... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 He isn't going to change. You can only decide if you want a happier future and leave him, or sign up for a lifetime of mistreatment. Those are really your only options. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 10 hours ago, Lillypilly said: So hard to believe someone who says love you so much and just treat me badly Why us it so hard to believe? "I love you" is so easy to say and it keeps you hanging around. Why did his marriage fail? Link to post Share on other sites
zeyta Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 11 hours ago, Lillypilly said: He is financially irresponsible and i need to take care for greater part of the bills. Does this mean you pay his bills too? I did that mistake with an Ex as I really wanted to make it work (as you also do). The thing is, once he was done with me, he dumped me out of the blue and never recognized what I have done for him. So, if this is your hope...That one day he will understand and be sorry for all of his mistakes as you are giving way too much to make this relation work, I am sorry to tell you that this is not going to happen. I think you should apply all this effort on yourself, on your career and mental health, and leave this guy behind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lillypilly Posted February 17, 2020 Author Share Posted February 17, 2020 That is right. I do need to look after my mental health. I think this type.of relationship can make anyone crazy. I help with bills for the house more than what he does. But he complaints that i should help more so he can have more spare to buy his toys. He says his left wife dump him because he couldnt give the money she want in the relatioship. Later i found out she found him cold and insensitive I dont think he will change and i start to think he is only with me for money or status. He abuse to get whatever he want. The problem was many times i thought i was the reason our relationship didnt work Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 He is a parasite, pure and simple. Parasite - an organism that lives in or on an organism of another species (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other's expense. Link to post Share on other sites
zeyta Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 7 hours ago, Lillypilly said: I dont think he will change and i start to think he is only with me for money or status. He abuse to get whatever he want I mean...If you have already identified he has some kind of abusive behavior (pushing your limits, blaming things on you, avoiding responsabilities...etc), I think it is better for you to leave this guy and foccus on yourself... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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