FLGal1979 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) Hi this is my first post, I have a situation where I have fallen for a married man who is quite a bit older then me ( I tend to go for older men in general). We are both married and recently my husband and I and him and his wife have become friends and have been spending time together the four of us. Initially I really didn't have much interest in this man besides thinking of him as an interesting and nice person. During a Christmas party at my house, he came and approached me without his wife. I instantly had a gut feeling he was into me, I have no idea what brought this on as he was not flirting with me, just speaking to me about wanting to invite my husband and I to dinner at their house. I have no idea where this feeling came from, but I found myself starting to having feelings for him. During the next few times we were able to talk one on one, I definitely feel that something is there. I am not sure what to describe it is except where we are alone talking, its as intense if we are the only two people in the room. He always has a compliment or complaints for me, he smiles and when I reached out to innocently touch him several times he does not move away. Its just, he is not being overtly flirty or making it obvious, I think for good reason. This man does some work for my husband, not an employee, but someone he partners with. When I started developing feeling for this married man, I told my husband what I was feeling about him and we agreed that if something happened between me and this man it would be OK. I am lucky to have a very open minded husband. The issue is that this married man has no idea that my husband is ok with this, so if he has feelings for me, this might be keeping him from being more flirty if he is indeed being that. Please let me know what you think... Edited February 16, 2020 by briarose13 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 28 minutes ago, briarose13 said: I told my husband what I was feeling about him and we agreed that if something happened between me and this man it would be OK. And that is OK with you? Your husband doesn't care if you sleep with another man? Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Yeah, every time I hear someone come here and say "my partner is ok with it" are they too focused on getting what they want to understand just what is likely behind them being "ok". If your marriage isnt open before you told your husband that....it is now, you best believe either your husband is already involved with another woman or he loves the idea of another woman. You maybe should stop worrying about another womans husband and worry about your marriage. This may send it in a direction you may not like in the long run. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FLGal1979 Posted February 16, 2020 Author Share Posted February 16, 2020 45 minutes ago, elaine567 said: And that is OK with you? Your husband doesn't care if you sleep with another man? Yes, we have an open relationship. 22 minutes ago, DKT3 said: Yeah, every time I hear someone come here and say "my partner is ok with it" are they too focused on getting what they want to understand just what is likely behind them being "ok". If your marriage isnt open before you told your husband that....it is now, you best believe either your husband is already involved with another woman or he loves the idea of another woman. You maybe should stop worrying about another womans husband and worry about your marriage. This may send it in a direction you may not like in the long run. I don't have any worries about us.Our marriage is open and I am fine with that. If he wants to be involved with another woman, I don't have a problem as long we are both open and honest with each other, if I am going to be seeing another man, he is of course entitled to see someone as well. My question was really about this other man and his feelings for me. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, briarose13 said: When I started developing feeling for this married man, I told my husband what I was feeling about him and we agreed that if something happened between me and this man it would be OK. I am lucky to have a very open minded husband. I’m not sure that I’d use the word lucky. I think you are flirting with danger and the fact that your husband doesn’t seem to care makes me think that he has already jumped from the pot to the frying pan himself. As for this other man, I can not say. I would not notice, I would not care myself... because I would never entertain the thought of having sex with another woman’s husband - particularly not if I’m married myself. Do you have children? Edited February 16, 2020 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 34 minutes ago, DKT3 said: Yeah, every time I hear someone come here and say "my partner is ok with it" are they too focused on getting what they want... Agree. It’s an obvious theme... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Your husband probably let this guy know beforehand that you have an open marriage and offered you to him. It's probably no coincidence at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FLGal1979 Posted February 16, 2020 Author Share Posted February 16, 2020 31 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I’m not sure that I’d use the word lucky. I think you are flirting with danger and the fact that your husband doesn’t seem to care makes me think that he has already jumped from the pot to the frying pan himself. As for this other man, I can not say. I would not notice, I would not care myself... because I would never entertain the thought of having sex with another woman’s husband - particularly not if I’m married myself. Do you have children? No kids. never wanted em. If you don't agree with what I am doing, why ever would you bother to respond to my query? To tell me you don't agree with me? That is a waste of time for both of us. You don't know either of my husband or I, so how can you make such quick assumptions of who he is and who I am based on a few sentences in a forum? That's pretty unfair and really not constructive in the slightest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FLGal1979 Posted February 16, 2020 Author Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) 31 minutes ago, preraph said: Your husband probably let this guy know beforehand that you have an open marriage and offered you to him. It's probably no coincidence at all. I highly doubt that. You are very quick to make assumptions based upon a few sentences which is not fair to myself. Edited February 16, 2020 by briarose13 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) I just don't believe in coincidences like that. And I can't imagine that if he didn't set it up, that he would be cool with you doing this to one of his business partners. Because it's a recipe for disaster. Your husband is the one who brought them to you. He probably wants the wife. Edited February 16, 2020 by preraph 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) Since your husband partners with this man, surely he has observed your husband interact with women and realizes from his behavior that your husband is not exclusive with you. Therefore, he must surmise, whether he knows your marriage is open or not, that you might be lacking in attention from your husband and be vulnerable to having an affair. However, if he knows you have an open marriage he might just be feeling free to hit on you because he knows you and your H both would be ok with it, though not figuring you're not getting attention from your H. Editing to add that I believe this man can sense your interest in becoming close to him and is acting on your interest. You've already reached out to touch him physically. He might figure and be waiting for you to make a move on him, who knows? Edited February 16, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 3 hours ago, preraph said: I just don't believe in coincidences like that. And I can't imagine that if he didn't set it up, that he would be cool with you doing this to one of his business partners. Because it's a recipe for disaster. Your husband is the one who brought them to you. He probably wants the wife. Yeah, but her husband setting it up doesn't fit the narrative she is coming up with in her head. Which is based on some deeper connections she believes they have. My question is the same as yours, in what way can this possibly end but poorly? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 4 hours ago, preraph said: Your husband probably let this guy know beforehand that you have an open marriage and offered you to him. It's probably no coincidence at all. 4 hours ago, FLGal1979 said: I highly doubt that. You are very quick to make assumptions based upon a few sentences which is not fair to myself. Have you done much reading on LS? It's just about all assumptions.... How else are we to give advice? We are not there with you!!!! If the other couple does not have an open relationship like you and your partner, how is the other wife going to feel about you and her husband together? I think you need to talk to the other wife and get a feel about her relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Baman Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 8 hours ago, FLGal1979 said: Yes, we have an open relationship. I don't have any worries about us.Our marriage is open and I am fine with that. If he wants to be involved with another woman, I don't have a problem as long we are both open and honest with each other, if I am going to be seeing another man, he is of course entitled to see someone as well. My question was really about this other man and his feelings for me. You will cop a fair dose of negativity and misinformed assumptions about your open marriage, i'm sure you know that. I have an open marriage. I see other woman and my wife prefers poly. So i can speak from some experience to you. Just ask the man. And unless he too is in a verifiable (with the wife) open marriage, stop it in its tracks. For his sake and your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 1 minute ago, Baman said: Just ask the man. And unless he too is in a verifiable (with the wife) open marriage, stop it in its tracks. For his sake and your own. Exactly. It is not rocket science. I think the OP wants to knows if she will receive a favourable reaction from the man, before she lays it on the line, but no-one here can really know what he thinks. He may just be a friendly kind of a man, the OP has said he is not flirting just talking, the attraction may be projection on the part of the OP. He may be trying to keep on the right side of the husband, so he gets more work so sucking up to the wife may be what he is doing. He may indeed be sussing out her interest, but is overly cautious due to his standing with the husband... He may be interested in an affair, but may not be interested in getting involved in an open marriage... Who really knows? But as @Baman and @Caauug pointed out, you may have an open marriage, but if he doesn't then that would just lead to trouble, chaos and heart ache. Open marriages are not supposed to be about causing mayhem in other people's lives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 If this man has a business relationship to her husband and her husband benefits from the business relationship with the man, it's entirely possible he is offering you up as a perk of being his business partner for his own benefit. It's quite common for businessmen to provide women to their valuable clients. But I do realize that may not be the relationship between them. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Oh boy, so you are interested in pursuing an open marriage. I just hope the other couple is okay with it if anything happens. Don't people have regular hobbies anymore?! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 If you do have an open marriage it doesn't really matter does it? My understanding is that all parties have to be involved in clearly defined open relationships. Going by the fact you're ignoring his wife I'm taking it that MM's relationship is not open. Remember there is a 4th person involved here. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 16 hours ago, FLGal1979 said: You don't know either of my husband or I, so how can you make such quick assumptions of who he is and who I am based on a few sentences in a forum? That's pretty unfair and really not constructive in the slightest. We know the proposed OM even less, but there you want our assumptions about his motives. 🙄 As others have said, find out if this man's marriage is also open, and proceed accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Danger Will Robinson Danger! Buffer Link to post Share on other sites
Baman Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 On 2/17/2020 at 1:25 AM, Fletch Lives said: Oh boy, so you are interested in pursuing an open marriage. I just hope the other couple is okay with it if anything happens. Don't people have regular hobbies anymore?! ah no Fletch... They HAVE an open marriage. She (OP) herself told us that. but... yes, it can be a fun hobby. And an un fun one too at times. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 On 2/16/2020 at 12:04 PM, Amethyst68 said: If you do have an open marriage it doesn't really matter does it? My understanding is that all parties have to be involved in clearly defined open relationships. Going by the fact you're ignoring his wife I'm taking it that MM's relationship is not open. Remember there is a 4th person involved here. Yes this. ^^ What does the man’s wife think about it? Because if she’s not up to sharing her husband, you’re going to have a hell of a hard time with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Whynot00 Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 Oh my lord ... what a great story! is there any sexual tension between you two? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts