Pittsburgher85 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Hello all, and thank you in advanced for taking the time to read! My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 6. We have 2 little boys, a loving home, the works. We are financially comfortable (as a team) and strive to be positive influences on our children. Having said that....I have heard a phrase come out of my husband's mouth one or two times in the past couple months that have just sent my heart to the bottom of a canyon. He has told me that he is "miserable" and he feels it's because of me. The lead up to this, each and every time, stems from conversations we have been having for the past 3 or 4 months regarding life as we know it. For example, ways the government controls the masses, how everything is more or less staged to divide humanity, how unfair taxes are, etc. While I do AGREE with him....I asked him a few months ago: "Are you happy? Are you ok?". This simple, honest question sent him into a tizzy and he's been so ever since. I began noticing that he was venting more than usual. I kept quiet, as I know I am the first person he goes to to vent to. But it became more than that...it brought on a feeling of concern within me. He seemed to be blinded by all of the negativity of the world. I will say, 25% of the time, he does appear genuinely happy - he will play with the kids, play with the dog, work on a hobby of his, etc....but the majority of the time, he is buried deep in his readings and YouTube videos about all of the realities (which I do believe) of the world. After a few months of this, I said to him the other night "Listen...you need to attempt to put some of this to the side. Enjoy life! Be happy. You are letting this drag you down and it's just getting out of hand". He felt beyond hurt by this, he was angered and just downright pi$$ed off at me. He said he no longer feels he can talk to me, his wife, he feels let down, disappointed, alone.....that I am making him miserable. Meanwhile I see it flipped in the other direction. I told him it's his choice to be miserable, to bask in the negativity. I choose to be happy. It's not always a walk in the park but I do it so that my kids can enjoy their childhood. I do not want them to remember their childhood and think "Gee, my parents sure were miserable people". I am not really asking what to do here, because I do not plan on leaving. I am in this relationship for the long haul, whether or not he feels the same. I am wondering however if anyone else has experienced a situation even remotely close to this...and if so, did you find any sort of coping mechanisms to be particularly helpful? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 When someone suddenly starts ranting, it's best to get them in to see a therapist or at least a doctor or go to the ER. Seriously sometimes it's the onset of something. It's kind of delusional and paranoid and could be the onset of a mental issue. If he's on any kind of meds from the doctors, you should find out if any of the meds could cause something like this. If you are not able to talk to his doctors because of privacy, you might ask him to write something out and give you a medical power of attorney. If he's that paranoid I doubt that he will. But you need to get him in to see a doctor. You could also look at his meds and look them all up on Google and read the side effects and see if any of them have psychosis or paranoia or anyting mental attached to them. I mean he could even have a little brain tumor or something. So please just get him to the doctor. Start with wherever you can get him and maybe get them aside and ask them for a referral to either run neurologist or to get a brain scan or to a therapist and maybe if they recommend it he'll go. This does not sound like marriage problems. It's mental problems. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I would be concerned. Your husband sounds like he is becoming radicalized. Any criticism of his new found religion marks the source of the criticism as a blasphemer who must be excised. You should be concerned about his mental health and encourage him to talk with his doctor. It is never good to obsess over any subject. Are his critical thinking skills off the mark? Is he making bad decisions that he normally would not make. Is there any physical problems noticeable such as balance or coordination? You may have trouble if you do not share his beliefs. He eventually may not tolerate you questioning his viewpoints. Watch an episode of "Ancient Aliens" on the History channel to gain some insight into what you may be up against. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pittsburgher85 Posted February 16, 2020 Author Share Posted February 16, 2020 Thanks for responding! He's always been a ranter. Just like his dad. The topics as of late are just a new *kind* of rant. Like I said...I do agree with the points he makes, its just that I see something changing in him and not for the better. He is not on any meds. He'd refuse any medical help. He does not believe in therapists. He thinks they're a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 When people start taking the woes of the world into their own sphere, it can be a sign of depression. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) I just have to tell this story but I don't intend it to make you panicky because it's very unusual. I read multiple doctors' testimony and the wife's on this one case probably 20 years ago She and her husband were just a settled happy couple. He had been employed with the same good company for 20 years. She also worked and got home a little later than him. she started noticing that when she would come home he would have the blinds pulled and it would be dark in the room. Long story short, he started all this ranting. He's not been like that before. He was ranting about lots of things. and he became increasingly paranoid that his employer and his co-workers were out to get him. He just kept going down hill and getting worse. She came home one day to find him sitting on a big block of ice, having castrated his own testicles. In the course of the questioning, the wife was asked about any meds he was on, and it came out that he was preoccupied with a lot of over-the-counter meds to the point where he kept them on a spice rack, all very OCD. They were trying to sue one of the over-the-counter med companies for his psychosis. Of course the fact that he had this quiet unobtrusive secret little underlying tick with the meds did not bode well for that because obviously he was taking too much of everything. Edited February 16, 2020 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 10 minutes ago, Pittsburgher85 said: Thanks for responding! He's always been a ranter. Just like his dad. The topics as of late are just a new *kind* of rant. Like I said...I do agree with the points he makes, its just that I see something changing in him and not for the better. He is not on any meds. He'd refuse any medical help. He does not believe in therapists. He thinks they're a joke. People with mental problems are the hardest ones to get to go to a doctor for help. It's just all part of their mental problems. He's likely got some sort of mental issue he's never had diagnosed or dealt with and sometimes those get worse as you age. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pittsburgher85 Posted February 16, 2020 Author Share Posted February 16, 2020 Wow!!! That's...wow. I don't even have words. My husband is not the off-the-handle type guy. He really doesn't come across as "out there". Hes intelligent. Kind. Extremely helpful with others. He's just questioning life in general and it's as if his mind cannot comprehend all of the info he's been able to dig up on stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 This guy wasn't either. To all outward appearances he was just fine until he wasn't, but again the over-the-counter meds and his abuse of them might have figured in. Or he could have just gotten worse because he was already OCD a little bit as they could tell from how ordered he kept his meds. Anyway I'm not inferring that your husband would do something like that. It's just something that came to mind because I'll never forget that story. Look, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be help unless they really go off the rails and need to be committed which is not at all easy to do. If you won't go to a doctor, that's part of his mental issues whatever they are, and they very well may continue to get worse. There are very often more than one mental issue going on at once. Like Elaine said, some people might get Ranty from depression, but I doubt that's all that's going on with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 If you are looking for answers a thorough medical physical would what you start with. Just make sure you let the doctor know what your concerns are so he has something to focus on. If your SO comes back with a clean bill of health, it will do a lot to ease your mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, Pittsburgher85 said: He is not on any meds. He'd refuse any medical help. He does not believe in therapists. He thinks they're a joke. I am not sure what any of us can suggest in that case. What about, at the very LEAST, downloading some self-help books on depression and gratitude and coping mechanisms, if he won't see a therapist or a doctor? I mean, if he won't listen to you and won't talk to a professional, what possible help can we be? I mean, yes, life is unfair. Every part of human history has been riddled with all sorts of unfairness. And yes, sometimes I find that if I dwell too much on such things, it can lead to an episode of depression. What keeps me level and sane is to recognize how fortunate I am, and that I am responsible towards taking care of my own mental health and the health of my relationship. If I got to the point that your husband is, I would absolutely seek medical help. Frankly, as a man living in a (presumably) developed country with a roof over his head and food on his table, he is already far luckier than most. If he chooses to squander his luck by spiraling into depression because "life is unfair" and refuses to seek help for it, that's on him. Edited February 16, 2020 by Elswyth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Try asking him what if anything he thinks the two of you can possibly do together to change the things that he feels are wrong in the world. Maybe try starting a tradition at dinner where every family member has to say one thing they are grateful for that day. Suggest to him that he can say the boys but lead by example that the world isn't as bleak as he thinks. Remind him of this: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” -- Margaret Mead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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