arena Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I have 6 years with a man. The first two we lived in the same city but different houses, the next three years we lived together, now I had to leave and start living in the US and we had been in a LDR for a little over one year now. Because of visa issues (he was rejected) he cannot come, so basically we can only see each other two times a year for like two weeks. We have been dealing with the legal stuff but basically, with luck, maybe can be another year, but if there's no luck we might have to be separated for al least another 3 years (option not 100% for sure) or +4 (option 100% for sure). I love him and we have lived so much things together but only thinking about being separated for so long scares the hell out of me. He says that he is going to wait for me no matter what, and I don't want to break up with him either but I have so many fears if this will actually work out... I think that having a clear goal is key but I don't have that and it's kind of messing with me. Have you dealt with something similar? What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I'd look at moving to where he lives. Can you get a visa there? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Yeah l agree , seems the most logical thing. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2020 Share Posted February 21, 2020 Can you move to him? Or you can both move to another country together in which the paperwork won't be as complicated? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Where are you both from? And why wasn't he allowed to enter the US? Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Hey OP, We definitely need more information to provide any sort of guidance here. However, I will say - there's absolutely no force on earth (other than sick children or parents) that should compel you to move, especially to another country - especially if you are dating someone and they are not allowed to go. At first glance, and I"ll be 100% happy to amend my statement if you provide more background and context to your story, it sounds like you didn't consider him or your relationship in making your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 Its hard to say without more information, like others have said, but I will say that without an end goal in sight the relationship is a means to an end. Sure, you both might have good intentions and love each other, but you are both leading different lives now, with different friends, and the only things that you can communicate through is facetime/skype or phone and that will not always be consistent or sufficient due to the things life is going to throw at you. Eventually, with the challenges life throws your way, you or the other person is going to need more from each other. Sounds like this Visa situation is a barrier to you two being together, and you said you "had to leave to start living in the US". Surely you knew that your partner would face obstacles in moving to the US as well. Did you make this choice? Consider why you made this choice, knowing that you would not be able to be with your significant other and that this would cause a challenge to you two being together. If your reasons behind moving to the US are more important to you than the future of your relationship then just let things take their course...they will likely fall apart. If not, consider moving back, or somewhere else where the two of you can be together in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 What visa did he apply for that he got rejected for? Is a fiance/partner visa not an option? What about you moving to him? I mean, I don't lightly suggest fiance/partner visas... but this isn't some guy you met on the internet, you've been together IRL for 5 years, with 3 being living together. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 On 2/27/2020 at 1:30 AM, scooby-philly said: However, I will say - there's absolutely no force on earth (other than sick children or parents) that should compel you to move, especially to another country - especially if you are dating someone and they are not allowed to go. Deportation is quite a formidable force. The OP might have had her visa run out in his country. (Not saying that's necessarily the case, but you did say "absolutely no force on earth"... ;)) Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 1 minute ago, Elswyth said: Deportation is quite a formidable force. The OP might have had her visa run out in his country. (Not saying that's necessarily the case, but you did say "absolutely no force on earth"... ;)) That's true - from the way it was described that thought didn't cross my mind - but yeah - that would be a force on earth...lol Link to post Share on other sites
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