ms.stressed Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 March 15... My friend reached out to me...he asked to see me. I came. We rekindled and made love that night. I left my boyfriend the next day. As I was packing my ex must have looked through my phone (he was always the jealous type, abusive, controlling...) he saw the text between me and my friend...he got mad. I reached for my phone and we had a fight. He pushed me down on the bed, held me by my neck and forced himself on me. In every way possible. Then he got up and told me to leave. I never told my friend. I moved in with my sister, continued to talk to him, and pretended nothing happened... But I was talking to the detective, I had to take a rape kit, go in for an interview... everything... everything... My friend innocently asked me out and I just blew up. I told him I was raped by my ex (he knew I saw seeing someone)...I told him everything and finally showed him the papers. He didn't say anything. He said call him if I needed him. And so we just continued being friends...but I always felt dirty, cheap, insecure, because he knew. So I left him. Because I felt like he didn't want me. I felt like he was just being nice because I was raped. And I know I did the right thing for emotionally but I'm scared I will never see my friend again, this wonderful amazing man that I love who loves me unconditionally and I love unconditionally as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I'm so sorry that you were raped. I know how horrible it is because I was raped at gun point by a stranger on the street. Maybe you could call your friend and explain what you were going through at the time which made you turn away from him. If he still loves you he should understand. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Oh, that's sad. Look, it's true that men often just do not know what to do or say once they know a woman has been raped. Sometimes they have conflicting feelings about it or sometimes they are kind of paralyzed because they are afraid anything they say or do will be the wrong thing. And sometimes it is! They don't know what to do. Sometimes they also may be a little mad because maybe they knew the guy was trouble but you maybe didn't listen. I mean, it can be anything. I hope you got some justice. I know that is a crap shoot, too. I'm so sorry it happened to you and also you, Stillafool. So very sorry. Sick MFs. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted February 19, 2020 Author Share Posted February 19, 2020 On 2/16/2020 at 10:30 AM, stillafool said: I'm so sorry that you were raped. I know how horrible it is because I was raped at gun point by a stranger on the street. Maybe you could call your friend and explain what you were going through at the time which made you turn away from him. If he still loves you he should understand. Thank you. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's the worst feeling in the world. I said some pretty hurtful things. "Leave me alone. I hate you. I hate you. You don't want me. You're just being nice. You don't want me. You don't want me. I hate you." He never said anything. He never spoke to me again. I sent him a letter to apologise but he never responded and I don't blame him. I can't apologise for my feelings. I can't. They were coming from an honest and sincere place. But it is something I have to fix within me. He can't fix it. I got pregnant a month later. You can't take Plan B while ovulating. The Detective told me I had buzzards luck... basically bad things coming to me. I got the abortion and after that...I got crazy. I got depression, became suicidal, everything you could possibly imagine happening...my family called me crazy. It was a dark time for me. I was homeless for over a month. People don't know what peace feels like til they've been through hell and back. I hope you are well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 5 hours ago, ms.stressed said: I can't apologise for my feelings. I can't. They were coming from an honest and sincere place. But it is something I have to fix within me. He can't fix it. I got pregnant a month later. You can't take Plan B while ovulating. The Detective told me I had buzzards luck... basically bad things coming to me. I got the abortion and after that...I got crazy. I got depression, became suicidal, everything you could possibly imagine happening...my family called me crazy. It was a dark time for me. I was homeless for over a month. People don't know what peace feels like til they've been through hell and back. I hope you are well. I know how dark and difficult it was for you. I had to turn to God for healing as he was the only one that got me through and to the other side. So sorry you had to have an abortion on top of the rape. I hope you have a support system. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 On 2/16/2020 at 11:22 AM, ms.stressed said: ..but I always felt dirty, cheap, insecure, because he knew. So I left him. Because I felt like he didn't want me. I felt like he was just being nice because I was raped. O honey. You are not dirty or cheap. You are the victim! Call that detective back & get some rape crisis counseling. Then try to remember that your friend was good to you before the rape. He liked you before this terrible evil befell you. He may not have said or done the perfect response when you told him what happened. I get the sense that it was a heat of the moment reveal that you blurted out while you were understandably drunk. Then you pushed him away. You tried to rebuild the friendship when you reached out. I'm sorry he rejected you. Perhaps it was the idea of dealing with a baby that turned him off. He may not be able to handle the living reminder of the worst night of your life. I hope you & your child are OK 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 I agree that you need rape counseling and usually police can refer you to someplace and if not you can find it online. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Sorry. Let some time go by...months if needed, and consider reaching out to this man again. Or maybe he will call you or text. If he doesn't want to see you or you don't want to see him, it is no loss. He was not the one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted February 23, 2020 Author Share Posted February 23, 2020 On 2/20/2020 at 12:17 PM, LuckyM said: Sorry. Let some time go by...months if needed, and consider reaching out to this man again. Or maybe he will call you or text. If he doesn't want to see you or you don't want to see him, it is no loss. He was not the one. Yeah Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted February 23, 2020 Author Share Posted February 23, 2020 On 2/19/2020 at 8:57 AM, preraph said: I agree that you need rape counseling and usually police can refer you to someplace and if not you can find it online. I got counseling. I had to get a therapist. She's pretty cool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 23, 2020 Share Posted February 23, 2020 I'm so glad to hear it. it's a sad reality that you can't control what other people think about what happened to you or there confusion about it, but hopefully the therapy at least made you realize it's not at all your fault. Link to post Share on other sites
KissingFire Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 I am so sorry to hear of your ordeal. I hope the man who did this to you is punished. Perhaps one day when you have healed a little bit, you can arrange a meet up? Nothing over the top, coffee or a glass of wine somewhere. Maybe he doesn't know how to handle the situation? Maybe he doesn't know what to say? Take the ball back into your court. Tell him it wasn't his fault, and that if he has any questions he wants to ask you, that you'll answer them as best as you can. It might give him some peace of mind. If he doesn't respond, then move on. This person is not a friend to you if he can turn his back on you during such a dark time. Link to post Share on other sites
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