Where can I meet a guy at offline?

[LillyFair]

So, I'm a college graduate able to support myself live alone. Im generally a happy  person.Have great passions in life and friends but I'm totally missing the man. I'm unsure where to even look for one. Please help.

[preraph]

Oh, congrats on graduating and being independent!  Well done!  What type of interests and passions do you have?  You need to pursue any of the physical active ones (as opposed to stuff you do at home) and make a routine of it so you'll meet someone that may have more in common with you.  That could be a morning run or biking or going to flea markets or garage sales and just getting out.  You might want to start frequenting some place like a little cafe or something frequently enough to become a regular and get to know people there.  Sometimes just taking a part-time job when you're off your big job and working a fun public job like retail or waitressing or being a lifeguard or just anything can be a good way to meet people.  Normally I'd say join a political campaign and volunteer, but not in this climate.  Could be dangerous.  You can volunteer to work a couple of hours a week at something you'd enjoy, like the zoo or with kids or police or anything.  Just google your town name and "volunteer" and it will have lots of stuff.  A friend of mine goes out and just takes photos.  Just depends what sounds good to you.  But staying active is key.  You don't meet anyone just staying in or on your phone.  

[d0nnivain]

Men are everywhere. Try some of the following: 

1.  A meet up group that does something you are interested in

2.  A volunteer group 

3.  A community based group like the Elks, the Moose, the VFW etc 

4.  Work -- not your company but in the building, at trade shows, continuing education opportunities, etc.  

5.  Networking events like Chamber of Commerce meetings

6.  Join a co ed sports team 

7.  Any sports bar especially during a big game.  

8.  Playing golf 

9.  At the grocery store.  When I went food shopping one afternoon around 4:30 I'd say about 25% of the shoppers were men & most looked single -- no ring, buying small quantiles of food etc. 

10 Your local house of worship.  You will have to get involved, & do more then just show up for services

11.  Alumni events for your college

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

You think just because your meeting a guy offline means he isn't meeting women online? Unfortunately, it does not work that way.

You have your own space, your own resources, so why would any man approach you? Men are creatures of provision... We want to provide things, whether it be the height to grab the paper towel on the top rack, the strength for the pickle jar or the money for the bills... When there is no reason for a man to approach you, we will not approach you.

One time, I was sitting having coffee at like 11:45 PM, almost midnight and I see this woman struggling with her headlights... She was either changing a bulb or something to this effect, anyways, I decided to step outside, have a cigarette and ask her if she needed help, so I asked her "Is everything OK?"

She says "Oh, i'm just fiddling with my headlights, they aren't working... You could help me if you want!" 

You know what I said? I said "No, i'm good" and stepped back inside. She didn't create a need for my help and that is a major turn off as a dude... We don't want to be needed, we need to be needed, if that makes any sense.

[d0nnivain]

Capslock Bandit  gave you his personal take on relationships.  There are other men out there who hate damsels in distress & prefer a woman who can take care of herself.  

[SumGuy]

9 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

One time, I was sitting having coffee at like 11:45 PM, almost midnight and I see this woman struggling with her headlights... She was either changing a bulb or something to this effect, anyways, I decided to step outside, have a cigarette and ask her if she needed help, so I asked her "Is everything OK?"

She says "Oh, i'm just fiddling with my headlights, they aren't working... You could help me if you want!" 

You know what I said? I said "No, i'm good" and stepped back inside. She didn't create a need for my help and that is a major turn off as a dude... We don't want to be needed, we need to be needed, if that makes any sense.

Wow!   I just cannot fathom your thought process and response to her.  Women are right, chivalry is dead.  Lucky for her you stepped inside. 

Not sure what you wanted her to say...where I grew up in the mid-west (and pretty rural) she sounds great.  Gettin' it done but also open to help.  "You could help me if you want"  Not sure how in the world you filtered what she said to come to you conclusion.  Not sure why you even need emotional validation first from a stranger in need before you decide to help them.

Maybe it's because grew up half my life in the farm life, where folks have to work with there hands, men and women, every day, up at dawn to take care of the animals and you fix it yourself no matter what it is, women and men.  Heck a headlight bulb is child's play "women's work" (no offense meant in that because don't believe in gender specific work) because the men folk are welding up the never ending string of things that break or disassembling some motor to other to get it to work.   That's just the more current generation,  my parent and their parents generation would laugh at you.   You live through WW II and the depression and those who can't do for themselves must have be coddled.   My great grandma could not just sew like no ones business but also fix her machine, and cook you an amazing chicken...after she had killed and plucked that chicken earlier that day.    

A "man needs to be needed" plea sounds like a plea for "traditional" gender roles with no understanding of what that really means....or I should say just a desire for the power but not the responsibility.   I was raised by my parents, grandparents, etc. that a real man acts with courtesy, with inner assurance, a real man would have helped her, complimented her on her work (as a real man build up those around him (validates them) doesn't view them as his source of emotional validation), politely let her now what may have been the problem and certainly refused any reward unless she insisted and it was a small token, like a cup of coffee.  Even more so a real man would help even a person who came off a bit rude because it is the right thing to do.(on that last part I am channeling a bit of the rural christian attitude)

[SumGuy]

20 hours ago, LillyFair said:

So, I'm a college graduate able to support myself live alone. Im generally a happy  person.Have great passions in life and friends but I'm totally missing the man. I'm unsure where to even look for one. Please help.

It really depends on what you are looking for.  

The general idea is to go where the men you are interested in go to do the things they are passionate about.  

That you can support yourself is very good as a lot of men with a large amount of resources/or really have it together are wary of those who can't (unless they are just looking for some young arm candy). 

In my view a real man provides for those he loves, and derives pleasure from it, but he doesn't need them to be needy or dependent or need his emotions validated by their need.  In fact, a real man wants to bring up those around him to be able to do for themselves, and takes pride in that.  It is much harder and being a better provider to teach someone how to fish than to fish for them everyday. 

Like anyone he would like his contributions appreciated but a real man looks long and hard at himself before he whines (strike that, a real man never whines although he may vent a bit) and is good with working harder than others.

Edited February 17, 2020 by SumGuy

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

3 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Wow!   I just cannot fathom your thought process and response to her.  Women are right, chivalry is dead.  Lucky for her you stepped inside. 

Not sure what you wanted her to say...where I grew up in the mid-west (and pretty rural) she sounds great.  Gettin' it done but also open to help.  "You could help me if you want"  Not sure how in the world you filtered what she said to come to you conclusion.  Not sure why you even need emotional validation first from a stranger in need before you decide to help them.

Maybe it's because grew up half my life in the farm life, where folks have to work with there hands, men and women, every day, up at dawn to take care of the animals and you fix it yourself no matter what it is, women and men.  Heck a headlight bulb is child's play "women's work" (no offense meant in that because don't believe in gender specific work) because the men folk are welding up the never ending string of things that break or disassembling some motor to other to get it to work.   That's just the more current generation,  my parent and their parents generation would laugh at you.   You live through WW II and the depression and those who can't do for themselves must have be coddled.   My great grandma could not just sew like no ones business but also fix her machine, and cook you an amazing chicken...after she had killed and plucked that chicken earlier that day.    

A "man needs to be needed" plea sounds like a plea for "traditional" gender roles with no understanding of what that really means....or I should say just a desire for the power but not the responsibility.   I was raised by my parents, grandparents, etc. that a real man acts with courtesy, with inner assurance, a real man would have helped her, complimented her on her work (as a real man build up those around him (validates them) doesn't view them as his source of emotional validation), politely let her now what may have been the problem and certainly refused any reward unless she insisted and it was a small token, like a cup of coffee.  Even more so a real man would help even a person who came off a bit rude because it is the right thing to do.(on that last part I am channeling a bit of the rural christian attitude)

I grew up on a farm as well, hell I still help with harvest sometimes, when I am needed, but i'm not going to volunteer my time otherwise.

I do not believe in traditional gender roles, nor do I associate anyone around me with being a "Real Man", I believe in value. Fact of the matter, is that if you are at odds with your own value, you are going to cling to things like gender roles and the idea of being a "Real Man" because you lack value... One of the first major things somebody with value is going to do, is make sure their value is recognized, when you are just offering your value to anybody, it is because you don't know what your value is or don't have very much. 

Building the people around you begins with value... The fact of the matter, is that when you "Help" somebody, you do not allow them to build value, you in fact weaken them by removing the challenge... Challenges are opportunities for us to grow, when you remove those challenges from the people around you, it is not because you are of high value, it is because you are of weak value and you are comfortable weakening their value in order to strengthen your own value by saying "I helped them!" you didn't help, you weakened them and lessened their own value to bolster your own.

[alphamale]

I would never leave a woman alone at midnight with a broken down car

[preraph]

It's not always warranted, but there is a long history of bad guys taking the opportunity to "help" a woman with a car and then it going very wrong.  FBI's pioneer profiler John Douglas used to advise women whose cars break down to not accept the help that stops for them, but to be the proactive one and going up to someone that looks safe (like a woman or man with family in tow) and asking for help themselves.  He said it put the odds way more in the woman's favor of nothing bad happening.  

That said, there are more good guys than bad guys who step up to help.  But yeah, when you have a choice, you do the picking and asking for help.  

 

Caps, your example was probably someone who was a little reluctant because that fear is there for a lot of women, so yeah, you did the right thing.