Masculine side and feminine energy coaching

[mortensorchid]

I had a consultation online today with a dating coach (a video call through Facebook).  I have known this about myself for a very long time, practically since I was a kid, I am eccentric I can admit.  She also said that by my appearance and the energy I give off of being serious I am very much in touch with my masculine side.  I said that's also correct, I have always been a tomboy and I have always been in touch with my masculine side (lifting weights, karate, etc.).  She asked if I get dressed up ever and I said yes I do, I wear makeup (be it on the job or costume purposes) and if I do that while I am going out.  I said sometimes I do not always though.  She also asked if I dress very girly (wearing heels, a dress, etc.), I said no I don't usually because I'm 5'10" and I would dwarf others around me, plus I am insecure about my legs (cankles).  She asked to see me on the camera and I stood up and showed her, she said I don't have cankles nor do I have a bad body.  In general that's true but from the knees down I feel ... Not right.  Plus I mentioned things in the past that happened to me that I am struggling with (the rejections and hurts from the past).  She said from what she saw of me I seem to have put up a protective shield around me, coming off as cold and unfeeling (my Daniel Craig as James Bond model), dark, a blank slate with others, etc.  And I agreed, it's been said about me before.  But what can I say?  I'm actually very weak and unhappy?  I said I live a very isolated life teaching and I think I'm too old.  She said that's not the case that I am too old.  She asked how I feel about internet dating, I said I have had terrible experiences with it and I can't stand it, yet there are no alternatives.  

She said I need to awaken my feminine energy within me and she says she will awaken it and it will help me attract men.  I have no idea what this means and asked her to explain.  She said you have put up this front to keep myself safe and a mystery to others.  I said yes, that's true, but people take things and use them against me, even some trivial information like "my favorite color is blue".  So she sent me some information that would have me shell out over $1000 for her seminar on how to land a man.  And she told me the thing that everyone always tells me to do, which is to smile more.  

I for one don't think that it's worth $1000+, am I wrong?  

[Blind-Sided]

That's absolutely ridiculous.   Anyone can say... "Be more feminine." But, if that's not who you are... then on some level... it's a lie.  Eventually, you will fall back to "You", and the man that may have been attracted to the fake you will leave.

This so-called dating coach is just a way to take your money. Sure... it may help.  But it's probably noting new, and nothing that you can't get from any number of self help books on dating. So, no... it's not worth $1000.

I will say... most men with OLD are looking for the hot picture, or for an easy target. (for the hook-up)  Over the year I've been on this board, I've read a bunch of your posts, and I see the same thing.  Either you over analyze the situation, and give up... or you try too hard. (like with the last guy)  In the first situation, it gives a negative vibe... and in the second situation... it gives of a desperate vibe.  Neither are good for establishing a relationship.

Since this board is built on keeping things private... it's hard to really comment on anything other than what we know about you by what you write.   But yes... to me... a nice smile, and bright eyes is a big turn on. (even if she is a bigger girl)  So, smiling more can help.

Edited February 17, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[alphamale]

be careful, she is running a scam

[basil67]

I think she's hit on a few pertinent points, but I'd be more likely to drop that amount of money on therapy to do the same job.

[Interstellar]

It can’t hurt to try something new right? since what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working. How many times are you gonna pay $ 1000 is the question. If it’s one time only, I’d be leery but I  might as well risk it. Try something new.

I used to go to this science message board and one of the physicist there told this woman that until you’ve went out with at least 500,000 - 1 million guys and not find a partner, you really have nothing to complain about. I don’t know what your geographic locale is but maybe it’s your location.

Edited February 17, 2020 by Interstellar

[NuevoYorko]

I'm highly suspicious.  You're on the right track looking for outside perspectives though.  

[Versacehottie]

I don't know.  She hasn't told you anything different than many of us here have told you for free....and will continue to tell you as you are dating and to direct you as you are dating.  All for free.  On the other hand,I think she is right that you need to work on your feminine energy and opening up (which you have heard from many of us).  You give reasons for why  something "can't be" rather than why the can.  I think a change in your perspective will really help.  I do think you've made a lot more progress in little steps but just because you are starting over dating doesn't mean you haven't made progress.  I think save your $1000 and realize it's a numbers game.  If paying $1000 will give you confidence in dating and shift your perspective, I think you should spend it.  Not with this lady though.  Guessing you will get more value out of some guru that is general motivating and changes outlook on life and makes you feel alive, which you can take into your next thing with a guy. Good luck

[Fletch Lives]

She's pretty good. Is it worth $1000.00? - if it was personal coaching, maybe..........but she's talking about a seminar. I would imagine if you found the right self-help book, it would be just as good. I might know of one good book.

Edited February 17, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[K.K.]

I’m giggling at this thread because I was remembering a few years ago when people busted me a new ass for telling you not to go out looking like a lumberjack. 

Because you said you wore a flannel shirt and hiking boots on a date. 

I told you to maybe wear something a little more feminine even though you don’t like feminine clothing much. I said then wear like sexy skinny jeans and some kind of heels at least. Anything to lift you up and make your walk nice and smooooth. And one of those sexy blouses that covered everything but it had slits down the sleeves to show a little skin. (Which were in style then lol) 

I stand by my statement! Gimme $1,000 bucks ! 😂

Mortensorchid - This is probably a scam. 

If you have 1000$ bucks, use it on some new clothes. You’re too hard on yourself. Get a new haircut. Look at magazines (or online ones) to see what you think you’d look good in and try to replicate it. There’s a time for looking feminine and going on a date or trying to attract a man is probably one of them. You don’t need some 1000$ life coach to tell you this. 

 

P.S- I guess I should say that those are the things I remember about your thread back then. My brain is a little more fried now so I could be flubbing up the details.

 

 

Edited February 17, 2020 by K.K.
:-0

[Blind-Sided]

1 hour ago, K.K. said:

........

If you have 1000$ bucks, use it on some new clothes. You’re too hard on yourself. Get a new haircut. ...............

 

 

yep... The money would be better spent on clothes and a spa day.  I'm sure you will feel like a new woman.  

[introverted1]

I have no idea what you look like, so perhaps my comments are off-base, but I am also fairly "masculine" as defined by your coach (although I can't say I've ever thought of it that way): I wear little or no makeup, favor jeans over a dress, eschew heels, tend to be direct with my speech. I lift weights (like you) and I work from home (not a lot of face-to-face interaction). I'm older than you are.

All that said, I have never had a problem attracting male attention.  I've been married, date often (currently have a bf), and am generally pursued fairly regularly.

So my take is that while there could be a benefit to softening your edges visually, the issue is probably less about appearance than attitude.  From your writings here, it seems your attitude generally toggles from negativity to wariness.  And I get that you've been hurt in the past but so have we all.  You have to be the type of person you would want to attract.  Few people will have the interest to climb emotional walls to get to you.  You need to open the door and clear the moat so that the right guy can walk in.

I would not recommend spending $1000 on a dating coach.  I think you might benefit from a good therapist who can help you move forward from the hurts of the past so that your future can be bright.  Yes, it is possible.

[stillafool]

I agree to spend the $1,000 on a new make over.  New girly, bouncy hair cut, new girly clothes and girly flats that you wear and new make up.

[elaine567]

10 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

  She said from what she saw of me I seem to have put up a protective shield around me, coming off as cold and unfeeling (my Daniel Craig as James Bond model), dark, a blank slate with others, etc.

^^^This is the real problem not the "masculinity".
Plenty women are not "girly" women, they wear shirts, jeans and boots they drive trucks and their mannerisms are more masculine than classically feminine, but they have no problem getting bfs and husbands.

[stillafool]

23 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

^^^This is the real problem not the "masculinity".
Plenty women are not "girly" women, they wear shirts, jeans and boots they drive trucks and their mannerisms are more masculine than classically feminine, but they have no problem getting bfs and husbands.

I know but do those women look feminine?  Some women look very feminine but have masculine energy.  These are the ones I see that get the guys.  They wear shirts, jean and boots but still look hot.

[FMW]

I don't think the dating coach thing is a scam, it's just the normal way they do business.  It may or may not be helpful to you.  When I was going through my divorce I looked through a lot of the free articles/blogs on various dating coach websites and free videos on YouTube to get an idea of what I was facing after so many years out of the dating scene.  I found some of the free information helpful or at least thought provoking.  Beyond a $20 e-book, I never felt the need to spend the money for any kind of course or coaching.  And honestly that e-book didn't give me any information I hadn't already read for free in other places.    

My suggestion would be to spend the time and money on regular counseling, I agree with others that, based on your posting history, your main barrier to connecting with someone is a negative outlook and using past bad experiences as a reason to keep a wall up around you.  That appears it might be an issue for you not only romantically but in connecting with others in general.  

And I agree with the others about being who you are as far as physical presentation goes.  Of course try to look your best, but that doesn't mean wearing dresses or heels or even makeup if you're not comfortable with it.  You need to feel comfortable and true to yourself before you can make real connections.  

     .

[rjc149]

Much like the introverted man who is uncomfortable initiating interactions with women will be handicapped in dating women, the tomboy woman who is uncomfortable being feminine will be handicapped in dating men.

The all-or-nothing “that’s just who I am and I am what I am” attitude is something that offers you some comfort and security with an identity. What this dating coach is suggesting is that you step out of your comfort zone a bit, and perhaps incorporate more feminine dynamic into your persona and identity. Just because you’re attuned to your masculine side doesn’t mean you show up to dates without makeup dressed like a lumberjack with a “don’t like it? Then f—k you” attitude.

Life is lived at the edge of your comfort zone. My neighbor is a “built” woman who is nearly a head taller than me. But she looks very alluring when she’s dolled up and wearing tight white jeans and heels, and I would certainly not turn her down (although I don’t go for woman who are taller than me).

If you’re athletic and you work out regularly, I’m sure you’ve got some goods to show off.

Edited February 17, 2020 by rjc149

[Ruby Slippers]

First of all, spending $1,000 on a self-development program isn't necessarily a waste of money. A good friend of mine who's a semi-professional musician recently spent $500 on an online course on attracting abundance. At her next live music gig, a wealthy listener and friend of a friend offered to buy her a new guitar of her choice up to $1,000 in price. She'd been wanting a new guitar, this was on her wish list from an exercise she did for the course, and as she sees it that's how she manifested the $1,000 gift.

But if you don't feel it's a good investment, you can still take her advice and seek out more affordable self-help. I would DEFINITELY shop around and see what all is out there, then invest where you feel it's prudent. Her advice boils down to:

Awaken your feminine energy. There are tons of online women's counselors/life coaches online who offer free or cheap blog articles, videos, books, and courses.

Present yourself in a more feminine way. You can do this and be true to yourself. I was a tomboy and star athlete growing up, with a good dose of girly, got more in touch with my girly side as an adult. I went to this "goddess" conference with a friend of mine and discovered that feather boas and flamboyant dresses and sparkly jewelry and all that girly stuff can be a whole lot of fun. Now I fully embrace it. I'm going to a formal event for work this weekend, and I'm wearing a flowing sparkly gown, crystal jewelry and slippers, pretty nails, and I'm getting my hair done all curly and glam.

Embrace your body and your age. We're all our own worst critics. Most women are WAY harder on themselves than most men will ever be. Also, I've learned that a beautiful, vivacious woman of any age will have admirers and men who want to adore her. At age 43, I've attracted a man who is in many ways on a whole new level, an attractive, accomplished man who has what it takes to date women of any age, and he chose me. In the midst of loving me up in so many ways all weekend, he told me he's going to start planning our summer vacation to a tropical beach destination for my birthday. More and more, he's fulfilling all these audacious dreamy visions I've had for my love life for many years and I'm just delighted. This is happening for me at 40+ and it can happen for you, too! 💗

[stillafool]

3 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

She wants $1000 bucks for what amounts to dating advice? Tell ya what, I'll do a better job for half that money. 

I'll do it for $250. oh hell I'll do it for free.

[Gaeta]

It sounds like a big fat scam. 

Listen, you don't need to be someone you're not!!! There is a someone for EVERYONE out there! My daughter (32) is also into power-lifting, she has 75% of her body tattoed, and she is a professional welder...doesn't that scream masculine energy? She never ran out of men to date!! Because she is confident in who she is, she doesn't give a heck about people's opinion and she lives her life as she sees fit. Her bf is crazy about her the way she is, and yep! sometimes they both wear flannel shirts. 

Start by owning who you are, and someone will fall in love with that. 

[mortensorchid]

I agree not to pay her for anything, I can get whatever else information for free without the financial costs.  

And based on others' comments and whatever else, I think I was foolish to try this thing to begin with.  We all grasp at straws at times because we think it's the answer.  And so it is. 

[alphamale]

1 hour ago, enigma32 said:

She wants $1000 bucks for what amounts to dating advice? Tell ya what, I'll do a better job for half that money. 

I think that you would do a better job for zero dollars

[Ruby Slippers]

1 hour ago, mortensorchid said:

And based on others' comments and whatever else, I think I was foolish to try this thing to begin with.  We all grasp at straws at times because we think it's the answer.  And so it is. 

I don't think it's foolish to try to improve yourself for better results in life. It's the best possible use of your time and energy.

"Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it's holy ground. There's no greater investment." -Stephen Covey

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Masculine energy and Feminine energy are definitely real things, being focused on one or the other can definitely hinder you in certain situations... But I mean, I have said this myself many times on this forum and I didn't charge you a cent, nor did I have to be on a video call with you or call myself a dating coach... What this person told you is what anybody who is being honest with you, would recognize of you, when they see you.

The thing about getting in touch with your Feminine side, is that you are, by your own admission, a Masculine person and that is OK, but when you misrepresent yourself by being in Feminine energy when in reality, you are a Masculine person, you are not doing yourself any favors, you are in fact telling a lie.

Women in Masculine energy traditionally have a very hard time meeting men and keeping men around, but that doesn't mean being Feminine is the answer, it means you need to put the effort in to represent yourself properly, whether it be on your dating profile or otherwise... Masculine women have a tendency to misrepresent themselves and this is why they struggle to keep men around, because they act all Feminine until the guy says "Hey, let me help you with that!" and then you get angry and react in Masculine energy and its a major turn off when you have represented yourself as a Feminine person, then suddenly flip the switch.

You have to be honest to a fault, as a Masculine woman, even if that honesty, you feel, will make you look bad, that is OK, because you are staying true to your energy. Be consistent. Yes, being in Feminine energy will bring more men around, but the second you REACT in Masculine energy, reactions being involuntary and something we cannot control, you will chase those men away. 

[FMW]

1 hour ago, mortensorchid said:

I think I was foolish to try this thing to begin with

I disagree.  Nothing wrong with trying something.  It's good to take initiative to improve things we don't like.  You did one video session and now you know you don't want to continue.  No shame in that.  

[Miss Spider]

Two thoughts.

1.  I think it’s great that you’re seeking guidance outside of LS for your dating issues. 

2. That is the worst place you could be seeking it. 1k and some spiritual, ‘energy’ stuff? No

Edited February 17, 2020 by Cookiesandough