Metsgal Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) I can't seem to understand, there are couples that have been married for 15 plus years/they met in college/or for example the quarterback for the chiefs has been with the same girl since high school and he's 24. I'm like wth? Do these men truly believe in values, marriage, morals? Don't they have the urge to "shop" around and see what's better out there. Because what's out there are thousands of women that are probably better looking and younger than what they possibly have at the moment...And what's the women's secret to be able to snatch and lock down a man for commitment? Because I've tried "dating" and have no such luck with men, these same men tell me excuses, lies, only for them to "shop" around for something better and amazing and to no surprise they end up committed to the other woman and NOT me. What the heck is wrong with me? What do these women have that I don't have? Is it the sex? I'm not a prude. Edited February 17, 2020 by Metsgal Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 It's very easy when you find a gem like my wife. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Metsgal said: Don't they have the urge to "shop" around and see what's better out there. Because what's out there are thousands of women that are probably better looking and younger than what they possibly have at the moment...And what's the women's secret to be able to snatch and lock down a man for commitment? You have the wrong idea of what keeps a man around. At first yes they are attracted by your look but then it becomes more than that, it's your personality, your kindness, your understanding, your ability to let him enjoy himself without suffocating them, and more. There will always be prettier, slimmer, sexier women. At some point a man wants more than that and it's when he commits. You may be under the impression that the more sexual you are the more you'll have chances to keep them, I say you are walking down the wrong path. My mom used to say (and moms are always right) men like to date easy girls but he'll commit to an uneasy one. Edited February 17, 2020 by Gaeta 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 30 minutes ago, Woggle said: It's very easy when you find a gem like my wife. She’s behind you isn’t she. Blink twice for yes 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 32 minutes ago, Metsgal said: What the heck is wrong with me? What do these women have that I don't have? Is it the sex? I'm not a prude. What many of these women have is self respect. You lost yours somewhere along the way. You think it's OK to have FWB with younger men; you are open to threesomes early on before you have a chance to develop true trust between you & your partner. It is the sex. Most men who want a LTR would prefer a prude. When you are too open minded & up for anything a new partner concludes he's not special & you will & have had sex with lots of men. Then he discards you as a potential mate; you become a good time girl, nothing more. Going forward you need to take some time off & re-center yourself. Really think about who you are & what you want. Know your own value. Then seek out a man who respects you. If you get excuses, recognize them as rejection & move on. Stop trying to force a relationship. Do not get physical early on. It's also not about somebody's external looks. What many of the sports stars value is knowing that their partners liked them before they were famous. There are so many gold diggers out there. Not everybody finds their life partners in HS or college. I was almost 40 when I met my husband. We have been married for almost 12 years. Once you carry yourself as woman who deserves to be treasured you will be. Until you do this, you will continue to experience more of the same unfulfilling things you have put up with to date. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: She’s behind you isn’t she. Blink twice for yes I mean it 100%. I would not be married to her if I didn't feel that way. Never once in our 14 years together have I felt the urge to cheat. I did get it out of my system between my two marriages and before the first one but I am not interested in being with another woman. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 For me, it's all about this one simple trick: Service. I'mma guess you find the idea of "serving" a man (one man, exclusively - permanently) to be... distasteful. I find it delightful. In the early days, shortly after I'd met the man who is now my husband (before we ever hooked up), he was doing a small construction project at the cafe where I was working at the time. I was the baker there, working on setting up the bakery and nailing down recipes and procedures. When he would come in, I would always make him a cappuccino and bring him a pastry to taste-test for me. I wasn't even angling to "get him" or flirt with him (I was actually dating someone else at the time, on the track toward marriage - ostensibly). That's just how I am. I honestly did the same thing for every single person who worked and contributed there. I got a lot of good feedback and made a lot of friends. I wasn't exactly a prude, either. I was at the height of my "carousel ride," if you will... although by modern standards perhaps relatively tame?? (*pearl clutching*). My husband and I did not by any means have a traditional courtship. We started hooking up while I was still in a relationship with this other guy (open relationship - I've referenced it a few times, was weird), and that was just based on raw attraction. What happened next was that my gut said "THAT ONE," and I just automatically began to serve that man pretty much as though he were already my husband. Stopped having sex with anyone else. Broke things off with the boyfriend. Told my husband that I was crazy in love with him. (This all happened over a period of months - not as impulsive as it sounds.) From there it's been a very natural and straightforward progression. He's been in plenty of relationships (some for years). He's been with plenty of women (and plenty of them hotter and more sexually-forward than me), and he says he never even knew he wanted a wife until he met me. I've made it my purpose to serve him and to support him in his endeavors and enterprises. I promised him the labors of my hands in our wedding vows, and I've been making good on that every day since long before we were married. I make his life not just qualitatively but quantifiably better. I make other dudes jealous. And I never made him drop money on me, either! But now he pays all my bills. And we're poor but we're still sickeningly affectionate and get on famously, four years and counting. I dunno. You're looking at other women and telling yourself that you want what they have - and that it's not fair that you don't have what they have... But do you want to DO the things that they DO in order to HAVE the things that they have?? You really don't just "lock down" a man. If you "put on" a behavior just to get him and then "take it off" because it's not actually part of your nature - good luck keeping him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Woggle said: I mean it 100%. I would not be married to her if I didn't feel that way. Never once in our 14 years together have I felt the urge to cheat. I did get it out of my system between my two marriages and before the first one but I am not interested in being with another woman Sorry; I was just kidding. Aww.It’s so nice to hear that someone feels that way. That’s very sweet. 😊 Edited February 17, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 1 hour ago, Metsgal said: Yes, these men do believe in values, morals and marriage. A man who doesn't believe in them isn't worth settling down with at all. Also, that younger or better looking woman may not be nearly as good a match as the woman he's got. Think of it like boots. You've got a lovely quality pair of boots which you've had for five years. So comfy that they are like walking in slippers and the leather still looks good with a polish. Do you throw out those lovely quality boots and replace them with a new shiny pair which will rub your heel and give you no arch support? Relationships are the same - when you find something great, you hold onto it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Metsgal said: What the heck is wrong with me? What do these women have that I don't have? Is it the sex? I'm not a prude IME, it takes a hook to keep them in the game. An edge. Give them just enough to keep them interested and engaged but don't go too 'normal' and become too 'safe'. Don't go total narc but get a bit off the plateau. Sure you could find a unicorn who'll unwaveringly love and commit to you forever. Statistics don't bear that anomaly out. The more savvy you get at the mating game, and it is a game, the more successful you'll be. If not getting the skills young one is always at risk of being behind in every stage of life. If you like sex, no fake like but really like intimate physical pleasure, you'll generally have more success with keeping a man committed, all else being equal. It also makes it easier to replace men, making you more of a challenge. Sounds calculated I know but most people do it unconsciously. It's all part of social lubrication. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant-Sage Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Metsgal said: Don't they have the urge to "shop" around and see what's better out there. Because what's out there are thousands of women that are probably better looking and younger than what they possibly have at the moment... These men who "shop" around deserve the women who also "shop" around and likewise. It's such a shame that good people end up with these losers and needlessly suffer for it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) Narcs love good people. Easy meal. Kinda reminds me of watching a cat toy with a rabbit before disemboweling it. Get a little keener and meaner and more of a 'handful' and the narcs kinda fade out. I've tested this many times over the decades. Edited February 17, 2020 by carhill 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 A comedian once said a man is only as faithful as his options.....I suppose Patrick Mahomes is testing that theory right now,......and will be put to an even bigger test once he gets out of his rookie deal and breaks the bank....😂 Even Golden Boy Tom Brady scuttled poor Bridget Moynahan..(I say "poor" sarcastically)..Bridget is hotter than Gisele in my opinion...but whatever... All kidding aside...Just one mans opinion.... I can only say this as to what I have observed in my own life...and I am sure women have the same letdowns, etc... Most guys are pretty basic in what they want/see in a woman...Sure, there are some guys that will never be happy, but women don't do themselves any favors either in a lot of these cases..But the main thing is to know what your man wants and know what's important to him...And maintain it....compete...if you think he's worth it, because you can believe that there are other women competing for him...practically every day.... TFY 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Metsgal said: Do these men truly believe in values, marriage, morals? Don't they have the urge to "shop" around and see what's better out there. Yes, and yes. I mean, of course men have the urge to look around. Some women have that urge too - otherwise women would never cheat. But for men who commit, sometimes it's about "morals" and "values". But more often it's about connection and trust. If a guy feels a really strong emotional connection to his partner and really cares about her, it would be silly to try and risk that by looking elsewhere - so it gets to the point where it doesn't even enter their mind. Despite how things may seem, men are capable of forming strong emotional bonds with their partners, if they find the "right" one. That's when they stick around. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) Yeah, your whole post seems to imply that men don’t love. Do you really believe that? Edited February 17, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 1 hour ago, Pleasant-Sage said: These men who "shop" around deserve the women who also "shop" around and likewise. And don't forget, women are better shoppers! Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant-Sage Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 3 minutes ago, central said: And don't forget, women are better shoppers! I sure hope that is sarcasm 😅 Link to post Share on other sites
girlinNYC Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) From any monogamous male I have spoken to, of which 90% were your textbook players before they settled down, they have told me these things: 1. The found someone they truly love, and when they knew they simply knew - once you find that special person you're not going to do a thing to let them slip through your fingers. 2. Single females from the past automatically lose their attraction and appeal when they'd found the one they truly love. 3. Priorities change - no longer is it about partying and hooking up with someone different weekly. That was one biological need most men need to fulfil and get out of their system, but then they advance to the next stage which is fatherhood. To raise a solid family men need a wife in their corner for that love and nurturing - another biological male need. For yourself, you need to remember that self-love is everything, A high value woman will carry herself as though she deserves a guy with the character of a king, not a pauper. Your mindset will manifest in your actions and guys are easily perceptive of this. If they see you don't love yourself, they will eventually walk. It isn't attractive to them. Hope this helps. Edited February 18, 2020 by girlinNYC grammar 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: A comedian once said a man is only as faithful as his options.....I suppose Patrick Mahomes is testing that theory right now,......and will be put to an even bigger test once he gets out of his rookie deal and breaks the bank....😂 Even Golden Boy Tom Brady scuttled poor Bridget Moynahan..(I say "poor" sarcastically)..Bridget is hotter than Gisele in my opinion...but whatever... All kidding aside...Just one mans opinion.... I can only say this as to what I have observed in my own life...and I am sure women have the same letdowns, etc... Most guys are pretty basic in what they want/see in a woman...Sure, there are some guys that will never be happy, but women don't do themselves any favors either in a lot of these cases..But the main thing is to know what your man wants and know what's important to him...And maintain it....compete...if you think he's worth it, because you can believe that there are other women competing for him...practically every day.... TFY It’s interesting you brought up Gisele Bundchen. I know this guy who had a girlfriend that looks EXACTLY like her. He’s tall, bald, fat, and wears glasses also a bit arrogant when she first met him. But physically he was her exact type, lol. Sadly, they’re no longer together but the guy she ended up marrying is also tall and bald with glasses, but not fat. He looks similar to her ex. As for the op, any guy like that you see in a long term relationship of course, physical attractiveness plays a role but also some women have this sweet and caring personality that just radiates from them, if that makes sense. It’s a combination of sweet, assertiveness in approaching a man, a slightly outgoing personality and physical attractiveness really that makes them easy to love. On the flip side, I know this woman and she’s pretty but there’s a bit of aloofness and standoffishness about her and she’s still single so maybe you can come off that way. Waiting for guys to approach her is her tactic. Edited February 18, 2020 by Interstellar Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) You seem like a nice person but don't appear to have much of a personality or sense of self metsgal. Not trying to be mean but you asked. "What's wrong with me?" For example, a woman who gets committed to, if the guy she was dating asked if he could bring his friend over and they could take turns with her, she'd be outraged and offended. Kick him out of the house. Or maybe she's attracted to the friend and finds it kind of hot. But she has some kind of opinion. When faced with the same dilemma you just kind of shrugged your shoulders. No reaction. That's not really normal. You'd have better luck if you start developing your own desires, opinions and boundaries. And expressing then. If you think you're going to win a mans everlasting love by basically being the best receptacle you can be it ain't gonna to work. Edited February 18, 2020 by gaius 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 Personally, I don’t think that it’s anything that YOU do. I think it’s in the character of the man. My father, my partner, both men who are completely and happily devoted to one woman. My partner told me when we met - he had never cheated, he was a one woman man. And, that is truly who he is - he was even devoted to his ex-wife who treated him badly. So, I think it depends on the man, his values, and his goals. Link to post Share on other sites
Baman Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 A wise person once said "You are not ready to live with another until you are ready to live with yourself. Basically, before you can be the person that will attract the right one for you, you need to be well adjusted enough, to love yourself enough, that you could life out your life as a single autonomous person. only then will you be ready for another worked for me.... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 8 hours ago, Interstellar said: It’s interesting you brought up Gisele Bundchen. I know this guy who had a girlfriend that looks EXACTLY like her. He’s tall, bald, fat, and wears glasses also a bit arrogant when she first met him. But physically he was her exact type, lol. Sadly, they’re no longer together but the guy she ended up marrying is also tall and bald with glasses, but not fat. He looks similar to her ex. My guess, someone in her family father, brother, uncle,.. or someone else in her childhood, looks exactly like that. She identifies that look with being partner material. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosieroo17 Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) There is nothing wrong with you however you do need to change how you see this. I dont mean to sound horrible but you sound maybe you are over thinking it all . Are you maybe a bit to desperate? That can come across to a man (or woman). Trust me I know. I spent most of my life wanting a man and only found players and got hurt but when I started working on myself and enjoying life and stopped thinking about it i met someone. The only relationship you can really have is with yourself. No one has something you dont have It is simply that these men have found someone they connect and are compatible with that they didn't have with you and that's ok. Does not mean there is something wrong with you Of course these men have values and morals. No one can snatch and "lock down" another person its simply two people find a connection and want to make it work. Some people stray yes but that's a different issue all together and does not mean that the person cheated on is flawed in some way. Think about why you attract certain types , work on yourself. Maybe deep down you are afraid of being vulnerable and committed to someone. Sometimes our subconscious is at work and it's our fears and deep wound stopping us moving forward. Edited February 18, 2020 by Rosieroo17 Error Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 It's called love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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