How does a man even commit to 1 woman?

[mark clemson]

@Metsgal  I think you need to step back, regroup a bit mentally, and find some strategies that work for what you want. Neither dressing like you're homeless person, nor giving up the game entirely, nor turning yourself into an Adult Friend for 20 somethings will be effective for getting what you claim to want.

It seems like you're letting frustration get the better of you and becoming demoralized and angry. It might be a good idea to take a month off dating to help yourself get past these feelings a bit so you can focus on effective and positive approaches.

[princessaurora]

You remind me so much of one of my childhood bffs, metsgal

She has always been very pretty but no man will stay with her. I have seen more guys dump her than I could ever count. She has been online dating for over 20 years, sleeps with them rather quickly and they disappear soon after, even the ones who act  like they really like her and seem to have so much potential. She is in her 40's  but dates alot of guys in their 30's and they have  talked  her into unlubricated  anal sex in public, (which tore her up pretty bad)  threesomes , and basically anything to keep them interested. She now has hsv because one of them manipulated her into unprotected sex. She will do whatever they want because she is so desperate to find a man to spend her life with. I have been telling her for years if she doesnt respect herself  then they surely won't respect her, but she gets continuously used over and over. and then cries she doesnt understand why.  In the last few years, her age has started to catch up with her and now the pool of men interested  online are pretty thin and want to do pretty undesirable sexual acts. I recommended she take a break from online dating for a bit and just live her life and try to reevaluate her choices, but every time I turn around she's back online grasping at anyone who might be willing to go out with her. Lately, all she's been getting are guys in their 50's who want open relationships/group sex.   She compares herself to me  constantly and wants so badly what I have, a loving stable relationship. 

Metsgal, you need to change your perspective of yourself, or i fear this will be you in 5-10 years. A man will never take you seriously if you let him pass you around like a blow up doll with a f-hole. You are showing no respect for yourself by allowing these men to have you so easily. A man who is looking for a potential long term partner needs someone he's proud to take home to mom., a proper lady who knows how to dress and carry herself.  LIke one of the others posters said, it's ok to show a little skin, but with subtlety. If i wear a short dress, i make it flowy with little to no cleavage or skinny jeans with a cute romantic shirt. You want to project sexiness, but with class.

You are in a downward spiral right now and need to take a few steps back and a long hard look at your actions. If you really want a long term relationship, you need to learn to love, value,   and respect yourself.  Once you do that, everything else will fall into place and you'll start attracting men who don't view you as a free prostitute. But you have to take the initiative. We can give you advice all day long, but only you can change the path you're  on and I pray you do it very soon. 

 

 

[LightBridge]

On 2/18/2020 at 8:51 PM, Metsgal said:

My childhood was normal and I was never "abused." I grew up in a typical 2 parent household. However, my mother was extremely overbearing/overprotective as a teen and even into early adulthood.Was really religious , both of my parents always sold me the idea to save sex for marriage..I too believed that whole BS, until I hit 30 and realized that s^&t doesn't exist, that men like experienced women, men cheat, people get divorced, etc, etc. My mom didn't want me to be around boys as a teen/go to school dances, even dressing sexy is considered whorish, that went until my mid 20's, even dating and sleeping over at a guys house is whorish to her.  

I grew up in a similar overbearing - no sex before marriage, etc. - fashion. Religious aspects. Actually as it was a military family my childhood was likely more overbearing. Except a high sense of self respect would never allow me to jump into bed with just anyone. 

And reading your commentary to others - particularly this being passed around by young boys, etc. - it seems that a high lack of self respect, no offense, is why you are having such issues. Maybe you didn't start off that way but you have certainly become that way. You seem to have slept around with whoever struck your fancy regardless of how little they actually "offered" as people and/or how little they could actually "contribute" to a relationship itself.

 

On 2/27/2020 at 11:10 PM, Metsgal said:

And if I want to challenge a guy, then I have to play hard to get, and tell him the busy excuse all the time? I don't get this challenge, I mean, that's the blow up/not interested excuse. If I'm interested in a guy, I'm not going to turn him down and not answer his texts for days. 

Btw you don't quite grasp the 'playing hard to get' aspect properly. It's not a 'blow off' per se. In general men like to chase a woman they're serious about so a woman who is answering their texts 5 seconds after the initial contact seems a bit desperate. In general women use this to play a bit coy, encouraging interest without coming across as prudish or too easy. The general idea is to use this as a test to see if the other is worth getting to know better. 

You more or less say why waste time on such things; if a guy's interested I'm not gonna try & get to know him but 'let's just get it on' (have sex). 

 

My suggestion is forget dating for a bit. Take a year off. A month or two is not gonna do anything for you. Because until you learn to "love thyself" as they say you are constantly going to encounter these situations with men just using you & dumping you. 

Edited March 1, 2020 by LightBridge