June2017 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 My best friend has a really disappointing friend circle which is clearly hindering his personal growth and behaviour. Hes 24 years old. People in his group range from 20-24. The group he chooses to stay in is comprised of extreme hard left student activists at his university who are known to bully and harass people who dont share their views. They have done several questionable things including attacking tutors or other students (Jewish students in particular and my friend is Jewish as well!.. the irony). He has even started dating a girl from this group. Earlier, he was friends with benefits with another girl. So basically his friends are weird. One friend got suspended for attacking students who didnt agree with his views and was not allowed to graduate. Another friend somehow graduated but rarely used the library and always had late summer essay submissions. One of his "good friends" didnt graduate and had late essay submissions as well but the university cut access to his VLE/BLE so he was begging around for essay topics and reading lists His "girlfriend" spends half of her time playing drums around the city at protests,involving herself in unions, is good friends with the friend who was suspended and kicked out from college, going to concerts and never coming to university. Gets things done either late or last minute. This girl is also quite conceited and is BFFs with his FWB. His other friends who graduated are unemployed and have no desire to get any jobs. All they do is spend protesting. His ex FWB managed to finish her BA and MSC degrees but she is also struggling for a job due to her extremist personality (this she stated because the prime reason she was rejected for jobs was how strong she was coming across during interviews) and mostly spends time in the university library. In short, these people are incredibly toxic. My friend is a very intelligent guy. Tutors liked him and he was good in his studies. He was also a research scholar for 1 year and he loves to read and do research. He has so much potential but for the last 4 years, he has done nothing. He graduated in 2016 but is still unemployed. The prime reason being his association with this group. These people are his only "friends" other than me. I wouldnt even call them friends as they like him am because he acts like hes one of them. They actually hate his country of origin and are borderline hateful of his community as well. Is there any hope for him? Should I introduce him to new girls because I honestly feel that the only way he will separate himself is when he gets a girlfriend who is not friends with any of these people. That's how I feel he will start to distance himself as he will have another person to spend time with/think of. I really want him to do well in his life and I know hes not happy either as hes always had identity issues, insecurities and he wants to work but isnt getting success in any. Please help? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 You can not tell him how to live his life. He seems some value in these people. Hopefully he'll eventually outgrow them but he gets to make his own choices Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 Don't worry about him. He's young and probably just going through his moment of idealistic jerkism, a phase many of us go through and then grow out of when we realise that we can't fix the problems created by humanity. Some people don't grow out of it, they're often the ones who end up smoking pot for the rest of their life while they rant on about how unjust the world is at the same time as funding their disollute lifestyle with welfare payments. Hopefully he'll snap out of it, but if he doesn't you just need to accept that you can't tell someone where they're going until they get there....or, it's his life so just let him live it his way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) June, you wrote about this story before. Last time,you wrote that you were the man in question and this time you're the best friend. Which story truthfully represents the situation? Edited February 18, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 If you don't like this group of people, just leave them behind. chances are they don't even know what they're talking about. why don't you just start by joining some other activities alone without taking any of them with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 18, 2020 Author Share Posted February 18, 2020 7 hours ago, basil67 said: June, you wrote about this story before. Last time,you wrote that you were the man in question and this time you're the best friend. Which story truthfully represents the situation? That wasnt about me. I have been associated with this group for a little while due to my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 18, 2020 Author Share Posted February 18, 2020 6 hours ago, preraph said: If you don't like this group of people, just leave them behind. chances are they don't even know what they're talking about. why don't you just start by joining some other activities alone without taking any of them with you. I have already distanced myself. My friend is still there and I'm worried. That's all. If I didnt care, I wouldnt even bother asking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 18, 2020 Author Share Posted February 18, 2020 7 hours ago, MsJayne said: Don't worry about him. He's young and probably just going through his moment of idealistic jerkism, a phase many of us go through and then grow out of when we realise that we can't fix the problems created by humanity. Some people don't grow out of it, they're often the ones who end up smoking pot for the rest of their life while they rant on about how unjust the world is at the same time as funding their disollute lifestyle with welfare payments. Hopefully he'll snap out of it, but if he doesn't you just need to accept that you can't tell someone where they're going until they get there....or, it's his life so just let him live it his way. I know!! That's what I'm worried about. If he doesnt outgrow, he will end up being a weed or crack head living on his parents money or welfare benefits. His friends are incredibly privileged people. Thus they dont care about anything since they trust funds, inheritance coming through. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 5 hours ago, June2017 said: I have already distanced myself. My friend is still there and I'm worried. That's all. If I didnt care, I wouldnt even bother asking. If he's still there then he's one of them, and that means you need to leave him behind too if you don't like those people because he's one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 18, 2020 Author Share Posted February 18, 2020 8 hours ago, preraph said: If he's still there then he's one of them, and that means you need to leave him behind too if you don't like those people because he's one of them. Hes there because hes dating this girl after his problem with his previous love. I dont believe hes one of them because his views are radically different when he talks to me. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 Why do you care? He's going to do what he's going to do. Sounds like he's just into this girl. I see no reason you need to be involved. Your only option is to stop seeing him or them. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. If you start lecturing him about who he should and shouldn't associate with he's going to get mad at you and do it all the more. All you can do is sit back and let it ride out. He will grow up eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
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