Maturest Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 I’m 2 months into divorce married for 40 years. The marriage has had lots of ups and downs the last 10 years. Hubby started an emotional affair about 5 months ago with someone he new in childhood. We are both in our 60s and so is his AP. He took a vacation in January and went down to see her. He is going down again tomorrow for another week. He has a bad foot that is being made worse by trying to pretend he is normal. When he came back from last vacation it was swelling and he is still on crutches last Saturday, bet they don’t go with him to Mardi Gra . I get so angry thinking about who is going to take care of him (our 2 daughters) when he ends up loosing it because of his stupidity. You can bet the AP won’t be anywhere around for this. I can handle the divorce but what do I do if he comes back in bad shape, let my daughters bear the brunt or remember for better or worse and sickness and health in wedding vows. Any advice or thoughts for this situation Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant-Sage Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 If you are already divorced, the vows no longer carry any meaning. I get what you are saying on the better or for worse part. I'm about at my limit with my own debacle of a marriage though. No one is going to blame you for not taking care of him. I'd try to stop worrying about him if I were you. I'm sure that's easier said than done given the fact that y'all spent 40 years together. Let him make his own mistakes and let him suffer the consequences. People need to be responsible for their own actions. And let your daughters make their own decisions. If they choose to take care of him, they accepted responsibility for that. Not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 If he had an A... and you are divorced... F-him. He put you in that position, and he get's to take care of himself. That's how it works. You can be concerned... but you have no reason to help him. And since you kids are adults... then they should know the truth, and understand. With that said... my Ex was sick a couple weeks ago, and so I got to keep my kids longer. I offered her some home made soup, but just because I knew it would piss her off. LOL. She basically divorced me because I was this "Monster" and that "The household would fall apart" with out her. But my house is clean and the kids are fed. (so breaks her lies) One of the things she seemed to forget about... the first 5 years we were married... I did all the cooking, because she didn't know how. Link to post Share on other sites
RedOlive Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 You are divorced and no longer have any responsibility or need to be involved in this man’s life. Sounds like your kids are adults and as such can manage their own relationships with their father how they see fit. You do not need to get involved or micromanage. Allow yourself to let go. What stands out as strange to me is that you are so well informed about your Ex’s current situation. Why even be in contact with a man who cheated on you and divorced you? He and his foot are AP’s problem now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 My mother died in 1993, my father remarried and last year at 96, had his leg amputated below the knee. My brother and I were quick to step in to be their for our father whether his new wife was there or not. Fortunately for him she stood by his side and is still standing. Children who love their parents don't abandon them when they need them most. They don't consider it a burden, but a stage in their life. It was never guaranteed that you would out live your husband or vice versa. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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