Husband Refuses My Grandfather's Gift

[DragonzRoost]

I am back with yet again another question regarding my Husband. After we agreed to counseling, another issue, came about.

My Grandfather is like my Father. My Father was not around, so he was the only figure I had. He bought Grandfather clocks for all the Daughters in the Family and included me. He said when I get a house then I would be given the clock as a house warming gift. 

My Husband has a lot of superstitions from his Chinese culture, one of them I had no clue about was owning a clock, which he associates with death and refuses to own. He told me he would not buy a house with me, if I want to bring the clock. My Family is confused, he won't even talk about it, keeps saying "later.." He claims its his culture, but he married a US citizen? Do I not have a right to own the clock? I had no clue about this rule prior to marriage. I feel like its just one after another and it is such a beautiful clock that has the stars and moon, which my Grandfather knew I love.

What should I do now? :(

 

 

Edited February 18, 2020 by DragonzRoost

[K.K.]

6 hours ago, DragonzRoost said:

 

My Husband has a lot of superstitions from his Chinese culture, one of them I had no clue about was owning a clock, which he associates with death and refuses to own. He told me he would not buy a house with me, if I want to bring the clock. Do I not have a right to own the clock?

What should I do now? :(

 

 

This is one of those things that I can’t believe people wouldn’t know before they marry somebody. 

Somewhere along the line, you had to have noticed that he didn’t have any clocks? Or that he completely freaked out if he saw one in your house? 🤔

I think it’s dumb as hell but I’m not him and since you already married him, I mean ... he’s going to whine and bitch if you put the clock on display. He sounds pretty adamant about it. 

Guess you’re going to have to put it in storage. Or leave him. He’s drawn his line in the sand. Ugh.

How does the guy ever know what time it is ?! A digital clock on a phone is still a clock, right? 

Or is just clocks with hands? 

🥴

 

 

[balletomane]

It's not owning a clock that's the problem in Chinese culture. It's receiving a clock as a gift. This is because the words for "giving a clock" in Chinese sound the same as the words for "going to a funeral". It's a perfect homonym. Most Chinese people don't believe anything bad will literally come of giving someone a clock, but it's just not the done thing. I suppose it would be a bit like your grandfather offering to purchase a burial plot or life insurance for you both as his wedding gift - you might not believe that the gift really would cause you to die, but it would still feel weird and not really a suitable present for a joy-filled occasion.

The easiest way to get round this is for your grandfather not to give the clock as a present. Give him a token amount of money for it (as in literally just pennies) so it technically stops being a present. That technicality will probably make your husband feel better, and it won't offend your grandfather as he has still assumed the real cost of the clock and has picked it out for you.

Edited February 18, 2020 by balletomane

[K.K.]

3 minutes ago, balletomane said:

It's not owning a clock that's the problem in Chinese culture. It's receiving a clock as a gift. 

OHHHhhhhhhhhh. 😄 

She didn’t say that part. 

Your answer clears up both my ignorance on the matter and her problem.Thank you. 

[schlumpy]

I was puzzled also. Everything you buy today has clock in it from the television to the car. No alarm clock to get up in the morning or cooking clock to know how long to bake something? Didn't make a lick of sense. How would you keep appointments?

Thanks to Balletomane I learned something new today.

[DragonzRoost]

He owns a watch, usb clock and has had a digital wrist watch. I mentioned him buying the clock instead, but he still refused. 

I should had known about this part of the Chinese culture. He would tell me in bits and pieces other things like mirrors being covered and other random, weird things, but this I really did find out recently. My grandfather said it would either end up one day in the house or he could buy it, but I expressed how this made him feel and that we would likely not be taking the clock. He now has plans to sell it and it is kinda painful to give up the clock and refuse my Grandfather's gift. I can tell to some degree he is annoyed by my Husband and is disappointed. On some levels I question our compatibility, given I feel our marriage moved really fast. (5 and a half months into dating) We are still set for counseling sessions, so we will see how that goes. In the meantime, I'm likely to give up the idea of owning the clock, to keep the peace for now. Thanks for the advice and input! 

Edited February 18, 2020 by DragonzRoost

[Els]

I looked at your other post, since you mentioned having asked a question recently. I hope you don't mind me bringing it up, since it sounds like you do want help/input about your general situation.

I really feel like you are correct to question your marriage. These are all really big issues, and not all of them are explainable by "culture". I would let the clock thing go, but there are still so many other things to address. Counseling is a good idea but it is not a magic bullet.

I fear that you will end up the victim of abuse. Please be careful and stay safe.

[d0nnivain]

You should wake up to the fact your husband has no ability to compromise about anything.  He's selfish & self absorbed.  Get that through your head because he's not gonna change .

[basil67]

If you are forced to choose, I'd choose the clock over your husband.   I'm not kidding.

[Ruby Slippers]

I thought I remembered you from another post and checked your post history. I agree your issues are much bigger than this.

Have you approached him about counseling?

[preraph]

Put it in storage or ask a family member to keep it for now.  Perhaps see a priest of his faith and ask them how to make it alright.  

 

I have to tell you, I didn't want an antique clock of my gran's for different reasons, and neither did my sister.  Her house was haunted, parts of it, and that clock going off all night was just ominous.  My aunt not even on this side of the family bought it.  They tried to give it back upon her death, and we still didn't want it.  So clocks of that type can really creep people out.  This wasn't even a grandfather clock, but it was a wall clock that chimed and wound like that.  

 

 

[mrs rubble]

I'd pick the clock over the husband.

My parents have a beautiful grandfather clock that was my father's grandmother's from her work place, I'm looking forward to inheriting it one day.

[preraph]

The beauty of this is if you break up with him now, you can just walk away and say, You we're right, this clock was the death of our marriage, nothing to be done about it. Bye, abusive jerk m

[preraph]

This would be a great time to let your family know how abusive he is and get their support.