Can't avoid NC forever

[crazycanuck86]

I'm not going to relish in the long and expansive backstory with my my ex because frankly it dosen't matter anymore, its done, over with and I'm focusing on the next chapter of my life. 

What the issue is now I can't avoid NC with my ex forever; because our main hangout and place to chill is the same small bar that we met in. We both have good friends, and similar social circles from there. 

I've already decided to keep some distance from the bar for a time , but I'm not going to just walk away from my friends just because she "might" be there, or isolate myself from socializing with my friends because shes sitting at the same table.

I do want to eventually go back and spend time with my friends but after what she did to me I don't want anything more to do with her.

To make matters worse when i tried explaining to her how she hurt me and I needed more time. she's stated that she wants to remain friends; deflected to things that we used to talk about and worse confiding in and talking to me about stuff that I know she hasn't talked about with her new BF yet, and teasing me for the "fun of it" so the situation is more complicated the the awkward "Hello, how are you" to be polite. 

On my end I'm done and I don't want anything more to do with her, but I know at some point she's going to want to/try to make contact with me. 

Like I said I've already decided to keep myself away from the bar for a while but when I do go back what will be the best process for letting her know that I don't want anything to do with her anymore without impacting our social circles, or isolating myself. 

[Legatus]

I think you're doing the right thing..  Right now your friends, hopefully, will understand that you want to keep away because even seeing her might cause you anxiety. Once you feel healed then I don't see any problem, since, like you said, you both hang out in the same bar.

One thing worth noting is that YOU are in charge of your boundaries. It's something I'm learning myself right now. If you don't want to be friends because she hurt you that is completely valid. Her need to feel good about herself and your break-up is not more important so please don't just talk to her or be friends because she wants it. If the "how are you" is not enough and she starts getting deeper, excuse yourself to talk to somebody else. If she won't get a hint after few times like that then you need to assert that boundary "I don't want to talk to you, especially about us, your new bf, and us being friends". She will surely call you rude and that you don't want to make it work, but I think you'll survive

[scooby-philly]

Completely agree with @Legatus. No matter the history of the relationship and how you met or the circumstances of the break up, if a relationship ends you both need to move on. Even if she was not acting this way you deserve to free yourself of any so called obligations to her. The fact that she continues to treat you like her bf after the fact, and when she's already apparently seeing someone else, does not constitute a healthy boundary for either of you. And it speaks to her character. Draw a line in the sand, do not abandon yourself or your friends if you feel like they're worth keeping, and then as legatus said, if she continues to violate the boundaries you set (and explain to her if she continues to make contact with you) then just be as straight forward as possible. Whatever the consequences in the short-term, it will lead to better long-term results for you.