Mainstream vs Unique

[MeadowFlower]

@LivingWaterPleasethat's good

[LivingWaterPlease]

15 minutes ago, MeadowFlower said:

@LivingWaterPleasethat's good

I like the way you think, MeadowFlower!

[Envy123]

I have unique interests, particularly telenovelas, so I struggle a lot with online dating. But offline, people know my interests and don't care about it so much, so I have more success.

[simpycurious]

7 hours ago, MeadowFlower said:

I HATE when people don't wash their hands properly with soap after using the toilet. 

Now that's just GROSS.  I probably take it a little further in regards to my physical appearance, the clothes 

that I wear, the way my house is kept, my cars are washed and cleaned, etc.

[central]

There are certainly majorities of people with widely held attitudes, beliefs, values, and personality traits. I would call those mainstream, even though they each - as individuals - have many unique interests, activities, traits, life experiences, and quirks. Unique people would fall into two or more minorities (probably less than 5% of the population). Some categories might include: the rarest Myers-Briggs types are INFJ (1.5%), followed by ENTJ and INTJ; atheists (perhaps 3.1%, but probably larger if you include all religion=None at ~21%);  gender (LGBTQ is ~4.5%); polyamorous and/or non-monogamous (< 4%, but about 21% have tried some form on non-monogamy); vegetarian (5-8%); have a masters (8%) or PhD/professional degree (3.5%); etc.

I think my wife (INFJ) and I (INTJ) have rare personality types, we are both atheists, we identify as polyamorous, and one of us has a masters degree, so I'd say we're pretty unique - and finding compatible dates was rather difficult - plus we had all the usual criteria (non-smoker, political leanings, responsibility, integrity, honesty, kindness, compassion, . We are very mainstream heterosexual cis-male, cis-female, and are not vegetarian (any longer).

[simpycurious]

We are all UNIQUE in our own special way.  We see relationships differently as well as life in general.  

It's important to never escape that reality

[RecentChange]

It comes down to numbers.

I think it would be fairly easy to prove that "mainstream" people have a larger dating pool available to them over people who have peculiarities.

For instance, I do not want children. This is a fairly "unique" stance, and would limit the options I have when looking for a partner.

Those who dress "mainstream" in that their appearance, clothing, hairstyle etc is more commonly accepted as fashionable will have a larger dating pool than someone who is "unique" with less popular fashion choices, uncommon hair grooming etc.

The further away someone is from mainstream, the smaller their dating pool. Like someone else said, birds of a feather. 

A straight laced person is less likely to be in a lasting relationship with an anarchist punk for example. 

[mortensorchid]

I absolutely believe that if you are more mainstream it's easier to find someone.  Why?  I'm not sure because in all cases I have been in with mainstream people as well as the off kilter or underground ones (that I fall into), I am the odd man out.  Ever hear the Cool Girl monologue from Gone Girl?  She says you are the one who never gets angry, always smiles, etc.  And you adapt to your man's likes and dislikes.  I'm starting to think it isn't about mutual interests anymore.  Does it really matter if you watch football or eat buffalo wings at Hooters, or if you like manga and vinyl records, or if you're into comic books and rock music?  Not really.  I think men just want someone who's lesser than they are in terms of earning power, potential, personality, charisma, etc.  They want someone they can feel superior to in some way or who will take care of them like Betty Crocker. 

Do you know how many times I have been thrown over for someone else?  And the someone else they are with are miserable, screaming drama queens who don't have a thing in common with these guys and end up taking advantage of them or running off with their lovers?  Always.  I've become a very bitter person because of it.  

[LivingWaterPlease]

As much as whether you're mainstream or not, I believe your expectations of others have a lot do with whether or not you find someone.

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm about the furthest from mainstream that exists...

Sure...the pool is small....but who the hell wants to be with a "mainstream" person?   In other words, yeah, you wont be exeryone's cup of tea(nor would they be yours), but the difference is that the unique people(unless they are weird and or ugly) are generally higher regarded as they aren't just a "face in the crowd"...So its probably better in the end...I dunno...For most this isn't a numbers game anyway...Ill choose quality over quantity any day....

TFY

[Cookiesandough]

The biggest testament I have to this is from last year when the final season of GOT came out 

 

Everyone else in the western world: OMG OMG OMG what did you think of the finale? I can’t believe they did that!!!! Omgosh I’m devastated. What about you? 
 

Me: sitting there in silence like a dunce with nothing to say because I did not watch a single episode, let alone dedicate 8 years of my life to that tv show like everyone else 

Edited March 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I did not watch a single episode, let alone dedicate 8 years of my life to that tv show like everyone else 

I still have antenna tv though it would be easy to hook up the cable from downstairs, I don't need it, there's more than enough PBS and entertainment already.

I'm a Christian in the Unitarian Universalist church so used to being a bit out of step at times, but I'm finding that just as I've made lots of friends in life now I'm meeting lots of potential partners.

Some work out, some are just for a season, but that's okay. I'm fine on my own too!
Actually I think that might be a big part of it, once I was fine alone I seemed to attract loads of lovely fun strong people into my life.

 

 

[simpycurious]

5 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

The biggest testament I have to this is from last year when the final season of GOT came out 

 

Everyone else in the western world: OMG OMG OMG what did you think of the finale? I can’t believe they did that!!!! Omgosh I’m devastated. What about you? 
 

Me: sitting there in silence like a dunce with nothing to say because I did not watch a single episode, let alone dedicate 8 years of my life to that tv show like everyone else 

I did not watch a single episode either.  I know nothing about it.  I am a dunce as well.  I am glad that I am not the only one.

[nospam99]

[offtopic] Double dunce here. I've devoted 15 years (and counting) of my life to waiting for the author of the source book series to FINISH IT! (IMO it's totally engaging fiction and MUCH better than that crappy tv show that I stopped watching when my favorite character, though still alive in the books, was killed on the show.)[/offtopic] :p

[carhill]

On 2/18/2020 at 10:49 PM, MeadowFlower said:

Do ya'll think it's true that the more mainstream you are, then the more likely you are to find a partner?

In general, all else being equal, the larger the potential dating pool, the greater the chances of success. That could be demographic, population numbers, exposure, many factors.

Quote

Whereas if you're different in whatever ways then it's likely to be more difficult to find someone?

With a sufficient sized dating pool, different thins potentials, certainly, but still large chances of success. I saw this markedly dating locally versus internationally. Locally, practically no single women existed. Every person I met was married. I figured I was doing something wrong, spent years trying valiantly to meet single women. Poof, visited a demographic rife with single women, dating was easy and fun. Sure, differences still existed but the pool was larger so greater chances of success. This was prior to the internet becoming available widely. Things are different now.

[preraph]

I do think it's true, but my definition of mainstream is different than some on here.  When I think of it, I think of someone with mainstream interests.  For example, sports is mainstream in the U.S.  Christianity used to be mainstream in the U.S., but less so now.  Basically, I'm talking about mainstream as people who simply fit into a broad demographic of interests and lifestyle.  

 

The more offbeat people such as myself have to find their niche or subculture.