Poochy87 Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 It really does break my heart to even be writing this but I feel that my marriage has ended and I don’t know where to turn. We’ve been together for 6 years but have only been married for 18 months. I feel embarrassed that it’s come to this so soon but I just cannot spend another minute feeling as miserable as I have for the last year. I’m not saying that my husband is to blame. We’re both at fault. Myself because I felt that the relationship was dying in the lead up to the wedding but felt powerless to stop it once the plans had been made and family had spent the money etc. Him because of his sheer lack of interest in me and his disengagement in our relationship. We live separate lives and even going out for a meal or drink together Is a chore for my husband. I’m forever asking to go places but just get shot down saying that we need to save money etc. Yet he’s the first person to put his name down for a boys trip leaving me at home. I can’t remember the last time we did anything ‘couply’. The physical side has long since vanished and the only compliments I get are back handed about how chunky I am. I’ve always been a larger woman so why have an issue with it now? I’m also a lot slimmer than when we first met. I just feel that there is absolutely nothing to salvage here. I’ve thought about relationship counselling but I fear at this stage it may already be too late. I know that life is too short and my life could be a lot happier to how I’m living now. i understand what it means to be ‘lonely in a relationship’ has anyone been through or going through a similar situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 A lot of us here understand how the feeling of failure is overwhelming when deciding if divorce is right. And I can't tell you how bad it felt the first time I had to say "Divorce" out loud. But, you say you feel like a failure because of a short time... think about how it feels being with someone 20 years. But... like a bad tooth... once it's ripped out... the healing can begin, and the pain goes away. You make no mention of kids... that that's great if there isn't any. It makes things much easier. Everything else is just "Stuff." I would like to say a councilor will help... but I'm not totally sold on them, and if your mind is that you are already done... then just be done. Find a lawyer, and get the plan drawn out. I'm sorry for what you are going through. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 14 hours ago, Poochy87 said: I’ve thought about relationship counselling but I fear at this stage it may already be too late. Yes that was exactly my thoughts too, reading your post. This sounds like a textbook case for marriage counselling. If you'd taken this step a year ago I think you could have had success. But leaving it to get so bad that you're ready to give up, the chance of MC working is low. Your resentment has grown, and he has got more and more set in his ways. You could still try it I guess. You don't have a lot to lose really. But if I were you I'd set a definite timetable, and if he's not pulling his weight in fixing the marriage, then you should not flog a dead horse. Link to post Share on other sites
CloudyHead Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Yes, I've been there. I felt alone in my marriage so I decided separating would at least end the constant arguing and disappointments and unhappiness. I found myself spending more and more time at work to avoid dealing with my ex-husband but I was also missing time with my children. Making the decision to end my marriage was extremely difficult. Saying the words "separation" and physically separating was even more difficult. We separated over 11 years ago. Our children are happy. My ex-husband and I remain friends and get along well. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 I'm sorry your husband is unromantic, does not want to take you on dates anymore, and criticizes your looks. Counseling may or may not help, you would have to try it to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 (edited) counseling for couples are like counseling for individuals... it only works when the parties are invested in trying to salvage something. so you need to do these things. 1) figure out if you want to salvage this relationship. Remember him in the past, remember him now, and ask yourself, if counseling DOES work, do you want to be with him, can you see happiness with him? do this for yourself, not for your family, friends, expectations, etc. 2) if you DO still want to stay with him, try to salvage this relationship... you need to make a resolve. Make this work with counseling or divorce. Those are the only 2 options. 3) once you get that resolve, you need to sit him down, don't do anything else, but face each other and have a talk. Ask him what he wants, tell him where you are in the relationship, and then see if you meet eye to eye on salvaging this relationship or not. 4) IF you two agree that this relationship is still worth saving, AND you both can possible see a future and happiness together if the counseling works... then go find a marriage counselor. otherwise... you already know what you have to do. Edited February 20, 2020 by 2BGoodAgain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 Hi Sorry for how you feel! If i ask how young are you two? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts