Updated can I fix my relationship

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, daisy1333 said:

none of my friends know about my disease because I am ashamed about it and I am not close to my family. And yes my happiness does depend on if we stay together. I can barely get out of bed every day. I hate myself more than anything for possibly ruining this and I just want things to be normal again.

Look at what you are saying, ashamed of being ill? 

You need professional help to deal with this right now because feeling practically suicidal for not dying is not acceptable.

[daisy1333]

15 minutes ago, Ellener said:

Look at what you are saying, ashamed of being ill? 

You need professional help to deal with this right now because feeling practically suicidal for not dying is not acceptable.

This disease is humiliating. I’ll never shout from the rooftops that I have this. I don’t need people looking at me differently. And I need my bf to decide he still loves me. 

[Ellener]

4 minutes ago, daisy1333 said:

This disease is humiliating. I’ll never shout from the rooftops that I have this. I don’t need people looking at me differently. And I need my bf to decide he still loves me. 

No one shouts from the rooftops, everyone feels different, and NO- it's not up to your boyfriend's love to 'redeem' you in your own eyes. You have to accept and love yourself first.

I wish you had a mother like me or many of my friends, you wouldn't even be saying a lot of this stuff if you did. Still sending hugs and love and mothering sentiments. 

[elaine567]

I know you want to keep this hidden  but are there any support groups you could join and be able to speak to others maybe online who also have the disease to give you some perspective.
Plenty FB groups for all kinds of disorders...

[daisy1333]

15 minutes ago, Ellener said:

No one shouts from the rooftops, everyone feels different, and NO- it's not up to your boyfriend's love to 'redeem' you in your own eyes. You have to accept and love yourself first.

I wish you had a mother like me or many of my friends, you wouldn't even be saying a lot of this stuff if you did. Still sending hugs and love and mothering sentiments. 

Without him my life is worthless. I refuse to eventually end up in a home unable to care for myself and if he leaves me I will make sure I prevent that. He promised me when I was diagnosed he would take care of me and without him I will have no one when this thing eventually gets bad. Could be 2 years or it could be 20, but I will NEVER live in an assisted living facility. Losing my independence is not an option.

[daisy1333]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I know you want to keep this hidden  but are there any support groups you could join and be able to speak to others maybe online who also have the disease to give you some perspective.
Plenty FB groups for all kinds of disorders...

Problem with FB groups is they aren't anonymous and everyone can find it. I am not letting anyone ever know about this misery that is my life. I can;t go to a support group because again the shame of having this is so great. I can't even say the words of what it is. Whatever will happen will happen. i just want to know because I can't keep living like this. If he knew for 100% he didn't love me I keep telling myself he would be gone , but I still don't know. I'll be off line for awhile, He is almost hoe and I need to go wash my face so my eyes aren't a puffy swollen mess.

[elaine567]

Is this multiple sclerosis?

[daisy1333]

3 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Is this multiple sclerosis?

Yep.... and that’s why I had Switzerland as a back up. I’d rather die than be the end stage of this. Right now I’m 100% normal . Work out every day, work 2 jobs, go out with friends. Nothing at all has changed physically or mentally. It’s just I’m not the same person emotionally. 

[Ellener]

7 hours ago, daisy1333 said:

Without him my life is worthless. I refuse to eventually end up in a home unable to care for myself and if he leaves me I will make sure I prevent that. He promised me when I was diagnosed he would take care of me and without him I will have no one when this thing eventually gets bad. Could be 2 years or it could be 20, but I will NEVER live in an assisted living facility. Losing my independence is not an option.

I think you are coming to terms with your crisis but I also think your partner isn't necessarily part of that or your future. I also think you need help and support beyond the scope of an internet relationship board. 

I'm a trained social worker and counsellor but it's not the appropriate situation I can help you best is my feeling.

MS is nothing to be ashamed of. 2.5 million people have it across the globe, about a fifth of them in America. Most people with MS disease processes don't end up in care homes I don't think.

But self-care and holistic care is the key to managing this and any illness.

Sending you all the love in the world. You are going to cope with this.

 

 

 

[elaine567]

What type of MS do you have?

I guess
Relapsing-Remitting MS (RRMS).

[daisy1333]

5 hours ago, Ellener said:

 

MS is nothing to be ashamed of. 2.5 million people have it across the globe, about a fifth of them in America. Most people with MS disease processes don't end up in care homes I don't think.

 

This disease is humiliating and shows I’m a genetic mistake. But that’s not the point of this thread. I honestly don’t feel like my boyfriend is 100% done or he would be gone and if he’s not a part of my future I don’t care to have one: no I won’t harm myself, but I’ll just leave this alone because again not the topic. 

[daisy1333]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

What type of MS do you have?

I guess
Relapsing-Remitting MS (RRMS).

Yep....(I’m guessing anyway) went out drinking one night. Slipped and hit me head so they did an mri. That’s how I found out. I’ve never had anything bad happen bc of this, but thing is there lurking and waiting to destroy me life. They confirmed it with another test. (Once I was sober a few days later) 

Edited January 21, 2020 by daisy1333

[stillafool]

My brother's stepson was diagnosed with MS about 10 years ago and he is living a normal life thanks to all the new meds out for this disease.  It can be managed quite successfully with these new meds.  There are support groups for this disease where you can remain anonymous.

[daisy1333]

On 1/21/2020 at 6:48 AM, stillafool said:

My brother's stepson was diagnosed with MS about 10 years ago and he is living a normal life thanks to all the new meds out for this disease.  It can be managed quite successfully with these new meds.  There are support groups for this disease where you can remain anonymous.

If I lose my bf I have already decided I am contacting Switzerland again. It is 100% legal and without him I really have no reason not to. I don't care about anything besides making things right with him and I just wish I had some idea what he is thinking.

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, daisy1333 said:

If I lose my bf I have already decided I am contacting Switzerland again. It is 100% legal 

What does that mean?  Contact Switzerland for what?

[CAPITAL CROOK]

All you can do is trust him and all he can do is trust you. If that trust is not there, no amount of fixing will help.

[daisy1333]

1 minute ago, CAPITAL CROOK said:

All you can do is trust him and all he can do is trust you. If that trust is not there, no amount of fixing will help.

I do trust him 100%, but not knowing if he still loves me is killing me. I spent 30 minutes bawling in the bathroom at work today. I said I was throwing up. I'm not sleeping and I bought a pack of cigarettes again just because I cannot deal with this. I don't understand why he would still be here if he doesn't love me, and why he acts (mostly) like everything is normal. I just wish he would tell me what he is thinking , but I don't want to bug him. I keep telling myself the fact that we have plans for March/April is a good sign , but I know it could also mean nothing.

[daisy1333]

I just don't see how you don't know if you still love someone. I mean isn't that something that you know yes or no? I honeslty don;t know if I can handle this and give hime however long he needs. I keep telling myself to keep acting like everything is normal and eventually it will be again since he hasn't left , but the lack of sleep is killing me. i have probably killed my liver with all the sleeping pills I am taking just to get 3 hours of sleep. I don't understand why he is putting my through this. Why make plans with someone, go do things , have sex , talk about things , etc if you don;t love them. I just really don;t think I can take much more of this.

[ExpatInItaly]

Loving someone and wanting a relationship with someone are not always one and the same. I think what he means is that he doesn't know if he feels strongly enough to continue the relationship.

I don't believe he has a malicious intention and is trying to "put you through" anything. I believe he genuinely doesn't quite know which way to go and is being honest about it. 

[daisy1333]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Loving someone and wanting a relationship with someone are not always one and the same. I think what he means is that he doesn't know if he feels strongly enough to continue the relationship.

I don't believe he has a malicious intention and is trying to "put you through" anything. I believe he genuinely doesn't quite know which way to go and is being honest about it. 

Well he needs to hurry up and decide because I’m to the point to where I’m not functioning at all. I’m taking enough sleeping pills to make a normal person sleep for 2 weeks. 
 

idk how to take this but when he left to go out of town this week end I told him I loved him and he replied love. That’s the most I’ve got from him as far as a response. Oh well gonna go drink my sorrows away and hopefully pass out. But knowing me I’ll be up crying all night. 
 

and if you truly love someone you would want a relationship with them or at least try to make it work if you can. 

Edited January 26, 2020 by daisy1333

[Dimjo9]

On 1/8/2020 at 11:10 AM, Daisygirl29 said:

I have been with my SO for 18 years. We have been threw a lot of hard times together , but I do not know if we can get past this recent issue. 18 months ago I was diagnosed with a chronic condition and I shut everyone out because I went from thinking I was going to live forever to thinking I was going to be dead in a month.  My SO tried to help me and was so supportive, but I did not want to hear anything he had to say because I was so devastated.  I realized this was not the way to handle this and I needed to treat the one person who was going to be there for me better. 

I apologized to him and we talked a lot and I told him I didn't want to be that way anymore and I wanted to work on fixing what I broke. He was honest with me and told me he wasn't sure if he still loved me , but also promised he would always be there to support me no matter what. I asked him if he was planning to leave me in the next week or month and he said no. I need advice on what I can do to make things better. Do I give him space , do I act like I used to before this happened , do I let him come to me?

We still have been talking about plans for my birthday and other plans for stuff in the future , but IDK if he is just really hurt and needs time or if I really did ruin everything. Any and all advice is welcome. I have lost 12 pounds recently and am only sleeping 2-3 hours a night. I am missing work because this is causing me so much grief. I just have never been threw this so please anyone with advice I welcome it.

Hi Daisygirl219,

 

Hope you are recovering well & so lucky to have a husband who during time of need stood & care for you.

This is what H & W should do.. for better or for worse. The medicines that you are taking might have contributed to your moods.

Have you talked to your Physician ? If you have the chance let the Doctor explain it to your H professionally.

On your part slowly show him appreciation & shower of love !! He was hurt of how you treated him, this is but natural feeling..

With kindness, kiss, hugs, embrace everything will be forgotten !! All the best !!👍🏻👍🏻

 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

And what is the reason you refuse to seek help from a trained therapist, OP?

[daisy1333]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And what is the reason you refuse to seek help from a trained therapist, OP?

Because I would have to talk to so someone who can’t understand about how my life was a genetic mistake. Sorry not discussing this disease with people who can’t understand 

[daisy1333]

13 hours ago, Dimjo9 said:

Hi Daisygirl219,

On your part slowly show him appreciation & shower of love !! He was hurt of how you treated him, this is but natural feeling..

With kindness, kiss, hugs, embrace everything will be forgotten !! All the best !!👍🏻👍🏻

 

 

 

I hope so because I’m in so much pain I can barely breath at times. 

[ExpatInItaly]

47 minutes ago, daisy1333 said:

Because I would have to talk to so someone who can’t understand about how my life was a genetic mistake. Sorry not discussing this disease with people who can’t understand 

But you expect your boyfriend to understand this, and to be solely responsible for your happiness?

That isn't reasonable, realistic or fair. Even if he decides to give things another try, that sort of mentality will eventually erode your relationship. 

Edited January 26, 2020 by ExpatInItaly