Updated can I fix my relationship

[daisy1333]

On 3/10/2020 at 5:31 AM, MJJean said:

I'm about to sound mean, but I think you may need a bit of a push.

You're tossing back sleeping pills, drinking, smoking, and have pretty much completely lost interest in your own life. You're also depressed. So depressed you're thinking of suicide in Switzerland long before your condition is even noticeable, much less to the point of needing to check out. NONE of this is attractive. If you want him to love you this kind of behavior isn't how to go about it. Keep on like this and you won't be someone anyone wants to be around.

Wanna know what my niece did after she got diagnosed with MS in her 20's? Finished her degree, got a great job, got engaged, planned a wedding and honeymoon, got married, and had two children.

If you don't want to be a burden to him you need to get yourself straightened out.

I’m only going to Switzerland if I lose him. I have no desire to live a life without him. Switzerland was always there as a last resort I don’t wanna be a blind cripple thing. Now it’s more of a I can’t deal with this disease alone thing. 
 

btw I have a great job (2 actually) and have 2 degrees. I would never even think about having kids because that is beyond cruel to have a kid knowing you can pass this on. 

[daisy1333]

And anyone with this disease That isn’t planning ahead and is planing to stick around when they become helpless has bigger issues than this disease. I’m never going to stick around if I lose my independence. If I can’t go to the bathroom alone or bathe myself or work or take care of my pets I’m going to Switzerland. 
 

and for now I did stop smoking. Thank my coworker for giving me strep. Not sure if I’ll start again. It’s mostly because it’s expensive and I’d rather spend my money on alcohol and concerts. (Although the way it’s looking they all might be cancelled. Already waiting on a refund for one) 

 

but things are almost back to normal with us. We are spending so much more time together and are making plans for things in October. We are talking about moving next year so our dogs can have a yard. So we still have a ways to go, but I feel like things are improving. 
 

I’m not going to change my stance on certain things that will make me go to Switzerland. I’ll be willing to discuss it with him and see if we can come to an agreement, but I have 3 things that I will never live with. If I can’t work and get to live off my disability, but can still function I guess I’m ok with that. My company has an amazing long term disability policy. I’m not willing to be 100% dependent on someone else, blind, or a cripple. Those are my 3 non negotiable Switzerland things. As of right now though I cancelled my membership.