I want out of this marriage

[Happy Lemming]

On 2/20/2020 at 1:01 PM, ScrewMyMarriage said:

I've been with my husband for a very long time

  I'm giving this man my fertile years

These two statements are in conflict with one another.  If having a child is very important to you, why would you be with this man for a "very long time".  Yes, you have given this man your "fertile years", but yet you are not accomplishing your goal of getting him on board with trying for another child. The intervening mother-in-law is just too much for me to wrap my brain around. I don't understand that aspect at all.

Quick story, many years ago I was dating this woman and things were going well. Fairly early in the relationship, she told me that she wanted to be a mother and that was a priority for her.  The majority of her fertile years were spent in college and medical school, but her career was now established and she wanted a baby or two.  She was worried about me as a dating prospect/partner as I had been nomadic most of my adult life.  I never stayed in any one place too long.  She told me she needed to know that I was done moving and ready to plant roots.  She added that she couldn't invest a year or two into a relationship with me, if I was just going to "pull up stakes" and move again.  In the past, I probably would have lied and said what I needed to in order to continue to sleep with this woman, but this time I was truthful.  I told her I couldn't make that guarantee, as I wasn't sure about my future in that area. We parted ways amicably.  I do hope she found what she was looking for and had the children she so desired.

Best of luck with whatever decision you make.

[Els]

You're clearly over this marriage already, so why on earth are you even trying to have a child with him? It sounds like the desperation is clouding your head and you're not thinking straight. There is no point in staying in a doomed relationship trying to have kids with that person because you think you're "old", it's harmful to both of you AND harmful to the potential kid. Firstly there's a lot of fearmongering around your "fertile years" - the vast majority of women are capable of having healthy children up into their late 30s, especially with IVF. Secondly, if you truly believe you can give this child a good life, you can walk into a sperm bank and come out with any sperm of your choice for minimal cost.

[S2B]

See if he’s willing to work with a counselor to set a firm and tight boundary with his Mother.

He is going to need to get blunt with her about what he’s not going to allow - if the marriage moves forward (in a healthy manner). He may need to bring his Mom into a few of the therapy sessions to make himself perfectly clear with her.

i hope he will see that a healthy boundary could invoke more intimacy with YOU - and less with his Mom.

his alliances run deep with his Mother. If he isn’t willing to change that then you have a serious decision to make.

[Dimjo9]

On 2/20/2020 at 12:01 PM, ScrewMyMarriage said:

I've been with my husband for a very long time and married for almost 4 years.  Ever since we got married, he put no boundaries between us and his mother.  His mom wants to know what we are doing every second.  I wouldn't be surprised if she asked him how often we F****, even though we hardly ever.  I'm a successful, young, and attractive woman.  I should not feel this way. I want to have a baby and I'm ready to give another human being a great life, but I can't see that happening with my husband.  I want out of this marriage but I'm scared I'll regret it in the end.  I had a miscarriage 2 years ago and all I see when I look at my husband is the child I could have had.  I've been cleansing myself by eating healthy and exercising to try to have another baby, but I feel like he's just playing with my emotions.  I'm giving this man my fertile years and I want out of it ASAP.

Hi.. Your H is mama’s boy.. is he the only child or the youngest ? MiL are usually tough to handle they micro manage everything.

The one that can put boundaries is your H.. if he can’t handle it divorce under “irreconcilable differences” is a good option.

This will give u the freedom to seek other relationship with your integrity intact. You did good by thinking before doing anything. This showed the good morals & your ability to think rational..