My Guy friend Ghosted me and I'm missing him bad

[JackieDaniels1977]

Here  is my problem :   My guy friend who I have had a crush on for three years, Stopped talking to me.  I miss him and have felt like my heart has been riped out my chest and I have felt like I have been on fire since he quit talking to me. with in the last two weeks I have finally got passed crying once a day, and have made it two weeks with out crying over him. 

But I still miss him badly and I know a lot of it is my fault but he didn't help things either.  He blocked me on FB and then ignored me at new years bash, after he had me buy the tickets in November. I asked one of our friends what his problem was and he told our friend to tell me:  I tried being her friend and She wanted more.

I'm happly married to the love of my life.  Tell her I don't need her husband brothering me. tell her to go away and leave me alone."

Back Story:  We work together, we are both married and our circles of friends kind of overlap and our partners don't like us having friends of the opposite sex.  We've known one another for six years and the last three I have had a crush on him. This passed year I decided I wanted to get to know him better and he was more then happy to have me follow him and his Band around. (that I didn't even know he played in).  I thought we were getting alone pretty well and having a good time as friends.  He would hug me every so often and we could share jokes between us just by making eye contact when it came to making fun or sharing an inside joke. 

As the year went on I was enjoying myself to much and my husband made it a point to tell me he was jealous and disliked the fact that I was haunging  out with my friend and his band.  I told my friend this only so he knew and he told me to watch what I shared on FB because of his wife.  in Aug. I went in the hospital and between them not having any events I only saw him at work.  and in October the band was back in full swing and I was going to the events. I had, had a few people that knew us both ask if something was going on between us and I said no we're just friends and one told me "If I didn't know any better the way you to look at one another and he always has his eyes on you I would think other wise."  I just thought to was funny on one hand but my mind wanted it to be true.

He started looking for me at the shows and wanting to hang out with me, when the band was on brake, he would take me around and tell people my name and who I was to him.  One night he opened up to me about his wife and how unhappy he was with her. and somethings he wasn't able to do because she didn't want it. I'm 42 and he is 50.  He looked me in the eye and said I know you can have kids because you have one, I want kids and she doesn't never has. He asked me if I was unhappy with my husband and I told him yes.  we had some other small talk and ,it was time for him to go back on stage, as he walked away he turned and looked over his shoulder at me and gave me those heartmelting eyes of his and he walked off.

We saw on another at thanksgiving and he was in a mood so I gave him his space, it was warmer then I dressed for so I took my sweater off, I had a tank top on and when I looked up at the Stage I didn't realize I had the whole band staighting at me. other women had done the samething I did so I didn't see anything wrong.  During their brake he walked up to me and ASk: "if I could take anymore clothes off?"  it was the first time he had asked me something like that and I couldn't tell if he was Joking or if he was put off by it.  

The only thing I could think of was to play it off and said maybe for you but not here. He made a face and interduced me to some more of his friends.  (and yes some of these people also know his wife, and it did make me wounder if it was smart meeting these people) He asked me after the show about something one of my friends was trying to tell him the past week and I had marched off with her before she could finish. I told him she said that I have a crush on you. (talking about me) I told him she was drunk and wasn't suppost to tell him. and I was sorry.

He didn't react to it. (because he knew I liked him... Because I had another co-worker make it her business to stick her noise where it didn't belong) back in july.  He was still talking to me and joked about hitting me in the head with his drum sticks.  two weeks before Christmas we were working together on the same job and getting along and I went to a pub where he and one of the other guys were playing we were all having a good time and two days later he blocked me on face book,

I was a little shocked by it and then when New years came around he ignored me and at one point during the night he acted as if he wanted to say something to me and A girl he had let me meet, block him from coming to see me. and he walked off.  Its been almost two months, I've seen him at work but went the other way and I have not tried to talk to him because, he asked me to leave him alone.

The band has an event this weekend and I'm going.  but I know deep down he will not talk to me and I miss him so much and I still don't know why he quit talking to me.  I'm not going to just see him but the guys in the band I miss too. I'm hoping to hold it together.  The one thing that our friend we share doesn't know is, My friend is the type of guy who acts one way when our friends our around, but he was different when we were by ourself. What hurts is Our friend was made to believe that it was all me wanting him. and I know they are close, I never told him anything different because he wouldn't believe me even if I told him the truth.

I thought he had feelings for me as well or I would have never got so close to him.  I don't understand why he couldn't sit me down and tell me if I was being to much.  Yes only when he would ask me to keep him warm would I put my arm around him or rub his back. but most of the time it was him putting his arm around my waste and standing so close to me you coulded get a sheet of paper between us.  And when we locked eyes he made my heart skip.  and out of the 6 or 7 men I've dated he was the only one to make me feel the way I do about him.  And I hurt, and I want to get my life back to where it was in November,, but I just don't know what to do.  

I know someone will give me s*** for what I wrote and I most likely need to hear it, but I'm lost. and cant share this with people I know.  because I feel stupit for falling for him. 

Edited February 21, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[JS84]

Sounds like your friend has a healthy set of boundaries and has no problem enforcing them as well as respect for his wife. His wife sounds like she lucked out in the spouse department.

Your husband on the other hand? Not so much.

As for how you're feeling, you're just going to have to let time do it's thing and get over it eventually.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

He may have contemplated having an affair with you briefly, but then came to his senses and realized what he stood to lose "the love of his life".  Not to mention all the complications of dealing with an angry and humiliated husband, and ridicule from his friends who have been witnessing the whole mess.  Everyone, including both your spouses, are clearly aware of it, and that's why he has put a stop to it. 

Does it bother you that people are observing you behaving so shamelessly?  Think about it.  You have a friend forced into an awkward position of having to tell you that he wants to be faithful to his wife and wants you to leave him alone.  Friends shouldn't be the go between or have to hear about crushes on married people, it's cringe worthy.

I get it, sometimes when you are in the situation you can can lose perspective of how out of control it is getting, so I'm trying to give you a wake up call.  You are not single, and neither is he.  This isn't the beginning stages of dating with the potential of it becoming a relationship.  It may give you those same butterflies and anticipation you might feel if you were single, but that is not the reality here.  Until you leave your husband or agree on an open relationship, you are not free to date around.

As for the change in his behavior, it's clear there has been a shift.  He is going to make you appear to be the guilty aggressor to save face. By asking you "if you could take any more clothes off", he's basically calling you thirsty.  Turning up where he is at a gig in a revealing top gave him the perfect opportunity to put the blame on you.  You're so caught up in it now, you'll play right into it.  You won't be able to help it.  Anything you do in his company will be interpreted as directed at him.  If you're smart, you'll stay away, but it doesn't sound like you have any intention of doing that.

You think you are hurting right now, but things are going to get much worse.  I think you are in for a world of hurt and humiliation from this unless you get out of it now.  Don't believe me, check out the OW/OM and infidelity boards to get a better idea of what you're heading towards.  Their stories will be better at articulating the hurt and suffering better than I ever could.

I hope you put a stop to this, for your sake, and the spouses who are caught in the crossfire.

Edited February 22, 2020 by Scarlett.O'hara

[JackieDaniels1977]

Well, I went last night. My friend saw me and went out of his way to stay away from me, I never left my table and was all most on the other side of the room.  The other band members acted as nothing was wrong or thesually y had no clue.  I didn't look at him much but caught him many times looking over at me.  A 0girlfriend of mine I had not seen in a bit, who knew what was going on come over to see me.  She wa0nted to ask him way I wasn't with him.  but I told her to leave it alone.  She said she would but later I saw her over there talking to him and one of the band members so who knows.  She texted me later and said she would tell me something later to day.  

As for my guy friend, I'm not the type to be stuck up his but unless invited.  So he should have known I would not bother him or make a seen. its just weird for him, to act this way. like I'm going to do something to him.  He usually comes in early and sets up. but he stayed in his car. He even said Hello to me other girl friend who was there with me. I told her he's not mad at you. that's why he said hi.   But when we left last night I walked right past him and went out the door.  I didn't even look at him.  just said good by to the other band member who was at the door.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Hoplesslyinlovewith said:

So he should have known I would not bother him or make a seen. its just weird for him, to act this way. like I'm going to do something to him. 

It's not weird of him to protect his marriage.  He wants to make it clear he does not want you so he is doing the right thing by keeping his distance.  I really think you should preserve your self esteem and not go to any more of his music sets. It is clear to him and probably everyone else that you are there hoping to get any attention you can from him.  You should be home with your husband and kids.  The fact that you feel like this over someone else's husband is alarming and hurtful to your own husband.  You've given 3 years of time and attention to another man and are now crying your eyes out for 2 weeks because he finally had to tell you the truth so you would get it together and leave him alone.

 

On 2/20/2020 at 6:17 PM, Hoplesslyinlovewith said:

Here  is my problem :   My guy friend who I have had a crush on for three years, Stopped talking to me.  I miss him and have felt like my heart has been riped out my chest and I have felt like I have been on fire since he quit talking to me. with in the last two weeks I have finally got passed crying once a day, and have made it two weeks with out crying over him. 

What you should do is get a divorce and find a man you want who isn't married.

[schlumpy]

3 hours ago, Hoplesslyinlovewith said:

  But when we left last night I walked right past him and went out the door.  I didn't even look at him.  just said good by to the other band member who was at the door.

I think he felt relieved.

[preraph]

You keep going where you're not wanted because you choose to believe something that isn't true, so at this point you are just that guy"s stalker. You certainly don't love him because you don't even respect him enough to respect his wishes on this much less his marriage. At this point you're nothing but a problem to him. and I imagine it really infuriates them when you go around telling everybody there's something going on between you when there's not and putting them in the middle. 

 

 

[JTSW]

Why have you posted this again?

.

Have some respect and leave this alone already.

He doesn't want to know because you have become inappropriate.

You have no boundaries or respect.

Move on.

Get over it.

Edited February 24, 2020 by JTSW

[JTSW]

On 2/20/2020 at 11:17 PM, Hoplesslyinlovewith said:

he walked up to me and ASk: "if I could take anymore clothes off?" 

You took this the wrong way.

He was being sarcastic because it seemed to everyone like you were stripping.

He didn't mean it the way you think he does. 

[JTSW]

On 2/20/2020 at 11:17 PM, Hoplesslyinlovewith said:

I still don't know why he quit talking to me.

Really? lol even after everyone has told you why in the last post?

You still don't see how inappropriate you have been?

You are in your 40's and you are behaving like a lovesick immature teenager.

Grow up and think about the man that SHOULD matter. Your husband.