are my 'ghosted' detector and reaction reasonable

[elaine567]

Ghosting is very obvious, if she is not inviting you for afternoon tea nor a hike in the hills, nor is  she discussing current affairs or putting the world to rights but instead is ignoring your messages, then you have been ghosted.
It is not rocket science.
Conversation = not ghosted
No conversation = ghosted.

[FMW]

- how long it takes before it's wise to conclude you've been ghosted

I agree that 24-48 hours is a good general rule.  After 24 hours it starts getting questionable, but after 48 I think that absent extenuating circumstances, they are clearly purposely ignoring you.

- how to react (move on?)

Personally yes, I would move on.  Especially if they've done it before.  If they initiate contact again later, you can decide then if it's something you want to deal with, but keeping your expectations low.   

- what to do if you want to try to 'recover' the contact

I guess the only thing you can do is reach out again.  Unsolicited advice - Don't.  For all the reasons already given by other posters.  

[greymatter]

I don’t consider it ghosting to stop exchanging messages when you two have never even met. It’s ghosting when you have gone on dates and maybe even had sex and you believe there was mutual attraction, and then one person drops off the face of the earth. So to answer your question about how to recognize ghosting, you’ll recognize it when and if you are dating and they disappear. That is ghosting. If it happens, react by doing nothing and walking away. There, I addressed your questions in an on-topic response!
 

Sometimes I really have to wonder if you approach women online with the same rigidity that you demonstrate in your threads where you demand that everyone stay on topic and chastise those who don’t, but are just trying to help you since you aren’t having success with dating. 

[nospam99]

@greymatter.

Thanks for addressing my questions on topic :D I don't remember if anyone else has suggested that recognizing behavior as ghosting depends on whether or not the people have advanced beyond exchanging messages.

Off-topic...
Online forum discussions (here and elsewhere) are different enough from online dating, that I'm not really understanding what the nature of my rigidity would be with OLD interactions. I 'like to think' that I'm not particularly rigid with the OLD ladies or with one-to-one communication in general. You are welcome to initiate a PM conversation it you wish to experience my 'kinder, gentler' nature, such as it is ;)

I see myself as eclectic in the LS topics I start and the topics I respond to that I haven't started. I think most of the topics I've started are either observations or complains about the mechanics of OLD. This topic is a little different. My intent was to get people's opinions (NOT advice) about ghosting. My hope was to compare how other people looked at and handled ghosting and decide if I saw value into assimilating other people's ideas into my own behavior.

FWIW, I know I am enough of a cussedly independent SOB that, not liking to be told what to do (though I plead guilty to having been pussy-whipped at various times in my life), I am likely to reject what I perceive as 'help'. In instances where that help would have been valuable, I'm a 'big enough boy' to be willing to deal with the consequences of my stubbornness. And I have certainly learned (too often after making mistakes) 'better' ways to handle dating and romance. The glaring example that easily comes to mind is not to discuss my appreciation for porn 'too soon' (maybe ever) in a relationship.

[Cookiesandough]

Yeah I agree with Greymatter in that I think ghosting at this stage should be treated a little differently that had you met or been dating for awhile. I feel like it can be given more leeway. I feel like nothing is really real until you meet. Tables can turn drastically. You might not even be interested in her.  

 

I remember one case (I made a thread) where a guy I had been talking to on Tinder took awhile to respond to my message and seemed reluctant to meet. Well we met and he said he was reluctant because he thought I was a catfish. We  we ended up dating for a min and I found out he had really bad anxiety so that is why. I broke it off though for other reasons but he was a cool dude.
 

There have been other times where I’ve ignored a guys message on dating sites because I became distracted with something. They messaged again and we hit it off and met up. 

[Foxhall]

On 2/21/2020 at 1:46 PM, clia said:

She was probably turned off when you asked "What's next" and lost interest.  

You are old enough that you should know what's next -- ask her to meet.  Did you do that?  If a guy asks me "what's next" in the OLD world, that would make me think that he wants me to take the lead and plan something, which would be a turnoff.  (I would honestly be like Durrrr....this guy seems dense.

lol interesting,

I still have a lot to learn about the subtleties of the female mind,

in a different context, I probably need to be much clearer on "whats next" in life.

 

[chillii]

21 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yeah I agree with Greymatter in that I think ghosting at this stage should be treated a little differently that had you met or been dating for awhile. I feel like it can be given more leeway. I feel like nothing is really real until you meet. Tables can turn drastically. You might not even be interested in her.  

 

I remember one case (I made a thread) where a guy I had been talking to on Tinder took awhile to respond to my message and seemed reluctant to meet. Well we met and he said he was reluctant because he thought I was a catfish. We  we ended up dating for a min and I found out he had really bad anxiety so that is why. I broke it off though for other reasons but he was a cool dude.
 

There have been other times where I’ve ignored a guys message on dating sites because I became distracted with something. They messaged again and we hit it off and met up. 

Yeah l agree , it is different and  l don't think it pays to go jumping to conclusions in any rush .

Something similar back when for me too one chick took about a wk to answer but l could see she'd been on and read my email. But she seemed like a real sweetheart on her page in the way she talked and ;l had a feeling just let her go . She said she wasn't very good at this stuff and it just took her awhile to think of how to reply. Few nights later we talked on the phone and yep, one of the nicest chicks l ever talked to .

l still feel bad about that because unfortunately with more pics later , she just wasn't really my thing.