Hokuto Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 So like last a few months ago, I saw this person on twitter who ran a dating podcast. I was uncomfortable using my main twitter account as I feel like if my siblings saw it, they would tease me. I made a throwaway one and dm'd the person who ran a podcast and asked them if it was weird for a 21 year old to date an 18 year old cuz I have OCD and ruminate over things like a fear of losing my youth but I didn't tell them that and said legality is not morality so I wanted their thoughts on it. They responded saying it was a weird question and that it was creepy to make a new account to ask this and blocked me. Furthermore, they then made a tweet saying they don't condone predatory behaviour and people shouldn't ask them if its ok to date a child. Since then, I sometimes feel bad about what I did and hate the idea of being thought of as creepy and regret but part of me does feel this person overreacted somewhat and in regards to their tweet, that bothers me as they are leaving out details and it makes me sounds like a pedophile or something with how vaguely worded it is. So what do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 (edited) Sending messages using a newly created account mostly indicates that the user is a troll. They response they gave you is pretty much putting a troll in their place. Also, yes it's a bit creepy to be focusing on the age of the person rather than who they are. Edited October 25, 2019 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted October 25, 2019 Author Share Posted October 25, 2019 Sending messages using a newly created account mostly indicates that the user is a troll. They response they gave you is pretty much putting a troll in their place. Also, yes it's a bit creepy to be focusing on the age of the person rather than who they are. Ok, I wasn't trying to troll though Also, didn't mean to be like that but what about their whole post on 'date a child' thing though Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 You didn't try to troll, but your approach of having a new profile was what trolls do, so they assumed you were trolling. Their post reflected their thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 So like last a few months ago, I saw this person on twitter who ran a dating podcast. I was uncomfortable using my main twitter account as I feel like if my siblings saw it, they would tease me. I made a throwaway one and dm'd the person who ran a podcast and asked them if it was weird for a 21 year old to date an 18 year old cuz I have OCD and ruminate over things like a fear of losing my youth but I didn't tell them that and said legality is not morality so I wanted their thoughts on it. They responded saying it was a weird question and that it was creepy to make a new account to ask this and blocked me. Furthermore, they then made a tweet saying they don't condone predatory behaviour and people shouldn't ask them if its ok to date a child. Since then, I sometimes feel bad about what I did and hate the idea of being thought of as creepy and regret but part of me does feel this person overreacted somewhat and in regards to their tweet, that bothers me as they are leaving out details and it makes me sounds like a pedophile or something with how vaguely worded it is. So what do you guys think? I think the podcaster is the "weird" one here. An age gap of three years is hardly "predatory." Further: 18 is hardly a child when someone of that age can join the military, buy their own home or live on their own. Stop your brain from thinking about it further by changing the subject when it pops into your thoughts. Question: How did she know you created another account? Did you tell her? Stop watching "dating podcasts" wherein the author is a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 Seems to me, where you must live, 18 is below the age of consent, else why did you say "legality is not morality" and why did the podcaster speak about dating a child? My guess, as there are not many places where 18 is below the age of consent, the age you asked about was not 18, but a lot lower... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 25, 2019 Share Posted October 25, 2019 First, I agree that a 3 year age gap is far from creepy especially if you're 18 or over. Nothing predatory about that. I was dating a 22 year old when I was 18. In the eyes of the law, 18 is considered an adult so not sure what this author is talking about unless you live in a place where it's not. You might want to consider following them since they don't seem to know the facts. Second, I also agree that, no thanks to the abundance of trolls and shady people lurking online these days, the author's reaction to your throw-away account can be justified. The optics of it aren't good. That being said, I'm not sure how they would know you created a new account just to speak to them but whatever - personally THAT sounds creepier than what you're doing. I know life is challenging when you have OCD so telling you to stop overthinking things is about as effective as putting a band aide on a broken leg. At the end of the day, YOU know the truth and your intention behind your question. You just have to learn to be okay with the fact that they don't and that's okay too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted October 25, 2019 Author Share Posted October 25, 2019 First, I agree that a 3 year age gap is far from creepy especially if you're 18 or over. Nothing predatory about that. I was dating a 22 year old when I was 18. In the eyes of the law, 18 is considered an adult so not sure what this author is talking about unless you live in a place where it's not. You might want to consider following them since they don't seem to know the facts. Second, I also agree that, no thanks to the abundance of trolls and shady people lurking online these days, the author's reaction to your throw-away account can be justified. The optics of it aren't good. That being said, I'm not sure how they would know you created a new account just to speak to them but whatever - personally THAT sounds creepier than what you're doing. I know life is challenging when you have OCD so telling you to stop overthinking things is about as effective as putting a band aide on a broken leg. At the end of the day, YOU know the truth and your intention behind your question. You just have to learn to be okay with the fact that they don't and that's okay too. They live in the states Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted October 25, 2019 Author Share Posted October 25, 2019 Seems to me, where you must live, 18 is below the age of consent, else why did you say "legality is not morality" and why did the podcaster speak about dating a child? My guess, as there are not many places where 18 is below the age of consent, the age you asked about was not 18, but a lot lower... No it was the states where they live. I explicity said 21 and 18 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted January 12, 2020 Author Share Posted January 12, 2020 First, I'm not specifically looking at 18 year olds or going to date a specific 18 year, I was asking in terms of like potential partners, if 18 should be seen as just another option like with 21 or like 20. I don't have some preference for 18 year olds or anything. Second, I understand/acknowledge/recognize that it can be predatory but was asking if there are scenarios where its fine So are there? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) of course - evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvery scenario (except when you're out drinking at a bar, or the like) Establishing limits on adults in that way is akin to telling 18yo's that "OK, you're allowed to vote, but we're going to follow you into the voting booth, and you can only vote for certain candidates. And if you don't strictly adhere to guidelines which we have not completely made up yet, then we will take away your right to vote" Edited January 12, 2020 by SincereOnlineGuy Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) I view 18/22 as acceptable. The general rule of thumb is 'half your age plus seven" and you just scrape in. And of course, the bar thing only applies if 21 is the legal drinking age where you are. Edited January 12, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 It depends on the maturity of the people involved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 It's not prohibited but it comes with problems: if you are in the US & one can go to a bar but the other can't inevitably there will be conflict. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 I did it a bunch of times at that age. I was in collage, and would find someone attractive, and find out she was much younger. The thing is... you are basically in the same stage of life. As long as you aren't using your age (i.e. can buy alcohol) to attract a high school girl... then there is no problems. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) One of my early hook ups was with an 18 year old while I was 21 (yeah I started a little late), and I was worried at the time that it was predatory. It certainly isn't as long as you respect them. There may be issues with compatibility due to different stages in life, but enjoy it while it lasts! Edited January 12, 2020 by snowboy91 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 On 1/11/2020 at 10:39 PM, basil67 said: I view 18/22 as acceptable. The general rule of thumb is 'half your age plus seven" and you just scrape in. And of course, the bar thing only applies if 21 is the legal drinking age where you are. "Half your age plus seven" is nothing more than the average response to a survey done in the 1990's asking men across the age spectrum what was "the ideal age in a mate for them". In order to be able to apply the results to the vast age range of those who answered the survey, the answer was transformed into that equation. That is no "rule of thumb" otherwise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 I can't imagine a scenario where 18/22 wouldn't be acceptable. And if I was single, I'd still be chasing the 18-22 age group. "Half your age plus seven" is silly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 OK, I was 18 when my wife and I married. She was 21. We are a little over 2 and half years apart in age. She, of course, is older. Bottom line: We have been married over 40 years, and have 12 grandchildren. So no, I do not see any issues with dating older then yourself, nor do I see an issue with the guy being younger. Truth, is at the time, some of our family considered it a problem, but as time went on, not at all. When you are both in your late 20s, it just will not matter. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted February 22, 2020 Author Share Posted February 22, 2020 I was wondering, is this age considered acceptable or is the maturity difference too much? I mean in college fyi Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 Depends on the individual. I known 16 year olds that are more mature then 60 year olds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 27 minutes ago, Hokuto said: I was wondering, is this age considered acceptable or is the maturity difference too much? I mean in college fyi So, like a freshman dating a senior? I think it's fine if they are compatible. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 (edited) Yeah , my daughters got more smarts in one hand than most 40yrlds so she needs someone a bit older , she's 18 her bf's 22. l don't think anything of it he seems like a good kid, looks after her. Mind you , for me it would depend on what he was like too . Edited February 22, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted February 23, 2020 Share Posted February 23, 2020 You asked this question here before. The consensus is it’s NBD Link to post Share on other sites
bradt93 Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 Isn't 7 years the cut off point for the appropiate age? Link to post Share on other sites
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