Irisfloress Posted February 22, 2020 Share Posted February 22, 2020 I am in high school and my guy best friend and I are going to college together. We act like girlfriend and boyfriend. We are together 24/7 hanging out everyday and very touchy and lovey. He knew that I was in live with him yet he still wanted to move in together in college. I am very open with him and tell him all my feelings so I had a talk with him. I told him that I love him but I’ve accepted that we are beat friends, but some things he says and does makes it hard for me to accept it. He told me that we are just best friends and that he loves me. He still wants to live with me after this. I am in a bad state of confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 23, 2020 Share Posted February 23, 2020 He doesn't want to be tied to one person and you are allowing him to have his cake and eat it to. If this is the kind of relationship that you dream of then keep on 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Blues Drive Monster Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 That is quite the unusual situation. Moving in together sounds very risky if you ask me. I would get some space if I were you. Next thing you know he might bring some girl and that will be too hard for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 There is absolutely no good reason to move in with this guy. it will only complicate your life and you don't lose anything by not living with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 On 2/22/2020 at 11:20 AM, Irisfloress said: I am in high school and my guy best friend and I are going to college together. We act like girlfriend and boyfriend. We are together 24/7 hanging out everyday and very touchy and lovey. He knew that I was in live with him yet he still wanted to move in together in college. I am very open with him and tell him all my feelings so I had a talk with him. I told him that I love him but I’ve accepted that we are beat friends, but some things he says and does makes it hard for me to accept it. He told me that we are just best friends and that he loves me. He still wants to live with me after this. I am in a bad state of confusion. This is indeed tricky... because of various parameters relating to college living arrangements for everyone. Even though college feels like (later this year ) it can still be an eternity in the mind of a flighty person whose main focus might be on academics, and not on much needed living arrangements. Lots of college students have done far worse in the way of roommates than to live with a declared "best friend" of the opposite sex. and there's the part where men have zero interest in being mere friends with women they wouldn't rather be banging. IF ONLY we could read his mind/intentions/visions and spell them out for you... then you could decide based on truth. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 Don't move in with him. You will only get your feelings hurt. Go to college. Learn more about the world. Expand your circle. If you two are still BFFs & you are over your crush, maybe you can live together junior year but not now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 You will have a hard time dating other guys if they think you're living with this one, and this one doesn't want you that way so is a waste of time and we'll just get in the way of you having a nice free time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 If you're contemplating sharing with him you need to ask yourself....How will you feel when you can hear him going at it hammer and tongs all night with that chick you can't stand? Will you be OK with it when she uses your shampoo, borrows a t-shirt of yours when you're not home, etc? What about when you're all hanging out watching Netflix together and they're all lovey-dovey on the couch while you feel all third-wheelish in the armchair? And the biggie.....when he actually meets someone he's crazy about and he can't stop talking about her, and then you're pushed aside because you're just not in her relationship picture? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 Don't move in with this guy. He knows how you feel about him. He's not interested in a relationship with you yet wants to live with you. That's messed up. Your heart will break when he starts bringing girls home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, JTSW said: He's not interested in a relationship with you yet wants to live with you. That's messed up. Your heart will break when he starts bringing girls home. It's not that messed up. It's more thoughtless borne of lack of understanding. the boy suggested living together because he wants the support of his BFF when they start college not because he wants to rub new girls in her face Remember everybody, these are two HIGH SCHOOL kids talking about sharing an apartment next year when they are freshman in college. Neither has lived away from mom & dad yet. They don't understand the freedom or responsibility of living on your own. Irisfloress -- just live in the dorms. You will be much happier. Edited February 24, 2020 by d0nnivain 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 24, 2020 Share Posted February 24, 2020 5 hours ago, d0nnivain said: It's not that messed up. It's more thoughtless borne of lack of understanding. the boy suggested living together because he wants the support of his BFF when they start college not because he wants to rub new girls in her face Remember everybody, these are two HIGH SCHOOL kids talking about sharing an apartment next year when they are freshman in college. Neither has lived away from mom & dad yet. They don't understand the freedom or responsibility of living on your own. Irisfloress -- just live in the dorms. You will be much happier. Fully appropriate in every way. There is some whimsical planning in the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 Don't move in with him. Imagine how it would feel if he starts bringing girls over Link to post Share on other sites
geezitsmatt Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 Don't make your decision because of some people are telling you what to do. Take a deep breath. Its not going to be easy. Its not messed up. You guys seem super close, which is awesome. Moving in together will probably be a blast. Yes, your feelings might not help the situation. If he gets a girlfriend, it wont be easy. You never know what the future holds. Maybe one day he'll realize that youre the one. Maybe not. Living together is going to be hard. Make rules. Its important. I say follow your heart. You might meet someone super special when you go to college. I just say, dont complicate things. He's your best friend. You are his. Keep it 100 all the time Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 3 hours ago, geezitsmatt said: Don't make your decision because of some people are telling you what to do. Take a deep breath. Its not going to be easy. Its not messed up. You guys seem super close, which is awesome. Moving in together will probably be a blast. Yes, your feelings might not help the situation. If he gets a girlfriend, it wont be easy. You never know what the future holds. Maybe one day he'll realize that youre the one. Maybe not. Living together is going to be hard. Make rules. Its important. I say follow your heart. You might meet someone super special when you go to college. I just say, dont complicate things. He's your best friend. You are his. Keep it 100 all the time You're basing this off your personal experience of unrequited love with a guy thats straight. For this OP your advice is bad. If he moves in with him he's setting himself up for major heartache. Moving in would be a very bad move. Link to post Share on other sites
geezitsmatt Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 On 4/28/2020 at 5:04 AM, JTSW said: You're basing this off your personal experience of unrequited love with a guy thats straight. For this OP your advice is bad. If he moves in with him he's setting himself up for major heartache. Moving in would be a very bad move. Every opinion is personal. Honestly, for me, I'd rather keep him. Move in with him. What do you think is gonna happen if you don't? He's gonna get a new roommate, and they will probably get along like every straight guys do, and they will become close and you will see him less and less until its just "we should catch up its been a while" but it just becomes awkward. Im in college, it happened to me with my closest friends. Its just how life is. Id rather move in with my best friend, hope for my feelings to go away, than just watch him make new friends and dissapear Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 You do not want to be his roommate! What is going to happen when he brings a date home and sleeps with her? Has her stay over night? do not have him as your room mate! Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 9 hours ago, geezitsmatt said: Every opinion is personal. Honestly, for me, I'd rather keep him. Move in with him. What do you think is gonna happen if you don't? He's gonna get a new roommate, and they will probably get along like every straight guys do, and they will become close and you will see him less and less until its just "we should catch up its been a while" but it just becomes awkward. Im in college, it happened to me with my closest friends. Its just how life is. Id rather move in with my best friend, hope for my feelings to go away, than just watch him make new friends and dissapear Moving in with him won't make your feelings disappear. Establishing some boundaries and some distance is the best thing for you and op. You are both revolving your life around a guy you have a very unhealthy obsession with. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 Looks like the op never commented or liked any of the posts, so I assume she will be moving in with him. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 52 minutes ago, preraph said: Looks like the op never commented or liked any of the posts, so I assume she will be moving in with him. The OP is a guy. Hes in love with his straight friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 (edited) Right. But either way, same thing. I have had two very close gay friends whose best friend was straight. One of them they were still young, like high school. They did everything together as friends. But when the time came the friend got a girlfriend, of course, they spent a lot less time together and just stayed loosely in touch. The other is a bi friend of mine and he fell for this real messed up emotionally very damaged (bad parents) guy who was his best friend and it was torture for him. The guy leaned on his grandmother and then the grandmother died, and the friend went into a bad downward spiral. I mean he already had all kinds of problems, drugs, alcohol, emotional, never kept a job. My friend was so invested that he just did everything to try to save him, including buying him a car. But the guy just sank further and further and my friend called me about it. I could tell the messed up guy was taking my friend down with him. My friend was just sick with grief about the whole thing and in almost as bad shape as the guy friend because he was in love with him, but the guy was straight. He was having a lot of trouble understanding how close they were but that the guy was still straight. I started worrying about him. Anyway, I let him talk it all out and when he told me about the grandmother dying and then about him buying him a car, I said, "So now you're his grandmother." And I had hit on the truth. He was just stunned and started telling me how that kind of made sense and that in fact the guy had actually TOLD him, "You're like my grandmother now," but my friend had taken it as a joke. So once he had a chance to think all that through, that clarified the role he played in the guy's life and my friend was finally able to pull away emotionally gradually and accept reality and pull himself back up the hole he was being dragged down into. I assured him that the guy would find a woman to lean on somewhere down the road. Now he doesn't even like to talk about it because it's painful. Loving your best friend, gay or straight, if it's not reciprocated -- and it's usually not because you already have roles established and they're straight -- is just something you have to learn not to waste time letting yourself do. You have to accept reality and you also have to be careful not to let it block you both from having a normal dating life. Edited May 1, 2020 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 you are there to finish your school succesfully. he dont want you. thats clear. he may like you, like as person but not the way you want. living with him will end up in sex. and you will be more confuse since it will be him just having sex with you nothing more. Worry about your school.move on.maybe start being around him this much. see him less till your emotions calm down. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts