Tracing a friend

[KirstyNicole]

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, I know I won't get any or deserve any. 

I was in an abusive relationship about 4 years back. I didn't see at the time this incident happened, nor would I have believed my ex would have done what he done. 
My ex boyfriend hated my friend, He hated we were close and he couldn't understand a man and woman could be friends without anything more. He would do anything to stop us from meeting up. Stop us from talking and stop my friend from knowing anything. I didn't see anything as I was blind to "He loved me" I know better now. I'm out of the relationship.

One night me and my ex were talking and planning to go out. He suggested we meet up with my friend and we go for a drive somewhere and eat. I was happy that he was finally accepting my friend is just my friend. We all go out. (and this is what I know now) my ex put a lot of illegal drugs in my friends car. He then proceeded to ring the police and have my friend arrested. There was enough planted to get my friend arrested for dealing. My ex said "He knew all along he wasn't right". My friends parents disowned him and I did go and see him a few times when he was on remand and in prison. He pleaded not guilty and was sentenced to 8 years. I know there was an appeal, but things were heavily stacked against him. Last time I saw him, I asked why he just didn't plead guilty. He said that he didn't do it. We did argue a bit in the visit. He said he didn't want me to visit again as if I wasn't in his corner there was no point. He then wished me all the best and asked the guard to take him away. I tried to put another visit request in and it was declined. I wrote and never got a reply. I'm not sure if he had the guards stop post. 

I did attempt to contact him, I did find out from his last prison he was released, Last week. At my mums house, I received a package and a UPS envelope. The package was a coffee machine and a the envelope contained a gift card and a letter. The letter was from my friend and it said He heard from a mutual contact that I had bought my own house and he wanted to get me something, he apologised it wasn't much but that's all he could afford as "no one really wants to hire a supposed drug dealer" the gift card was for Debenhams. He must spent £150 and if he is struggling I couldn't accept these gifts, In fact I'd want to help him and explain things. I know he would never want to be friends again, but I just want to know he is ok. that I'm sorry and if he needs he can have my spare room.

So I am trying to trace him. I thought I'd contact Amazon, Amazon said they can't release the buyers details to me. I contacted UPS and all I got was I need to refer to the account holder, I asked who the account holder was and they wouldn't tell me. I asked for the collection address, They said it was dropped off at a depot, but won't tell me the precise depot.

Is there any tracing services for people who left Prison? Could the prison tell me or would the probation service tell me? I know I'm a terrible person. I just want to explain things, and if he doesn't want anything more then fine. I also just want to make sure he is ok. I'm in the UK. 

[schlumpy]

How did you find out your EX framed your male friend?

Once you found out, why were the police not interested in the exculpatory evidence? 

What other evidence did the police use to convict your friend? Just having drugs in the car may cause a lot of grief in that your car is impounded but other things have to align also. I assume they searched his home, tested him for drugs, looked for fingerprints on whatever was used to contain the drugs, etc.

It must have cost your ex quite a bit to stash enough drugs to get your friend charged as a dealer. Where did he get the drugs or did he have his own drug enterprise going?

Were all of you taking drugs at the time of this incident?

Did you testify for your friend at the trial?

[KirstyNicole]

Hi thanks for replying

I did speak to the police, but because there was stuff found in his car and my ex said there was some in my friends house. My ex telling me what did was purely hear say and it is my word against his.  My ex was recently convicted as a drug dealer. I never touched drugs nor did my friend, We both were against them. My ex said he was in "Distribution".

I didn't testify. My ex even stopped me giving him a character reference in court. 

I just really want to explain things to him

[The Outlaw]

You may have better luck with probation services, but I'm not entirely sure. There are ways to track people and get a physical address, names of associates/family, work information but I don't know if the UK offers any similar services. Likely they do. But you may just want to wait it out awhile should you proceed. 

[preraph]

Hope you are able to get ahold of him.  He's on probation now, though, so he cannot be around anything illegal at all or he'll go away for good.  Police should have been suspicious when they received the phone tip.  Hope you find your friend.  

[schlumpy]

Where is your EX now?

 

[KirstyNicole]

23 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

Where is your EX now?

 

Prison

 

2 hours ago, preraph said:

Hope you are able to get ahold of him.  He's on probation now, though, so he cannot be around anything illegal at all or he'll go away for good.  Police should have been suspicious when they received the phone tip.  Hope you find your friend.  

Police and courts saw it as an easy conviction

[schlumpy]

I'm guessing you have carried a heavy emotional burden over the years and now you are seeking what? His forgiveness? His relationship with you has cost him dearly. What do you have to trade for the years he wasted in prison? I'm sorry seems kind of weak. I understand your need to try and mend fences but how do you give a man back his life?

Will you help him take revenge on your EX if that is what asks? How far are you willing to go?

There are organizations here in the states that will attempt to exonerate someone that they believe was unjustly convicted. Sometimes it's take up as law school project. Any chance something like that exists in the UK?

I really do wish you good luck and I'm very glad I'm not in your shoes.

 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Once you found out your ex framed him, what did you do? Anything to try to help?

[KirstyNicole]

10 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

I'm guessing you have carried a heavy emotional burden over the years and now you are seeking what? His forgiveness? His relationship with you has cost him dearly. What do you have to trade for the years he wasted in prison? I'm sorry seems kind of weak. I understand your need to try and mend fences but how do you give a man back his life?

Will you help him take revenge on your EX if that is what asks? How far are you willing to go?

There are organizations here in the states that will attempt to exonerate someone that they believe was unjustly convicted. Sometimes it's take up as law school project. Any chance something like that exists in the UK?

I really do wish you good luck and I'm very glad I'm not in your shoes.

 

I have been, I know its nothing compared to what he has been through. I know I'll never get his forgiveness,  I know I've ruined his life., I just want to explain to him. Offer him a place to stay if he needs, Money if he is short. Nothing I can say will fix whats happened.  I just want to talk to him , if He tells me to go away I will know sort of thing

11 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Once you found out your ex framed him, what did you do? Anything to try to help?

I went to the police, who said because I have no proof he said it, its a he said she said. But was then later convicted for dealing.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

1 hour ago, KirstyNicole said:

I have been, I know its nothing compared to what he has been through. I know I'll never get his forgiveness,  I know I've ruined his life., I just want to explain to him. Offer him a place to stay if he needs, Money if he is short. Nothing I can say will fix whats happened.  I just want to talk to him , if He tells me to go away I will know sort of thing

 

Well, he sent you a gift so I doubt he will tell you to go away without talking to him. After you tell him what happened he may, though.  

[Blues Drive Monster]

I'm sorry, but going by your story none of this is your fault. Why do you say you ruined his life? Your ex is to blame, no-one else. You tried going to the police and explain your version but they didn't hear you. There was nothing else you can do.

[KirstyNicole]

6 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Well, he sent you a gift so I doubt he will tell you to go away without talking to him. After you tell him what happened he may, though.  

I'm very scared he will but at least I will know

6 hours ago, Blues Drive Monster said:

I'm sorry, but going by your story none of this is your fault. Why do you say you ruined his life? Your ex is to blame, no-one else. You tried going to the police and explain your version but they didn't hear you. There was nothing else you can do.

I brought my ex in to our world, and my ex took issue with him

[JTSW]

19 hours ago, KirstyNicole said:

I didn't testify. My ex even stopped me giving him a character reference in court. 

Don't you have your own mind to think for yourself?

You should move on and leave your friend alone.

You let him down, did nothing to help him when you knew the truth. 

He will never forget that. 

If he wanted any contact with you he would've done so long before now.

[schlumpy]

Does he have family and other friends that you can contact? If they are not willing to provide contact information you will have sent the message that you want to talk with him. 

If this is an early release from prison then he might be in a half-way house until he can get himself situated. The most common thing he would have done was to return to where he once lived at least temporarily. I wouldn't be surprised if he has already checked you out as to where you live and what you are up to. He may be trying to decide what he wants from you and if he wants to open up the emotions that will entail.

If you mean what you say then expose yourself so that word of mouth will carry your intentions to him. Consider it part of the price you have to pay to make amends.

[KirstyNicole]

9 hours ago, JTSW said:

Don't you have your own mind to think for yourself?

You should move on and leave your friend alone.

You let him down, did nothing to help him when you knew the truth. 

He will never forget that. 

If he wanted any contact with you he would've done so long before now.

I know I should move on, I just want to explain, so at least he knows. I tried once I found out.

8 hours ago, schlumpy said:

Does he have family and other friends that you can contact? If they are not willing to provide contact information you will have sent the message that you want to talk with him. 

If this is an early release from prison then he might be in a half-way house until he can get himself situated. The most common thing he would have done was to return to where he once lived at least temporarily. I wouldn't be surprised if he has already checked you out as to where you live and what you are up to. He may be trying to decide what he wants from you and if he wants to open up the emotions that will entail.

If you mean what you say then expose yourself so that word of mouth will carry your intentions to him. Consider it part of the price you have to pay to make amends.

His family disowned him on this incident Apparently this brought too much shame to his family. Accordingly to UPS tracking he is in a different city.

I've put messages to our mutual friends, One who I think is in contact with him. I've left messages at some of our old friends from the city I think he is in.

Do you think if I call the UPS depots in the city they would tell me if they collected this package?

[JTSW]

1 minute ago, KirstyNicole said:

I know I should move on, I just want to explain, so at least he knows. I tried once I found out.

I understand that you never wanted this to happen. 

But you need to understand that you may never get the chance to explain. 

He may never be the same person he once was x

[KirstyNicole]

9 minutes ago, JTSW said:

I understand that you never wanted this to happen. 

But you need to understand that you may never get the chance to explain. 

He may never be the same person he once was x

I know that, I know he lost a really good job. He lost his family. His flat. All because of me. 

I have dreams that I'm sat in places. he just appears, cuddles me and says everything is ok. Other nights I have nightmares where we talk. At the end he says he has to go and he wishes me all the best and says he has to go. It gets emotional and he says its the last time I'll see him.

Other times, He comes and says he has to go, his train is soon.

I just want to know either way. If he says no. I want him to know that even though he doesn't like me anymore, I'll always be there. I'll always have a door/way to me. 

I know I'm a terrible person.

[schlumpy]

43 minutes ago, KirstyNicole said:

I know I should move on, I just want to explain, so at least he knows. I tried once I found out.

His family disowned him on this incident Apparently this brought too much shame to his family. Accordingly to UPS tracking he is in a different city.

I've put messages to our mutual friends, One who I think is in contact with him. I've left messages at some of our old friends from the city I think he is in.

Do you think if I call the UPS depots in the city they would tell me if they collected this package?

If you have a tracking number then I think that is worth a try. I get a notification through email from UPS or FEDEX and I can then watch the package travel from source to destination.

Consider going to a private investigator. They have databases they can search that common people have no access to. If you want quick, accurate results the PI may be the way to do it. 

[preraph]

I think this is a paid site, but they say here's how to find someone's probation officer.  You might could leave a message with them.  But before you would do such a thing, don't do it if you have anything on your record because he won't be able to associate with that and it would work against him and there is the ex, so it could be risky. 

https://legalbeagle.com/5117489-someones-probation-officer.html

Edited February 24, 2020 by preraph

[KirstyNicole]

2 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

If you have a tracking number then I think that is worth a try. I get a notification through email from UPS or FEDEX and I can then watch the package travel from source to destination.

Consider going to a private investigator. They have databases they can search that common people have no access to. If you want quick, accurate results the PI may be the way to do it. 

So would that be the Origin Scan at UPS?

I wouldn't even know if the UK had private investigators.

[schlumpy]

1 minute ago, KirstyNicole said:

So would that be the Origin Scan at UPS?

I wouldn't even know if the UK had private investigators.

I'm not going to pretend I understand the codes that UPS uses. What I do understand is a tracking code that is sent to me through email. I am registered at both the FEDEX and the UPS websites.

I think it is a good guess that like regular mail the codes represent a return and a destination address. I would try to talk with someone at a UPS store if they have those in the UK. 

Yes, there are Private Investigators in the UK. I was informed on this question just a few months ago by a UK forum member. I was under the impression that there was not but he set me straight.

 

[KirstyNicole]

Something to look at thank you!

[JTSW]

11 hours ago, KirstyNicole said:

I know that, I know he lost a really good job. He lost his family. His flat. All because of me. 

No, it was all because of your ex.

11 hours ago, KirstyNicole said:

I know I'm a terrible person.

You're not a terrible person at all. 

I hate people like your ex with a passion, controlling, manipulating and a downright bully.

His behavior is not your fault.

I know i said you should leave it because he likely feels hurt that you didn't help, but i can see that you really need the opportunity to try and make things right.

You could contact his family, or friends he may have gone to stay with.

Or as someone suggested, a halfway house. 

I would definitely try what schlumpy suggested with the UPS codes. I'm in the UK too so I'm sure that there will be a return address logged somewhere.

[KirstyNicole]

11 hours ago, JTSW said:

No, it was all because of your ex.

You're not a terrible person at all. 

I hate people like your ex with a passion, controlling, manipulating and a downright bully.

His behavior is not your fault.

I know i said you should leave it because he likely feels hurt that you didn't help, but i can see that you really need the opportunity to try and make things right.

You could contact his family, or friends he may have gone to stay with.

Or as someone suggested, a halfway house. 

I would definitely try what schlumpy suggested with the UPS codes. I'm in the UK too so I'm sure that there will be a return address logged somewhere.

Thank you.

We had a UPS man in work today, I asked him for his help on the codes. He was really helpful. He said there should be a return address on the parcel. On this its missing. He did scan the label and told me to depot code. He said the Origin scan is the city the package started in, He gave me a depot ID. He said he couldn't help me further but to ask UPS what depot the code relates to. I've e-mailed UPS asking them.

I just want to talk to him,. I sound selfish but if I talk to him, I can at least be at peace knowing we've talked. I'll be honest I'm not really sleeping this has been playing on my mind.