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Luvmykidz

By Luvmykidz,
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Luvmykidz

Luvmykidz

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I posted in this forum about two years ago about the A being over but not wanting to unfriend the OW on social media. It’s been almost three years since I stopped speaking to the ex-OW. My M is back on track again and better than its ever been. My W does not want to lose me and has done everything she can to keep me happy.  I have also done some work on myself and don’t want to lose my W. We even moved to another state for a change of scenery, which we are loving. I’m back to “liking” the OW’s pictures and posts again. I think it’s harmless because my marriage is in a very good place right now. I don’t want to talk to ex-OW or restart the affair but I do like to see what’s going on in her life. I’m very supportive of and happy for her and not afraid to show it. I’m happy that she’s happy. Am I wrong? 

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Pleasant-Sage

Pleasant-Sage

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So very wrong...

Want your life and marriage to remain good? Stop doing things to sabotage it. The ex-OW's social media pictures aren't worth it.

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Luvmykidz

Luvmykidz

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Pleasant sage, I feel like I’m in a good space abs healed from losing the OW and the affair. It really hurt me but I’m glad that my M is better and that ex-OW is now happy and in love with someone. She deserves it

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S2B

S2B

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So you ended it with the OW and you are now liking her posts/photos years later?

your wife could end the M over you checking up on the woman that almost ended your marriage!

its very selfish of you... to disrespect your wife and marriage that way and to the OW by letting her know you’re still “thinking of her”! Even the OW - you are causing harm.

if I were your wife I would divorce you.

and it’s NOT your wife’s job to make you happy!!! That is YOUR job! You obviously need long term professional help because you continue to hurt many women by your actions that you deem insignificant.

its not insignificant and you know it.

does your wife know you check out the OW’s  FB page? Tell her! If you are still keeping secrets then you aren’t doing your part to repair the damage you caused!

 

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Luvmykidz

Luvmykidz

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51 minutes ago, S2B said:

So you ended it with the OW and you are now liking her posts/photos years later?

your wife could end the M over you checking up on the woman that almost ended your marriage!

its very selfish of you... to disrespect your wife and marriage that way and to the OW by letting her know you’re still “thinking of her”! Even the OW - you are causing harm.

if I were your wife I would divorce you.

and it’s NOT your wife’s job to make you happy!!! That is YOUR job! You obviously need long term professional help because you continue to hurt many women by your actions that you deem insignificant.

its not insignificant and you know it.

does your wife know you check out the OW’s  FB page? Tell her! If you are still keeping secrets then you aren’t doing your part to repair the damage you caused!

 

So she should divorce me just for liking a picture or a post on social media? I didn’t think it was that serious. Seems extreme. I don’t want to restart the A again. Yes, I do still think of the OW.. everyday, in fact but I made the conscious decision to stay married to my W and end the A. 

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S2B

S2B

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Yes! Because you are totally disrespecting your wife and marriage... again!

you may not want to restart the affair - but contacting (even on FB) the OW or stalking her shows your lack of respect for your wife!

you can’t have it both ways. IF you intend to stay married then act like it and stop doing your marriage half way!

BTW you can’t possibly be focused on the M and being awesome to your wife if you’re still checking on your OW!

your wife deserves better. Did she know of the affair? 
 

Love is an action word - and your actions aren’t loving to your wife.

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S2B

S2B

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its also seriously unkind to the OW... because she is likely trying to get over the affair and you keep making sure she isn’t forgetting you. That’s mean! 

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stillafool

stillafool

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8 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

I’m very supportive of and happy for her and not afraid to show it. I’m happy that she’s happy. Am I wrong? 

No, not at all, as long as your wife knows you are supporting the OW?  Does she know?

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stillafool

stillafool

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5 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

So she should divorce me just for liking a picture or a post on social media? I didn’t think it was that serious. Seems extreme. I don’t want to restart the A again. Yes, I do still think of the OW.. everyday, in fact but I made the conscious decision to stay married to my W and end the A. 

Why?  If you're thinking of the OW everyday you must still want her.  Why did you go back to your wife if you still want the OW?

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Starswillshine

Starswillshine

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I also get the impression that the BS has no idea who the OW is? Why else would she be ok with him being friends with OW on Facebook? Either that, or he blamed the affair on her, she blamed herself, and then she bent herself backwards trying to be the best wife she possibly can to keep her husband. 

It is all so extremely sad. 

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elaine567

elaine567

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The OP is operating from a position of safety.
Safe in the knowledge his wife will never divorce him so he can mess around all he likes with impunity.
She told him when the affair was discovered she didn't ever want to divorce.
The wife found out about the affair on social media, so I guess the OP takes some pleasure from "liking" this OWs posts.
He is somehow getting away with it under her very nose...

Of course as the OP has had 2 OWs, that we know of, the wife may be unaware of who this woman is. 

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Crazelnut

Crazelnut

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You are being so very disrespectful to your wife! Why can't you leave the OW alone?

I agree with the poster who called it -- you know your wife won't leave you, so you can disrespect your marriage every single time you click on OW's posts and get away with it.  Pathetic.

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2BGoodAgain

2BGoodAgain

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listen to the wise persons above... when a person thinks their will alone will make something not happen, when infact it happened before... well, you're just playing a form of russian roulette... the highs of the excitement/ego... the sheer arrogance to think life/people revolves around you... you aren't truly valuing the relationship you're in...

When you make a decision to change your life, the path that led to the disaster that is the A, you need to follow thru with actions.. you feel that since you made a decision to not have the A, that somehow you are in control of your life/your decisions, but the fact is, you're skirting with fire and touting to others .. look, how powerful i am... i decide and my life is my oyster, type of bragging. But that's all it really is. 

If you truly value your relationship with your wife, don't gamble it... otherwise, it only shows everyone here... just how little you value her, your relationship with her, etc.

I think you should seek counseling to seek the deeper meaning for why you do what you're doing... that would be a true act of trying to "work on yourself"... b/c i honestly wonder if you know why you're behaving in such a self-destructive way.

Good luck to you; i've met too many people who have lost everything they never realized they truly valued until it was too late; i'd hate to see that happen to anyone.

Edited by 2BGoodAgain
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pepperbird

pepperbird

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8 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

Pleasant sage, I feel like I’m in a good space abs healed from losing the OW and the affair. It really hurt me but I’m glad that my M is better and that ex-OW is now happy and in love with someone. She deserves it

this has got to be one of the most self centred posts I have ever seen on here. It's not about you and what you want. It;s about not hurting your wife. Don't you think this hurts her every time you click a "like" ?

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pepperbird

pepperbird

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7 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

So she should divorce me just for liking a picture or a post on social media? I didn’t think it was that serious. Seems extreme. I don’t want to restart the A again. Yes, I do still think of the OW.. everyday, in fact but I made the conscious decision to stay married to my W and end the A. 

You make yourself sound like a martyr. Why? You also try and paint it as if you are doing your wife some great favour. Again, why? If you're pining this hard,m why do this to your wife? Why stay if you would rather be somewhere else?

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pepperbird

pepperbird

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42 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

The OP is operating from a position of safety.
Safe in the knowledge his wife will never divorce him so he can mess around all he likes with impunity.
She told him when the affair was discovered she didn't ever want to divorce.
The wife found out about the affair on social media, so I guess the OP takes some pleasure from "liking" this OWs posts.
He is somehow getting away with it under her very nose...

Of course as the OP has had 2 OWs, that we know of, the wife may be unaware of who this woman is. 

that sounds really passive aggressive. If his wife can see his "likes", that is a kick in the behind every time he does it. it;s as if he's blaming her for his unhappiness, so he's going to lash out at her this way.

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JTSW

JTSW

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7 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

So she should divorce me just for liking a picture or a post on social media?

What if it was the other way around?

What if it was your wife that had the affair and still liked and commented on his social media?

You would not be happy.

i agree with the others that you should not be doing this. 

It is selfish and unfair to your wife.

Doesn't matter if things are good now, it wont be if she found out.

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Luvmykidz

Luvmykidz

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11 hours ago, S2B said:

its also seriously unkind to the OW... because she is likely trying to get over the affair and you keep making sure she isn’t forgetting you. That’s mean! 

Seems like she’s over it based on what I’m seeing online. 

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Luvmykidz

Luvmykidz

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5 hours ago, stillafool said:

Why?  If you're thinking of the OW everyday you must still want her.  Why did you go back to your wife if you still want the OW?

I’ll always be attracted to her, I’ve accepted that. But it’s not meant to be between us. The minute my then girlfriend who ended up being my wife became pregnant and then had my children, I made a commitment that I have to stick with now. It’s not fair to my children to break up the M just because I’m attracted to someone else. 

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Luvmykidz

Luvmykidz

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6 hours ago, Starswillshine said:

Let me guess, you blame your wife for your affair? 

No. I blame myself. I had very deep feelings for OW that I should not have acted on

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Luvmykidz

Luvmykidz

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5 hours ago, stillafool said:

No, not at all, as long as your wife knows you are supporting the OW?  Does she know?

No, she doesn’t know. She wouldn’t go for me supporting ex-OW or any other woman that I didn’t have an A with

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Luvmykidz

Luvmykidz

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5 hours ago, Starswillshine said:

I also get the impression that the BS has no idea who the OW is? Why else would she be ok with him being friends with OW on Facebook? Either that, or he blamed the affair on her, she blamed herself, and then she bent herself backwards trying to be the best wife she possibly can to keep her husband. 

It is all so extremely sad. 

My W doesn’t know who the OW is. I mentioned her when we first met years ago but she doesn’t know her name, etc. 

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