Update on me

[Luvmykidz]

3 hours ago, JTSW said:

What if it was the other way around?

What if it was your wife that had the affair and still liked and commented on his social media?

You would not be happy.

i agree with the others that you should not be doing this. 

It is selfish and unfair to your wife.

Doesn't matter if things are good now, it wont be if she found out.

If it were the other way around, I would leave. 

[Luvmykidz]

4 hours ago, pepperbird said:

You make yourself sound like a martyr. Why? You also try and paint it as if you are doing your wife some great favour. Again, why? If you're pining this hard,m why do this to your wife? Why stay if you would rather be somewhere else?

That’s the second time someone called me a martyr. I love my wife and my family. My kids are doing well. Everyone looks up to us as a married couple with longevity and a great family. Why would I leave? 

[Luvmykidz]

4 hours ago, 2BGoodAgain said:

listen to the wise persons above... when a person thinks their will alone will make something not happen, when infact it happened before... well, you're just playing a form of russian roulette... the highs of the excitement/ego... the sheer arrogance to think life/people revolves around you... you aren't truly valuing the relationship you're in...

When you make a decision to change your life, the path that led to the disaster that is the A, you need to follow thru with actions.. you feel that since you made a decision to not have the A, that somehow you are in control of your life/your decisions, but the fact is, you're skirting with fire and touting to others .. look, how powerful i am... i decide and my life is my oyster, type of bragging. But that's all it really is. 

If you truly value your relationship with your wife, don't gamble it... otherwise, it only shows everyone here... just how little you value her, your relationship with her, etc.

I think you should seek counseling to seek the deeper meaning for why you do what you're doing... that would be a true act of trying to "work on yourself"... b/c i honestly wonder if you know why you're behaving in such a self-destructive way.

Good luck to you; i've met too many people who have lost everything they never realized they truly valued until it was too late; i'd hate to see that happen to anyone.

I’ve had many counseling sessions. The problem is I’m in love with another W and always have been. Should I break up my  marriage for that? No. 

[Luvmykidz]

5 hours ago, elaine567 said:

The OP is operating from a position of safety.
Safe in the knowledge his wife will never divorce him so he can mess around all he likes with impunity.
She told him when the affair was discovered she didn't ever want to divorce.
The wife found out about the affair on social media, so I guess the OP takes some pleasure from "liking" this OWs posts.
He is somehow getting away with it under her very nose...

Of course as the OP has had 2 OWs, that we know of, the wife may be unaware of who this woman is. 

Yes, I do feel safe in my M. My W and I both take pride in the fact that no matter what mistakes I’ve made, we still find a way to stay together. Forgiveness is why we’re still together. 

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, Luvmykidz said:

No, she doesn’t know. She wouldn’t go for me supporting ex-OW or any other woman that I didn’t have an A with

Then why are you doing it?  Aren't your wife and kids worth more to you than the other woman?  Or is what you want the most important thing?

[S2B]

8 minutes ago, Luvmykidz said:

Yes, I do feel safe in my M. My W and I both take pride in the fact that no matter what mistakes I’ve made, we still find a way to stay together. Forgiveness is why we’re still together. 

But not respect. You stay and act disrespectfully to your W and the OW.

if you love your wife then act like it. And let the OW go! ... so she can find someone to love her!

see a counselor to address the lies you are living - because you pretend way too much for this to be an authentic marriage.

you say the marriage looks good but it’s not good at all - or you wouldn’t be acting out and contacting the OW by being sneaky and “liking” her posts.

you figure your W isn’t leaving... and doesn’t know about THIS OW (just the other OW) so you can get away with it. 
ya, that’s sneaky and mean to BOTH women.

all to feed your ego. Get help.

 

Edited February 24, 2020 by S2B

[vla1120]

13 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

So she should divorce me just for liking a picture or a post on social media? I didn’t think it was that serious. Seems extreme. I don’t want to restart the A again. Yes, I do still think of the OW.. everyday, in fact but I made the conscious decision to stay married to my W and end the A. 

Just the fact that you are thinking of your OW every day indicates you are in the danger zone. If you love your wife and want to keep your marriage intact, unfriend the xOW. How would your wife feel if she knew you were liking the xOW's posts? Would she be just as happy as you are the the xOW is "happy"? Or would she wonder why you are still obsessed with a woman you supposedly do not care about?? If you're REALLY over the xOW and want your marriage to last, then STOP. Everyone out here has basically said the same thing to you, and yet you are trying to justify staying friends with your xOW online and liking her photos and posts. Think about whether your wife would be defending your actions, then you might have your answer.

[vla1120]

1 hour ago, Luvmykidz said:

...Forgiveness is why we’re still together. 

Would she be JUST as forgiving this time, if she found out you were maintaining an online friendship with this woman, I wonder?

[pepperbird]

1 hour ago, Luvmykidz said:

I’ll always be attracted to her, I’ve accepted that. But it’s not meant to be between us. The minute my then girlfriend who ended up being my wife became pregnant and then had my children, I made a commitment that I have to stick with now. It’s not fair to my children to break up the M just because I’m attracted to someone else. 

commitment is about more than just being physically present. it means you are 100 percent there- mind, body and soul.

[pepperbird]

1 hour ago, Luvmykidz said:

Yes, I do feel safe in my M. My W and I both take pride in the fact that no matter what mistakes I’ve made, we still find a way to stay together. Forgiveness is why we’re still together. 

🤣🤣🤣

this is just about the funniest thing I have read all day.

[pepperbird]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

But not respect. You stay and act disrespectfully to your W and the OW.

if you love your wife then act like it. And let the OW go! ... so she can find someone to love her!

see a counselor to address the lies you are living - because you pretend way too much for this to be an authentic marriage.

you say the marriage looks good but it’s not good at all - or you wouldn’t be acting out and contacting the OW by being sneaky and “liking” her posts.

you figure your W isn’t leaving... and doesn’t know about THIS OW (just the other OW) so you can get away with it. 
ya, that’s sneaky and mean to BOTH women.

all to feed your ego. Get help.

 

op,

it really sounds as if you are the type of person who isn't satisfied with monogamy. There's nothing wrong with that, so long as you are honest about that with your spouse. Does your wife know ab out your affairs? Does she know you still keep connected with this particular OW?
My guess would be "no", which means you have to know she's not okay with it.

I really have to wonder just how out of it you are when it comes to your wife's feelings, as I have never met a woman who would be happy living in this situation. I have a feeling you're happy, and you are projecting that on to her.
 

[JTSW]

2 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

No, she doesn’t know. She wouldn’t go for me supporting ex-OW or any other woman that I didn’t have an A with

Are you listening to yourself here? You are very attracted to this ow and still staying in touch with her. 

Can you not see how WRONG your behavior is here? 

If you truly love your wife then you would cut all communication and association with this woman out of respect for your wife. 

You clearly don't respect your wife enough and can't stay away from that woman you are still attracted to. 

Stop being unbelievably selfish and delete her from all social media and any contacts. 

Do you love and respect your wife enough to do the right thing? 

[JTSW]

3 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

If it were the other way around, I would leave. 

Exactly! 

I'm no longer buying this btw. 

 

Edited February 24, 2020 by JTSW

[Amethyst68]

I remember your previous threads, you never stopped following your OW on social media, in fact if I remember correctly you used to look at her posts on a daily basis. So what's changed exactly? The fact you disrespect your wife even more now by openly liking your OW's posts.

You claim to love your wife but then say you'd leave if she treated you the way this way. At least admit the truth, you're  only there because your OW doesn't want you!

[Luvmykidz]

Thanks everyone for telling me what I need to know about myself. I know that I have a serious problem and trust me, I’ve been praying for years that I can just fall out of love with this OW but the more I try to fight it, the stronger it becomes. I’m addicted, I guess. 

[Starswillshine]

5 minutes ago, Luvmykidz said:

Thanks everyone for telling me what I need to know about myself. I know that I have a serious problem and trust me, I’ve been praying for years that I can just fall out of love with this OW but the more I try to fight it, the stronger it becomes. I’m addicted, I guess. 

Ya know... the first thing you need is zero contact. Which means unfollow any and all social media. Kinda hard when you are staring at her all day. This isnt a woah is me... I just cant stop loving her. Your actions are keeping you stuck. Disrespecting everyone. If you arent careful you will lose everything. I'm surprised you havent already. 

[oldtruck]

the OP learned nothing from his past affair.

he uses the same false justification to have an affair to break NC with his AP.

OP must be living in Egypt. he is living in the land of denial for he is denying that

he is in a one sided EA with his AP.

[Luvmykidz]

3 hours ago, oldtruck said:

the OP learned nothing from his past affair.

he uses the same false justification to have an affair to break NC with his AP.

OP must be living in Egypt. he is living in the land of denial for he is denying that

he is in a one sided EA with his AP.

I don’t see this as an EA. The OW has moved on with her life and never speaks to me.

[S2B]

7 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

Thanks everyone for telling me what I need to know about myself. I know that I have a serious problem and trust me, I’ve been praying for years that I can just fall out of love with this OW but the more I try to fight it, the stronger it becomes. I’m addicted, I guess. 

Oh brother... poor you, you love another woman but your wife makes you stay married...

really? 
do your wife a favor and divorce her. It doesn’t matter that she want it or not.

you're not a good husband to your wife. if you were you wouldn’t be stalking your OW (one of them).

you haven’t fully committed to your wife - heck you’re not even half way trying.

find a new counselor - your last one didn’t do you any good in learning how to be honest, respectful and committed within the marriage.

im not sure you are cut out for marriage - unless both parties agree to an open marriage.

 

[S2B]

1 hour ago, Luvmykidz said:

I don’t see this as an EA. The OW has moved on with her life and never speaks to me.

Then leave her alone. She wants to have a life... not be reminded of the mistake she made by seeing you.  Every time you like her posts you are just trying to remind her that you are watching her. And it feeds your ego.

[S2B]

12 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

I’ve had many counseling sessions. The problem is I’m in love with another W and always have been. Should I break up my  marriage for that? No. 

Well sounds like a great happy marriage you are working on there 😳🙄

[JTSW]

10 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

I’m addicted, I guess. 

And you are doing nothing to get passed that addiction.

You stalk this other woman daily and you have convinced yourself it is ok.

It is NOT ok.

I feel so bad for your poor wife.

You should really let her go so she can find a husband that wont hurt and disrespect her like this.

You should be utterly ashamed of yourself.

Are you going to remove this woman from all social media?

 

[JTSW]

4 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

I don’t see this as an EA. The OW has moved on with her life and never speaks to me.

Yet you are stalking her.

This is not normal or healthy behavior.

[oldtruck]

 

10 hours ago, oldtruck said:

the OP learned nothing from his past affair.

he uses the same false justification to have an affair to break NC with his AP.

OP must be living in Egypt. he is living in the land of denial for he is denying that

he is in a one sided EA with his AP.

 

7 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

I don’t see this as an EA. The OW has moved on with her life and never speaks to me.

A ONE SIDED EA IS  STILL AN EA

[2BGoodAgain]

19 hours ago, Luvmykidz said:

I’ve had many counseling sessions. The problem is I’m in love with another W and always have been. Should I break up my  marriage for that? No. 

It depends on your priorities.

and it depends on what your solution to your dilemma is.

IF you're making an argument that you're in love with the OW, but b/c you're so moral you won't break up a marriage over it, but insist that an A is the righteous decision, then I'd have to disagree with you. but that's just how my priorities goes.

I realized thru my A, that not ending one relationship and entering into another on the premise(rationalizations to justify my A, a self-deceit, i know) of some morale code that I tried to manage/manipulate to keep the A going... was for me... very wrong. And I think very wrong for most people who see my particularly unique, yet very common story.

How you deal with your situation, will be based on your moral code and priorities. 

Edited February 25, 2020 by 2BGoodAgain