How to relate to/'attract' a (potentially) shy/insecure/socially awkward guy.

[LightBridge]

Maybe better suited in dating, sorry. But I am curious how to go about doing this in a way. 

I rather like this guy I'm getting to know but mentally going through our interactions, and some things I've heard from others, I'm seriously beginning to think he's just rather good at pretending to be social/confident & in reality he's shy/insecure (unless he knows you). I've noticed hints of interest and of this shyness/insecurity prior, just last week he did something that made me really stop & go... oh. Now, in relation, I'm naturally confident/social but again going through recent interactions I think this comes across as a bit too much for him maybe even a tad bit intimidating.

Now before people start saying oh changing your personality isn't a good thing.... I may not be shy / insecure but, thing is, is I'm rather a mellow caring individual who'd rather kick back & relax with a good book or a movie than let's say go out about town. So it's not really changing my personality per se, if anything it's myself relaxing more. 

 

Edited February 24, 2020 by LightBridge

[d0nnivain]

You don't have to change your personality but you may have to turn down the volume / intensity. 

Talk to him but try to let him take the lead.  Set up something where he can shine.  The night I met my husband for the 1st time I asked him to walk me to my car.  I was creating situation where he could be chivalrous.   It worked.  He asked me out.  

[SumGuy]

What is your goal?  To get him to ask you out?  d0nnivain idea is good.

I'd let him know about your homey side, good if you could do a chill together, just you two, at either of your places.

The simple route is to just let him know how you feel, and if you like his introvert things let him know that as well...and it sounds like his introvert side provides calm to you...that is a good thing to let him know. 

There seem to be under Myers-Briggs a fair number of Introvert-Extrovert pairings that can work really well.  Letting him know that introvert side of him you find attractive, that it compliments your more outgoing nature, puts him at ease that he doesn't need to be the life of the party to date you.

Especially before you make a move on him.

[Foxhall]

Its nice to see a girl be interested in an introverted or socially reserved type of guy,

be prepared to be patient I suppose, your guy will likely be fine with just you or with close friends of you both, but may be a little intimidated by loud groups and so on,

that should not really be a problem should it.

 

[Miss Spider]

Shy/insecure/socially awkward guys are attracted to similar things as any other guy. A hot chick they connect with. Talk to him. May take him a minute to feel comfortable enough to make a move 

[elaine567]

On 2/24/2020 at 1:25 PM, LightBridge said:

just last week he did something that made me really stop & go... oh.

What did he do?

[Andy_K]

Be genuinely interested in his hobbies. If he's not a naturally social person, you can be sure he has some. Engaging him in his own domain will give him the confidence and freedom to express himself better, you'll find out a lot more about him that way.