Enicnarfsmith Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 I’m 27 female and I have been in my relationship with my BF for 3 years - he’s slightly younger than me. After around 6 months of dating, we were super happy everything’s great - you know how it goes. This new amazing guy I was dating decided to go through my things and found a couple of photos of an ex - I’ll point out. I DID NOT have feelings for this ex I left him. And was proud I did because he was abusive, I kept a couple of photos from Disney world and that place only cause it’s a memory of the place. Nothing more- defiantly no the ex. anyway my new BF questioned. At first i didn’t Delete cause it’s my past right? but after a day or two I did because I knew these photos didn’t mean enough to me and this new guy and my future with him is what was important. CLICK DELETE GONE. Never to be seen again. over the last few years he’s brought it up a few times argued with me etc- always offered him reassurance. but it’s now at a point where he doesn’t know if he can trust me and feels I still have love for my ex. He completely blames me for his insecurity, even though I constantly reassure him . I’ve never lied or hidden a thing. Consistently told him the EX is no one to me! - he just doesn’t believe me. he ends the relationship all the time and comes back. tells me he needs space, I try and give it then he’s always contacts me and gets angry if I don’t pick up the phone? I just don’t get his behaviour. im not perfect but please be honest with me.. is what I did so Terrible. Is all this my fault? im so in love with this guy. But drained from the fact he doesn’t believe me when I tell him how I feel. And plays with my heart. please offer any advice, cause I’m so lost. thank you 💕 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Was partly through a response and re-read your post. You mean he found old pictures of an ex after six months, and its been 2.5 years since that incident? While I think his initial reaction was over the top, it's somewhat expected. But to drag that resentment out for two and a half years? That's strongly indicative of him simply not being able to trust you. Edit: I re-read your post and you say he ends the relationship then comes back a lot? Why do you put up with this behaviour? For whatever reason it seems like he can't see the overwhelming evidence over the 3 years that you haven't done anything wrong. Unless you're willing to put up with a lack of trust on his end, I'd suggest reconsidering the relationship and finding someone who isn't going to be put off by the fact you've dated other people before. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 If what you wrote was an accurate portrayal then his reaction is troubling. His retroactive jealousy over a couple of picture that you might not even remember is disproportionate. Then you have to consider how the emotion has built up over the years. I suspect this has more to do with his psychological makeup then those picture. Something in his past is dragging itself into the light. Couples counseling is your best bet if you think he is a keeper but I suspect he will not want to attend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Honestly, he doesn't sound stable to me. You haven't done anything wrong at all and haven't given him any reason not to trust you. Yet he is treating you like this and it will only get worse. I think it's time you did the breaking up and stick to it. He if can't learn to trust then he can't be in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 He is manipulative and being emotionally abusive about this, OP. He's using this long-ago incident to leverage power and control over you, and it's disturbing. Stop enabling his jealousy. By that, I mean stop reassuring him. You've reassured him more than enough and this is going far beyond a couple old photos. When he starts ranting about this again, tell him you're not going to talk about it anymore. Be prepared to walk away if he continues. And be prepared to end it completely if he keeps mistreating you like this. Your boyfriend has problems you cannot fix, and I promise you they stretch far deeper than being jealous over a couple photos he found 2.5 years ago. This level of toxicity is what counselors are trained and paid to deal with. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 This has I guess nothing to do with your ex, he has found a convenient stick to keep beating you up with. Please get away, you will never be "good enough" and no doubt he gets some pleasure out of your distress. Guys like this make themselves feel better by upsetting you. Life is short, walk away and never look back. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 FORGET those 6 months of bliss, that wasn't the REAL him, what you have now is the REAL him. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 unless your past affects your current relationship... your ex and whatever feelings or no feelings you have with your is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. he's just insecure. period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, Enicnarfsmith said: but it’s now at a point where he doesn’t know if he can trust me and feels I still have love for my ex. He completely blames me for his insecurity, even though I constantly reassure him . He's too young to be in an adult relationship. How long are you going keep wiping his behind over this? If he can't trust you, why is he with you? You can't spin the earth backwards to the moment before you began dating your ex to not date him, so what exactly does he expect for you to do--that is reasonable to a emotionally well adjusted ADULT, which he isn't? This is bald faced emotional manipulation. He's trying to punish you when he has absolutely no leg to stand on with that. Edited February 25, 2020 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 At 6 months in your new BF snooped. That would be problem # 1 for me. Most likely I would have dumped him right there; how dare he invade your privacy? Even if I was inclined to overlook the snooping, after I told him I had the pictures because 1). I liked the photo; 2). forgot about them or 3). they are part of my past & I am entitled to my memories, if he could not accept that, his petulance would be strike # 2. Finally if I was so gracious as to delete them because he was being a baby about the whole thing the idea that he still throws this in my face 2.5 years later when I have done nothing but be a loyal GF would be strike 3. Date an adult not this whiney insecure man-child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Jealousy is a very ugly trait to possess or have to deal with. Doesn't everyone (or most let's say) have some sort of a past especially at your age? Could this "act" of jealousy really be about control or his own insecurities ? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 20 hours ago, Enicnarfsmith said: I’m 27 female and I have been in my relationship with my BF for 3 years - he’s slightly younger than me. After around 6 months of dating, we were super happy everything’s great - you know how it goes. This new amazing guy I was dating decided to go through my things and found a couple of photos of an ex - Forget the rest of this... Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy are you dating someone who "... decided to go through your things" ???? Even if you are a habitual abuse victim, this is merely a sign that you are on the path toward further abuse. Just STOP already. (* and as you've seemingly not yet been victimized by this guy, it isn't victim blaming at this point) Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) This guy is emotionally abusive. Punishing you with silent treatment, then getting angry when you follow through with his requests for space, dragging out insane levels of insecurity and jealousy for years, going through your things, breaking up multiple times so you have no stability or peace of mind over this. NEXT! He is only going downhill from here. Get out while you still have your health and sanity. Edited February 25, 2020 by healing light 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vengfulone Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 Your past is just that YOUR'S and everyone has a past. He's living in your past! if he's accusing you of cheating,and breaking up with you. He's the one cheating. If you find out he's cheating on.and you confront him. He will say we were broke up to justify his action;s! Let this guy walk,he's not good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 (edited) Your picker is off....stop dating these controlling butt heads. Here you are dating another one. There is nothing you can do to stop him from this continual punishment from keeping a few old photos. If it wasn't this excuse, he will find something else to harp on you about. Why? because he is very insecure. All abusers abuse because they are insecure. They belittle, gaslight, emotionally pick on you gain control. Being in control gives them empowerment, especially when you give them a reaction that will make them go after you even more. It's a cycle that will repeat itself. The only way to stop it is to end it with them. Here's a tip: hide your files and photos on a hotmail account that you don't use. Either that or print them out on photo paper and stick them in an old shoebox in the back of your closet. Edited February 27, 2020 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
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