So much change.

[Silver_star]

In the last year I have gone through a significant break up. I lost a family member due to an overdose (uncle) and I just found out last week my work contract will not be renewed due to budget cuts at my organization. I felt really good about my job. I am going through alot of upheaval. 
I have random bursts of crying at my peaks of anxiety that are hard to control. It hits me like a sack of bricks when I am triggered by something and then I start to spiral. Other behaviors are withdrawl, sleeping alot and eating mindlessly to distract myself. I have gained 20lbs in the last year. 

I talked to a therapist back in November about the loss of my relationship and my uncle...and I felt like I had some tools to deal with it, but right now with my job loss it just feels like I am getting kicked when I am down. 
 

 

[alphamale]

job losses never come at a good time S_s....that being said you should start your new job search right away.  it will help keep your mind off of the loss of your relationship and family member.  and keep on seeing your therapist when you can.  in the end everything will turn out ok.

[scooby-philly]

OP,

 

I'm sorry for your loss. As Alphamale said - is there anyway for you to continue seeing a therapist. We often worry about finances when we lose a job - and rightly so. But if you feel energized and happy and come to terms with the loss quick enough, you won't be unemployed for so long that you have to stop living - at least if you live modestly when you do have a job and you have a rainy day fund set aside. If you can't afford one, or even if you can, I would advocate joining a local career development association or job hunter group. Most large to mid-size metro areas in the USA have them. It's a great way to network, learn, and also meet people and stay connected.

[Beachead]

23 hours ago, Silver_star said:

In the last year I have gone through a significant break up. I lost a family member due to an overdose (uncle) and I just found out last week my work contract will not be renewed due to budget cuts at my organization. I felt really good about my job. I am going through alot of upheaval. 
I have random bursts of crying at my peaks of anxiety that are hard to control. It hits me like a sack of bricks when I am triggered by something and then I start to spiral. Other behaviors are withdrawl, sleeping alot and eating mindlessly to distract myself. I have gained 20lbs in the last year. 

I talked to a therapist back in November about the loss of my relationship and my uncle...and I felt like I had some tools to deal with it, but right now with my job loss it just feels like I am getting kicked when I am down. 
 

 

This is tough..especially because all 3 of those things that happened to you were pretty much, out of your control.  Can make a person feel helpless and hopeless and feel like they know nothing.  What goes on in your mind when you cry and have those peaks of anxiety?

Your pain is a reflection that things are not okay for you right now but its also a sign you're processing.  As the others mentioned,  I think you may really benefit from a therapist or a life coach on how to move forward.  2-3 sessions could even be enough to help point you in the right direction.  The right one will help you sort the mess in your head out, remind you of ways to cope in a healthy manner and get your mind focused on what it needs to focus on.  Is that something that is financially possible for you? 

- Beach

[Silver_star]

All of these things were outside of my control, but I do feel overwhelmed at the things that seem to be happening to me this year as if I failed somehow and deserve to be going through pain, and live a less happy life because I am not worthy of having what I want. It's like a negative self talk pattern I get into. I talked it out with my therapist before, but it still happens especially when I am overwhelmed. My therapist described it as like a cup...and what you put into the cup is what spills out in behaviors/reactions/coping mechanism or whatever needs to spill out to provide you some feeling of balance...and lately my cup has been been full of all this negative self talk.

I have started looking for work, but there does not seem to be much in my field at the moment (economic downturn where i live). I know its not just me that is looking for work either, there are alot of qualified people that have been let go, because the economy. 

I know I will have to make a change into something new. My skills are broad enough that I will be okay, but not sure what is out there right now that would pay me the same salary as I was getting. 

When I get overwhelmed with anxiety and end up crying. It's my physical response to my mind working out and processing all these negative emotions that my circumstances are bringing up. Even if I can rationalize at other times that I am valuable, and smart and worthy .. its easy to go back to negative self talk when everything around you seems to be falling apart. Usually I feel like a failure. I will feel that I failed at my relationship (felt not good enough, or worthy) and I cant keep my job because I am not smart or good enough (even though they told me that was not the case).  I journal to try to provide a healthy outlet but I will try to connect to a therapist (if my benefits are still active) and talk it out.

[Beachead]

@Silver_star

Quote

When I get overwhelmed with anxiety and end up crying. It's my physical response to my mind working out and processing all these negative emotions that my circumstances are bringing up. Even if I can rationalize at other times that I am valuable, and smart and worthy .. its easy to go back to negative self talk when everything around you seems to be falling apart. Usually I feel like a failure. I will feel that I failed at my relationship (felt not good enough, or worthy) and I cant keep my job because I am not smart or good enough (even though they told me that was not the case).  I journal to try to provide a healthy outlet but I will try to connect to a therapist (if my benefits are still active) and talk it out.

I hope you know so many people feel as you do.  Not to diminish how you feel but to let you know, you're not alone my friend.  I know it feels like it but that's only because so many of us are scared to share our struggles, for fear of judgement.  We all bottle it up cause of how harsh society can be. I've spoken to many people over my lifetime who've shared with me words similar to this.  I myself have felt like this many times in my life.

I was diagnosed with a an illness at 10.  Took over 20 pills a day for it and the social and psychological impact it had on me in addition to the physical one..took its toll.  I didn't realize how bad of impact it had on me until my early 20's.  Long story short, it severely impacted my university studies which impacted my career, my choices which bled into the kinds of people I chose to surround myself with and also have relationships with.  My life really was an uphill battle up to now.  But something changed about 2-3 years ago.  After losing a job, having to let go of a 3rd relationship, going through a surgery which had end up with some nerve damage, and then losing another job on top of that (Due to my ailing mental health) .. I spiralled into a depression and eventually became suicidal.  Looking back, It as a crossroads and I was always heading there.  It was just a question of when.  I felt the kinds of things you did..and I still do.

All these "successful" people out there don't really have it together.  They might be good at one thing but terrible at another..and that applies for everyone. Some might be great at making money but a terrible family member, father, husband etc.    Some people might be in top physical shape but make terrible career decisions.  Some people might be school-smart but not very wise.   Not that you should ever compare yourself to anyone, but you should remember (if you already know) what people choose to show you out there isn't always the full picture.  In fact, in most cases, it's not.  And I'm willing to bet that you're better at a few things that other people are not.  There are many ways to live a life and many meanings to being successful (Depends on what your goals are).

Since you struggle with confidence at times, you have to remind yourself of who you are and where you've been.  All the struggles you gone through and how you got passed all of that.  What do you bring to the table? What technical/hard skills or personable/soft skills do you possess?  Is it the way you treat people?  Maybe there was that person you helped last year.  Maybe you're handy.  Maybe you're good at an instrument.  Maybe you can cook a mean meal.  Maybe there were a few times in your life you did something you were truly proud of..no matter how big or small it may seem.  

Work it out here or work it out in a PM with me or with a therapist or by yourself in your journals.  Everytime you get that anxiety and you cry..you open that book and you write.  

Its true that the mind is like a piece of clay.  You can mold your thoughts into anything you want with a little practice and time..be it negative or positive.  If you get used to seeing the negative in something before it happens or after something has happened and you can only focus on how bad it is..you get used to thinking like that.  Your brain will program itself to access that train of thought more easily, because of how frequently it occurs.  This way you can get to those thoughts without effort and it becomes an unconscious habit.  The opposite also applies..with focusing on whats going right.  Focusing on how you can pull yourself out of your slump and focusing on the steps to get there.  Sometimes bad things happen that are out of our control and if they continuously happen, and we have poor coping mechanisms, we can end up bottling and it can lead to all sorts self-destructive behaviours.  So yes, I am someone who completely subscribes to that idea that your therapist mentioned.

Anyway, my post I feel is a bit too long but I hope this helped. 

- Beach

Edited February 26, 2020 by Beachead