MartaxKonarskaxx Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Hi everyone. 2 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend after 2 years of relationship. How to deal with it? 🙁 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant-Sage Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) Depends very much on what you are going through. There's not exactly a playbook to finding yourself again. Everyone is unique to a certain extent. Maybe I can tell you what worked for me to give you some direction? You have to first figure out your emotions. Anxiety, sadness turning into depression then causing you to remain unhappy and unmotivated are very common feelings after a breakup. You might need to see a therapist or rely on a good friend to help you pull yourself back together. Once you've established some mental stability, try to develop some new goals. Make some new friends. Do anything to add joy back into your life or at least find something you can look forward to doing. Talking about your problems can help. Plenty of people here willing to give you their advice but you'll have to explain more on what's going on before anyone can help you. Maybe this initial reply will help you get started. Edited February 26, 2020 by Pleasant-Sage 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Agreed with @Pleasant-Sage. The recovery time and process is unique and based on you as an individual, your relationship and love experiences in life, the nature and length of the relationship, and the nature of the breakup. Generally speaking it will be an emotional roller-coaster. You can feel anger, sadness, depression, anxiety, grief, rage, self-loathing, shyness, etc. The general stuff that applies to any situation - 1. Don't set a specific timeline for yourself and your recovery. 2. Don't run from the emotions. Now I know that most people can't exactly throw fits or cry like babies at work all the time - but hey - hold it in for a few and then sneak into the bathroom at work if you have too and scream/cry there. The emotions are your bodies and psyche's reactions to the situation. Embrace them, accept them, and when you can - try to learn what they're teaching you about yourself, your love and attachment style, your past, your future, etc. 3. Don't let your ego beat yourself up. Especially if you were the dumpee. But even if you were the dumper - don't beat yourself up too badly. Now, again - don't block it - cause it will screw things up - but don't dwell on it. Go out for a walk, have a smoke, talk to someone, once you give your ego a few minutes to get that out there - just reaffirm it with self-praise. Lastly - talk. Talk to people here. Talk to close friends/family who you can be vulnerable with. Journal. Write. Do a daily video diary. Just throw up on the page! It doesn't have to make sense or be orderly. In time, if you do it religiously every day, or sometimes even multiple times a day if you need to - you'll start to see certain patterns or ideas coming back up - and those can be what you use to analyze the situation and learn and grow from. But - keep talking! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 On 2/26/2020 at 8:40 AM, MartaxKonarskaxx said: Hi everyone. 2 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend after 2 years of relationship. How to deal with it? 🙁 Breakups aren't fun. It doesn't seem to mater how many of them you go through, they never seem to get easier. Personally, I've found it useful to try and remain kind, both to yourself and your ex. I don't think anyone goes into a relationship planning for it to end. Most people in this world are just trying to get by as best they can. You're human and so are they. I'm sure you tried the best you can. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss. Losing someone, even when you know deep down it's for the best, is never easy. I found it useful in the past to use the "love letter" technique. Start by writing out everything that you're angry or upset about. Write about the ways you feel let down, the disappointments and the anger. Write out everything until you run out of things to say. Then, in the second part of the letter, allow yourself to remember why you loved the person. Remind yourself of the good things that came with the relationship, the lessons you learned and the things the person brought into your life. Finally, when you're done, destroy the letter. I found it cathardic to print it out and burn it, but that's just me. Also, feel free to post here on LoveShack. There are many very wise people who've been through a lot. You won't struggle to find someone who understands what you're going through. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MartaxKonarskaxx Posted February 27, 2020 Author Share Posted February 27, 2020 Thank you everyone. Your answers are really helpful to me. 🙂 I know it takes time... but I will be smiling again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 5 hours ago, MartaxKonarskaxx said: Thank you everyone. Your answers are really helpful to me. 🙂 I know it takes time... but I will be smiling again. A helpful move would be to separate these two things: Him as an individual (from) Your emotional investment IN him. You should always be proud of your capabilities for investing yourself that way... and continue to cherish that about yourself. Sometimes the individual in whom you invest, turns out to be different than you possibly could have known as you were building that investment. (you have the right instincts and abilities for thriving in a relationship with the right person who will be in your future) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 Deal with it faith and hope and light at the end of tunnel. Grieve because surely it's a loss. Avoid any contact. Hang out with friends and family because this is the time when you need to know you have someone in world. The pain will gradually fade. You'll smile again and everything will be normal as it is used to be and you'll meet someone else. Give it time. Take it a day. Most of us here have been there, and now try to support others who are suffering. Come here read about other couples. Be easy on yourself, sometimes things dont go as we want Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 20 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: A helpful move would be to separate these two things: Him as an individual (from) Your emotional investment IN him. You should always be proud of your capabilities for investing yourself that way... and continue to cherish that about yourself. Sometimes the individual in whom you invest, turns out to be different than you possibly could have known as you were building that investment. (you have the right instincts and abilities for thriving in a relationship with the right person who will be in your future) This is exactly what I wanted or needed to hear today and OP - it's 100% true. Sometimes when we fall in love with people, that love can blind us to their faults, or certain elements of their personality, or to something that will eventually tear apart the relationship. You cannot beat yourself up for falling in love or for trying. The lesson to learn from your experience is next time, whether it works out or not, to be able to take a step back - at 3 month, at 6 months, at 12 months - at 2 years - up to the point of saying "I do"...and ask - while I may love him, is this meant to be forever? Let me give you a personal example - a week ago today was 6 months from being dumped by my last gf. I was truly, madly, deeply in love with her and also very committed. I'm 38 she was 24. She was working part-time as a nurse and working on her nurse practitioner degree. Her parents/family are immigrants from SE Asia and very conservative (not in a religious sense per se). They refused to let her date till her education was complete and they held loans over her head, babied her, manipulated her in many regards. I was blind to the fact that she would never tell them about her secretly dating someone under their nose, especially with our age gap. All of the other faults she had - immaturity, no dating experience, a "good girl" persona that prevented her from realizing that she could still make mistakes and hurt people, her superiority complex, and her lack of self-esteem - those were all problems. She loved bombed me in the beginning and I didn't notice the affection had waned over time and I put up with several instances of her threatening abandonment and no matter how much I tried to talk about my feelings and pinpoint comments about her actions or words when we argued - she always took things as a personal attack. So those reasons alone should have been enough to walk away - but I didn't value myself enough. BUT...the other lesson has been that I was blind to the fact that she would never tell her parents about me (my family and friends knew and met her). I was totally blind to the fact that she could continue to say I love you while emotionally uninvesting in me, and that she would totally look at the situation and not find any fault in her actions or her leading me on for so long. So I was blind to that. But I'm very proud of myself for learning to completely love someone unconditionally and to be truly vulnerable to someone. Sometimes there's joys to be pulled from the ashes of failure/heartbreak. And hopefully, if you're like me, you're now ready to invest in the right person! Hang in there OP! Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 1 hour ago, scooby-philly said: This is exactly what I wanted or needed to hear today and OP - it's 100% true. Yeah, well, tell that to the LoveShack software, which wouldn't even print that exact response until it could be reviewed by a moderator. How can one website be so clueless? Link to post Share on other sites
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