deepthinking Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 (edited) I have a vey sweet friend who an ex-friend of mine, a covert narcissist, uses to get my friendship back. My sweet friend cannot see the narc in a bad light. But then, the narc bullied me, but not her, so she has not seen the narc's bad side. I am tempted to tell the sweet friend to tell the narc to contact me herself, not because I want to hear from her but just to stop the sweetie from getting involved. I feel brow-beaten and lost. Any suggestions how to handle this? Edited February 27, 2020 by deepthinking Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 Can't save everyone. Life lessons learned the hard way often stick better. Narcs are tough. They can be very charming and charismatic. Part of their web to ensnare prey. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 Ugh, I know the modus operandi of the covert narc very well. Most important that your sweet little friend be made to understand that you're capable of recognising abusive behaviour and you don't feel comfortable with her unwittingly trying to manipulate you by proxy, much less undermining your judgement. Narcs just love people who aren't intelligent enough to see through them, they use them to needle their victims. I would just tell Sweet Friend that you have good reason to not want contact with the narc and you would appreciate it if she respected that. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 Does your sweet friend know about the bullying you received from the narc? Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, deepthinking said: Any suggestions how to handle this? Yes. Step away or you'll caught in the cross-fire. Let your friend deal with the situation in her own way, and be there for moral support if/when she needs it. That's all you can do. Edited February 27, 2020 by littleblackheart Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 Best thing you can do is let her see it for herself. Then, she’ll make up her own mind about her and steer clear. You’ve done all you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deepthinking Posted February 27, 2020 Author Share Posted February 27, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, JTSW said: Does your sweet friend know about the bullying you received from the narc? No. She is inclined to say that she gets on okay with her, and I have only just figured out to say that she gets on okay with me also. I sometimes think I should say that she will be fine till the narc treats her like she treated me, but that is my problem already, just too much living on the defensive, and remembering "scripts" Edited February 27, 2020 by deepthinking Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 If the narc doesn't get what she wants from your sweet friend, your sweet friend might just find out the narc's true nature when she turns on her for not getting the results she expected. If I were you, I might just say to your sweet friend. "I am not in the habit of bad-mouthing people behind their backs so let's just suffice it to say insert_narc's_name_here and I have an unfortunate history. Please watch your back with her." Link to post Share on other sites
Author deepthinking Posted March 5, 2020 Author Share Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) I contacted the narc, asked for her side of the story. She says she is ill, can't help lashing out, and that I hurt her more than she hurt me. So I saw a bit of point-scoring. My reply was that she had met most of my friends, but that I had met none of hers, and that I had invited her to my home, so when was she going to take her turn to invite me to her home {we all meet in restaurants}. She never replied for ten minutes. Radio silence. Or if she did, I had blocked her anyway, as the point-scoring put me off her. But thanks for all the replies. I needed the moral support. Edited March 5, 2020 by deepthinking Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 how old are you? you can tell her whats going on. and that you prefer her not to be spoke person of the narcist. but prepare to cut of the sweet freind. cause i read everywhere you cant win.they suck the soul out of people ,fool them,and wont let the victim go easily. if you can get your peace by cutting this so called sweet freind of,do it. let her learn for herself if she dont wake up or do anything after you told her. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 beside narcist are known for going on and on. so waste of time confronting. Link to post Share on other sites
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