Trying not to lose hope

[mortensorchid]

I keep trying in life at all times whether it's work or personal.  If you give up, life has beaten you.  I'vebeen beaten down, as many of you have read about me in threads I posted over the years or ones I have commented on.  I keep trying to say those sayings that all have said : there's a lid for every pot, never loose faith it will happen for you, etc.  

Well, I'm 45 and I think I have exhausted every which way.  I am thinking I am just not one of those people.  I try, get no where.  I give up, and it's cold and lonely.  Can anyone tell me if and when it finally happened for them and a message not to loose hope?  Life is complicated, to be sure, but it seems overly complicated in my case.  Why?  Because I am serious?  Because I am a tomboy?  It can't be that hard.

Edited February 28, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[simpycurious]

30 minutes ago, mortensorchid said:

I keep trying in life at all times whether it's work or personal.  If you give up, life has beaten you.  I'vebeen beaten down, as many of you have read about me in threads I posted over the years or ones I have commented on.  I keep trying to say those sayings that all have said : there's a lid for every pot, never loose faith it will happen for you, etc.  

Well, I'm 45 and I think I have exhausted every which way.  I am thinking I am just not one of those people.  I try, get no where.  I give up, and it's cold and lonely.  Can anyone tell me if and when it finally happened for them and a message not to loose hope?  Life is complicated, to be sure, but it seems overly complicated in my case.  Why?  Because I am serious?  Because I am a tomboy?  It can't be that hard.

Mortensorchid, you WILL MAKE IT.  You are NOT old and you are correct in that there is indeed "a lid for every pot."  You just haven't found

yours quite yet.  Who knows, you might find  that "lid" sooner than you think.

Edited February 27, 2020 by simpycurious

[Happy Lemming]

28 minutes ago, mortensorchid said:

Can anyone tell me if and when it finally happened for them and a message not to loose hope? 

Well I guess I could tell you my girlfriend's story.  After her short marriage ended, she tried everything... for 25 years, there were dates, going to the night clubs, social clubs, matchmaking services, friends trying to set her up, dating sites; you name it, she tried it.  Her longest relationship (prior to me) was 3 months at best. 

Then she went for a swim one day and I swam up to her and asked her out. Yea, we met in an apartment complex pool.  Anyhow, we've been together 8 years, by far her longest relationship and by far my longest relationship.

You just have to keep trying and keep putting yourself out there.  Your guy is out there somewhere, don't give up.

 

[simpycurious]

Good story Happy and you are RIGHT.  Generally, it happens when you least expect to happen and will mean more than you can know.

[K.K.]

1 hour ago, mortensorchid said:

Well, I'm 45 and I think I have exhausted every which way.  I am thinking I am just not one of those people.  I try, get no where.  I give up, and it's cold and lonely.  Can anyone tell me if and when it finally happened for them and a message not to loose hope?  Life is complicated, to be sure, but it seems overly complicated in my case.  Why?  Because I am serious?  Because I am a tomboy?  It can't be that hard.

I’m gonna tell you something that will change your life. And may attract some people who are like me who are sticklers for correct spelling and will flat out pass on somebody for this. Not that I always get it right, mind you. 😂
 

Girl it’s *lose* . In this context, it’s lose. Yes, it matters. 

 

The part about being a tomboy. As long as you don’t look like a lumberjack, it’s all good. I’m somewhat of a tomboy. But I still know how to be a woman, dress like a woman and act like a woman when the situation requires it. The rest of the time I’m riding four wheelers with the guys and talking about bitches. It’s ok to be a tomboy. You can do this. Put in the effort! 
 

 

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, K.K. said:

I’m gonna tell you something that will change your life. And may attract some people who are like me who are sticklers for correct spelling and will flat out pass on somebody for this. 

True that.   My daughter will pass up on people who have poor spelling and grammar.  A guy who initiates with "your so pretty" won't get past go.

[K.K.]

 

Just now, basil67 said:

True that.   My daughter will pass up on people who have poor spelling and grammar.  A guy who initiates with "your so pretty" won't get past go.

It’s so true. Pass on by.  

I like for somebody to care enough to correct me when I’m wrong. I definitely don’t always get it right. 

[BrennaR]

1 hour ago, mortensorchid said:

I keep trying in life at all times whether it's work or personal.  If you give up, life has beaten you.  I'vebeen beaten down, as many of you have read about me in threads I posted over the years or ones I have commented on.  I keep trying to say those sayings that all have said : there's a lid for every pot, never loose faith it will happen for you, etc.  

Well, I'm 45 and I think I have exhausted every which way.  I am thinking I am just not one of those people.  I try, get no where.  I give up, and it's cold and lonely.  Can anyone tell me if and when it finally happened for them and a message not to loose hope?  Life is complicated, to be sure, but it seems overly complicated in my case.  Why?  Because I am serious?  Because I am a tomboy?  It can't be that hard.

It's hard because you really maybe haven't invested in yourself. I think many of us are looking for relationships to complete us because that's how we were raised or media or what have you, when the person we should be most concerned about having a relationship is ourselves. Now is the time to really invest in you, spend time with you and gently get to know yourself. There isn't a better time for that than now. DO everything you need to do to get back to you. Be it a good therapist, exercise, hobbies, reading, what have you. Do all the tings and journal every day the positive things you chose to do for yourself. 

[Blind-Sided]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

True that.   My daughter will pass up on people who have poor spelling and grammar.  A guy who initiates with "your so pretty" won't get past go.

 

7 hours ago, K.K. said:

It’s so true. Pass on by.  

I like for somebody to care enough to correct me when I’m wrong. I definitely don’t always get it right. 

That's very sad people are that petty. 

In grade school, teachers didn't want to deal with me... because I was smarter than them.  So they stuffed me into special ed classes. (Fyi, IQ of 168)  So, in my young years... when I would have spent time learning things like penmanship, and spelling... I was sitting in classes twiddling my thumbs.  In high school, they figured it out, and I was put in AP classes.  but by that time, the damage was done. Later in life... I received my degrees in Liberal Arts, Biology, Physics, and tagged in a math minor.  I'm educated, intelligent, and worked as an R&D chemist for 8 years, with many patents to my name. But I misspell things all the time. My oldest daughter knows to not ask me about anything related to spelling/grammar.  But she gets mad at me when I'm laying on the floor of her room, with my eyes closed... half asleep, and I'm working series of equations in my head.  (yep... that was last night's homework)

Anyway.... MO... listen to Happy.  You will find someone.  I know you have been looking for a while... but that person will show up.   BUT... stop writing people off so quick.  Right now, I have a girl I like... but she had a worse breakup with her exH than I had with my exW.  She's not sure what she needs... and she is just going to need some time.  So I simply stay in contact, and go at her pace.  But... do not cling onto these kinds of people. (like single dad)

I wish you peace moving forward.

Edited February 27, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[Gaeta]

I wanna give you a big hug!!

It can get really depressing at times, when it happens delete your profile and spend time doing things you  enjoy to recharge your batteries. I am not a fan of changing yourself at the core just to attract a man. Be who you are and embrace it, accept it fully. If you apologize to the world for being a tomboy you're starting on the wrong foot. We all have our cross to carry, you feel men aren't attracted to your type, I had to date with hsv, and I found because I didn't give up so hang in there!

[Lisa_Lisa]

Yes, I think OP you write people off too fast. After a date you expect them to text for the next date or text to keep in touch or basically tell you the things you want to read or hear. Try not to have those expectations because you always come off disappointed and jaded.

Just be, just be in your womanhood, femininity, just be you; men like kind women, not jaded ones. Remember they can feel your energy. Find things to do that will bring you joy, not necessarily to find a man. It's true that we must love ourselves before anyone else can love us. We can't expect another person to validate us as human beings. It is sad that society and media have taught us that we are incomplete without another person, but remember a person should compliment your life, not complicate it.

Once you keep yourself busy with things you like to do, you will forget you're waiting on a text from some guy you had a date with.

I think you're constantly in your head and feeding yourself "woe is me" conversations. Do you know that how you feel in your inner world is reflected back to you in your outer world? If you think you're unlovable, guess what, men will tell you you're unlovable. Please be aware of your inner conversations, be kind to yourself.

[Lisa_Lisa]

And yes, it is "lose" not "loose." I see people write it this way more and more and I think they believe that it's the new spelling or something. I am also put off by bad grammar in texts. I appreciate a person who texts how they speak because texts shouldn't be paragraphs, if they have something to say, it can be said by phone.

 

[Gr8fuln2020]

14 hours ago, simpycurious said:

Good story Happy and you are RIGHT.  Generally, it happens when you least expect to happen and will mean more than you can know.

No offense, but this is empty. I hear this and cock my head and wonder what the heck does that mean?! Again, I am not trying to disregard this empty truism, but relationships need work and pro-activity of some kind.

Mortensorchid. I am fascinated by you and your history, of which, I know very little. You have been a member since 2007 and likely coincides with the start of your dating/relationship woes? Move. Start fresh. Move up to Utah. Anyway, I would love to know more about you. What do you look like? Have you been married? Do you have children? Are you anxious? Are you and have you always been insecure? How did you grow up? Why do you have your present perspective on dating/relationships? Do you follow the advice that you give others? So much...

You are 45. I am 51. Give it another 6 years. Just kidding...really. Have you made a thorough account of your relationships and asked yourself, introspectively, what went wrong? What went right during your longest relationships? SO MUCH...

[Happy Lemming]

I have a question/suggestion...

You say you have these 3 FWB guys that you see from time to time, could you ask one of them to critique you (every aspect of you)??

Your body, Your Face, Your mannerisms, Your voice, how you walk/carry yourself, your smile, your demeanor, the subjects you talk about, how your dress, basically everything.

Those individuals know you better than we do, maybe they can point you in a direction of something you need to change or upgrade or try harder at??

 

[Gr8fuln2020]

46 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I have a question/suggestion...

You say you have these 3 FWB guys that you see from time to time, could you ask one of them to critique you (every aspect of you)??

Your body, Your Face, Your mannerisms, Your voice, how you walk/carry yourself, your smile, your demeanor, the subjects you talk about, how your dress, basically everything.

Those individuals know you better than we do, maybe they can point you in a direction of something you need to change or upgrade or try harder at??

 

...and painfully risky, ask them why you are only a FWB. Do they know about one another?

Edited February 27, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[Cookiesandough]

I see what you’re saying lemming but I think it might be hard to get a fwb to be honest about that sort of thing, right? I mean especially a man to a woman.. how about a friend ? 
 

 

oh and I am now shipping MO and Gr8ful a little bit 😏

Edited February 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Gr8fuln2020]

5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I see what you’re saying lemming but I think it might be hard to get a fwb to be honest about that sort of thing, right? I mean especially a man to a woman.. how about a friend ?

oh and I am now shipping MO and Gr8ful a little bit 😏

Yeah. Good point and I thought about this after posting. She needs a friend who can be uncomfortably honest, if need be.

[chillii]

16 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Well I guess I could tell you my girlfriend's story.  After her short marriage ended, she tried everything... for 25 years, there were dates, going to the night clubs, social clubs, matchmaking services, friends trying to set her up, dating sites; you name it, she tried it.  Her longest relationship (prior to me) was 3 months at best. 

Then she went for a swim one day and I swam up to her and asked her out. Yea, we met in an apartment complex pool.  Anyhow, we've been together 8 years, by far her longest relationship and by far my longest relationship.

You just have to keep trying and keep putting yourself out there.  Your guy is out there somewhere, don't give up.

 

 

 

ln a way that's a really weird one though because you'd think , 25yrs only a few 3mth things , somethings wrong there she's got problems and couldn't last in any relationship , yet after all that time you two have managed it.   Did she have stuff early in or ?

 

 

 

 

 

[chillii]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

I have a question/suggestion...

You say you have these 3 FWB guys that you see from time to time, could you ask one of them to critique you (every aspect of you)??

Your body, Your Face, Your mannerisms, Your voice, how you walk/carry yourself, your smile, your demeanor, the subjects you talk about, how your dress, basically everything.

Those individuals know you better than we do, maybe they can point you in a direction of something you need to change or upgrade or try harder at??

 

 

Any women that is living like that is gonna turn any decent guy right off anything serious though , right there. No way on God's earth l'd get involved with that myself.

 

 

 

 

[mortensorchid]

5 hours ago, bittersweet79 said:

Yes, I think OP you write people off too fast. After a date you expect them to text for the next date or text to keep in touch or basically tell you the things you want to read or hear. Try not to have those expectations because you always come off disappointed and jaded.

Just be, just be in your womanhood, femininity, just be you; men like kind women, not jaded ones. Remember they can feel your energy. Find things to do that will bring you joy, not necessarily to find a man. It's true that we must love ourselves before anyone else can love us. We can't expect another person to validate us as human beings. It is sad that society and media have taught us that we are incomplete without another person, but remember a person should compliment your life, not complicate it.

Once you keep yourself busy with things you like to do, you will forget you're waiting on a text from some guy you had a date with.

I think you're constantly in your head and feeding yourself "woe is me" conversations. Do you know that how you feel in your inner world is reflected back to you in your outer world? If you think you're unlovable, guess what, men will tell you you're unlovable. Please be aware of your inner conversations, be kind to yourself.

Write people off too fast?  Experience has taught me otherwise.  Once I said I hope that this guy will call me, a friend said if he hasn't contacted you in 48 hours you will never hear from him again.  He might call / text you, you might even have a 2nd get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes.  It's happened multiple times.  And then I go on this forum and others tell me equality, be even, if you want it go for it, etc. and I called the guy and he was not interested and told me so.  So none of you can tell me that the 48 hour rule is not valid.  

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, chillii said:

somethings wrong there she's got problems and couldn't last in any relationship , yet after all that time you two have managed it.   Did she have stuff early in or ?

Who knows why??  Maybe we are both "damaged" individuals that fit together like puzzle pieces...  Other than being a bit of a complainer and a horrible cook, I really didn't see anything obvious as to why she had such trouble with men.  I just ignore her when she complains and I do all of the cooking (which I really like to do).

[preraph]

Being a tomboy isn't a problem unless you LOOK like a tomboy most of the time.  

[Happy Lemming]

25 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

...and painfully risky

You got a better idea??  Throw it out there.

[Lisa_Lisa]

1 minute ago, mortensorchid said:

Write people off too fast?  Experience has taught me otherwise.  Once I said I hope that this guy will call me, a friend said if he hasn't contacted you in 48 hours you will never hear from him again.  He might call / text you, you might even have a 2nd get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes.  It's happened multiple times.  And then I go on this forum and others tell me equality, be even, if you want it go for it, etc. and I called the guy and he was not interested and told me so.  So none of you can tell me that the 48 hour rule is not valid.  

The thing is ideally a woman should be so content in her life that she doesn't even notice if a man has contacted her let alone the days or hours it took to do so. And when he does, you're happily surprised. Time has nothing to do with it; stop thinking in terms of if something doesn't happen in a time frame, it won't ever.

I believe in hinting at a date, very sweetly, but not outright because if the guy doesn't really want that, he may just go out out of obligation or boredom or possibly getting laid. It's nice to be asked out formally so you know you're who he really wants to see.

I know you said you're a tomboy, that doesn't necessarily mean much, as long as you smile. A smile can go a long way in making people feel you're approachable.

Don't listen to your friends, I had a date recently and I mentioned to a friend how polite he was, and she scoffed and said, so who cares, he's from Minnesota, they're always polite there, it's like a joke. I thought how can politeness be a joke. Some friends don't ever want to see you happily coupled up so beware of their bad energy.

Tell yourself you're a beautiful, desirable woman who any man would be happy to spend his life with, and tell yourself that till you believe it, and you will see it reflected back to you.

Unfortunately, you're very negative and that's not helpful. If you get a bad thought, flip it, turn it positive.

[Happy Lemming]

22 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I see what you’re saying lemming but I think it might be hard to get a fwb to be honest about that sort of thing, right? I mean especially a man to a woman.. how about a friend ?

I was just thinking her FWB's have seen her naked, whereas a friend (not so much).

You could preface the inquiry, by stating "Nothing is going to change in our FWB situation, I just need you to be totally honest with me." and have the inquiry take place "afterwards"...

It might be worth a shot.