Trying not to lose hope

[K.K.]

On 2/27/2020 at 9:08 PM, mortensorchid said:

I am bitter and cold and sociopathic.  

Have you been diagnosed a sociopath ? Because if not, man don’t go around telling people this. What good does it do? See now I’m looking at you sideways. That’s not what you want from prospective mate is it? Come on. 

Edited February 29, 2020 by K.K.
Said too much. ..

[simpycurious]

18 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Thanks, Simpy. Those were MO’s references in another thread, not mine. But yes 😊

Well, they were good references.  MO, you need to feel good about yourself.  You can do it.  Find things that make you 

happy, that you are interested in and get involved.  Spring is getting close and it's a perfect time for a fresh start.  Get outside

in the sunshine and fresh air, get to the beach or lake or whatever AND HAVE SOME FUN.  

[chillii]

On 2/28/2020 at 1:54 PM, simpycurious said:

MO, do you have a general idea why you are bitter and cold?  In other words, where do these feelings 

come from.  Self loathing is the underlying feeling that "we" are just not good, not good enough or

not good at this or that.  It is NOT PRODUCTIVE or HEALTHY to harbor those types of feelings.

She explained all over the place where they come from man but it's pretty obvious anyway.

Anyway mc,  l prefer mc haha, but you know saying serious stuff like that about yourself , that's big stuff. And there as so many women out there with big issues which guys can usually spot blindfolded because we come across so many of them if we're single , even when  if not to actually , and most of us will avoid them like the plaque .

l don't know if it's possible and l understand life has been a real b@tch for you but short of coming across a very very understanding man where the feelings are mutual , you really need to get yourself together and to shake those negative things and feelings about yourself. ; mean that's big shyt and when a women gets to feeling that way any man goes neaar her has to deal with all kinds of crap and he knows it , they'll shy away at a glance,

 

 

 

 

Edited March 5, 2020 by chillii

[HappiDays]

On 2/27/2020 at 3:13 PM, Blind-Sided said:

As a guy... it is absolutely not valid.   AND... you may ask why... so here it is.

The one girl I kind of like... she doesn't know if she wants a relationship because of an abusive marriage.  SO... if I contact her too often... I'm just going to scare her away and/or annoy her. The first time I saw her was in November.  We have gone out maybe 4 more times, and it was fun each time.

One girl is totally opposite.  She contacts me all the time.  (multiple times a day)  It's cute snapchats, or txt's.  most of the time it's nothing.  Showing her feet at lunch... or a smile as she leaves work.  But I like it because it's uplifting to me.  But she is 20 years younger than me... and I don't want things to progress there.

Lastly... there is my own head. I'm out of a 20 year relationship... and I'm having a hard time even wanting to give a girl any physical contact right now. up until a week ago... I was having a hard time even trying to give a hug to the girl I was with.  And that's because I was faithful to my exW always.   So... because of that... there are a couple girls (friends of friends) that I've only reached out to one or two times. BUT... I will continue to like and comment on their FB posts so they know I'm still in the background... but not contact them directly.   One of these girls is a lawyer, and really has her crap together.  I probably should reach out again... but I just haven't.

I guess with OLD it could be a little different... but I would give them at least until the following weekend... AND... you should reach out at least once. At least that way... if the guy was on the fence about if you enjoyed yourself... you reaching out is a clear indication that you had a nice time.

I agree totally. My son is single, in his 50s. He works long hours four days a week. During that time he rarely does much in terms of the ladies unless one of them messages or calls him.

[Ellener]

On 2/27/2020 at 7:32 PM, mortensorchid said:

I have had a black cloud over me for the last 6 years.  It's been there since a rejection I faced and it was very embarrassing.  I hate myself even though I should not, I should be proud of myself and who I am.  But when people hurt you repeatedly through life, you become what I am.  

Sorry about that pain, it's hurt you for a long time, and it's time to work out how to set it aside now? Those deep hurts can be disempowering or empowering ( I think psychologists say 'ego wounds' though they are little to do with the popular perception of ego, more a fundamental undermining of our understanding of the world and sense of wellbeing- it can be literally like being 'punched in the gut' or 'having the rug pulled out from under'... ) 

Have you seen a counsellor?

You don't seem bitter or cold or sociopathic to me, you sound wounded and unable to move past it yet.

 

[IndigoNight]

I met my husband when I was saving him from a bad date. His step-sister had set him up on a date with someone that I knew/know pretty well. She enjoyed a good party, was definitely up for a good time, but that usually included meth. 

He had caught my attention before I stepped in to rescue him, but since I wasn't looking for love, I ignored him. But... He was a nice guy, and didn't need to be caught up in the bar drama. I worked there. I have known his step-sister longer than he had. He was in town visiting, and leaving in two weeks. I figured the last thing he needed was to go out with the meth queen. I was just being nice.

We went out. We had a great time. He was leaving in a couple of weeks, so I decided he'd be a fun; a meaningless fling after my brutal divorce.  So, I indulged. That was almost 21 years ago.

He wasn't my "type". I would normally not be interested in him. I wasn't looking for a relationship of any kind. Yet, the first night we spent together is still burnt into my brain. His too. We still talk about how we ended up together.

You never know where you'll find love. I found it when I wasn't looking. 

Keep an open mind. Try dating someone who you normally wouldn't. Who knows, you might just find "the one". I did.