Am I reading this wrong?

[YOLO66]

An old friend messaged me on facebook.  
(Yes, as it happens she is an old gf, but we're talking a lifetime ago, when we were teens.  We're both rather more mature now, and have "socialised" through common friends over the years.)
So I want to stress, that this is not (IMO) a "gf" question.  It's just a communication question?

The message was personally addressed and was to let me know that her mother had passed away.
I responded, as I think any decent human would, with a polite but heartfelt message of sympathy and condolence.  I sent my condolences to her sister and family, and closed by asking that she let me know when the funeral was.  (Again, that's what we do, we go to funerals , we look sad, and express our condolences.)
(Her mother hated me, and I thought she was a crazy loon, but that was a lifetime ago.)

The reply I got was a little abrupt.  It just said "look in the paper".  No greeting, no acknowledgement of my message.

Now obviously she has a lot to deal with, and if that's all it is, then fine.  
But the way I'm reading it is "My mother hated you and wouldn't want you at her funeral, so I'm not inviting you, but if you insist you can look in the paper."

Last thing I want to do is upset her by turning up when I'm not welcome

[d0nnivain]

Wow that was a cold response.  She could have at least sent the link.  I mean she did reach out to you, not the other way around.  

I would interpret that message as "stay away."  Send flowers or make a donation in the mother's name but do not attend.  

[schlumpy]

Puzzling response. I don't think it had anything to do with her mother not liking you. If that had been uppermost on her mind, she would not have been notified you of her mother's death as it would have been disrespectful to her mother's memory.

Reread you response to her missive. Something you wrote that she took the wrong way?

It's impossible to understand her reaction without knowing her intent in notifying you.

[justwhoiam]

On 2/27/2020 at 1:22 PM, YOLO66 said:

The message was personally addressed and was to let me know that her mother had passed away.
I responded, as I think any decent human would, with a polite but heartfelt message of sympathy and condolence.  I sent my condolences to her sister and family, and closed by asking that she let me know when the funeral was.

Was there a wake? Did you ask about that? How far from them do you live? Maybe she would have hoped you'd show up before the funeral. But you didn't ask, and she didn't say.

I wouldn't read anything into her abrupt response, because anything can happen those days. Tension in the family, people losing it etc. She reached out to you when she was having a very hard time. That's the main point. Let that be your focus.

[YOLO66]

On 2/29/2020 at 3:06 AM, justwhoiam said:

Was there a wake? Did you ask about that? How far from them do you live? Maybe she would have hoped you'd show up before the funeral. But you didn't ask, and she didn't say.

The way it works here is that there is a memorial/funeral service at the Funeral-Home's Chapel, then the deceased departs (usually for a cremation) and a "wake" is held at the Funeral-Home.  Or occasionally some or all mourners might be invited back to the family's home.

[YOLO66]

On 2/27/2020 at 8:27 PM, d0nnivain said:

Wow that was a cold response.  She could have at least sent the link.  I mean she did reach out to you, not the other way around.  

I would interpret that message as "stay away."  Send flowers or make a donation in the mother's name but do not attend.  

Yeah, oops, sending flowers should have been the first thing I did.  I will get onto that.