Will she always see me as a friend now!

[Walkingalone]

Had the best day with my ex, and daughter

We split 10 month ago officially after 8 long years and a 4 year old baby girl. She ended it because I was unfaithful. To many lies from me, I needed to grow up tbh. I hit rock bottom, and built myself back up. I feel like I’m a man after that experience.

We just got back from a day out with the daughter. We don’t do this often but when Our days off during the week merge, I’ll always see if she would like to take our girl out.

Well, it was fantastic. Everything felt natural, and that’s because I’m over the breakup for the most of it. 
I made her belly laugh, and snort. Not seen that for a long time. And also some physical contact. I carried her over obstacles, we collided into each other down slides and ended up on top of each other a few times. I’d call this flirting, at least from my side. And it felt good. Like, she wanted me to chase her sometimes. Felt like being kids again it was so refreshing.

Trouble is...she’s in a committed relationship. Has been for around 8 month now. She loves him, and I believe her. And I know they talk marriage and kids and moving on together, all that normal stuff. The guy is cool, and is very involved with my daughter now. Which I’m happy about now.

She made a joke on the way home. He walked to her house (doesn’t drive) and it’s like at 30 minute walk at least in pouring rain and snow. Very committed I said. She said it’s a little excessive of him. First time I’ve ever really heard her mock him even if it was gentle. I joked back about how he’s storming to her house now, knowing we’ve all been together for the day and thinking frantically about how he can get one up on me when he’s got time with her tonight. She laughed, like real hard. 

I feel like attraction is building between us, that’s what I believe this is. Possibly because I’ve let go now. And it took so long to get over the breakup.
I will add...I do love this girl. She’s important to me and I will always take care of her. Seeing us together having fun brings back fond memories, we haven’t laughed together like that for years. It was nice to be apart of it.

I’m so proud of this girl, and the people we are becoming. She always makes reference to the man I am now..noting she sees I’ve changed.

are we strictly friends? And if so, is there a chance we could have more one day?

[TeddyBundy1993]

After  break up we men naturally hope being friends will lead to romantic feelings growing back but with women that's not true.  They judge and can see clearly who's a platonic friend and a romantic partner. I see nothing wrong with your feelings, as a man you realized you made mistakes and willing to build things back with her. But..... 

Women are different, moreover they have plenty of options and men chasing them. Couples do get back together everyday dude. But where do you see yourself in long run? Will this relationship last. ? Moreover she has a man already. 

Dont stop living your life for someone. You wanna wait till she returns to you ?? Dumping her man ? It will cause too many complications. If you really think it gonna work then tell her directly and pull away from her you dont need to see her with another and know their wedding plans if she gotta return she will. 

[preraph]

Since you openly talk about her other guy, why not just let her know if she ever gets sick of him, you know a much better version of the guy she broke up with you could fix her up with.  I mean, who knows.  She may just be being friends because women certainly can just do that.  But I would not say a word unless you are positive you have changed and wouldn't be tempted to hurt her again.  And you must also realize nothing is ever the same as it was before after a big betrayal and loss of trust.  The trust does not ever really come back.  She will be suspicious of everyone from now on because if the guy who you think loves you more than anyone does it to you, then anyone could do it to you.  So just realize, there's no going back to starry romantic nights of free-flowing passion.  It will always be a bit tainted.  

[Walkingalone]

14 hours ago, TeddyBundy1993 said:

If you really think it gonna work then tell her directly and pull away from her you dont need to see her with another and know their wedding plans if she gotta return she will. 

She knows how I feel. Though I’ve not expressed this for many months. I don’t think pulling away will achieve anything due to my emotional distance when we were together. 
Im trying to build a bond with her whilst living my own life. And it makes me happy to have days like we had and she was equally happy. But is that just how friends act? She certainly wouldn’t act like that With me around her boyfriend/friends

[Walkingalone]

14 hours ago, preraph said:

Since you openly talk about her other guy, why not just let her know if she ever gets sick of him, you know a much better version of the guy she broke up with you could fix her up with.  I mean, who knows.  She may just be being friends because women certainly can just do that.  But I would not say a word unless you are positive you have changed and wouldn't be tempted to hurt her again.  And you must also realize nothing is ever the same as it was before after a big betrayal and loss of trust.  The trust does not ever really come back.  She will be suspicious of everyone from now on because if the guy who you think loves you more than anyone does it to you, then anyone could do it to you.  So just realize, there's no going back to starry romantic nights of free-flowing passion.  It will always be a bit tainted.  

I told her a lot during the first 6 month of the breakup that I wanted her back. She said she could never trust me again.

ive noticed a difference in her behaviour around me since I’ve stopped caring about an outcome. I’m being myself and since that our new relationship is better. we have chemistry still. 
I think the only time I’ll have a shot, if ever, is if her relationship ends. I’m just having patience but without waiting around.

she asked me the other day if I would ever participate in a certain activity which she knows led to my Betrayal of her. I said “never again“ casually and I didn’t look at her so I’m not sure what she was thinking.

 

 

 

[Blind-Sided]

OK... this is going to sound harsh.  But don't do this to her.  You need to step away, and not hurt your ex. If you can come here and say... "I have grown into a MAN now"... then you should man-up... and know you F-ed up in the past, and she needs to be happy.  I know you are feeling attraction... and you have a kid together.  But since you cheated, lied, and hurt her in the past (these are not trivial things)... if you actually care for her, then DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN to her.  She has someone new.  Don't confuse the situation for her.  She may very well have feelings for you also... but let her make that choice. If you try to edge your way into her new relationship... it could be the start of something ugly. Her new man may start to get upset that she is spending time with her exH, and that tension could make her mad.  OR... she may develop feelings for you too, and that will confuse and stress her. Either way... it could cause the good relationship you have now, with the mother of your kid, to turn to something that gets a restraining order, and you only getting to see your kid a couple times a month.

Personally... I would stop these kind of outings.  Yes... it's about keeping the kid happy... but it may also be confusing to the kid. Your daughter may really not understand why daddy can be here on moment, and then the other man is here.  "Why can't daddy be home all the time??"   She is too young to have that question answered.

With that said... I'm a recently divorced dad, with 2 little girls. My older one is mad at her mom all the time, and really only wants to live with me.  My younger one was ok for a while, but now is getting to a point where she is upset, and starts missing either me or her mother by the end of the week.  To me, it's not healthy to grow up in a split family... but it's even less healthy to grow up in a house with tension because one parent can't just back off.

I'm sorry for what I had to write... but I wish you peace in moving forward.

[d0nnivain]

Honey, this broke my heart because you are lying to yourself & delusional.  You are not friends with your baby mama.  You are also no over her because you want her back. 

You are co parenting.  She is committed to another man & is building a life with him.  You still hold out hope for reconciliation.  You are your child's father, nothing more.  

Stop having these fake family days.  Your EX is being cruel to you & disrespectful to her new relationship by giving you this false hope. You are both also feeding your child an illusion.  Collaborative co-parenting involves maturity, civility & doing what is in the best interests of the child.  It doesn't involved regular shared days together.  

If she wasn't talking about marrying another guy -- a ridiculous proposition BTW since she hasn't even known him for a year -- maybe over time you could prove to her that you have grown & matured but as things stand, she's playing games with you both.  

[ExpatInItaly]

Unfortunately, a long history of lying and cheating is very unlikely to be overcome. 

I find that what often happens in these scenarios is that while the cheating partner may make genuine strides to becoming a better person, the damage is already done. So when a couple reconciles after a series of betrayals, it might feel good and comfortable for a bit to be back in each other's arms but that new-car smell eventually wears off and the past hurt and pain reminds the betrayed party why they ended it. 

As such, I would be very cautious in assuming that the changes she sees now would override the past, in the long-term. She might want to forgive and move forward, but based on experience, that is very difficult to actually do and often doesn't work out. The past cannot be undone and it those scars tend to run deep, even if a shiny new skin covers them temporarily. 

Edited February 29, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[preraph]

And usually, the only time a cheater really can reform is if they were just too young to be tied down at the time and have now reached a maturity, like in their 30s, where they aren't driven like that.  

[Walkingalone]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Honey, this broke my heart because you are lying to yourself & delusional.  You are not friends with your baby mama.  You are also no over her because you want her back. 

You are co parenting.  She is committed to another man & is building a life with him.  You still hold out hope for reconciliation.  You are your child's father, nothing more.  

Stop having these fake family days.  Your EX is being cruel to you & disrespectful to her new relationship by giving you this false hope. You are both also feeding your child an illusion.  Collaborative co-parenting involves maturity, civility & doing what is in the best interests of the child.  It doesn't involved regular shared days together.  

If she wasn't talking about marrying another guy -- a ridiculous proposition BTW since she hasn't even known him for a year -- maybe over time you could prove to her that you have grown & matured but as things stand, she's playing games with you both.  

Thanks for the reply. I am over my “need” for her. It was a rough ride to get here for me. She moved on really quick and it was heartbreaking. But I do still want her.

her man doesn’t seem bothered about our shared family days which I fined strange, and other people have told me this situation is normal for broken families. I don’t think it is.

these don’t happen often, in fact, very rarely. We only communication about our child normally, and she imitates most of the conversations strangely. I never have much to tell her tbh.

she openly told me that if it was up to him, he would have moved in by now and have her pregnant. But she’s not ready for it because of our daughter. This guy is younger than me by 4 years and younger than her by 2. 

you may think I’m naive, but I don’t think she’s playing games. I think my presence as a new person which is really not an act, does make her confused Ever so slightly sometimes. But I know her, she’s a very true honest person. She’s open to her bf about any time I’m around at the house (rarely)

do I want her to be confused if it messes her up? No

do I care about her new man more than the possibility that my relationship I’m building with her? No.  

[carhill]

Kudos for your efforts in growth. Focus on co-parenting and being a solid role model to your child. There are billions of women on the planet and this one is done. .

[Walkingalone]

6 minutes ago, preraph said:

And usually, the only time a cheater really can reform is if they were just too young to be tied down at the time and have now reached a maturity, like in their 30s, where they aren't driven like that.  

When we got together, I was 20 and very immature. Lived with parents and no real job prospects and lived like this for 4 years. Sort of “dossing” about. She moved in with my parents with 2 years. She fell pregnant and by the time my daughter arrived I had got a drivers licence, got a car, a house and a new career. It was a Huge leap and after that I forgot about her and always tried to keep ties with my old life (partying)

returning to this life helped my betrayal. 
I haven’t been involved, nor have wanted to be involved in such activities since. It’s like I’m woken up from a long sleep. I feel mature and a man now and I’m going to prove that to myself and not for her.

[preraph]

That's good.   But having been through a betrayal that changed me forever, even though it wasn't even a spouse, I can attest that it just changes the person.  They can no longer really trust anyone.  It opens their eyes that under the right circumstances, a lot of people they trusted could betray them.  

 

Just keep a friendly cooperative role with her, and that's all you can do.  I mean, just because you may have changed and are sincere, just doesn't mean she will ever want you back.  She, too, has matured, and what she wants or needs may just be totally different now, too.  So yeah, don't let it put your life on hold.  And don't disrupt her if she is happy in her new relationship, because if you do love her, you want her to be happy and safe.  

[Walkingalone]

2 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

OK... this is going to sound harsh.  But don't do this to her.  You need to step away, and not hurt your ex. If you can come here and say... "I have grown into a MAN now"... then you should man-up... and know you F-ed up in the past, and she needs to be happy.  I know you are feeling attraction... and you have a kid together.  But since you cheated, lied, and hurt her in the past (these are not trivial things)... if you actually care for her, then DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN to her.  She has someone new.  Don't confuse the situation for her.  She may very well have feelings for you also... but let her make that choice. If you try to edge your way into her new relationship... it could be the start of something ugly. Her new man may start to get upset that she is spending time with her exH, and that tension could make her mad.  OR... she may develop feelings for you too, and that will confuse and stress her. Either way... it could cause the good relationship you have now, with the mother of your kid, to turn to something that gets a restraining order, and you only getting to see your kid a couple times a month.

Personally... I would stop these kind of outings.  Yes... it's about keeping the kid happy... but it may also be confusing to the kid. Your daughter may really not understand why daddy can be here on moment, and then the other man is here.  "Why can't daddy be home all the time??"   She is too young to have that question answered.

With that said... I'm a recently divorced dad, with 2 little girls. My older one is mad at her mom all the time, and really only wants to live with me.  My younger one was ok for a while, but now is getting to a point where she is upset, and starts missing either me or her mother by the end of the week.  To me, it's not healthy to grow up in a split family... but it's even less healthy to grow up in a house with tension because one parent can't just back off.

I'm sorry for what I had to write... but I wish you peace in moving forward.

Thanks for the reply. 
How am I hurting her? I offer the occasional day out when our days of merge. I’ve never pressured her of got involved in her relationship. We have clear boundaries.

if I thought for a second I could hurt her like that again, I would never try to build this back with her. I maybe fooling myself, and this may only ever be a friendship. I’m happy to accept that. I deeply care for her and I’ve openly told her I would never let neither her if my daughter down again. I think that’s what being a MAN is. Also, I’m going after what I want but in a subtle way. Why should I lay down gracefully and bow out of this? My feelings matter too. And men don’t give up. As long as this isn’t hurting her, me or my daughter I will never give up. 
my life is not on hold, I’m Pursuing other women , but I’m quite adamant I don’t want anything serious yet. Maybe that will change who knows.

my daughter is used to me not being at home you see, since sh was about 1, my job has most weeks taken me away from Monday - Friday. So nothing changed really. I have her every weekend atm because I love spending as much time with her as I can.

i understand you’re concerns, and Thankyou it’s been helpful. But Ill proceed how I see fit. I’m not hurting anyone atm so I see no need to stop this.

[Walkingalone]

19 minutes ago, preraph said:

That's good.   But having been through a betrayal that changed me forever, even though it wasn't even a spouse, I can attest that it just changes the person.  They can no longer really trust anyone.  It opens their eyes that under the right circumstances, a lot of people they trusted could betray them.  

 

Just keep a friendly cooperative role with her, and that's all you can do.  I mean, just because you may have changed and are sincere, just doesn't mean she will ever want you back.  She, too, has matured, and what she wants or needs may just be totally different now, too.  So yeah, don't let it put your life on hold.  And don't disrupt her if she is happy in her new relationship, because if you do love her, you want her to be happy and safe.  

I can understand. Her relationship prior to ours was abusive. And I should have taken better care of her. So she did come in with baggage and lessons learnt, where as I had no life lessons or real experiences.

im doing as you say - trying to keep things friendly and cooperative and it’s not hard. We have a good relationship. And I’ve found it to be even better since I’ve stopped caring so much or being Attached to an outcome. I know she may never want me back, I know that more than anyone. 
I won’t interfere in her relationship. It goes against the person I’m trying to become. Thanks for the reply

[Walkingalone]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Unfortunately, a long history of lying and cheating is very unlikely to be overcome. 

I find that what often happens in these scenarios is that while the cheating partner may make genuine strides to becoming a better person, the damage is already done. So when a couple reconciles after a series of betrayals, it might feel good and comfortable for a bit to be back in each other's arms but that new-car smell eventually wears off and the past hurt and pain reminds the betrayed party why they ended it. 

As such, I would be very cautious in assuming that the changes she sees now would override the past, in the long-term. She might want to forgive and move forward, but based on experience, that is very difficult to actually do and often doesn't work out. The past cannot be undone and it those scars tend to run deep, even if a shiny new skin covers them temporarily. 

I know getting another chance would be a miracle, and keeping things long term would be a 2nd miracle. 
I have to try at some level. But I won’t put all my eggs into this basket. Thankyou  

[Blind-Sided]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

And usually, the only time a cheater really can reform is if they were just too young to be tied down at the time and have now reached a maturity, like in their 30s, where they aren't driven like that.  

Wellll....... while I understand your point... that's still just an excuse used by cheaters.  I've had "Real" GF's since I was 19 or so.  Before that... it was just girls I would hang out with, and fool around will. From that early age... I knew it was 100% absolutely WRONG to cheat on someone.  If you were unhappy (as the excuse normally is) then just break it off, and move on. Don't hold on to someone's heart while trying to get the affections of someone else.

1 hour ago, Walkingalone said:

Thanks for the reply. I am over my “need” for her..........

No you aren't.  That's why you are here and asking our advice.  And, BTW... are being defensive when people from the outside are looking in, and giving the opinions from a clear head.  and that leads me to..........

49 minutes ago, Walkingalone said:

Thanks for the reply. 
How am I hurting her? ........

But Ill proceed how I see fit. I’m not hurting anyone atm so I see no need to stop this.

My entire post explains how you are hurting her. She isn't communication with you the same way as in the past, so you don't have the real details on what she thinks. She is trying to be nice for the kid... but in turn you are complicating her life... and worse... you are trying to turn her into what you are... A CHEATER !!  And that's just more proof you haven't grown into a man. You are actively trying to draw her away from an active relationship. Regardless if you had a past... you are now trying to becoming the "Other Man" in an affair. (the other side of cheating)

I know you will do what you want... all we can do here is offer advice.  She is happy... she has said she doesn't want to get back together... but you are still trying despite what you are trying to tell yourself, and us.

My 2 cents... take it for what it's worth.

 

****EDIT****

Before you say... "You don't know how it feels to be me"... Today, I'm sitting on my couch, alone... Missing my daughter's 9th Bday party.  WHY ????  Because it's wrong for dad to interfere with the plans of the exW.   On one level it's sad.  On another level... it's helpful as there is a clear line of how life is now for my kids. No, I didn't cheat or lie (that was the exW) but I'm being kind to the situation.

Edited February 29, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[Walkingalone]

14 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

Wellll....... while I understand your point... that's still just an excuse used by cheaters.  I've had "Real" GF's since I was 19 or so.  Before that... it was just girls I would hang out with, and fool around will. From that early age... I knew it was 100% absolutely WRONG to cheat on someone.  If you were unhappy (as the excuse normally is) then just break it off, and move on. Don't hold on to someone's heart while trying to get the affections of someone else.

No you aren't.  That's why you are here and asking our advice.  And, BTW... are being defensive when people from the outside are looking in, and giving the opinions from a clear head.  and that leads me to..........

My entire post explains how you are hurting her. She isn't communication with you the same way as in the past, so you don't have the real details on what she thinks. She is trying to be nice for the kid... but in turn you are complicating her life... and worse... you are trying to turn her into what you are... A CHEATER !!  And that's just more proof you haven't grown into a man. You are actively trying to draw her away from an active relationship. Regardless if you had a past... you are now trying to becoming the "Other Man" in an affair. (the other side of cheating)

I know you will do what you want... all we can do here is offer advice.  She is happy... she has said she doesn't want to get back together... but you are still trying despite what you are trying to tell yourself, and us.

My 2 cents... take it for what it's worth.

 

****EDIT****

Before you say... "You don't know how it feels to be me"... Today, I'm sitting on my couch, alone... Missing my daughter's 9th Bday party.  WHY ????  Because it's wrong for dad to interfere with the plans of the exW.   On one level it's sad.  On another level... it's helpful as there is a clear line of how life is now for my kids. No, I didn't cheat or lie (that was the exW) but I'm being kind to the situation.

On you’re first point - you’re completely right. I was unhappy and I should have left. I was a coward. But I’ve learned from that and life is a lesson right?

on you’re 2nd point - you can want something you don’t need.  I know what needing and longing feels like cause I felt that intense pain for over 6 month. You can’t tell me I’m not over her because I’m posting here. I will never not love her I feel, but I’m okay with the situation. Do I want my family back? Yes. 

I apologise if I’m coming across defensive. Just because you’re giving you’re opinion doesn’t mean it’s correct. 
 

on you’re 3rd point - 

do not label me. I did a terrible thing and I’ve paid for it. I don’t have to be that person forever. 
This woman has turned to me in times of need and distress. I’ve been there, I’ve pulled away when it got to much for me. I’ve even given advice on her relationship issues which crushed me and I had to take some time. Im not encouraging anyone to do anything. I’m enjoying this woman for who she is when I spend time with them. And we are getting along great. I’m not expecting anything from this but I am changing her opinion of me as a man everyday, and if she decides she feels something for me that’s up to her. I’ve accepted she doesn’t want me back friend and maybe it is that black and white. Peoples wants change and all I’m doing is keeping a foot in the door. Am I such a bad guy for that. 

i appreciate all you’re opinions. It sounds to me like you’ve gotten defensive too. I don’t know what you’ve been through but I hope Everything’s good. 
 

[justwhoiam]

On 2/28/2020 at 1:54 PM, Walkingalone said:

We split 10 month ago officially after 8 long years and a 4 year old baby girl. She ended it because I was unfaithful. To many lies from me...

I do love this girl. She’s important to me and I will always take care of her...

I’m so proud of this girl...

Ok, so how's your sexual life at the moment? What are you doing? How many women are you dating/seeing? What have you done these past 10 months? And in the year prior to the 10 months?

Quote

are we strictly friends?

I think what you really wonder about is: are we like friends who never engaged in anything sexual? And the answer to that is: I doubt it. It's too fresh. When did you stop anything sexual with her? I gave in to hanging out with an ex boyfriend once, just the two of us, months after our breakup, and it was all smiles and obviously there was some sexual tension, because we had been sexual partners previously, in love with one another. And I could sense he was still so much into me, he was giving that away repeatedly, even if he didn't say anything explicitely. But I could tell anyway. So I decided not anymore. Your situation is different, as you have a daughter together, so she can't just cut you off.

Quote

And if so, is there a chance we could have more one day?

If I were your ex-wife, I would have given it a thought, but trying to relegate that thought to a remote area of my mind. It'd become more persistent and serious ONLY if I saw you alone and not engaging in relationships nor hookups for at least 2 years. But I should also be questioning my current relationship at the same time.

I'm not your ex-wife though: I can't see myself with someone who can't drive and doesn't own a car 🙂 A man who's good at driving is a turn-on for me. It's possible she had to get over that.

23 hours ago, Walkingalone said:

I’m just having patience but without waiting around.

Which to me means you'll go on with your life, and she'll go on with hers. Any chance of getting together will dramatically lower the moment she gets pregnant again. And the new guy will become a father.

Edited March 1, 2020 by justwhoiam

[justwhoiam]

19 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

Today, I'm sitting on my couch, alone... Missing my daughter's 9th Bday party.  WHY ????  Because it's wrong for dad to interfere with the plans of the exW.   On one level it's sad.  On another level... it's helpful as there is a clear line of how life is now for my kids. No, I didn't cheat or lie (that was the exW) but I'm being kind to the situation.

You're doing it wrong. Do not let the ex-wife dictate how your daughter will see you. Her dad was not there. Your daughter didn't feel important enough for you to be there on her birthday. That's huge. Maybe she doesn't realize right away, but it's the kind of thing that builds up in someone's mind over the years. Make sure that doesn't happen again. Arrange something special for her birthday, even if that meant it's just the two of you for 2 hours. She's still very young and this can be fixed and corrected. Make her feel she's the world to you and you think about her. That will go a long way.

[Blind-Sided]

9 minutes ago, justwhoiam said:

You're doing it wrong. Do not let the ex-wife dictate how your daughter will see you. Her dad was not there. Your daughter didn't feel important enough for you to be there on her birthday. That's huge. Maybe she doesn't realize right away, but it's the kind of thing that builds up in someone's mind over the years. Make sure that doesn't happen again. Arrange something special for her birthday, even if that meant it's just the two of you for 2 hours. She's still very young and this can be fixed and corrected. Make her feel she's the world to you and you think about her. That will go a long way.

sure... fully understand.

Her B-day is actually Tuesday coming up.  Her older sister, me and my folks will have a "Family" party for her on Tuesday after school.  But, this is the first "Kids" party I will miss since the ex and I split up.  Actually... let me rephrase that... this is the first Kids party I will miss since the ex went nuts, and left us. (the kids and I)  Also... since the ex accused me of physical and menial abuse... and went to the local woman's abuse center and tried to get a protection order on me to have me thrown out of my house... there is NO WAY I will step foot into her new place.  Since she is unstable... I don't want to give her the ammunition to start something new.   Also... I won't try to have a second "Kids" party since the majority of her friends would have been at the one yesterday.

As far as my relationship with my girls... my oldest is with me 85% of the time now.  She can see what her mom has become, and only spends a few days with her every-other week. So, in the past 2 weeks... she went over late Friday, and will be home early sunday. The birthday girl will be with me all next week, and even when it's the ex's week... I still have her every morning and afternoon since I'm able to work from home when I don't travel. (so there is only 2 Saturdays a month I don't see her)   I have my girls more than the ex... so they know I love them, and they understand the situation.  To me... it's all about the kids... but there is no reason to confuse them.  

[Blind-Sided]

@justwhoiam

Oh... one more thing to add... I have bought the marital house... so when my girls are with me... they are "Home".

Edited March 1, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[Walkingalone]

2 hours ago, justwhoiam said:

Ok, so how's your sexual life at the moment? What are you doing? How many women are you dating/seeing? What have you done these past 10 months? And in the year prior to the 10 months?

I think what you really wonder about is: are we like friends who never engaged in anything sexual? And the answer to that is: I doubt it. It's too fresh. When did you stop anything sexual with her? I gave in to hanging out with an ex boyfriend once, just the two of us, months after our breakup, and it was all smiles and obviously there was some sexual tension, because we had been sexual partners previously, in love with one another. And I could sense he was still so much into me, he was giving that away repeatedly, even if he didn't say anything explicitely. But I could tell anyway. So I decided not anymore. Your situation is different, as you have a daughter together, so she can't just cut you off.

If I were your ex-wife, I would have given it a thought, but trying to relegate that thought to a remote area of my mind. It'd become more persistent and serious ONLY if I saw you alone and not engaging in relationships nor hookups for at least 2 years. But I should also be questioning my current relationship at the same time.

I'm not your ex-wife though: I can't see myself with someone who can't drive and doesn't own a car 🙂 A man who's good at driving is a turn-on for me. It's possible she had to get over that.

Which to me means you'll go on with your life, and she'll go on with hers. Any chance of getting together will dramatically lower the moment she gets pregnant again. And the new guy will become a father.

I’m not “seeing anyone” atm. I’m talking to a few different women and will be setting up dates soon. I was seeing someone for about 3 weeks, about 3-4 months into the breakup. 
these past 10 months I’ve been getting settled into being a single dad tbh. I have my daughter 3-4 times a week. I’ve been making my house a home slowly. Working out more and focusing on work. 
the last year of our relationship was cleverly stagnant. Our free time we ate junk and watched Netflix and she was very distant and I didn’t notice it was happening. Was so obvious looking back 

the last time we slept together was about 3 weeks before we broke up. She met her new man about 2 month after that. And for about a month after the breakup I would still go round and get in bed with her. We would play fight and tickle in private areas. Nothing sexual though. She is a sexually private person. She’s never slept about. Her body is for the man she loves I’d say. 

Are you saying she would think about me more in a sexual romantic way is she wasn’t seeing me with someone else? I think that would have the opposite affect. Before we properly got together I was pursuing her for about 6 month and she would pull away. I got with another woman and she confessed her feelings for me. Seeing me with someone made her realise other people wanted me she said. When that ended I went straight back to my current ex. 
she said to me at the begging of her new relationship “I’m only doing what you did years ago” meaning Giving happiness a chance with someone else.

i have said to her (Funny because she doesn’t want to be with me) that if she has a child with him, I could never take her back. I couldn’t have the constant reminder of someone else everyday. Not him. 
 

you’re a woman... how would you proceed? I mean, can I re attract her again? I don’t think she will leave this guy for me. I just want to be a good candidate for my next relationships, and if hers ends it gives me the best chance.

 

thanks 

 

[preraph]

If she has lost sexual attraction for you it is unlikely she will ever get that back. But if that's not all it is then it's a different matter.

[Marc878]

A lot of guys project. I love her so much so she has to love me too?

Not really. That’s not how it works.

From what I’ve seen once a woman is done it’s permanent.

If you chase they tend to move farther away.

You want to keep yourself tied up in this I doubt it’ll get you much except disappointment.
 

See what is versus what you want to see.