an0nym0us123 Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 Im wondering if anyone can share some perspective on this, because i cant get my head around it. Over the course of my life i have had women in real life, hit on me, chase me, approach me. There was a group of us around the same age give or take from our small community that would often hang out in the local bar or be at a house party. Of say a dozen or so women who id often meet on nights out at least half tried it on with me or even chased me for several months. Every time wed meet i would get attention. My last ex found me in real life and pursued me. Even now there is a local woman who ive known for 15 years and been friends with finds reasons to message me. Asking for a favour or a piece of information. Often she is flirty and uses sexual innuendos in her messages. Also asking me if "there is a lucky girl" in my life. She is married with kids so im not interested but im pretty certain she fancies me. Given all this why would meeting women for dates be such a complete washout? I can get 2 or 3 dates a month online, so its not complete waste of time. But they either result in immediate and sometimes brutal rejection to high or moderate interest which fizzles out over the course of the following week or so. The stats dont make sense to me. 50% of girls in my friend group tried it on at some point so im obviously not a horrible personality. Out of the 30 odd ive met for a date in real life success rate is 0% Im sure everyone will say ditch online and meet people in real life then. But im curious why there is a discrepancy like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 Meeting in real life = time spent around each other while NOT actively engaged in "filtering" for an "optimal" mate = chance for something about you to catch their attention, chance for attraction to develop organically. Online dating = rigorous filtering and unrealistic expectations stemming from the model of "there's an app for that"/"have it your way"/"anything you want delivered to your doorstep" that has been erroneously applied to matters of courtship for the purpose of extracting money from people who don't understand that they're opting into a "dating pool" of mostly lazy, entitled, gullible people with no sense of self-direction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 Confused, it sounds like all these women first encountered you in real life. Why it doesn't work out not sure, but I am surprised the percentage is 0 in real life as you typically have a lot more information to go on before you date. If you are saying you hit it off, date and sleep together fora time but it doesn't work out, that is simply life. Even when things are good there can come a point where two people are not aligned enough for it to go longer term. Link to post Share on other sites
Envy123 Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 Online dating is mostly visual based, so being fat and not good in photos, I get filtered out almost always. But in real life, women have the bigger picture of me - both my looks and personality are being vetted and if there's compatibility, my fat body is overlooked by certain women. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) Man l can never believe how forward and pushy women must be in the US . But eh , why are you letting some silly married with a family woman bs like that to you in messages , of course she's trying it on but l hope your not playing back , send the fool back to her family. A friend of mines w was often dropping hints to me if l'd drop round and he wasn't home. l mean she's nice and we get along well but man she's got 3 young kids and she's married to my mate and she's 20yrs younger than me but no way known l'm playing that bs, At any rate , so with all these pushy women around you why you even online anyway then ? But me , l only had a very short online career haha back when myself, but it was all very obvious within the first few wks after wasting my time meeting a couple early on. lt soon became very clear to me that's it's very obviously an extremely very very hit and miss thing unless you start being very very selective . in the first few wks l found myself going to all this trouble to eventually go meet someone that l then found out on first sight in 1 second no way l'd be interested in. There's so much of the normally just natural feel and sides of things in RL, that are just missing, through a computer screen, reading their description of themselves and looking at total strangers and pictures that are 1/2 the time God knows what and very selected or often 10 15 yr old to boot. And l wasn;t just meeting anyone but the few l did go and meet first up made me realize that l have to be even more selective and really triple check things before l even bothered . And no way l met anyone without a few phone calls first either because if your gonna have anything it'll come out over the phone and if you haven;t that will too , before going any further. So once l started being more careful and very very selective , which l am in RL anyway, it made a real difference and l met some very worthwhile woman. Edited February 28, 2020 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts