DragonzRoost Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) I just found out I got the job and passed the exam in one go. I was very excited to share the news and felt thrilled to have an opportunity at this job. My Husband was happy as well. When I told him I would be putting the funds in my other bank account (work account) he mentioned putting the funds into our shared account. We had agreed to do this before marriage to avoid issues and fighting with finances or that I would put a sum into our shared. I never see the shared account (Have no clue how to access it) or any other for that matter, as he does all of this. He had plans to give me his 2012 white car and to purchase a new vehicle. Lord and behold, he dropped a big one on me and said "You should finance the new car and make payments on it." (He would be the one to own the vehicle) and I know he would never let me drive it if brand new. I told him that I wouldn't even be driving that car though and he would be the one mainly owning the vehicle. I also wasn't going to purchase a new vehicle, but rather used if that was the case. He then called me selfish and said I was stingy. I told him that I don't mind contributing to bills, the mortgage, food,, putting money into a savings, personal products and contributing overall, but I was not going to go out and finance a brand new car. That if he wanted a second car it can be used, if its new (like he wants) he can make payments on it. We can split the insurance, ect. He said it would help my credit, but to be honest my credit is not terrible. I don't have any credit cards or debt, because I got a late start in life due to some deep personal issues. I know that won't continue to be the case, but I really don't want to start going out and blowing money that I don't really have to waste. I don't want to start having needless bills for entertainment and I fear he is going to take advantage of this now as I have a part time job. Plus I only make $12.50 an hour and can only work a max of 20 hours a week. We are as well not stable and are currently in the process of scheduling with a marriage counselor. I don't want to make a situation worse by crossing hairs and being out on money I might need in case this marriage doesn't end up working out. I had plans to use a sum of the money for marriage counseling camp and plans. Help? Am I selfish? What should I do? Edited February 28, 2020 by DragonzRoost Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) A "shared" account that you do not have access to is not a shared account. While I personally have no qualms with putting anything into our shared account, my name is actually on it and we both have access. Why do you have ""no clue" how to access your shared account? Were you there when it was created? Why not talk to him about this rather than about the car issue? I would be very concerned if a partner told me that we magically had a "shared account" but I was not even involved in opening it. Edited February 28, 2020 by Elswyth 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DragonzRoost Posted February 28, 2020 Author Share Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Elswyth said: A "shared" account that you do not have access to is not a shared account. While I personally have no qualms with putting anything into our shared account, my name is actually on it and we both have access. Why do you have ""no clue" how to access your shared account? Were you there when it was created? Why not talk to him about this rather than about the car issue? I would be very concerned if a partner told me that we magically had a "shared account" but I was not even involved in opening it. I was there when they opened it, but I do not have the account or password to get into the account. I also don't have access to any of the credit card information passwords or usernames to check the history. (Not in my name but his) My name is on the account, but all I have is the card on hand. I would have no idea how to check it (I have never owned a credit card before this one) and am scared to mix our finances together with the issues that have been going on. Edited February 28, 2020 by DragonzRoost 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 It's strange that you don't have the password, it is normally set up on the spot when the account is created, no? Ask your husband to give you the password, anyway. If the refuses... again, I don't know your history, but I would be very wary and will NOT put anything in that account. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 Dragonz, not having access to the "joint" account is yet another sign of abuse. Go to the bank where you opened the account and get access details and don't put any money into it unless you have full and easy access. And good decision regarding the car. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 You are not the selfish one. He is. You need to have access to every account that your name is on. That is not negotiable. He won't even let you have a clock from your grandfather in the house & he complains that you won't buy him a car. There are so many problems with what you tolerate in your "marriage." I put that word in quotes because I see nothing loving or shared about the arrangements. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 So he's trying to guilt you into paying for his new car instead of letting you do what you feel comfortable with financially? And he'll even let you have his old one to drive. How thoughtful! Speaking for myself, if I was in your situation, my thought would be don't cave on any of this, don't go putting my whole paycheck into a "joint" account AND be sure to get access to the "joint" account. This is why I expect my partner to earn their own money. Once they can afford most of the new car they want, I can help them out with the rest. (IF I can/want to.) Ah, marital bliss... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Makes no sense on many levels. You haven't even started at the job yet. You will be potentially earning $1,000 a month before taxes. Your take home will be less than that. A new car is how much? At least $20,000 if bought with cash, if financed, expect to pay much more over the life of the loan (as in a couple years of your income). Plus add the cost of insurance and registration of a new car (hint, it's more than a used car). Not to mention this business of you buying it for him, not having access to your own account etc. What happens if your hours are cut? If you get let go from this job? Then who is going to pay the car payments and insurance? Who's credit is going to be hit and money lost in a repossession? No, no and no. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 Buying a new car isn't even usually a good business decision. Stand your ground. If he wants a new car, he can get a second job and finance it himself. Why should you drive his 2012? Makes no sense. Just stand your ground. He sounds foolish with money, so he can call you stingy and you can call him foolish and too lazy to work two jobs and buy his own car. 4 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 Keep most of your money in an account he doesn't have access to. If you want a small joint account for bill paying, that's all it should be. He's too quick to spend your money. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 3 hours ago, DragonzRoost said: I don't mind contributing to bills, the mortgage, food, putting money into a savings, personal products and contributing overall So you'd be getting how much $700 net a month and you'd be able to do all of the above? I say: tell me your secret! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 Ordinarily I've understood couples should share everything, including bank accounts. But, from what you've written I don't think I'd share an account with him at all. I think I'd open one for yourself only. It sounds as if you're not sure the marriage will survive. That's all the more reason to have your own account. I think some counselors, maybe most, would probably disagree with me. Paint me cynical on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 So he wants to capitalize on your new job by getting a brand new car for himself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 4 hours ago, Elswyth said: It's strange that you don't have the password, it is normally set up on the spot when the account is created, no? Ask your husband to give you the password, anyway. If the refuses... again, I don't know your history, but I would be very wary and will NOT put anything in that account. I suppose it depends on the financial institutes in question, but all of the ones I'm familiar with separate users and accounts. This is an account with two users, so they should both be able to set up online users with access to it. I recently set up a joint account with my mother to manage my father's liquid assets after he passed away. We both also have individual accounts with the same bank. When I log in with my credentials, I see my personal accounts plus that joint account. When my mother logs in with her credentials, she sees her personal account plus that joint account. Sorry for the lengthy explanation, but it may be pertinent here. The OP should not need to get the password from the husband, as her name is on the account. If she doesn't already have an online user with the financial institution in question, all she should have to do is go to their website and register one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 Do what protects your security and future. find out the history of the account your name is on/the one you share. If needed go to the bank and ask for the balance and history on the account. don't finance that new car for him, if he wants a new car he should finance it himself. anyone who risks ruining my credit I say no to them. This includes your husband who isn’t looking out for your best interest. i would make sure the clock is in the house! $700 take home pay isn’t much. How much does your husband earn? How much does he contribute to the monthly expenses? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 The only good thing about this dreadful situation is that you can determine the fate of your marriage in one step: ask for the login credentials to the account. If he won't immediately provide them to you then this marriage is dead. You cannot stay married to someone who controls your money and dictates how you spend it; it's abusive. Do not try to rescue your marriage to an abuser. But if he does immediately (and I do mean immediately) give you access and you determine everything is as it should be, then you can talk about how you handle your finances going forward. And you aren't selfish for not wanting to finance a new car that you don't use. This guy sounds like he doesn't know enough to manage money for himself, much less a household. If he won't give you the credentials then you need to head to the bank and explain the situation. Bring as many proofs of residence as you can muster: your driver's license, bills, paychecks, etc. Ask for login credentials yourself and take a look at the transaction history. Is it really an account that's growing with all your shared deposits? Or is he constantly taking withdrawals to pay for his own interests? I originally wrote a sentence or two of credit advice but I think your credit history is the least of your worries right now. You have to get to the bottom of this account situation first. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 15 hours ago, DragonzRoost said: "You should finance the new car and make payments on it." (He would be the one to own the vehicle) and I know he would never let me drive it if brand new. NO!!! Ok everyone is different and all views are not the same but for the most part, short trips across town to work and local shopping you need a cheap reliable second hand car ( of some sort). Best if not financed and only a few years old. Keep with a popular brand and model for your area. Buy local... Read reviews. I have never bought a new car and never will. I am a mechanic but no longer work in the trade, I only buy what I need. If I need to travel, I will fly and taxi or rent a car for the time I need, I see no point in paying for something to loose money in my drive way that I need 2 times a year. Your dollar value will likely be a lot different than mine. I am in need a new set of wheels and after checking out the online auctions in my state I found what I want, and it is a 2012.... I will likely bid close to $20k for it.... If I could not afford it I would be looking for another cheap one that will last another 2 years. As a rule of thumb.... You are doing well if your vehicle costs you $2K yr without including fuel, servicing, brakes and tires (and batteries for northern climates). 16 hours ago, DragonzRoost said: We are as well not stable and are currently in the process of scheduling with a marriage counselor. I don't want to make a situation worse by crossing hairs and being out on money I might need in case this marriage doesn't end up working out. I had plans to use a sum of the money for marriage counseling camp and plans. Even more of a reason to YELL "NO"!!!! Get access to that joint account and find out what he is spending money on.... It has your name on it so you are responsible for it, you may also be responsible for his other debts if you split/divorce.... "Not Stable" calls for KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid, and live well within your means as if you split you may be holding the bag for more than you think. As with any partnership there should be a joint account. But I totally disagree with "His/Her money is MY money" I bought that tee shirt and it did not wash well... Both partners in the marriage should be involved equally in the finances, even if only one is bringing home the bacon.... Make it your business!!! I like your train of thought: Invest your money to increase the value of your marriage, rather than investing in something that will devalue every day you own it. The Jones family can buy what ever they want, it's not a race. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 You should never have all your money mixed, not even when married. You should always have a little savings in case you need it yourself for an emergency -- like to get a lawyer for divorce! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 He would never “let you drive it!” everything is wrong with that statement! you need to be able to do what YOU WANT! Especially ifYOU are paying for it - or financing it! why are YOU allowing him to set all the rules within this unbalanced marriage? have you moved the clock in yet? You should! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 She should just move herself out. This guy is a mess. He's just using you. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 Did you get to the bank today to find out what the balance is? And what the balance was when the account was opened? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 13 hours ago, S2B said: have you moved the clock in yet? You should! Oh geez, I didn't realize she was that poster. OP, I changed my stance. Even if he does "give" you access to this "joint" account, do NOT put anything in there. In fact, start talking to a divorce lawyer asap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 I apologize if this is too blunt, but only a complete loser would ask his wife to finance a new car for himself with her new paycheck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 Now that's what I need - a sugar mama! 😄 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 Beyond all his silly money managing and logic if everything goes perfect you will make 1k before taxes. A fair amount of your months labor would be supporting a new vehicle expenses. To get a minimal monthly car payment it would have to be spread out 5+ years. In essence people that do this are doing nothing more than working for a vehicle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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