asked out gym girl on IG she told ex and blocked me

[barbossa]

I have known a girl from my gym for about 6 months, she was hot so I always at least tried to say hi when possible

i always approach to start conversations and say hi because she tends to stick to herself and is introverted though really hot

our interactions have been short and polite

after getting to know her she told me she has a bf I remained polite and friendly but decided to write her off since she had a boyfriend

her social media used to have pictures of her and her bf, for as long as I have known her for 6 months that was no longer the case as of 3 weeks ago and she kept having stories of being cheated on etc

she hasn't come to the gym at the same time since the new year  ( she now comes during early morning,  she posts on her stories when she comes)

Today i sent her a message telling her I thought she was attractive and that I wanted to ask her out to lunch

she told me "that was weird ASF"

moments later a request to follow me was sent ( presumably by her ex, since i never get them + male name of profile)

later she blocked me

Where did I go wrong? I would have asked her out in person but I have no idea when i would possibly see her again in person and i finally decided to take action

How to handle a potentially jealous ex? 

 

 

 

[Cookiesandough]

I think she was a bit of a brat, but honestly your behavior does sound a little stalkerish. Did she give you her Instagram? Also, next time you ask someone out, bite the bullet and do it in person when you see them. Every time a guy I know or met irl asked me out on social media it was kind of odd and a turn off.

Edited February 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[The Outlaw]

And telling her that you thought she was attractive before you asked her out via social media did come across as a bit weird, hence the block. Next time get to know someone a little better and ask in person. 

[barbossa]

1 hour ago, The Outlaw said:

And telling her that you thought she was attractive before you asked her out via social media did come across as a bit weird, hence the block. Next time get to know someone a little better and ask in person. 

 

 

6 months of seeing her at my gym isn't enough ?

Online daters ask each other out in less than 2 weeks

[simpycurious]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think she was a bit of a brat, but honestly your behavior does sound a little stalkerish. Did she give you her Instagram? Also, next time you ask someone out, bite the bullet and do it in person when you see them. Every time a guy I know or met irl asked me out on social media it was kind of odd and a turn off.

DO IT IN PERSON. The whole ask out through a social media account is kinda lame in my opinion.  At some point, you gotta muster up 

the guts to do it the right way.  If she says no that she has a boyfriend no big deal at least you tried. 

Edited February 29, 2020 by simpycurious

[Cookiesandough]

Yes it screams lack of confidence... especially if you never gave them your social media info personally 

Edited February 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[GuitarGuy7]

This is just my theory. 

A lot of dating comes down to timing, it's catching a girl at the right place and at the right time. So my guess is that you asked her out at the wrong place and at the wrong time, when she had just broken up with her boyfriend and probably didn't feel like dating anybody right now.   Wheres had you of asked her out a couple months later when she was looking for someone new, she may have been more receptive towards you.

 

[Pumaza]

6 months is half a year. best is asking her personally. Especially if you are serious about her.

Or at least on the phone.

This girl looks like she wasnt ready anyway and she just got out of a relationship on social media?

She probally still emotionlly attached to him or just having a moment.

Move on, and stop keep eye on people on social media.

If she say she not single,move on.

Staying around while you want more out of it may get you involved for nothing,wasting time and having high hopes for no reason.

[Pumaza]

And if she never giveth you her social media but you out here following her and keeping track...its gonna make you look creepy.

Let the girl give you her social media herself.

In this case she told you she is taken.That is already a clear no to what ever romantic thing.

And why you worry about a probally ex and how to deal with it,while she not even into you ,let alone yours.

So weird. Move on!

[simpycurious]

I also agree with Cookie  that it does seem a little "stalkerish" if she didn't give you any of her social media info.

 

[basil67]

I can't see her being 'bit of a brat'.   She just can't see why you had asked her out when she's apparently never given you any indication that she's interested in you.   She didn't even engage in friendly conversation. 

[Daisydooks]

2 hours ago, barbossa said:

 

 

6 months of seeing her at my gym isn't enough ?

Online daters ask each other out in less than 2 weeks

You aren't an online dater and with online daters, they show interest in one another. It is 2 sided in those cases. She never even engaged in a hello unless you approached her.  

You totally creeped her out. She told her boyfriend immediately, so he followed you where he knew you were following her and asking her out on a date mere weeks after seeing memes on her SM. You assumed she was single and without even seeing her asked her on a date within 3 weeks of his pics being removed. You made BIG assumptions this is her ex. 

 

Edited February 29, 2020 by Daisydooks

[The Outlaw]

8 hours ago, barbossa said:

 

 

6 months of seeing her at my gym isn't enough ?

Online daters ask each other out in less than 2 weeks

Whatever floats your boat, but all I'm saying is it's better in person. Thinking she's attractive is fine. Telling her online and then asking her out just weirded her out hence the block. And if you think it's her ex that wants to follow you now, decline and counter block. That's the best way to handle a potentially jealous ex.  

Edited February 29, 2020 by The Outlaw

[d0nnivain]

You went wrong by asking out a woman who never gave you any indication that she had any interest in you.   Her response was rude.  She also had a BF.  

She blocked you.  Leave it at that,

Going forward confirm any break ups rather than assume.  Also the ask is always better in person rather then through social media or text.   

[ChatroomHero]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You went wrong by asking out a woman who never gave you any indication that she had any interest in you.   Her response was rude.  She also had a BF.  

She blocked you.  Leave it at that,

Going forward confirm any break ups rather than assume.  Also the ask is always better in person rather then through social media or text.   

I disagree with the first part. The amount of times you ask out a woman that you get a real clear sign of interest is maybe 20%. You see it on here a lot, "A cute guy at my gym has looked at me. I look back. We make small chit chat. I am too shy and sometimes ignore him or look away..." basically saying I want him to ask me out but I act like I don't.

That's why confident guys get the girl. They don't care if the super hot girl replies, "That's creepy af", as soon as they read "That's cree..." they have deleted the message and pretty much forgotten the super hot girl exists and moves on. They don't post on here asking where they went wrong because they they took their shot, it didn't land and frankly don't care about not getting a date with someone they don't know. I don't think OP went wrong here, he took his shot.

Now as far as the shot he took, I think it was like taking a shot 100 yards out from a boat rocking on the ocean. 1. Not in person. 2. It sounds like he did it online without her adding him so that screams stalker. 3. He lead with how hot he thought she was. Nothing screams weak, stalker-ish, looking to get laid like his approach in my opinion. But if the burden to initiate is on you, there is nothing wrong with taking a shot and getting rejected. Getting rejected is always the more likely scenario so if you talk that as a knock on you, you won't get very far.

A little while back I met a single girl through a casual acquaintance of a friend that they ran into at the bar. I asked for her number and asked her out. After some low interest texting on her part she finally replied she was just out of a relationship...and that is as far as I got. I deleted her text and number and until now, haven't really given her a 2nd thought. I put no stock in her. I will meet other women I will be more attracted to, be a better fit with and want to be with more. So being reject by her I didn't really care. I said, oh well, I took my shot and being rejected had 0 effect on my life. 

I think OP should continue to take his shots regardless of a woman showing interest or not but also take shots in a better way.

[d0nnivain]

Chatroomhero 

I have seen many women platy that shy, coy, push/pull chase me BS.  I agree it is a thing & a confident man can ignore it. 

That is a different game from a woman saying "that is creep ASF".    This woman told the OP unequivocally that his conduct was unwelcome & unwanted.   It explains why she told her BF about his advances & why she blocked him.  

[homecoming]

11 hours ago, barbossa said:

 

 

6 months of seeing her at my gym isn't enough ?

Online daters ask each other out in less than 2 weeks

Erm... you can't just see someone around and count that as something. If I had been going to a gym and suddenly someone messaged me, I would block them, too. I don't think she was rude in her response, either. There is no 'jealous ex', you're not part of her life. Next time, actually get to know someone in person, instead of this approach, it is a bit weird.

[Cookiesandough]

2 hours ago, ChatroomHero said:

I disagree with the first part. The amount of times you ask out a woman that you get a real clear sign of interest is maybe 20%. You see it on here a lot, "A cute guy at my gym has looked at me. I look back. We make small chit chat. I am too shy and sometimes ignore him or look away..." basically saying I want him to ask me out but I act like I don't.

That's why confident guys get the girl. They don't care if the super hot girl replies, "That's creepy af", as soon as they read "That's cree..." they have deleted the message and pretty much forgotten the super hot girl exists and moves on. They don't post on here asking where they went wrong because they they took their shot, it didn't land and frankly don't care about not getting a date with someone they don't know. I don't think OP went wrong here, he took his shot.

Now as far as the shot he took, I think it was like taking a shot 100 yards out from a boat rocking on the ocean. 1. Not in person. 2. It sounds like he did it online without her adding him so that screams stalker. 3. He lead with how hot he thought she was. Nothing screams weak, stalker-ish, looking to get laid like his approach in my opinion. But if the burden to initiate is on you, there is nothing wrong with taking a shot and getting rejected. Getting rejected is always the more likely scenario so if you talk that as a knock on you, you won't get very far.

A little while back I met a single girl through a casual acquaintance of a friend that they ran into at the bar. I asked for her number and asked her out. After some low interest texting on her part she finally replied she was just out of a relationship...and that is as far as I got. I deleted her text and number and until now, haven't really given her a 2nd thought. I put no stock in her. I will meet other women I will be more attracted to, be a better fit with and want to be with more. So being reject by her I didn't really care. I said, oh well, I took my shot and being rejected had 0 effect on my life. 

I think OP should continue to take his shots regardless of a woman showing interest or not but also take shots in a better way.

I agree with you that there’s nothing inherently wrong with cold approaching. I’ve seen it work plenty of times, but the girl has to be very attracted to the guy. I don’t like it, but I would never respond in such an immature manner as “that’s weird af”  This girl seems the type that struggles to articulate themselves outside of text acronyms. If a guy has asks me out and compliments me, I always decline in a tactful way. 
 

Having said that, cold approach over a social media platform takes the confidence aspect out of it, particularly so if you had the opportunity to ask them in person. Also, OP has not clarified how he got her social media information. If she didn’t give it to him, I can understand her being creeped out and the block warranted. Maybe she felt creeped out as well from OP hovering at her gym for so long. I don’t know. 

Edited February 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[preraph]

I thought it might have meant something that she stopped going to the gym when you were there and started coming in the morning, which you said you could tell by her social media.  If she had ever had any interest in you or anyone there when you are typically there, seems like she wouldn't have permanently opted to stop coming then.  So she may have gotten uncomfortable with either you or someone else, prompting her to change times.  Or not.  If I was interested in someone who had been chatting some at the gym and I wanted to keep track of them, I would have told the person, Well, I won't be seeing you for awhile, I've got to start going in the morning.

 

I have to say that just in general, I have seen so many posts like this about flirting at the gym on here, and I can only think back to one instance a couple actually started dating (and they were here for some issue) who met at the gym.  So you'd think it would be a better place to meet and date, but it doesn't seem like it is.  Maybe women just want to be left alone when they're dressed in gym clothes and sweaty.  Or maybe it's only the guys they're not attracted to who chat them up.  Maybe they don't like the idea that some guy is watching them work out.  You know, a lot of women are pretty self-conscious and easily creeped out by staring. 

I mean, I've seen women on here just the same as you, liking a guy at the gym, and still nothing happens....probably the same attractiveness variance you get everywhere else.  I do think it's also possible that guys think their bodies and being ripped may count for more than what it does for many women.  Women I know like nice faces, hair, and just overall build, not so focused on body muscles.  Some are, of course.  Breaking that down, maybe some guys think they are more appealing at the gym where women can see their muscles (like it would be on the beach) and maybe that gives them more confidence to flirt or ask a woman out, which is fine, but then, again, like I said, body isn't the be all/end all for women like it is for men.  It's possible guys at the gym who think their body is better than when they're dressed and out in the world also shoot higher and that that is a miscalculation.

 

Anyway, like others say, just let it go.  And realize that even women get shot down when they flirt.  They don't stick their necks out quite as often, but it does happen.

Edited February 29, 2020 by preraph

[mark clemson]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Having said that, cold approach over a social media platform takes the confidence aspect out of it, particularly so if you had the opportunity to ask them in person. Also, OP has not clarified how he got her social media information. If she didn’t give it to him, I can understand her being creeped out and the block warranted. Maybe she felt creeped out as well from OP hovering at her gym for so long. I don’t know. 

 

^^^^ FWIW, agree OP, including the 6 month orbiter thing. Next time ask in person. Also generally an orbiter remains such unless there starts to be more of a "friendship" vibe, such as friendly conversations, no?

Generally I do think some sign (e.g. some "slightly warm" eye contact and/or a smile) is what you want to see prior to a cold approach. Otherwise why bother. But the other poster above is probably right that there are some women who aren't good at giving off those signals and/or sometimes the guy isn't good at noticing them.

Full disclosure: I'm not dating.

[elaine567]

15 hours ago, barbossa said:

after getting to know her she told me she has a bf

She made it clear where she stood. 
I have a bf = I am not interested.
Then follows short and polite conversation...
That is not a woman who is remotely interested in even being a friend IMO.
The OP got hung up on her being "hot", and forgot the fact they had no real connection.
He then stalks her on social media, finds out she is now likely single, probably been cheated upon and then he tries to pick her up, a grieving and no doubt heart broken woman...
My guess by her reaction and the reaction of the bf, she is not single, her and her bf are likely attempting to work things out...



 

[barbossa]

Lots of girls in relationships talk to other dudes inside their dms, I talk to several hot ones... it's no big thing .... I talk to married people on LinkedIn as well....ain't no thang 

I don't take these girls serious because we live far away...

Many girls have boyfriend's but it's not possible to tell based on their social media. Girls love love social media attention. I would guess you are one of them

 

[barbossa]

On 2/29/2020 at 1:15 PM, preraph said:

I thought it might have meant something that she stopped going to the gym when you were there and started coming in the morning, which you said you could tell by her social media.  If she had ever had any interest in you or anyone there when you are typically there, seems like she wouldn't have permanently opted to stop coming then.  So she may have gotten uncomfortable with either you or someone else, prompting her to change times.  Or not.  If I was interested in someone who had been chatting some at the gym and I wanted to keep track of them, I would have told the person, Well, I won't be seeing you for awhile, I've got to start going in the morning.

 

I have to say that just in general, I have seen so many posts like this about flirting at the gym on here, and I can only think back to one instance a couple actually started dating (and they were here for some issue) who met at the gym.  So you'd think it would be a better place to meet and date, but it doesn't seem like it is.  Maybe women just want to be left alone when they're dressed in gym clothes and sweaty.  Or maybe it's only the guys they're not attracted to who chat them up.  Maybe they don't like the idea that some guy is watching them work out.  You know, a lot of women are pretty self-conscious and easily creeped out by staring. 

I mean, I've seen women on here just the same as you, liking a guy at the gym, and still nothing happens....probably the same attractiveness variance you get everywhere else.  I do think it's also possible that guys think their bodies and being ripped may count for more than what it does for many women.  Women I know like nice faces, hair, and just overall build, not so focused on body muscles.  Some are, of course.  Breaking that down, maybe some guys think they are more appealing at the gym where women can see their muscles (like it would be on the beach) and maybe that gives them more confidence to flirt or ask a woman out, which is fine, but then, again, like I said, body isn't the be all/end all for women like it is for men.  It's possible guys at the gym who think their body is better than when they're dressed and out in the world also shoot higher and that that is a miscalculation.

 

Anyway, like others say, just let it go.  And realize that even women get shot down when they flirt.  They don't stick their necks out quite as often, but it does happen.

If she was into me, it woulda have worked out. but she wasn't  so it did not. Now i do not have to think about her and think about what ifs.

I took the risk and tried. thats it. I think the whole blocking think is immature AF, but given her age i can understand.  

 

[barbossa]

On 2/29/2020 at 1:15 PM, preraph said:

I thought it might have meant something that she stopped going to the gym when you were there and started coming in the morning, which you said you could tell by her social media.  If she had ever had any interest in you or anyone there when you are typically there, seems like she wouldn't have permanently opted to stop coming then.  So she may have gotten uncomfortable with either you or someone else, prompting her to change times.  Or not.  If I was interested in someone who had been chatting some at the gym and I wanted to keep track of them, I would have told the person, Well, I won't be seeing you for awhile, I've got to start going in the morning.

 

I have to say that just in general, I have seen so many posts like this about flirting at the gym on here, and I can only think back to one instance a couple actually started dating (and they were here for some issue) who met at the gym.  So you'd think it would be a better place to meet and date, but it doesn't seem like it is.  Maybe women just want to be left alone when they're dressed in gym clothes and sweaty.  Or maybe it's only the guys they're not attracted to who chat them up.  Maybe they don't like the idea that some guy is watching them work out.  You know, a lot of women are pretty self-conscious and easily creeped out by staring. 

I mean, I've seen women on here just the same as you, liking a guy at the gym, and still nothing happens....probably the same attractiveness variance you get everywhere else.  I do think it's also possible that guys think their bodies and being ripped may count for more than what it does for many women.  Women I know like nice faces, hair, and just overall build, not so focused on body muscles.  Some are, of course.  Breaking that down, maybe some guys think they are more appealing at the gym where women can see their muscles (like it would be on the beach) and maybe that gives them more confidence to flirt or ask a woman out, which is fine, but then, again, like I said, body isn't the be all/end all for women like it is for men.  It's possible guys at the gym who think their body is better than when they're dressed and out in the world also shoot higher and that that is a miscalculation.

 

Anyway, like others say, just let it go.  And realize that even women get shot down when they flirt.  They don't stick their necks out quite as often, but it does happen.

She goes to school, obviously her spring semester has different classes and times then the previous term. I sometimes go to the gym earlier or later depending on my work or life schedule too. I also avoid peak hours right after work because while there are more gym hotties it is just too busy to get my work out in without having to wait. 

[barbossa]

On 2/29/2020 at 12:22 AM, simpycurious said:

DO IT IN PERSON. The whole ask out through a social media account is kinda lame in my opinion.  At some point, you gotta muster up 

the guts to do it the right way.  If she says no that she has a boyfriend no big deal at least you tried. 

100% you are right. This is what i should have done,  though I did not think she would block me the way she did. I should have been a man about it and done it in person. instead i was a coward and hid behind my phone. 

In the end it worked out the way it did. And finally i tried. so thats that.

thanks for everyone who responded