asked out gym girl on IG she told ex and blocked me

[mortensorchid]

Yuck.  This just wasn't meant to be.  I would just let it go and should you see her again at the gym don't approach her.

[SumGuy]

12 hours ago, barbossa said:

If she was into me, it woulda have worked out. but she wasn't  so it did not. Now i do not have to think about her and think about what ifs.

I took the risk and tried. thats it. I think the whole blocking think is immature AF, but given her age i can understand.  

 

You completely ignored her not interested signals.  Very, very clear signals.   Then you stalked her social media.   Then reached out with basically a “your hot” line and info that let her know you’ve been stalking her media. 
I don’t think she is being immature but wise as you didn’t get the hint, and still don’t it seems.  

Edited March 2, 2020 by SumGuy

[Kitty Tantrum]

Lack of calibration.

What you doing asking her out ON THE INTERNET when you know her IRL? Man? What?

And you presume to tell others how to do??

[ZA Dater]

On ‎2‎/‎29‎/‎2020 at 4:58 AM, barbossa said:

she told me "that was weird ASF"

moments later a request to follow me was sent ( presumably by her ex, since i never get them + male name of profile)

later she blocked me

Where did I go wrong? I would have asked her out in person but I have no idea when i would possibly see her again in person and i finally decided to take action

How to handle a potentially jealous ex? 

 

 

 

In my view you did not do anything wrong you simply came across someone who didn't find you attractive and wasn't very polite in the way that handled the situation. Sadly when I read this it once again proves to me that cold approaches don't ever work, even familiar ones like this.

I'd go to gym and completely ignore here, adopt the F U attitude. She showed you very little courtesy so the best course of action in my view is to ignore her. I commend you for trying, because that does take courage but again these hot girls, endless options means very low chance of success.

[simpycurious]

Put it behind you and look forward.  When you go to the gym just ignore her and do your work then go.  

[basil67]

Wait....she's in college?    If I remember rightly, you are mid 30's.   I wish you'd given us this nugget of info at the start - it puts a whole new spin on the reasons she could have reacted like she did.   

[homecoming]

I'm surprised that this thread is attracting a lot of in-depth analysis from what appear to be mostly men. 

He wasn't dating her, he doesn't know her - she's just a woman that goes to his gym? Am I correct in my perception? 

I see people at my gym all the time. I might even nod to a couple of them, and have done for months. This doesn't mean I can then DM them, and be offended when their response isn't positive. It's really not OK for him to have done what he did, IMO. Her reaction is warranted. 

She's not playing coy, hard to get, or testing him. All this analysis about her and her life, and this supposed boyfriend... it's weird. 

He had a crush on a girl at his gym and stupidly messaged her with zero interest from her side, and is convinced he slots into her life in some way. Seriously. She isn't even thinking about you, sorry.

[ChatroomHero]

On 2/29/2020 at 11:01 AM, d0nnivain said:

Chatroomhero 

I have seen many women platy that shy, coy, push/pull chase me BS.  I agree it is a thing & a confident man can ignore it. 

That is a different game from a woman saying "that is creep ASF".    This woman told the OP unequivocally that his conduct was unwelcome & unwanted.   It explains why she told her BF about his advances & why she blocked him.  

Totally agree. I was just saying making a move on someone that you don't have a clear indication of interest from is ok. The way OP did it is not ok. That being said, if she thought OP was really hot, her text probably would have been, "I can't believe you found me on here! That is so sweet that you put in that effort". Usually the line between the most romantic thing ever and creepy af is the level of attraction.

I mean a 45 year old guy hitting on a 23 year old girl = creepy. Brad Pitt at almost 60 hitting on a 23 year old girl and nobody really bats an eye.

[SumGuy]

On 3/12/2020 at 12:35 PM, homecoming said:

He had a crush on a girl at his gym and stupidly messaged her with zero interest from her side, and is convinced he slots into her life in some way. Seriously. She isn't even thinking about you, sorry.

Its worse than that even from how I read the OP.  When he tried previously to talk to her in the gym she gave him clear leave me alone words and actions.
Add in the age difference, and yah to me his behavior and subsequent reaction is the very definition of a creep women are concerned about.   

[simpycurious]

On 3/14/2020 at 4:02 PM, SumGuy said:

Its worse than that even from how I read the OP.  When he tried previously to talk to her in the gym she gave him clear leave me alone words and actions.
Add in the age difference, and yah to me his behavior and subsequent reaction is the very definition of a creep women are concerned about.   

She probably saw you as a Creepy Dude.  You need to STOP ALREADY.

[basil67]

On 3/15/2020 at 7:51 AM, ChatroomHero said:

Brad Pitt at almost 60 hitting on a 23 year old girl and nobody really bats an eye.

Did Brad Pitt do this?  I thought he went for women his own age. 

But if you're using his name because it was the first Hollywood star which came to mind, then a lot of people don't blink an eye because most of what's printed about Hollywood types is false anyway.   And like it or not, real life rules don't apply to them. 

[simpycurious]

26 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Did Brad Pitt do this?  I thought he went for women his own age. 

But if you're using his name because it was the first Hollywood star which came to mind, then a lot of people don't blink an eye because most of what's printed about Hollywood types is false anyway.   And like it or not, real life rules don't apply to them. 

None of that matters.  She was not interested in him PERIOD.  He doesn't need to make her feel uncomfortable. No is NO....

[basil67]

I wrote pretty much the same as you @simplycurious   And yes, we were getting off topic.

[ChatroomHero]

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

Did Brad Pitt do this?  I thought he went for women his own age. 

But if you're using his name because it was the first Hollywood star which came to mind, then a lot of people don't blink an eye because most of what's printed about Hollywood types is false anyway.   And like it or not, real life rules don't apply to them. 

I have seen the same moves by one guy come across to a girl as creepy that for another guy was considered so romantic. It comes down to attraction, if the girl is attracted enough she will enjoy the attention if not, she will loathe the attention. If we met and talked and you were interested, if I got your number off of say, a list for a charity we both volunteered for, you might be flattered that I took a bold move. If you had no attraction to me you might think it was creepy and stalker-ish. All I am saying is a lot of times there is "creepy af" vs "creepy af because I am not interested in you.

[SumGuy]

14 minutes ago, ChatroomHero said:

I have seen the same moves by one guy come across to a girl as creepy that for another guy was considered so romantic. It comes down to attraction, if the girl is attracted enough she will enjoy the attention if not, she will loathe the attention. If we met and talked and you were interested, if I got your number off of say, a list for a charity we both volunteered for, you might be flattered that I took a bold move. If you had no attraction to me you might think it was creepy and stalker-ish. All I am saying is a lot of times there is "creepy af" vs "creepy af because I am not interested in you.

True, but when a woman gives you clear not interested signals in person, then you track her on social media and reach out to her when you notice she just broke up..that's creepy af in my book. 

It's the ignoring of "not interested" signals (plus the social media tracking/stalking) that is the thing here in my view.  If Brad Pitt ignored such signals then he too would be creepy af to a lot of women, just his wealth and fame may have them hold back on calling him out for it.   

[Azincourt]

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

I have known a girl from my gym for about 6 months, she was hot so I always at least tried to say hi when possible

Women can tell when a guy is only being nice to them because he wants to have sex with them.

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

i always approach to start conversations and say hi because she tends to stick to herself and is introverted though really hot

Women for the most part don't want to be approached at the gym, or whenever they are out to buy groceries, or waiting at the dentist's office for her appointment, or when they're picking up their son from soccer practice. If she keeps to herself the best course of action is to let her be. The gym isn't the place to meet women, and you going up to this woman time after time to start conversations when she's made it clear(closed-off body language, doesn't initiate conversations with you) is making her feel uncomfortable.

 

 

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

our interactions have been short and polite

Yeah, your interactions with her have been short because she doesn't want to talk to you. She wants to focus on her workout. She's polite because she's trying to see if you can take the hint.  She's not interested.

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

after getting to know her she told me she has a bf I remained polite and friendly but decided to write her off since she had a boyfriend

You should've done that a long time ago, when she made it clear she wasn't interested.

 

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

her social media used to have pictures of her and her bf, for as long as I have known her for 6 months that was no longer the case as of 3 weeks ago and she kept having stories of being cheated on etc

she hasn't come to the gym at the same time since the new year  ( she now comes during early morning,  she posts on her stories when she comes)

 

Either because her work schedule changed or she changed or gym-time to make sure you are not there.

 

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

Today i sent her a message telling her I thought she was attractive and that I wanted to ask her out to lunch

Bro, she has been made to know how attractive she is since she was a teenager. There is no point in telling an attractive woman that because first of all, it's kinda creepy. Second,  if she was interested in you she would ask you out. Because everyone and his dog already knows you want to date her. Honestly if I was you I'd stay away from his woman as far away as possible because I have a hunch she's already very weary of you, and if you keep going she's going to call the cops on you.

 

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

she told me "that was weird ASF"

Because the way you've been acting towards her has been nothing but creepy.

 

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

moments later a request to follow me was sent ( presumably by her ex, since i never get them + male name of profile)

later she blocked me

She probably told him that a creepy guy was harassing her at the gym and he wanted to set the record straight and tell you to stop.

 

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

Where did I go wrong? I would have asked her out in person but I have no idea when i would possibly see her again in person and i finally decided to take action

How to handle a potentially jealous ex? 

Well, since you don't have any idea of what social boundaries are, this is what you did wrong.

1) You approached someone who didn't want to be approached. That's something you never do. For your safety and for the woman's safety.

2) You kept approaching her and initiating conversations when she made it clear(she kept the conversation short) she wasn't interested in getting to know you.

So this is what you do. Hire a psychologist and tell him what you just told us.

 

 

On 2/29/2020 at 2:58 AM, barbossa said:

 

 

 

 

[ZA Dater]

The bottom line to this is that NO cold approach will ever work at ALL EVER. That would seem to be the consensus.

It would appear it is impossible to actually meet women anywhere, well because you cannot do any approach so I would guess OP you are stuck to things like Meet Up, social clubs (whatever those actually are), sports and mutual friends. Oh and dating sites and apps.

 

[5x5]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

The bottom line to this is that NO cold approach will ever work at ALL EVER. That would seem to be the consensus.

Well I suppose that might be an erroneous consensus, from people who are clearly mistaken.

Since want you claim simply isn't true. Just as it was in the long distant past all the way up through the 1990s, when I and others cold approached some women and some women have cold approached me and others, then got together or had longer sexual relationships.

Even today with the younger generation, my son (just like others) ended up having a relationship with a woman who was randomly standing in a line with him at a university open day, because he started talking to her and then asked her out.

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

It would appear it is impossible to actually meet women anywhere,

If you think that I encourage you to open your eyes, look again and then think further.

Meanwhile (outside of Covid-19 stuff) and regardless of what you believe. Men and women, meet all of the time around the world. While plenty of them even end up having sexual relationships together, as a consequence of such meetings.

Good Luck.

 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

The bottom line to this is that NO cold approach will ever work at ALL EVER. That would seem to be the consensus.

It would appear it is impossible to actually meet women anywhere, well because you cannot do any approach so I would guess OP you are stuck to things like Meet Up, social clubs (whatever those actually are), sports and mutual friends. Oh and dating sites and apps.

 

I met any boyfriend I ever had through sports, work or mutual friends.   Not sure why you're making such a fuss over cold approaches not being terribly successful.  

That said, a guy who's got the ability to make good conversation can still meet a woman while out.  I maintain that the best way is if if the couple gets chatting, they start to feel at ease with each other and only then does one suggest exchanging numbers.    It's hard to describe how to get chatting, but sometimes it just happens.  Like 5x5's son at the Uni open day.  Two people find themselves both new and in the same line...or both lost....it makes for conversation.   @5x5 did your son actually do a cold approach?  Or was it a friendly conversation which led to more?

[ZA Dater]

4 hours ago, 5x5 said:

Well I suppose that might be an erroneous consensus, from people who are clearly mistaken.

Since want you claim simply isn't true. Just as it was in the long distant past all the way up through the 1990s, when I and others cold approached some women and some women have cold approached me and others, then got together or had longer sexual relationships.

Even today with the younger generation, my son (just like others) ended up having a relationship with a woman who was randomly standing in a line with him at a university open day, because he started talking to her and then asked her out.

If you think that I encourage you to open your eyes, look again and then think further.

Meanwhile (outside of Covid-19 stuff) and regardless of what you believe. Men and women, meet all of the time around the world. While plenty of them even end up having sexual relationships together, as a consequence of such meetings.

Good Luck.

 

Well this thread and others like it have lead me to believe it does not end well a lot of the time, sure there might be exceptions but would guess they are relatively few UNLESS one had something tangible that would actually make her want to talk to you. For me of us we don't have that at all. I can go on about WW2 history but that's hardly going to get miss athletic wanting to go on a date with me or be much of a point of conversation. My point is the OP tried what he thought best using his judgement,  I think most of us would either

1: No bother

2: Try and get the same result.

Perhaps I should have been clearer for MOST people it does not work I know guys who have chameleon like qualities and for them it works very well, however most people don't, I call things how I see them which doesn't get me very far, the OP did much the same here and got rebuffed for it.

At the end of the day, looks and social skills are what matter most, there is no room for error in either, mess one or the other up and you are done, seemingly.

[5x5]

@basil67 He just happened to be in line with her, and found her attractive. So he just started talking to her. It was nothing particularly deep and meaningful since he was limited by time, so he decided to ask if she would like to go on a date with him. She said yes and they were an item for a little while at the beginning of last year until he decided to dump her. So I guess it started out as a friendly conversation. Yet he was interested from first seeing her, so he ended up asking her out within a few minutes.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

 It's hard to describe how to get chatting, but sometimes it just happens.  Like 5x5's son at the Uni open day.  Two people find themselves both new and in the same line...or both lost....it makes for conversation.   @5x5 did your son actually do a cold approach?  Or was it a friendly conversation which led to more?

Its no really, she either finds you physically attractive or not or she sees some way or other you might be able to benefit her. My guess if the OP has applied charm and spun a few lies he probably would have had better luck but then again he probably wasn't what she was looking for.

[ZA Dater]

4 minutes ago, 5x5 said:

@basil67 He just happened to be in line with her, and found her attractive. So he just started talking to her. It was nothing particularly deep and meaningful since he was limited by time, so he decided to ask if she would like to go on a date with him. She said yes and they were an item for a little while at the beginning of last year until he decided to dump her. So I guess it started out as a friendly conversation. Yet he was interested from first seeing her, so he ended up asking her out within a few minutes.

Pure physical attraction nothing else involved, he could have said anything to her and she would have gone on a date with him. No good conversation required. Those are the guys who simply have the luck many others do not. I have learnt with each failure you can find the underlying reason why, most of the time at least. You can be the most amazing guy and experience total failure because you don't have looks and you can have looks and experience total success without having anything else. This cuts both ways.

[5x5]

21 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

My guess if the OP has applied charm and spun a few lies he probably would have had better luck but then again he probably wasn't what she was looking for.

On the first bolded... Sigh.

As to the second bolded, most women aren't going to the gym wanting men that are considerably older than them, interacting with them in ways that are a bit creepy.

 

[Azincourt]

On 3/5/2020 at 8:22 AM, ZA Dater said:

Quote

In my view you did not do anything wrong you simply came across someone who didn't find you attractive

 

  He didn't respect the social contract built between men and women over the last 50+ years in the west. Do not make women feel unsafe.

 

On 3/5/2020 at 8:22 AM, ZA Dater said:

 

 

 

 

When women want to meet a guy they either physically approach you by going up to you and striking a conversation, or they indirectly make the first move by being verbally clear with their body language that they want you to approach them.

They look at you from the crown of your head down to your feet and then from your feet, they go back to look into your eyes while smiling. The have a genuine smile, with the back row of their teeth showing and the smile reaching their eyes. Their pupils dilatate. They touch and they caress their necks with their fingers while their eyes roam your face and your body. They find reasons to get into close proximity when there's no reason for it. They touch you accidently and then giggle.

Men should only approach women who are open to their advances. It doesn't have anything to do with the woman in question finding the guy to be attractive or not.  Let women be. They want to go about their day without having every guy and his dog throwing himself at them, and yes, I am aware that ''cold approaches'' work sometimes, but I can also throw a punch or two at Floyd Mayweather Jr. and have it connect, but he's still going to knock me out .

 

On 3/5/2020 at 8:22 AM, ZA Dater said:

 

 

and wasn't very polite in the way that handled the situation. Sadly when I read this it once again proves to me that cold approaches don't ever work, even familiar ones like this.

You're saying the woman wasn't very polite in the way she handled the situation?

What, she's under an obligation or something?

Let's imagine you are an attractive young woman.

You've been hounded and pursued by men you aren't interested in since you were a teenager(since the age of 10, according to my mother - she matured a lot faster than most women) and you have creepy old men thinking their cash is going to get them laid,  men your own age who are clearly several tiers below your league(looks wise) thinking to themselves, ''I'm such a nice guy, my grandma said I deserve a pretty 21 year old woman because I wash my hands before dinner'') approaching women who are CLEARLY not interested in being approached by the men they are surrounded by.

And she's the one who is rude?  You're saying that, if you looked like Cristiano Ronaldo or had his money you'd eagerly say yes to every unattractive woman who wanted to sleep with you?

On 3/5/2020 at 8:22 AM, ZA Dater said:

I'd go to gym and completely ignore here, adopt the F U attitude. She showed you very little courtesy so the best course of action in my view is to ignore her. I commend you for trying, because that does take courage but again these hot girls, endless options means very low chance of success.

OP harassed her and pursued her long after she had made it clear she wasn't interested in talking to him.

She doesn't owe him anything.

He still kept going. He still enjoyed making her uncomfortable. She's there to take care of her health, not to amuse every Dick and Joe that thinks she's cute.   The problem with guys with this mentality is that they never grow out of it. My mom's in her 60s and she still can't get out of the house without getting harassed, either because John from across the street still has his hair so he thinks he's Brad Pitt, or that handsome 20-something ''is into older women''(meaning, attractive women his own age think he's a jerk and reject him) and wants to be with an experienced woman.