Moving In?

[Alex]

I am not sure of what to do. My boyfriend and I of five years have discussed plans concerning me moving in with him. Our relationship has mostly been long distance. I am not financially independant so I can only relocate if I move in with him. He is a bit scared of the situation. I am also but, I feel I am ready to take the next step in our relationship. He still feels uneasy, his peers have all teased him about the situation. I feel that if we cannot be in the same city then I do not want to continue the painful long distance. He just moved into his place 3 months ago and feels that he hasn't had enough time on his own. We have been discussing this move but, now that it is only about 2-3 weeks away he is trying to delay my move and is becoming more scared. I told him that I can't be with him anymore unless we move in together so, he said he will go through with me moving in. He said that he will let me move in but, he is just scared and needs my support and understanding. I am feeling as if I shouldn't move in with him since, he is so scared and unsure of us. I feel very insecure. I feel that he is actually very influenced by his friends and not all that serious about me after five years if this decision is so threatening. Please help me decide what is right.

[sparkle]

Forget about moving in with this guy. Why are you pressuring him about you moving in with him? Geeeez read over your post. Actually, let me help you:

 

"He is a bit scared of the situation"

 

"He still feels uneasy"

 

He "feels that he hasn't had enough time on his own"

 

"he is trying to delay my move and is becoming more scared"

 

"he is trying to delay my move and is becoming more scared"

 

"he is actually very influenced by his friends and not all that serious about me after five years if this decision is so threatening"

 

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM.

 

I repeat, DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM.

 

Read over all of the above. He does not want you there right now, he is not ready for you to be there right now. He's been straighforward with you and told you that. So drop the subject!

 

You said you're not financially independent. Maybe he's worried about the bills and having to pay for you. Maybe he's worried that you won't pay rent, etc. Whatever the reason is, do not move in with him unless he is 250% sure that he WANTS you there, and is BEGGING you to move in with him. Until then, it's not a good idea at all.

 

If you want to be with him so much, why don't you move to a place near him, get a job, and support yourself? That way, you'll be close to him, but not living with him.

 

Have you talked to him about this? Did you ask him about moving into the same city/town as him? Did he agree to that idea? If so, then do that.

 

So far, it looks like he's trying to give you signals and/or talk you out of moving in with him. Has he also discouraged you from moving near him also? If so, that's not a good sign.

 

You said you've been going out with him for 5 years and are tired of the long-distance relationship. Are you saying that you've been in a long-distance relationship with him for FIVE years?

 

Start thinking seriously about your relationship. If he's open to the idea of you moving NEAR him, but not in with him, then do that if you feel your relationship is headed anywhere. If not, then break up with him. Find someone else that lives near you so that you don't have to move in with him to spend some time with him. This will be much easier than trying to make a long-distance relationship work, especially if it doesn't seem like it's heading anywhere.

[Alex]

Thank you Sparkle for your excellent advice! I had an extremely long and heart wrenching discussion with my boyfriend. I personally do not want to live with anyone who is not my husband, I cannot afford to pay rent, brokers fees, and security on my own, and if we are unable to be in the same town I have no choice but, to break up with him. It is do or die. I cannot bear the strains of this relationship any longer. The time it would take me to earn enough rent $$$ , is enough time for me to go insane, it would be in several months, I do not have any more patience, you either love me, sacrafice, and take a risk with someone you have been with for five years and if you are not man enough to do this then, it is over. The only reason I am pushing to move in with him is because of the circumstance. He is a special case, he is so scared to take steps forward, only when there is an ultimatum does he act promptly. We have discussed me moving to the same city and he is happy and encouraging about the issue, it is the fact that it is with him that shakes him. Bottomline, he said he is still scared and wants me to help him get through this but, he did beg, plead, and beg some more for me to move in with him so, I am ready to move in and find out the fate of our relationship.

I am not sure of what to do. My boyfriend and I of five years have discussed plans concerning me moving in with him. Our relationship has mostly been long distance. I am not financially independant so I can only relocate if I move in with him. He is a bit scared of the situation. I am also but, I feel I am ready to take the next step in our relationship. He still feels uneasy, his peers have all teased him about the situation. I feel that if we cannot be in the same city then I do not want to continue the painful long distance. He just moved into his place 3 months ago and feels that he hasn't had enough time on his own. We have been discussing this move but, now that it is only about 2-3 weeks away he is trying to delay my move and is becoming more scared. I told him that I can't be with him anymore unless we move in together so, he said he will go through with me moving in. He said that he will let me move in but, he is just scared and needs my support and understanding. I am feeling as if I shouldn't move in with him since, he is so scared and unsure of us. I feel very insecure. I feel that he is actually very influenced by his friends and not all that serious about me after five years if this decision is so threatening. Please help me decide what is right.