What do you think of 'gut instinct' with people?

[LittleLassie]

A friend of friends has moved back to the US from Australia. Now people have told me he's hilarious, he's sweetie, they like him better than his siblings, etc. By rights he sounds like a good guy. I like the siblings so no issue there. 

But the four times I've sort of met him in passing I haven't been impressed. He hasn't done anything offensive, it's not like he looks/dresses like a bum, etc. I know should get to know him at least but previously my gut instinct about people hasn't often been wrong. Sure I'm not a robot so I could be wrong... 

Edited March 1, 2020 by LittleLassie

[Cookiesandough]

Obviously follow your gut about who you choose to date, not what people tell you. If you’re not into him, you’re just not into him.

[d0nnivain]

If your gut instinct is generally trustworthy, go with your gut.  

He can be a good guy & you still not like / be attracted to him. 

[The Outlaw]

It's best not ignored. Ever. 

[preraph]

You may simply have better instincts than your friends and be detecting something they haven't picked up.  Be sure he doesn't just remind you of someone you hate, though!  That has happened to me.  

[LittleLassie]

18 minutes ago, preraph said:

You may simply have better instincts than your friends and be detecting something they haven't picked up.  Be sure he doesn't just remind you of someone you hate, though!  That has happened to me.  

My childhood in that sense. Mum was a drinker & could get nasty. Being the only other female I was "responsible" for her care as a kid. Given that I'm surprisingly quite patient/docile with most drunks (tourism industry job)... but the 1st time I encountered this guy at a bbq he was almost falling over. 

Edited March 1, 2020 by LittleLassie

[LittleLassie]

As for dating... he's friend of friends so bound to see him more than not. 

[preraph]

Well, you do NOT have to get involved with him.  You don't need to caretake another drunk.  I know you have the skills to deal with him and I realize that that makes him possibly even seem familiar and even some degree of comfortable to you because you have those skills.  But don't fall into that trap!

[K.K.]

35 minutes ago, The Outlaw said:

It's best not ignored. Ever. 

^^^^^
That. 

[LittleLassie]

29 minutes ago, preraph said:

Well, you do NOT have to get involved with him.  You don't need to caretake another drunk.  I know you have the skills to deal with him and I realize that that makes him possibly even seem familiar and even some degree of comfortable to you because you have those skills.  But don't fall into that trap!

... I actually think that's the off-putting bit. As for the rest........more bound to see him being friends than anything. 

[Watercolors]

1 hour ago, LittleLassie said:

but the 1st time I encountered this guy at a bbq he was almost falling over. 

Seeing that would have been enough evidence for me that he's not someone I'd date. I'm not interested in being someone's sober cab anymore. I dated a couple of scary alcoholics in my 20s who were *the* life of the party -- everyone loved these two guys. 

Don't ignore your gut just to please other people. Never do that. 

[chillii]

Mine are spot on and proved right many times over but l'm still open to being wrong. Still , there's not much you need to do in those situations  , just don't get to involved with the person go about your business , time will tell , but yeah it does get awkward l know when other friends are in the mix and sometimes that person picks it up and starts trying to befriend you , drive ya nuts..

Edited March 1, 2020 by chillii

[Fair]

It's just simply never wrong.

[Ellener]

10 hours ago, LittleLassie said:

it's not like he looks/dresses like a bum

My gut says that's not a very nice thing to say 😬

7 hours ago, LittleLassie said:

the 1st time I encountered this guy at a bbq he was almost falling over. 

That is offensive though, not even attempting a good first impression.

[Fletch Lives]

Your intuition, sometimes called gut feelings, radar, spidy sense........is the most important tool you have for interacting with people. 

What is it? Did you ever think about that? It's not some voodoo - it's simply your understanding of body language - which is 93% of communication. 

When I say body language, I mean everything in that category, including facial expressions, eye movements, voice inflection, and body language. Watch Judge Judy, she's an expert on the eyes. Also look into poker players.

We mostly think in images. When I say the word horse, you probably see the image of the animal in your mind, not the word. But with intuition, it's more of a feeling trigger, so it's not as concrete to some of us. But it is more valuable than anything when dealing with people.

Women have twice the brain capacity in this area - hence the term women's intuition. It's half of what often makes women typically better at relationships and dating. However, it can be improved by self-improvement. Most of it is learned in adolescence.

Some people listen it more than others. Many people try to rationalize - which is what this thread is all about - you are trying to decide if you want to follow your gut or logic.

From a dating perspective, it's how you determine whether a person likes you or not, and to what degree. This helps you gravitate toward people who would nurture you emotionally, and steer you away from those that could reject you. 

It can also help keep you safe from physical harm. It's a security expert's number one tool. Ask them, it's true!

It can help you in all your dealings with people - from friends to business to love.

There you go, gut feelings explained.

Your head and your heart are liars. Always go with your gut.

 

(Edited because it's an advanced topic and I wanted to give the most concise and precise definition possible)

Edited March 2, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[chillii]

l don't actually think they are at all these days , and they divorce more . Women forget themselves and become just as  totally unaware over time of why he's turned off , as men do in a relationship , seen it many times. And if you just read all the dating stuff they are truly just as clueless as the guys in the end.

True intuition doesn't even need body language , most people even in forums for example , or back when even on date sites , came out to be as exactly as l'd felt , even over a computer . People have lost so much so called intuition now, so much has been lost through this mechanical world we live in now and life these days.

The gut you can observe with some peoples gut is indeed spot on and they should listen to it , but l've known plenty of people , women, men and animals , with the worst gut instincts l ever saw. lt comes down to the individual and how well they know themselves and how accurate their personal gut feelings normally are and have been, because many are very often 10miles off at the best of times .

Edited March 2, 2020 by chillii

[snowboy91]

I think a gut instinct should certainly be considered when interacting with people, but not exclusively relied upon. I think it's assumptions we make about people based on our previous experiences as well as something that nature gives us - which we can get wrong sometimes. Think about the times someone says that someone else is attracted to them,  when they're not!

I've been brought up with a strong understanding of logic and reason, and don't consider instinct as well as I should. In hindsight, a lot of my gut instinct about people has been very much right, but I've occasionally got it wrong (luckily with no negative repercussions toward me).

[chillii]

That's why l said l try to stay open  , with caution , because even mine which are usually deadly , have still been wrong.

[Cookiesandough]

i can only think of a handful of times my gut instinct has failed me. I can rely on it. If yours fails you a lot, it might be less reliable 

[mark clemson]

I think it's quite important and you shouldn't ignore it. I think it can be fooled e.g. by clothes, good looks, or acting. For example spies, swindlers, and pedophiles, etc.

But often the people your gut is warning you about aren't particularly trying to fool you as they don't perceive you as a threat to them. So it's good in those cases. Police will advise you to listen to your gut in a potentially vulnerable or dangerous situation and they do so for a reason. Crossing the street "unnecessarily" has probably prevented a multitude of crimes.

[preraph]

You shouldn't ever ignore it. It's there from centuries of survival instincts. But I agree with Mark that it can be fooled. Some real intelligent sociopaths learn to mimic normal behavior very well, same as con artists. They can be very charming and know what you want to hear and what will gain your trust. 

[smackie9]

Don't ignore it...never ever let your guard down. You are aware there is something wrong about him, but it's ok to keep it to yourself until the occasion arises. If you speak too soon, no one is going to believe you. For me over the years, my supervisors learned to listen to my warnings about employees. I usually find myself in their office saying "See I called it." I know people are on their best friendly behavior around the boss. This guy is probably doing the same thing.

Edited March 8, 2020 by smackie9

[major_merrick]

I trust my gut instinct, and I keep my guard up.  If something makes me feel weird....time to fight or flee.  It has saved my life before.