Is Any One out THere Understand's AN Affair.

[teressa0397]

Is There Any one Out THere Understand's AN Affair. I wasn't looking for An Affair It just Happen. He walk an my life 11 year's ago. We are still Together Today, BUT there are so many problem's AN my life. How can a man have a hold on a women's life. Yes i'am married he has a live an girfriend. She no's about us but not every thing. She thinks he has been with me only 3 times. that was like 5 year's ago she doesnt no its still going on with us. YES my husband gets supision too. but he is not sure. Sometimes when i think i let go of my boy friend. he is right back an my life again.. it goes on and on. its like he is pulling me out to sea. I been with him so long now i love him. he saids he loves me but i dont believe him. i think he care's he got to feel some feeling's toward me he would not be human if he didn't. I believe if i find something to get my mind pull away from him i can for get a little. but not everything, ----- Sometimes i'am angry' depressed 'sad hurt' the list goes on and on. IT takes some one an affair as aslong as i have been an to understand. i no there is a lot of people out there does understand and theres is a lot dont.... NO i can't tell my husband he would kill me and him. His girfriend carrys a gun around on me now it she catche's us he saids. God help me i dont no how to End this without the pain. someone told me i had to go threw pain to get threw this. i can't afford to talk to a doctor about this. SO what do i do. i no each day i'am hurting my husband my self my kids everyone that is involve is hurt my family and his. Listen if you are thinking about haveingAN affair [PLEASE DON"T] Its a lot of excitment at first then realitly set's AN.. BUT if you do walk out when feeling's starts takeing contol because its controls you and your life all around. I talk to my boy friend HE was supposed to come down Wednesday he didnt show up. Well he E_mail saids he was suppose to come down Thursday he didnt show up again. i'am a little piss off right now. That's what affair's can do to you. See that is a big sample to every one out there. But no i keep hanging AN. HIs girfriend at home caught him talking to women on computer i'am surprize he told me. but no i keep hanging on. What kind of a person hangs on a man she saids she loves [ A FOOL] that's me I let this man controll me. GOD HELP ME. WELL i just told the whole world about me. i no there will be some one put me down and some will understand. I no my boyfriend. is putting his girfriend threw[ HELL] but she keep's hanging on to him like a fool. he lies his way out of everything to her like he does me. i no he is lieing but she believes him. that is the different between us. Sometimes i want to break down and tell every thing and my husband but [i CAN"T ] easy for you all to say out there i think if you was an the same position you would do the same. IT you do you got more will power then i have. well i just told the whole world my story some will understand some out there will not. I no some will put me down and some wont. [GOD HELP ME ]

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. he saids he loves me but i dont believe him.

2. i think he care's he got to feel some feeling's toward me he would not be human if he didn't.

3. I believe if i find something to get my mind pull away from him i can for get a little.

 

1. You have to understand that he does love you - but he only loves you in your context as his other woman. He loves his girlfriend in the context of being his girlfriend. He can't and won't ever love either of you the way that he loves the other. Neither of you could replace each other. If you were to become his only woman, it wouldn't be long before he puts you in his 'g/f' context and will need an OW to fill that 'ow context'. For whatever reason, his emotional state is like a puzzle - the OW has her place in the puzzle and so does his GF. Remove a piece and he is incomplete. He has your piece cut only to fit that OW slot. That is how he loves you. Only as his OW.

 

2. Of course he does. You've been together years. Its apparent that on some level he needs you, or he would have cut you loose. The thing to remember though is that his need for you is incomplete, and narrow in focus. He needs you as his OW. He needs his GF as his GF.

 

3. Pulling your mind away from him will require you to make the decision not to see him anymore. Not at all. No contact whatsoever. Nada. Not even a friendly hello. You know why? Because ever single time you see or hear from him, its like crack for a crackhead. Feeding your addiction will not make it go away. If you cut him loose and force yourself into emotional rehab away from him, you at least have a chance of pulling your mind from him. If you choose not to do that, then you are choosing your own pain.

 

I no my boyfriend. is putting his girfriend threw[ HELL] but she keep's hanging on to him like a fool.

 

The same could be said of you. You are hanging on to this guy knowing full well that you will never be happy in this situation. So is his girlfriend - no doubt about it. That doesn't make you fools. It makes you human: needy, afraid, searching out what you think will bring you happiness in situations where you know damned well you won't find it. Its called 'hope'. Sometimes hope can be a positive thing. Sometimes it is the thing that you cling to even while you are drowning.

 

i can't tell my husband he would kill me and him. His girfriend carrys a gun around on me now it she catche's us he saids.

 

You can expose the affair, but given the volatile nature of it and the involved parties, what good would it possibly do? I guess by doing so, you would assure yourself that you wouldn't see him again - but from the sounds of it, it sounds like you would be putting yourself in grave danger as well.

 

So, that leaves this all up to you. He won't end it. If you want it to end, you'll have to be the one to end it, and to go to complete non-negotiable 'no contact'. After your heart has healed some, and your head cleared - maybe then you can turn your attention to your marriage and working on some way to start clearing the rubble.

[teressa0397]

1. You have to understand that he does love you - but he only loves you in your context as his other woman. He loves his girlfriend in the context of being his girlfriend. He can't and won't ever love either of you the way that he loves the other. Neither of you could replace each other. If you were to become his only woman, it wouldn't be long before he puts you in his 'g/f' context and will need an OW to fill that 'ow context'. For whatever reason, his emotional state is like a puzzle - the OW has her place in the puzzle and so does his GF. Remove a piece and he is incomplete. He has your piece cut only to fit that OW slot. That is how he loves you. Only as his OW.

 

2. Of course he does. You've been together years. Its apparent that on some level he needs you, or he would have cut you loose. The thing to remember though is that his need for you is incomplete, and narrow in focus. He needs you as his OW. He needs his GF as his GF.

 

3. Pulling your mind away from him will require you to make the decision not to see him anymore. Not at all. No contact whatsoever. Nada. Not even a friendly hello. You know why? Because ever single time you see or hear from him, its like crack for a crackhead. Feeding your addiction will not make it go away. If you cut him loose and force yourself into emotional rehab away from him, you at least have a chance of pulling your mind from him. If you choose not to do that, then you are choosing your own pain.

 

 

 

The same could be said of you. You are hanging on to this guy knowing full well that you will never be happy in this situation. So is his girlfriend - no doubt about it. That doesn't make you fools. It makes you human: needy, afraid, searching out what you think will bring you happiness in situations where you know damned well you won't find it. Its called 'hope'. Sometimes hope can be a positive thing. Sometimes it is the thing that you cling to even while you are drowning.

 

 

 

You can expose the affair, but given the volatile nature of it and the involved parties, what good would it possibly do? I guess by doing so, you would assure yourself that you wouldn't see him again - but from the sounds of it, it sounds like you would be putting yourself in grave danger as well.

 

So, that leaves this all up to you. He won't end it. If you want it to end, you'll have to be the one to end it, and to go to complete non-negotiable 'no contact'. After your heart has healed some, and your head cleared - maybe then you can turn your attention to your marriage and working on some way to start clearing the rubble.

Thankyou this is the nicest letter i got. IT touched me so deep. inside.

[teressa0397]

1. You have to understand that he does love you - but he only loves you in your context as his other woman. He loves his girlfriend in the context of being his girlfriend. He can't and won't ever love either of you the way that he loves the other. Neither of you could replace each other. If you were to become his only woman, it wouldn't be long before he puts you in his 'g/f' context and will need an OW to fill that 'ow context'. For whatever reason, his emotional state is like a puzzle - the OW has her place in the puzzle and so does his GF. Remove a piece and he is incomplete. He has your piece cut only to fit that OW slot. That is how he loves you. Only as his OW.

 

2. Of course he does. You've been together years. Its apparent that on some level he needs you, or he would have cut you loose. The thing to remember though is that his need for you is incomplete, and narrow in focus. He needs you as his OW. He needs his GF as his GF.

 

3. Pulling your mind away from him will require you to make the decision not to see him anymore. Not at all. No contact whatsoever. Nada. Not even a friendly hello. You know why? Because ever single time you see or hear from him, its like crack for a crackhead. Feeding your addiction will not make it go away. If you cut him loose and force yourself into emotional rehab away from him, you at least have a chance of pulling your mind from him. If you choose not to do that, then you are choosing your own pain.

 

 

 

The same could be said of you. You are hanging on to this guy knowing full well that you will never be happy in this situation. So is his girlfriend - no doubt about it. That doesn't make you fools. It makes you human: needy, afraid, searching out what you think will bring you happiness in situations where you know damned well you won't find it. Its called 'hope'. Sometimes hope can be a positive thing. Sometimes it is the thing that you cling to even while you are drowning.

 

 

 

You can expose the affair, but given the volatile nature of it and the involved parties, what good would it possibly do? I guess by doing so, you would assure yourself that you wouldn't see him again - but from the sounds of it, it sounds like you would be putting yourself in grave danger as well.

 

So, that leaves this all up to you. He won't end it. If you want it to end, you'll have to be the one to end it, and to go to complete non-negotiable 'no contact'. After your heart has healed some, and your head cleared - maybe then you can turn your attention to your marriage and working on some way to start clearing the rubble.

I talk to my boyfriend to day. i ask him a Question. I said why have you hung on to me for 11 years. he said because i love you. I walk away.