Logo Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 Have you been in a relationship where the person you were with had more weight to your liking but after you got to know them, their personality and values, or the connection you had with them, all made up for the rest and you fell in love with them? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 Yes. A very overweight guy wanted me but I wasn't keen on dating him because I was used to dating hot, physically fit men. We got into a conversation which lasted 3 hours, then he kissed me and my heart dropped to my knees. When we had sex it was the most intense I had ever experienced. I couldn't believe this guy had hooked me in 2 weeks and it took 2 years to finally get over him. Found out later this guy was a major player with women everywhere. He was a musician. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 27 minutes ago, stillafool said: He was a musician. that figures saf 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 Attraction and chemistry, to me, are different things. Attraction can be built, but chemistry just is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Legatus Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 (edited) Of course it can. Even though, in most cases, our first impression is based on looks, the attraction is still linked to the "liking level". I, personally, don't go to bars to ask women out. I could never do that if the reason is "she's just hot". But sometimes when doing an activity like dancing, clubs, social gatherings, I might not notice anybody in particular and then booom. Suddenly there's this magic when we dance or I get goosebumps just listening to somebody talking about something they're passionate about. I would be worried if the attraction didn't grow! Also agreeing with @CAPSLOCK BANDIT chemistry is that magic that can happen between you and somebody you never thought you'd find attractive. I would go as far to say there's a correlation between the two. Attraction can be built on chemistry, but not sure if it would have worked the other way Edited January 21, 2020 by Legatus Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 absolutely. physical attraction, as powerful as it is, can only take you so far... and after you've had plenty of it, you realize... it's limited. emotional connection. mental connections... depending on how much it means to you, can make your relationship soar. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 Some of the more successful relationships I know of all have one thing in common...The members are very attracted physically to one another...They have more/better sex, they show more affection, they argue less, etc... While I wont discount anyone's personal experiences,. Its a risky proposition to hope that would happen over time...A good example I could think of is the characters in the movie "Casino"...Robert DeNiro played the casino boss and Sharon Stone his "love interest"....She married him, but really wasn't ever attracted to him...Both sides I think hoped it would build over time, but never did...and she ruined his life over it, basically... Measure twice and cut once as they say... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 22, 2020 Author Share Posted January 22, 2020 On 1/21/2020 at 10:36 AM, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said: Attraction and chemistry, to me, are different things. Attraction can be built, but chemistry just is. How can attraction be built? Please elaborate. If person B refuses to put in the work needed to change their weight, then the rest falls on person A to ‘find’ the attraction within person B. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 22, 2020 Author Share Posted January 22, 2020 Legatus, The chemistry is there, how do you build attraction? 2BeGoodAgain, What does a mental connection mean to you? Does it have to include meaningful conversations about things that you both find interesting, for example? What else? Thefooloftheyear, At the same time, two people can be physically attracted to each other but have little to nothing to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 42 minutes ago, Logo said: Thefooloftheyear, At the same time, two people can be physically attracted to each other but have little to nothing to talk about. Absolutely... But in the context of a romantic relationship you would be far better off with being physically attracted and have little to nothing to talk about than the reverse....In that case, you are just friends, not relationship partners.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 23 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: Some of the more successful relationships I know of all have one thing in common...The members are very attracted physically to one another...They have more/better sex, they show more affection, they argue less, etc... While I wont discount anyone's personal experiences,. Its a risky proposition to hope that would happen over time...A good example I could think of is the characters in the movie "Casino"...Robert DeNiro played the casino boss and Sharon Stone his "love interest"....She married him, but really wasn't ever attracted to him...Both sides I think hoped it would build over time, but never did...and she ruined his life over it, basically... Measure twice and cut once as they say... TFY well, it really depends on how much of that quality means to you?... no one has the exact percentages of how much physical attraction, how much emotional connection, republican or democrat, green or not... vegetarian or baconator... But if you look at the areas of EMRs on here, you'll notice physical attraction is more the symptoms most of the time... than the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 11 hours ago, Logo said: How can attraction be built? Please elaborate. If person B refuses to put in the work needed to change their weight, then the rest falls on person A to ‘find’ the attraction within person B. Creating attraction is a simple task, you simply approach somebody and stimulate them. The problem is that there are times when we, as people,. are engaged in something or by somebody else and if we allow others to stimulate us, it is problematic... Like for example, I was speaking with a woman over coffee once when I was younger and a really nice car went through the drive-thru, well, that car grabbed her attention to the point where she had to ask me what I was saying again... So in that situation, whoever was driving that vehicle built attraction with her because the car stimulated her, but also, attraction was lost on my end because I could see I no longer had her attention. So, where as attraction to you, might seem like something that builds, really it is something that ebbs and flows, like a river... Sometimes that river rages, other times it does not. Another simple thing about attraction in the dating scene is availability: men who make themselves unavailable and make their feelings UNCLEAR, build attraction with women, where as men who make themselves very available and make their feelings clear, are likewise not as attractive... Women want to feel valuable, so what better way to make her feel valuable than to blow up your own value? By making yourself scarce and less understood, to her, it says that you have other options, but you are still willing to give her some of your time, rather than some guy who is always around and is always chasing her and is giving away all of his time to her without any other options. Lastly, to me, there is one more avenue of attraction and that is Mojo. As men, when we have the approval of the woman's friends or the woman surrounding the woman, she is going to inherently feel more comfortable with us... We gain that approval by being social, by speaking to her friends and speaking to her and speaking to every woman we see. When you, as a man, are in Mojo, you are able to walk up to any woman and strike up an important conversation and ultimately gain her social approval. In most societies, women can do pretty much anything they want, so when a man gains a woman's approval, especially a powerful woman, he can go on to build an incredible amount of attraction with all the other women, simply by speaking to them... It is kind of a social status thing, but also a being in your Mojo type thing... It is kind of hard to explain, but its like when you first get a girlfriend, suddenly every woman around you is taking notice of you... Its like when you couldn't find a job for 2 months, then you get a job and suddenly you have 3-4 different job offers out of nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Sometimes I’ve noticed that even when attraction can be and is built, it doesn’t always stick without the chemistry if there was none in the first place Someone may grow on you and you could learn to want them or love them, true. But later down the line, attraction may die as it began. Slowly and without reason. Without the chemistry that usually fuels a love affair into the stratosphere, it just doesn’t feel as helplessly satisfying. Of course, love affairs don’t always last, regardless of which they were built on. Its a shot in the dark at best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 23, 2020 Author Share Posted January 23, 2020 Capslockbandit, Thanks for your response, but it’s the other way around. I’m a male and I’m trying to feel a stronger physical attraction toward a female. Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 On 1/21/2020 at 2:01 PM, Logo said: Have you been in a relationship where the person you were with had more weight to your liking but after you got to know them, their personality and values, or the connection you had with them, all made up for the rest and you fell in love with them? No. I would never date someone who doesn't have the self respect to look after themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 16 minutes ago, fromheart said: No. I would never date someone who doesn't have the self respect to look after themselves. Ok but you are the extreme. Fitness training is your passion and your job... Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) In the sense you're speaking about OP, attraction wont be built IMO. Sure, attraction may be there in a general sense and maybe can be built but keeping that attraction would be halted as soon as you began seeing lifestyle differences that were less than appealing to you. For example, you see a female coworker all the time and in the confines of work, she is boring, bland, shy and reserved. Then you see her out one evening with friends and she is the life of the party, bouncy, bubbly, outgoing and friendly. That may appeal to you like never before in that moment where you see her in a different light, until you start spending more time together and realize she doesnt value her health the way you do yours. Most of the time, lifestyle differences would impede progression of a relationship where a man is active and eats well because he values that where a woman eats out 5 times a week, makes no attempt at cooking real food and watches 5 hours of TV every night after work. She would be better suited to a man who also values wings, McDonalds, and no exercise. Its not always the same for a woman. I make almost every meal we eat, I do all of our shopping and buy fresh food and never buy boxed or packaged foods, and I exercise every week. I still enjoy TV and being lazy with my cats on a daily basis, after everything else I've needed to do is done. So if you are able to overlook overeating or unhealthy eating habits, while she lives a sedentary lifestyle and doesnt value exercise, then maybe attraction can be built. To me it has less to do with a few extra pounds and more to do with lifestyle differences between you both. A woman who is genuinely into a lifestyle like yours, values health the way you do and battles with a few extra pesky pounds would be a very different breed of woman than one who overeats and doesnt exercise at all and doesnt value things the same way you do. Yes, there are people who are larger and battle weight issues who are actively trying to lose weight, but a majority of overweight women and men eat far too much, and dont move their bodies nearly enough. When I look at my friendships, we are all somewhat different when it comes to our lifestyles and that's ok. When it comes to choosing someone as a partner, I want someone who wants to go outside and play with me, and someone who also likes to eat what I cook. Lol! Edited January 23, 2020 by Daisydooks 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 26, 2020 Author Share Posted January 26, 2020 It comes down to lifestyle differences, doesn't it? Thanks for the response. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted March 2, 2020 Author Share Posted March 2, 2020 This question is for the men on here, have you ever developed physical attraction to a woman over time? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 Yes, and it was a marked dating success inhibitor. Too slow in that demographic. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 Probably not- I think the physical attraction has to be there from the start, its not easy for it to become an acquired taste say like dark chocolate which people do not enjoy at first but gradually come to like it. If you really enjoy the company of the lady I suppose, you might overlook the lack of physical spark, that is a different question though. Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 6 hours ago, Logo said: This question is for the men on here, have you ever developed physical attraction to a woman over time? Yeah, I have. The obstacle is that I wouldn't date someone that I didn't find attractive, so it's not likely but in cases where we were associated for other reasons I've definitely found attraction growing based on getting to know a person over time. Hard to make it happen though, the circumstances are tricky AND it's not 100% sure to happen in any case. But sure, it can happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 No. I think the physical attraction is either there or it isn't. I suppose her look could grow on you like anything else. But her other attributes would need to be pretty good to make up for the physical. I would think. Link to post Share on other sites
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