Broke up with because of Delayed Promises - Now He's Blaming Me

[ButterflyJones]

Hi, all 

Broke up with boyfriend of 2 years over the weekend because he just couldn’t keep his word and there was slow progress in the relationship - but now he’s guilting me for it and I’m starting to feel regrets. 

We’re both in our early 40s, but Ive never seen him drive a car the whole 2 years since I’ve dated him even though he says he can drive. I got tired of driving and asked if he could rent a car sometimes or even help me out a little - he never did it. 

I only met his kids once in the entire 2 years... The one time I met his kids, his ex called and complained about me being over there so I left because I didn’t want drama. I’ve Never met his parents, never met any of his other relatives who live in the area - yet he claimed he was looking for rings and wanted to marry me. 
This confused me even more because how can you marry someone who’s not included in your life?? 
He promised a ring last November and it came and went. He promised I would meet his parents - that never happened either. He promised we would go on a vacation together - he was having financial issues - even though he’s going on a cruise for a bachelors party. So I finally left him. 
 

Now he’s saying he wants to marry me soon and blaming me and my impatience, me being “spoiled” which is totally untrue and other things for leaving him. 
 

I feel bad .. I do love the guy and he says he loves me and is miserable without me... - but tell me if I’m wrong here? I would love some perspective. 
 

Thank you!

[assertives]

Two years.. and you haven't met his parents or his kids. Yea, no, this guy isn't going to marry you. He's just telling you what you want to hear and stringing you along. I wouldn't be surprised if he and his "ex" aren't really divorced or split up and are very much together. He is manipulating you. He says he "loves you" but without actions, that's just empty words. Move on, don't waste anymore time on this man. 

[basil67]

This is why it's unwise to give real reasons for breaking up.  Far too often, the dumpee can't cope and turns it back on the dumper.   

 

[ExpatInItaly]

No, you were not wrong. 

He was just blowing hot air up your backside, without any sincere intentions. He had plenty of time to integrate you into his life more and he repeatedly opted not to.

He sounds like an incredibly immature 40-something. You can't build a life with someone like this. Good for you for walking away. It was a waste of time. 

[d0nnivain]

He's acting out because you called him on his BS.  This guy would have strung you along forever if you let him.  I know because it happened to me.  I wasted 10 years of my life with a guy using very similar excuses.  Don't be me.  

[Blind-Sided]

Yep... love him or not... do you really want to marry someone who doesn't keep his word? Do you want to marry someone who won't help out?  Do you want to marry someone who won't even drive himself somewhere????????   Don't attach yourself to someone who you know in your soul is a looser.   The reality is... if you marry him... you will be back here telling us about the divorce.

Sorry to sound so blunt... but I just wanted to give you a reality check so you can ignore his guilt trip.

[ButterflyJones]

Thank you so much for your responses. Every poster here had so many nuggets of truth. It just confirmed everything. I do feel like the ex was more a part of his life than he made me believe. My intuition was always going off about that relationship. 
D0nnivan: I’m so sorry you had to go through that! But life has funny ways of helping us make up for lost time. I wasted 2 years - even a day is too long to waste - but better days to come 

[Redhead14]

Block, delete, forget, forever . . . you've done the right thing.  This guy wasn't your boyfriend.  He was just some guy you'd been spending time with and being intimate with for a couple of years.

Edited March 3, 2020 by Redhead14

[ButterflyJones]

Redhead14... Sad but true 

[kendahke]

You spent two years being played like a fiddle.

There are no rings, there are no "let's meet my parents", there is no integrating you into his children's lives.

If anything of this were so, he'd have done it by now.

All you are doing behind this male is squandering the one irretrievably finite resource you have: youth. Excise him out of your life for good

[ButterflyJones]

You’re so right kendahke... Youth and time! It makes me so upset because I can’t get that back. I’ll never understand why people like to string you along because I could never do that to anyone but I’m not going to waste anymore energy trying to “figure it out.” 

[kendahke]

11 hours ago, ButterflyJones said:

I’ll never understand why people like to string you along

Because they know how to pick their marks.  Notice how they don't get with people who can see what's going on and will cut them loose--they find those who are groomable and who will make a feast out of crumbs.

One has to get to the point where being by themselves until the right person comes along is the better alternative to being treated as a complete & unnecessary option.  The proof that you are an option is how instead of apologizing for how he was treating you, he turned it around on you--how dare you not be grateful for the stale crumbs he's been parsing out?

11 hours ago, ButterflyJones said:

I’m not going to waste anymore energy trying to “figure it out.” 

Good--that means he joins your block party.