Brm Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 My girlfriend very recently cheated on me while she was drunk. The next day I picked her up and found hickeys on her. She has long had a problem with needing attention from other people (guys and girls) due to not getting much attention as a child from her divorced parents. She is apologetic and continues to promise me that she is going to change and wants to work hard to fix this and she’ll do anything possible to get back to where we were before the incident. However she did also constantly reassure me these flirty guys she was constantly talking to were ‘friends’ and that an event such as this would be absolutely impossible. What would other people do in this situation? Keep in mind we were together over a year and were madly in love, plans of marriage etc. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 I would leave. I don't tolerate cheating. I cant forgive it myself. No kids. Youre not married. Don't hold onto people who have no boundaries and lack respect after a year together. Nope. Couldn't pay me to see this relationship through 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 Dating is a tryout. If you’re smart you’ll dump her and cut of all contact. if not you’ll get it again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 Cheating can happen for a whole lot of reasons. Many are related to a lack of connection or sense of commitment within the relationship. Others are deeply personal. In this case I think you're right that it's an attention thing and she needs to work on it - but you have to ask yourself whether she can maintain a monogamous relationship with you, and whether you can trust her. My feeling is the answer to both of those questions is no, so I can't see a future to this. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 2 hours ago, Brm said: She has long had a problem with needing attention from other people (guys and girls) due to not getting much attention as a child from her divorced parents. what kind of therapy has she been in to address these issues? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 2 hours ago, Daisydooks said: I would leave. I don't tolerate cheating. I cant forgive it myself. No kids. Youre not married. Don't hold onto people who have no boundaries and lack respect after a year together. Nope. Couldn't pay me to see this relationship through This is it. since she doesn’t have a boundary and she doesn’t respect you - I hope you do (meaning I hope YOU have a boundary and respect yourself) enough to end it with her. i lives with a cheater for 27 years... it will definitely make your life a complete misery. i would end it. It’s worth it to have peace of mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 Do you both have a firm understanding about being exclusive to one another? Since you called what she did cheating I'm assuming you do. It appears that if you are not present she sees no reason not to love the one she is with and that means you only know what you've discovered. There could lots more going on. You don't seem to want to dump her so why not take a step back in the relationship by dating other girls. She knows what she has to do if she wants to go back to GF status. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 (edited) 28 minutes ago, schlumpy said: Do you both have a firm understanding about being exclusive to one another? Since you called what she did cheating I'm assuming you do. It appears that if you are not present she sees no reason not to love the one she is with and that means you only know what you've discovered. There could lots more going on. You don't seem to want to dump her so why not take a step back in the relationship by dating other girls. She knows what she has to do if she wants to go back to GF status. How does this end well? Lol. What could go wrong?! Just dump the cheater op. Seriously. What good comes of keeping her around while dating multiple women? Normally I agree with you, Schlumpy. On this post, I'm struggling to understand the viewpoint. Why not just move on to other women without this train wreck weighing him down? How does messing around and dating other women show her what she needs to do to get back into GF status? She remains monogamous with him, but he dates other women? Edited March 3, 2020 by Daisydooks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 4 minutes ago, Daisydooks said: Just dump the cheater op. Seriously. What good comes of keeping her around while dating multiple women? Normally I agree with you, Schlumpy. On this post, I'm struggling to understand the viewpoint. That's what I would I do but he doesn't seem to be of the same mind so I'm making him aware of an option that will allow him to maintain his dignity and yet keep hanging on. As far as her being monogamous while he dates other women it seems fairly certain she isn't monogamous now. At least he won't have to listen to her endless apologies and excuses. You are right. You get out as fast as you can. Reality is that not everyone can do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 If I thought this was an isolated incident, I might stay. Unfortunately, because you said that she is attention seeking due to her past, she will always behave that was when drunk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 Are you sure this is the first time she's cheated, or just the first time you know about? She showed you what being "madly in love" with you looks like for her - it's not enough for her to enforce appropriate boundaries and say no to temptation. After just a year, I would show her the door. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 dating is the job interview for marriage, she failed the interview. dump her? yes because are young, no kids, no financial entanglements. Add to this I have seen to many men get cheated on while dating, forgive her, then marry her only to have her cheat on him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 She still has plenty of growing up to do and this won't be the last time she does this. She isn't serious enough. You are downplaying this way too much. You need to let her go...it's only been a year and this is who she is. maybe 10 years down the road she will grow out of it, but for now you my friend are wasting your time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 14 hours ago, Brm said: My girlfriend very recently cheated on me while she was drunk. The next day I picked her up and found hickeys on her. She has long had a problem with needing attention from other people (guys and girls) due to not getting much attention as a child from her divorced parents. She is apologetic and continues to promise me that she is going to change and wants to work hard to fix this and she’ll do anything possible to get back to where we were before the incident. However she did also constantly reassure me these flirty guys she was constantly talking to were ‘friends’ and that an event such as this would be absolutely impossible. What would other people do in this situation? Keep in mind we were together over a year and were madly in love, plans of marriage etc. thanks. 1 year is a drop in the ocean compared to a life time. No, she is not in love, not the way you understand 'being in love'. When we are in love we don't go get drunk with flirty men. Your girlfriend has an integrity problem, a loyalty problem, and an alcohol problem. She is far from being wife & mother material. Break up and find yourself a lady with a good head on her shoulders. This one is full of poor excuses and is still just teen getting high on men's attention. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Let’s see. She is a lying cheater that is not madly in love with you. You are the doormat she walks all over to go out an f*** others. Then she comes home and wipes her feet on you again. Right they are all just friends that she has sex with. What’s that called, Friends with benefits Link to post Share on other sites
vengfulone Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 You said you picked her up the next day, from where? Did she go to a party,out clubin,she just go to a friend's house. She got drunk and was gone all night! Don't you wonder if those hickys she has all over her came from one dude or five dude's? Did they pull a train on her. Maybe you don't want to know the answer to that question. She said she was drunk hoping that will excuse her action's, sound's like it will with you! You might as well keep her, she sound's like a lot of fun at party''s!! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 (edited) Let her go buddy, you know you can do better. Edited March 10, 2020 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
manfrombelow2 Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 The moment she cheats on you, you dump her ass. Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 @Brm if I were you I would dump her immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 She's not madly inove with you. You are with her. Honestly why would you even consider staying? I'm assuming you're young and inexperienced but this behaviour is not tolerable. Link to post Share on other sites
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