Is my behavior justified?

[preraph]

This is above your pay grade.  She isn't able to have a relationship with you.  

[Lorf10]

2 minutes ago, preraph said:

This is above your pay grade.  She isn't able to have a relationship with you.  

Yep that is true. But I don't think she lied to me that she has some kind of feelings for me. Maybe just not enough to date me. Which is acceptable. 

[preraph]

Not romantic or sexual feelings, for whatever reason.  She likely does have a traumatic past, and nothing you can do about that.  

[Lorf10]

31 minutes ago, preraph said:

Not romantic or sexual feelings, for whatever reason.  She likely does have a traumatic past, and nothing you can do about that.  

I gave her a chance and I tried. So I can't feel bad. I did everything I could and it didn't work. I will meet other girls. 

[preraph]

That's right.  You gave it a chance.  She is withholding something.  And it's beyond your ability to fix.  

[rjc149]

She did not play you, dude. Staying in her friend zone being her puppy dog for 2 months, while pining for her the whole time but not having the balls to escalate and make a move, is 100% on YOU. You led HER on to believe that you were just her friend.

Now, it seems like you are forcing her into a "decision" that she needs to "make" and "get back to you" on. The decision is pretty obvious, OP. She's not romantically interested in you. 

This is how to handle this like a man who is true to himself: "Look, I have feelings for you, and I'm not content with a friendship anymore. It's not fair to either of us to remain friends when I want something more. I can't have what I want, and you're in an awkward situation. I hope someday you may want to give us a chance, but if you don't, I understand, and I think it's best that we didn't communicate anymore."

Remaining her puppy dog, watching her date and hook up with other guys while hoping for a shot with her someday, is some really weak., pathetic sh-t.

Edited January 12, 2020 by rjc149

[ChatroomHero]

It's easy to tell if someone is really interested in you in that way once one of you has admitted having feelings. You put it out there, either she dates you or doesn't. Any reason she gives that is not a yes is pretty much always, "I like you as a friend and nothing more". It's one thing if neither person says how they feel, there is a lot of back and forth and mystery but you told her how you felt and if she felt the same way, you would be dating. She did not want to escalate. Any answer other than yes is a no and any, "I can't date you because..." is a rejection and the way you usually find out is that 2 weeks or 2 months later etc., she'll be in a full in relationship with some other guy and all those "reasons" she gave, you'll realize were meaningless.

She'll be fully recovered and ready to date right away when she finds someone she wants to date. If you stick around, all you'll get is an excuse that she wasn't looking and hit it off with some dude, the timing was just off. Look at it like this, if you stick around thinking she really is interested but some invisible force is keeping you apart and keeping her from wanting to escalate, it won't work out that when she is ready to date you'll be first in line and she'll come running right to you.

If she is doing BF/GF stuff with you without sex or an actual relationship, you are filling a void for her but she has already determined that is your role and you are not getting a promotion. Don't judge her on what she is saying, judge her on her actions. Her actions are saying she does not want to date you indefinitely. It's like a person in your office you really dislike and you tell them, "Have a good weekend" and that person thinks, he must like me because he wants me to have a good weekend. She can say anything to lessen the impact and awkwardness, so really whatever she says means exactly nothing. What she actually does says everything. Look at it like that and I bet eventually you'll realize the interest she says she has is nothing more than rhetoric. 

Any conversation she has with you will be her making herself feel better about rejecting you by placating you and making it seem like even though she doesn't want to reject you, her past dating, her current situation, the universe... is forcing her to reject you and she is helpless. I will bet you my paycheck if you go into the conversation with the notion that she is definitely not interested in you romantically, you'll see through all of her rhetoric. If you go in thinking she really is into you and there is a future if you just have patience until she is ready, you'll leave more frustrated and wondering why she thinks you are 'so amazing' and why she can play GF and cuddle and hold hands without any issues except when it comes to her fulfilling your needs. She can cuddle and play cutesy and dance with you, hold your hand, cry on your shoulder but if you try to kiss her, "I'm not ready for that!"

Seriously, be objective. If you talk to her or she texts back and forth, at least look at it through the lens of her being totally uninterested in you. I'll bet a lot of things you find frustrating will make sense when you do that. I bet her reasons for not wanting to date you will be crystal clear.

[Lorf10]

Thank you for all your answers. I am meeting with her in a bit again and we are gonna talk how we are gonna proceed from here.

I still doubt that she used me. At least that she used me intentionally. Or do you think she rakes crying and having a breakdown about her feelings in front of me in a public place and then ask me to hug me, just to not make her seem like the bad person? I doubt it... 

 

Talking about judging her actions: yeah we haven't kissed but other than that. We were dating. We both ditched our best friends to be with each other, we flirted, we went on dates (we talked about that we both saw our hang outs as dates), we made each other jealous. Everything, except sex. But I also always told her that I wanna wait a long time because I think it should be special. Well, one can say she made a move on me. Once she grabbed my lower area while Cuddling and watching Netflix. I rejected it cause I didn't feel ready. She also gave me multiple chances to undress her. I rejected cause I was scared and not ready at that point (around 2 month ago, at the beginning) 

 

Edited January 12, 2020 by Lorf10

[ChatroomHero]

1 hour ago, Lorf10 said:

Or do you think she rakes crying and having a breakdown about her feelings in front of me in a public place and then ask me to hug me, just to not make her seem like the bad person? I doubt it... 

 

Talking about judging her actions: yeah we haven't kissed but other than that. We were dating. We both ditched our best friends to be with each other, we flirted, we went on dates (we talked about that we both saw our hang outs as dates), we made each other jealous. Everything, except sex.

 

1. You're not asking yourself the negative - If she liked you and was actually interested in dating you in the future, would she cry and make a scene in public just because you told her you were also interested?  Getting emotional, crying in public and her sending a text saying "we need to talk" and we can do it in person or over text is not a normal reaction to your interest being good news to her. The fact she offered to discuss it over text is a pretty clear indicator it's not a good talk. It's like being happy when a woman says, "We need to talk", thinking, "Oh yeah, she likes me and wants to talk to me!". Nope.

So if your justification is she made a public scene and asked to hug you so it means she must like you, you are off. Hell, every time I see my ex fiancee we hug when we see each other and hug when we leave...and there is no interest on either end. In fact I would say she would only react like that if she was NOT interested.

You're blinded. You want to believe she is into you so you are justifying it and finding things to fit your argument while ignoring bigger signs. Dudes do this all the time. When you are the one in the middle of it all you get blinded and lose objectivity and it is almost impossible to not interpret anything other than her slapping your face as a good sign when you are in the middle of it all.

To answer your question though, yes. If she was not interested she would hug you and she would cry and be emotional in public. And yes, it is because she feels bad about having to reject you. It's not about making you the bad guy, it's about her feeling guilty and emotional about that and trying to relieve the guilt. When women reject you they are not going to be cold, indifferent robots. They will feel bad for rejecting you and get emotional over that. They will hug you, call you honey or sweetie, compliment you and tell you how amazing you are and what a perfect boyfriend you would be...right before they walk away and move on to some other guy.

I have to ask seriously, have you never had a woman turn on the tears and get emotional to get her way or control a situation? Have you been rejected by women that you were already close to before? It's a fine line to not lead you on and be nice and reject you without hurting you. If they are crying while rejecting you, you feel touched by their emotion and can't help but feel important to them because they got emotional.

2. You haven't kissed or had sex. You were not dating. You were being girlfriends to each other. You were no more dating than a "Daddy Daughter Date" is dating. The real telling thing here is when you first say you have never kissed her and then say, "Everything, except sex". If it was a scale of 1-100 and sex is 100, kissing is a 1. You are acting like you were up to 99 and I am telling you that you were at 0.5.

Listen, do what you want and what you feel. I'm just telling you that it doesn't sound like you were anywhere near where you assessed the situation at. You are friend zoned and you are not going to get a clear rejection you want for closure, ever. Stick around and you'll feel continually led on and dicked around. It's called being stuck in her orbit and with experience you'll be able to discern when this happens pretty early on. Without experience you'll stay in her orbit for as long as you can take it and one day look back without rose colored glasses and realize what it was.

-Just in case this comes up in your talk, when she says she wants it to work out and maybe date you one day in the undefined timeline of the future but not to wait for her so she doesn't hold you back unfairly...be smart enough to recognize what she is telling you and not take it literally.

Edited January 12, 2020 by ChatroomHero

[preraph]

Now that we know the whole story, that it was you who told her you wanted to wait a long time, that changes a lot.  You waited too long and ended up with her losing respect and seeing you as sexy.  

 

She kept doing the "leading up to" because that's the stage you were in, but she lost that attraction because you were dragging your feet, and now she knows she's just going to lose a friend and that her other choice is to pretend she still wants to have sex with you.  

Edited January 12, 2020 by preraph

[Lorf10]

We have talked for 4 hours now. And I think you guys were right. She actually agreed to genuinely liking me today but said that she does not feel like she wants to do more than kissing with me right now. However, she told me that her attraction to me grew over the last month. So I asked her if it might possibly grow over another month and she said yes. 

I asked her about stuff that happened like taking off her bra (and clothes) but never getting further and she said that, as she said, there is attraction but it's not big enough to go any further right now. 

We also talked about how a hypothetical relationship between the two of us could work. We realized that we disagree on a few things. She also told me about the relationships she had and that she is scared of another relationship (there are valid reasons but they are too personal and in detail to share here). 

I told her to just reconsider everything and talk to me about it again. However, I also told her that I will have to reconsider everything again after a lot of stuff I learned tonight.

I fought for her, I gave her every chance I could and if she is not willing to take it, it's her loss.

After I got home, I made notes on how I feel regarding dating her (including the new things I have learned) and realized that she might not be the right one. Actually, she is not the right one. But I have to get my brain to understand that. 

 

//Edit: if there wouldn't be a single thing holding her with me, she would not have spend 4 hours talking to me. 

Edited January 13, 2020 by Lorf10

[fromheart]

21 hours ago, Lorf10 said:

I don't know how I can activate it so you can send me messages 😕

That is true. However, she was passed out drunk when she rejected me the first time (she can't even remember rejecting me). That's why I am giving her the benefit of the doubt.

 

If she wanted you that night, she probably wouldn't have got into that state.  She would have woken up thinking about you, the whole ceremony of her getting ready would be about you, and as soon as she got to the club she'd be thinking little else apart from you.  You'd find her in the corner of your eye, wanting your attention.  It's very, very easy when she wants you.

Anything else isn't worthy of a mans time.

[ChatroomHero]

It's low interest and it sounds like you understand that but it takes a while to get your mind wrapped around that. The only real way I find is you find someone else that you are interested in. You can go overnight from not knowing how you could date again to wondering why you were really attracted and interested in the other one in the first place. Not always easy to find someone else to focus on but it helps you move on pretty quickly.

The thing with low interest is is is not steady and not clear cut. One day she may be super interested and seem really into it, then next day she forgets you exist and the day after she is so-so about seeing you. So all along you're getting indications of real interest but if you step back and look at the whole situation, it averages out to be low interest.

The key now is to accept it and if she calls you at 2 am because she misses you or wants to cuddle, don't take that as she came around and now sees you in a different light. If you go out and she is there and have a great time, don't ignore her telling you she is not interested in dating you and only factor in you had a great time with her.

One of the reasons you got stuck on her is because she dangled the carrot and your frustration with the chase made the prize seem that much better. In the end, the carrot was plastic and there was no real prize at the end of your battle. Don't fall back into her orbit because if you do, she will let you back in as long as you agree to just stay in her orbit and stay in your lane.

As far as her spending 4 hours with you, she likes you as a friend. She's not just going to drop you like you don't exist. She doesn't hate you, she just isn't going to ever date you or want you in that way. 

Edited January 14, 2020 by ChatroomHero

[Lorf10]

2 hours ago, ChatroomHero said:

It's low interest and it sounds like you understand that but it takes a while to get your mind wrapped around that. The only real way I find is you find someone else that you are interested in. You can go overnight from not knowing how you could date again to wondering why you were really attracted and interested in the other one in the first place. Not always easy to find someone else to focus on but it helps you move on pretty quickly.

The thing with low interest is is is not steady and not clear cut. One day she may be super interested and seem really into it, then next day she forgets you exist and the day after she is so-so about seeing you. So all along you're getting indications of real interest but if you step back and look at the whole situation, it averages out to be low interest.

The key now is to accept it and if she calls you at 2 am because she misses you or wants to cuddle, don't take that as she came around and now sees you in a different light. If you go out and she is there and have a great time, don't ignore her telling you she is not interested in dating you and only factor in you had a great time with her.

One of the reasons you got stuck on her is because she dangled the carrot and your frustration with the chase made the prize seem that much better. In the end, the carrot was plastic and there was no real prize at the end of your battle. Don't fall back into her orbit because if you do, she will let you back in as long as you agree to just stay in her orbit and stay in your lane.

As far as her spending 4 hours with you, she likes you as a friend. She's not just going to drop you like you don't exist. She doesn't hate you, she just isn't going to ever date you or want you in that way. 

Thanks for the answer. I do think I spend a lot of time on her that I should not have spend on her. But looking back we had so many good experiences. Overall, something she kept saying was that she is afraid of committing and that she has commitment issues. She said she feels like she is going to disappoint me in a relationship and that I will not be happy. And that is most likely true. Considering her actions I do think she has some kind of attraction to me. And it is definitely not extremely low and I think when there is the time that she can see herself in a relationship, she wouldn't exclude me as a choice. 

She has told me about how she never hung out with any guy that much, how she has never done anything we have done with another guy. She feels something but something is keeping her interest from developing (commitment issues, university, etc...).

I do think that there might be a chance of us dating in the far future. After her exchange or maybe even later. I just feel like it. Don't worry I am not going to wait for her. We have had another conversation and agreed on only texting and hanging out max once a week. We both said that we can keep our feelings to ourselves. She also directly said to me that she needs distance because otherwise she will get more attached but will only hurt me because she can't date me (right now) and can't fulfill my expectations in a relationship. 

[Lorf10]

Also I know it's kinda unnecessary now that we know what's going on, however. One of the reasons she did not wanna kiss me was because she's said that kissing would make both of our affections way stronger and that would get herself in even more of a pickle. Because she is not ready to give what is needed in a relationship. 

Do you think that was just an excuse? Or her being genuine? It doesn't matter, I know. It's just for me... 

[ChatroomHero]

4 hours ago, Lorf10 said:

Also I know it's kinda unnecessary now that we know what's going on, however. One of the reasons she did not wanna kiss me was because she's said that kissing would make both of our affections way stronger and that would get herself in even more of a pickle. Because she is not ready to give what is needed in a relationship. 

Do you think that was just an excuse? Or her being genuine? It doesn't matter, I know. It's just for me... 

Look, when a girl tells you all the reasons she can't or won't date you she is only telling you one thing and the reasons are probably not always that valid. She is telling you she can't or won't date you.

Keep in mind she will try to lessen the blow assuming she does not hate you so the reasons are meaningless. She will say things like, "You are perfect". "You are too good for me". "If I was ready for date you would be exactly what I am looking for". I am sure you would sit there and think, if she said all those things she must like me. She wouldn't say those things if there wasn't something there. Truth is, yes she would say those things if something is there.

If you ask a girl out and she doesn't want to go out, a lot of times she will say yes. Then she will go on and never go out with you. You'll be there analyzing, she said she would go out so there must be interest, she must have meant it., when she was really just placating you in the moment to avoid the awkwardness.

I think you are still sitting there analyzing your interactions to find evidence that you want to find, that she likes you and something happening is possible. You will find whatever you are looking for because you will interpret things to fit your narrative. I have a feeling if she came out and said she thinks you are too ugly to date, you will ignore that and think, but I remember the time she said I looked handsome! You need to stop doing this. 

The whole reason she said she did not want to kiss you is actually laughable. Seriously, her excuse for not wanting to kiss you was she would like you too much. Say that a few times and think about it. Sadly, you want her so I think you will remain in her orbit and keep on taking her rejections as proof she wants you. What will eventually happen is you will understand what I am saying when you catch her dating or kissing another guy and realize how laughable her excuse was. You need to understand what she was saying is she will not/does not WANT to kiss you. What you are hearing is she wants to kiss you sooooo bad. That's called bread crumbs and keeping you in her orbit. But did she or is she going to kiss you? She just told you no! You're ignoring that part.

Look, there a re a couple of truths in dating. When a woman wants to date you, she does not give you all the reasons she can't date you. Whenever someone is "not ready for a relationship" and meets someone that gives them butterflies, they will be ready to date. Even if they are not. One thing is for sure though, they will NEVER tell that person they won't date them now or in the future. They will NEVER list reasons for that person to move on or look elsewhere. They won't directly encourage that person to find someone else.

 

[preraph]

7 minutes ago, ChatroomHero said:

 

Look, there a re a couple of truths in dating. When a woman wants to date you, she does not give you all the reasons she can't date you. 

That's it in a nutshell.  If a woman had a real romantic interest in you, the last thing she would do is to tell you reasons why she can't and try to shut you down.  She likes you as a friend and doesn't want to be brutal, but she hasn't got anything more than mild attraction for you.  If she is young, maybe she went as far as she did because she was curious about it.  If she's older, maybe she did it because it's expected.  

 

Anytime someone says they aren't good enough for you or can't make you happy and give you what you want, believe them.  Women who want to say yes and really are into you don't make excuses.  

[Lorf10]

31 minutes ago, preraph said:

Anytime someone says they aren't good enough for you or can't make you happy and give you what you want, believe them.  Women who want to say yes and really are into you don't make excuses.  

Well, I know and I accept that. I even appreciate it. It's better than her saying "yes" and we end up arguing and not talking anymore. That's exactly what I mean.

I know she can't make me happy right now.  I want things in a relationship that she can't give me. And she can not just not give it to me but to every other guy. Because that's her. That's how her life is.

Also it doesn't matter, no matter if she is saying the truth or not, we can't date for now/right now. So, I am moving on but I am not throwing her out of my life completely. Actually, I have already planned meeting another girl and I got Tinder again (which is more less just a distraction lol). I am not gonna tell her about it because she is just gonna become jealous again and make me feel bad (although she should not, but I know she will)

Edited January 14, 2020 by Lorf10

[preraph]

You are having false hope that something will happen in the future and that is going to waste a bunch of your life. If a woman isn't attracted enough do you want to get all involved with you right now and there's nothing else holding her back such as being in another relationship, she's just soft pedaling it. She's not going to get more attracted to you. She started off more attracted and got less attracted. you can't take literally what she's saying because it's just a bunch of excuses and trying not to hurt your feelings. 

[ChatroomHero]

27 minutes ago, preraph said:

You are having false hope that something will happen in the future and that is going to waste a bunch of your life. If a woman isn't attracted enough do you want to get all involved with you right now and there's nothing else holding her back such as being in another relationship, she's just soft pedaling it. She's not going to get more attracted to you. She started off more attracted and got less attracted. you can't take literally what she's saying because it's just a bunch of excuses and trying not to hurt your feelings. 

Yeah, seems like you are still holding false hope that if you bide your time she'll realize she wants you and it sounds like a waste of time. No need to cut her out of your life, but holding that hope will mess with other relationships. Going on a Tinder date and jerking some girl around that you won't be interested in ultimately because you are holding out, isn't a great way to go. If you are going to go into a date free and clear and see what happens, great. Otherwise you go on a few dates with this other Tinder girl and you'll put her in the same position you are in now.

I just get the feeling that if the girl of your post just came out and said she is not all that attracted to you and wants someone better, you'd rationalize all your past interactions and determine that is not true and think it was a challenge to show that you are that someone better. You do you, but moving on is a lot easier when it is all said and done than holding out false hope for a lost cause.

[Lorf10]

Yes, maybe I have some false hope right now. But it'll dissappear especially if I won't see her for the 9 months when she is home for the summer and on exchange... 

Also I feel like everything I say is wrong... I wanna get distraction and wanna use tinder to get away from this and that's wrong. I met another girl who I wanna get to know. That's wrong. Am I supposed to sit around and cry about a girl I couldn't probably even date at all because of the differences in what we think dating is... 

 

[ChatroomHero]

57 minutes ago, Lorf10 said:

Yes, maybe I have some false hope right now. But it'll dissappear especially if I won't see her for the 9 months when she is home for the summer and on exchange... 

Also I feel like everything I say is wrong... I wanna get distraction and wanna use tinder to get away from this and that's wrong. I met another girl who I wanna get to know. That's wrong. Am I supposed to sit around and cry about a girl I couldn't probably even date at all because of the differences in what we think dating is... 

 

Not at all. I am saying if you want to get to know the new girl, great. If you are really doing it not because you want to get to know her but you instead using her to distract you temporarily from the other girl you are still holding false hope for, don't screw with another girl's emotions to temporarily use her.

If you are actually interested and excited to meet the Tinder girl, great. But if you know she will probably only ever be a temporary distraction for you, don't subject her to that.

[JS84]

Not sure how old you are but you sound ALOT like I did around 19-22. I didn't have any f***ing clue dealing with the opposite sex. Now at 36 I like to think I've learned at least a bit.

You need to walk away from this girl. Period. I've had plenty of good female friends throughout my life. I never cuddled, held hands, etc with any of them. Like someone else said you've been in the friend zone pretty much the entire time. And despite appearances you've never been anywhere near leaving it. At least not for awhile. 

Also as hard as you're still trying to make reasons/justifications/rationalizations for her actions and staying in continued contact with her despite the fact she has no interest in being with you...I promise as soon as she finds a guy she ACTUALLY wants to be with, there's a pretty good chance you're either going to stay right where you are in the friend zone but to a lesser degree, she'll drop you completely or significantly, or her new boyfriend will tell her to drop you because most men can sniff out orbiters  (men who are interested in dating/sleeping with women they have no chance with but hang around them incessantly anyway as "friends") and don't want them around their women .

No more 2 hour and 4 hour talks that lead nowhere and go in circles. No more crying with her about your non-existent relationship, i promise you women don't find THAT appealing. You're trying to read waaaaayyy too much into this because you're too deep in. But from the outside looking it's a pretty clear picture. You're interested in a girl who no interest in dating you. Soon you're going to be separated for months and by thousands of miles.

You're making this girl a priority when she's told you to your face you're not even an option. 

[Lorf10]

Well what can I say. There is a big plot twist. I have no clue what I did to that girl for her to treat me like she did. But well, I was out with some of her friends and all of them seemed to be "awkward" towards me... Eventually they asked me what happened between me and the girl. I just said that I felt used, etc... But that I thought that we are cool now. And then:

So apparently the girl told everyone (well not everyone but some people) that I desperately wanted to be FWB with her and that I told her to "get with me"...?!! 

I literally have no words for this and can't believe any of this. Yeah she friendzoned me, so what? I still was (at least that's what I thought) a half way decent human being to her the whole time.

I am done with her. I blocked her on every social media platform and have no intentions to talking to her at all anymore. 

Even funnier: HER friends told me that I shouldn't waste my time on that girl and that I can do better. 

//EDIT: Her friends believe my story... They don't believe that I asked her for anything sexual because they know me. And they trust me more than her... 

Edited January 18, 2020 by Lorf10

[Caauug]

On 1/12/2020 at 1:32 AM, Lorf10 said:

 I am a virgin. I would not have "banged" her. I would not do that without commitment. That's my standards...

Ok, I agree somewhat on having standards, values or morals what ever you want to call them..... But it can also work against you and other people when you are non-flexible within your "Standards"

On 1/13/2020 at 5:16 AM, Lorf10 said:

 Well, one can say she made a move on me. Once she grabbed my lower area while Cuddling and watching Netflix. I rejected it cause I didn't feel ready. She also gave me multiple chances to undress her. I rejected cause I was scared and not ready at that point (around 2 month ago, at the beginning) 

WTF!!! This girl was opening herself up to you and you shot her down in a ball of flames??? You thought rejection hurt when she would not kiss you? She was offering far more than a kiss and YOU REJECTED HER!!!!

What do you think that did to her self esteem? She had to have feelings for you then to keep meeting you. But sadly over time you destroyed anything she felt for you!!!

On 1/13/2020 at 7:03 AM, preraph said:

Now that we know the whole story, that it was you who told her you wanted to wait a long time, that changes a lot.  You waited too long and ended up with her losing respect and seeing you as sexy.  

 

She kept doing the "leading up to" because that's the stage you were in, but she lost that attraction because you were dragging your feet, and now she knows she's just going to lose a friend and that her other choice is to pretend she still wants to have sex with you.  

^^^^^^^ YES, YES, YES!!!!! This is exactly what happened!!!! 

 

On 1/13/2020 at 11:39 AM, Lorf10 said:

I asked her about stuff that happened like taking off her bra (and clothes) but never getting further and she said that, as she said, there is attraction but it's not big enough to go any further right now. 

I told her to just reconsider everything and talk to me about it again. However, I also told her that I will have to reconsider everything again after a lot of stuff I learned tonight.

I fought for her, I gave her every chance I could and if she is not willing to take it, it's her loss.

She offered herself to you and you fought against her!!!! 

"It's not big enough to go any further"  What else would she say with so much rejection from you???

On 1/14/2020 at 10:31 AM, Lorf10 said:

I think when there is the time that she can see herself in a relationship, she wouldn't exclude me as a choice. 

I do think that there might be a chance of us dating in the far future. 

Why would she want to? 

Her love/lust for you must have been really strong. She trusted you, risked being called a slut and offered herself to you. You continued to reject her (this goes really deep to her core attacking her SMV). Why she returned to you as a friend for more abuse I do not know. All she can do is try to save some of her dignity and move on.

It's all good to have "Standards" but when those standards hurt other people's feelings (for you) it is not in your best interest to have those standards or maybe be more flexible with them. People move at different speeds in a relationship, you were in a relationship with her. There was: You and your relationship to her. And: Her and her relationship to you. You destroyed her relationship to you with rejection. She being a trooper wanted to let you down easy and not hurt your feelings..... I do not think you would be so kind to her...

Yes, I am angry at you.