Author Broken86 Posted March 4, 2020 Author Share Posted March 4, 2020 My mind knows that this is what’s best. That hw obviously used me. But my stupid heart just wishes he’d text or call. That’s what makes it so hard to be strong. 48 hours NC. One day at a time. Bad thing is, I had ordered him a little happy (he’s a baseball coach) to wish him luck for the start of the season this weekend while we were working on it. I tried to cancel it on Monday when all this happened and it was unable to cancel bc it was already packaged for shipment. So he’ll be getting it and I am humiliated Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 18 minutes ago, Broken86 said: You hit the nail on the head. It’s the worst heartache I’ve ever felt. So sorry to hear that. I hope some day we are both over it but atm I just can’t see that ever happening for me. Things don’t seem to get any easy and I feel like there must be something wrong with me. Why can’t I move on ? Forget him? Being on this site helps me realise that I’m not alone and there isn’t anything wrong with me. My family struggle to understand and I don’t talk about it any more with them. Some of my friends try to be sympathetic but I think they think I should just forget him. He’s not worth it etc. Everyone who says that is in a relationship, they are not sitting at home on their own ! Anyway do you have anyone to talk to ? Friends or family who know what has been going on for the last 3 years. Are there sympathetic ? Are you going through this in secret ? I hope not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 25 minutes ago, Broken86 said: So he’ll be getting it and I am humiliated Don’t worry about that. He’ll realise you ordered it before. If anything it will make him feel bad for treating you badly. He should feel guilty. You were thinking about him and care for him, don’t feel bad about that. He’s an idiot. Some people just don’t know what they’ve got until it’s gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken86 Posted March 4, 2020 Author Share Posted March 4, 2020 25 minutes ago, Beca L said: So sorry to hear that. I hope some day we are both over it but atm I just can’t see that ever happening for me. Things don’t seem to get any easy and I feel like there must be something wrong with me. Why can’t I move on ? Forget him? Being on this site helps me realise that I’m not alone and there isn’t anything wrong with me. My family struggle to understand and I don’t talk about it any more with them. Some of my friends try to be sympathetic but I think they think I should just forget him. He’s not worth it etc. Everyone who says that is in a relationship, they are not sitting at home on their own ! Anyway do you have anyone to talk to ? Friends or family who know what has been going on for the last 3 years. Are there sympathetic ? Are you going through this in secret ? I hope not. My best friend knows and she tells me over and over that he’s not worth it and to create a new life for myself. It’s easier to say than do when you’re mourning the love of your life and starting your life over completely. I left my husband with nothing but my car and one paycheck to start over on. Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 21 minutes ago, Broken86 said: My best friend knows and she tells me over and over that he’s not worth it and to create a new life for myself. It’s easier to say than do when you’re mourning the love of your life and starting your life over completely. I left my husband with nothing but my car and one paycheck to start over on. I agree, when people say move on or create a new life for yourself etc etc. They don’t realise how hard it is to do that. That you can’t just switch off these strong feelings you have for this person. That you believe you are destined to be with them. You are very brave to leave your husband. Hopefully this is the worst time in our lives and good things await us. Things do happen for a reason. Try to live day by day and not think too far ahead. That is what I am trying to do and it helps me to cope. When I look to the future it panics me and I feel utter despair so I just think this week. My son has had exams all week so I’ve been helping him to revise so that has helped take my mind off things. You are doing the right thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy's sister Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Please don't be humiliated over a nice gift. It was something you did to show your love, it was thoughtful and kind. Hopefully your ex will feel. Guilt and remorse for his behaviour. I sent a card for AP birthday which was yesterday, in it I wrote how much we had messed up and how I'd do almost anything to have the conversation again. I also had ordered a very special present which was delivered yesterday. I have had silence.. No acknowledgement at all. God it hurts. I know on here we can hypothesise about what it all means, when they do this or that, but my bottom line now is.. Don't waste time on someone who is too rude and too cowardly to even say thank you for a gift. So let's keep the nc today... And then it's another day over 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken86 Posted March 5, 2020 Author Share Posted March 5, 2020 6 hours ago, Poppy's sister said: Please don't be humiliated over a nice gift. It was something you did to show your love, it was thoughtful and kind. Hopefully your ex will feel. Guilt and remorse for his behaviour. I sent a card for AP birthday which was yesterday, in it I wrote how much we had messed up and how I'd do almost anything to have the conversation again. I also had ordered a very special present which was delivered yesterday. I have had silence.. No acknowledgement at all. God it hurts. I know on here we can hypothesise about what it all means, when they do this or that, but my bottom line now is.. Don't waste time on someone who is too rude and too cowardly to even say thank you for a gift. So let's keep the nc today... And then it's another day over I know that I won’t even get a thank you. So I’m preparing for it. I had a bad night last night. I went to my ex husbands house to see my little boy since he has him this week. I went to the gym. I tried to occupy myself to keep it together. But when I came home to an empty house I fell apart. 72 hours. I can do this Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Look up transitional relationships. Men tend to engage in this type of relationship when a long term relationship is coming to an end or just ended. How would you compare yourself to his wife? Are the two of you very different? I betting yes. I suspect that he, at one point believed you two could have a future, but that was before he was free. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken86 Posted March 5, 2020 Author Share Posted March 5, 2020 It shows the package was delivered 30 minutes ago. So I’m offended even tho I knew he wouldn’t so much as say thank you and I’m embarrassed that it got delivered in the first place. I just want to go home and go to bed 😞 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy's sister Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Do not be embarrassed You have not done anything wrong sending a gift I can sympathise.. Its just unbelievable to me that they can literally cut us out of their lives. My AP.. Saw me in tears and walk off into the night and he has not even texted to see if I am OK.. Yet merely hours before that conversation he was saying he couldn't wait to see me.. Broken86... In your case I do think he has decided he might prefer playing the field, he doesn't want another "marriage" Its absolutely s***ty thing to do and I think these men know for months they have changed their minds but they string things along cus its nice for their ego. Try to think.. Do I want to be with someone who can be deliberately cruel.. I trying that today.. But it's not working for me.. ☺ So probably rubbish advice. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken86 Posted March 5, 2020 Author Share Posted March 5, 2020 Today just. Sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy's sister Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Yes it does Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken86 Posted March 5, 2020 Author Share Posted March 5, 2020 He’s used to me contacting him or saying hi. He expects it. I doubt he wants it now. But I’m sure he’s probably surprised that I’m not trying to. That’s what keeps me going. I just wish he didn’t get the giant ego boost of a nice gift with some stupid girl telling him how proud she is that they’re together. 😞 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 41 minutes ago, Poppy's sister said: Its absolutely s***ty thing to do and I think these men know for months they have changed their minds but they string things along cus its nice for their ego. Or they want to keep you as the back up plan just in case they change their minds or can’t get another OW. Shocking behaviour from these self entitled, narcissistic, liars. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 2 hours ago, Broken86 said: I know that I won’t even get a thank you. So I’m preparing for it. I had a bad night last night. I went to my ex husbands house to see my little boy since he has him this week. I went to the gym. I tried to occupy myself to keep it together. But when I came home to an empty house I fell apart. 72 hours. I can do this I know exactly how you feel and you are not alone. When my kids are with their dad I’m on my own and it’s tough. I had a wonderful year with my xmm and we had some amazing times together when my kids were with their dad. I miss those times and it’s really hard. I’m lonely. Try to keep NC. It’s the only way. xo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 25 minutes ago, Broken86 said: He’s used to me contacting him or saying hi. He expects it. I doubt he wants it now. But I’m sure he’s probably surprised that I’m not trying to. That’s what keeps me going. I just wish he didn’t get the giant ego boost of a nice gift with some stupid girl telling him how proud she is that they’re together. 😞 I think he’ll realise you ordered the gift before so don’t worry about that. You haven’t contacted him so he will be expecting you to. The longer you don’t the more curious he will get. Just keep going. 🙂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken86 Posted March 5, 2020 Author Share Posted March 5, 2020 32 minutes ago, Beca L said: I think he’ll realise you ordered the gift before so don’t worry about that. You haven’t contacted him so he will be expecting you to. The longer you don’t the more curious he will get. Just keep going. 🙂 He has his kids this week. And he stays busy with work and both kids schedules. And he will begin playing tournaments every weekend starting this weekend. So I don’t imagine he’s hurting at all. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to recover my reputation, get my son settled into a new home and try to figure out how to pay my bills. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 12 minutes ago, Broken86 said: He has his kids this week. And he stays busy with work and both kids schedules. And he will begin playing tournaments every weekend starting this weekend. So I don’t imagine he’s hurting at all. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to recover my reputation, get my son settled into a new home and try to figure out how to pay my bills. Try not to think too much about what he is thinking or doing. It serves no purpose and you don’t really know. He has been a part of your life for 3 years. You can’t just switch off feelings like that. I’m sure he does care and still has strong feelings for you. Maybe he is just trying to get his head straight and that is without you in the picture. I’m sorry you are struggling after your divorce. Just remember things can only get better, you are at the bottom now. The only way is up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy's sister Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 Sending you kind thoughts, peace and hugs. I am in bed and thinking.. Its another day done.. Let's hope tomorrow is easier. Remember you are not alone in this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 39 minutes ago, Poppy's sister said: Sending you kind thoughts, peace and hugs. I am in bed and thinking.. Its another day done.. Let's hope tomorrow is easier. Remember you are not alone in this Yes. We got through another day. Hope you have a relaxing sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken86 Posted March 5, 2020 Author Share Posted March 5, 2020 Unfortunately, it’s only 4 pm on my end of the globe. If you’ve ever heard the country music song by Chris young called drowning.. ladies, tonight I’m drowning Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 (edited) So sorry he is putting you through this. He got what he wanted, then got caught. Saved face and got you to leave your BS. Now it is at the move in together phase, he doesn’t trust you as you both were in a relationship and discarded your BS when caught. Sorry he doesn’t want to be in a for filling relationship with a cheater. His mind set not mine. One day at a time, surrounded yourself with friends. Despise him he helped you to get where you are now! Exercise, drink water, join social groups, get rid of all of his memories. It isn’t worth holding onto this hope. He never wanted a long term marriage with you. He is a pig. buffer Edited March 7, 2020 by Buffer Spelling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 standard OM lies was all that he fed to you. OM will say anything to get laid. and that is what your OM did. many OM dump their OW after D day even if they get divorced. OM will accept sex on the side from a OW, but will not marry her. in their mind if their OW will cheat with you they will cheat on you. good enough to have sex with though not marry in their mind. was the OM worth losing your house, becoming a part time mom, child raise in a broken family? you need an IC that will wake you up to reality. your OM is a POSOM. he is not worth mourning over. you should be happy that he is out of your life. instead mourn the life you lost and use that to motivate you to heal and repair the damage your cheating has done to your family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken86 Posted March 9, 2020 Author Share Posted March 9, 2020 I’m freaking out. One week today. I made it one whole week and didn’t contact him. Hardest damn thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s 9am on a Monday morning here and all of a sudden he texts me a photo. WHY???? What am I supposed to do here. I’m about to fall apart at work. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 9, 2020 Share Posted March 9, 2020 It's called breadcrumbing. If you want to continue NC better stay firm, else you will get sucked back in (happens all the time). You may need to block him if he keeps it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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