Seems like Karma bus not only drove over her but reversed and drove-off again.

[Trying to be strong]

Hello all just another one of the countless members of the “ My Wife Cheated club” and thought i’d Share my story..

 

My wife and I have been together for 8 years in what I honestly thought was a good marriage. We hardly  argued, always spiced things up and I always made an extra effort to ensure she knew just how much I loved her. We have two children , a teenage girl she had from a  previous relationship and a boy between us. I am an introvert by nature where as my wife is usually the life of the party, at one point all of her friends and family called us the ideal example of “ opposites - attract “.

 

I’ve always done my best to provide for my family so when the opportunity came to open my own business I took it. I wanted to do things right so I went back to school for a degree that would help with the business I was going into. At the time I noticed my wife became  distant but I assumed that was her way of giving me space to study, as time went on she became  irritable  at small things and would fight at almost turn. I began to wonder if my long hours of work and school made her feel neglected so I tried to be more romantic whenever I could.

 

One day while I was on my lunch break I thought to surprise my wife for a date, I tried calling her phone but it was off so I  decided to take a short drive to her office to surprise her. What I saw that day changed my life forever. As I walked to her office her  assistant  noticed me, for some reason the assistant had a   Startled  look in her eye then it turned to sympathy. Before I could proceed she held my hand and told me in a sad voice that it would be best if I waited here, the assistant rang my wife’s office line which was ignored the first two times but answered on the third. I heard a  rustling sound and my wife came out fixing her  skirt  while behind her I saw her new manager   (15 years her   Senior and bold) fixing his pants. At this point even a blind man could see what was happening, I looked at the assistant who held her head down and  quietly mumbled “sorry” .

 

My mind went blank and I  just walked out leaving my car at her work parking lot. Not sure for how long I walked but when I noticed the change in my surroundings it was night time, I was  literally across town  and had dozens of missed calls from both my work and my wife. I caught a taxi home where my wife was waiting for me on the front porch. She told me she loved me but wasn’t in love with me and that she’ll be moving to parents for the time being( that statement hurt just as bad as seeing her with another man).

She left me and our children that night. I contacted my boss, he gave me something time off to deal with the situation and I did the same thing with the school I was attending. It dawned on me that i’d Always had a good relationship with her assistant ( plutonic ) infact she would offend joke how if I wasn’t married she’d be all over me so I convinced her ( more like guilted) into telling me what she knew of my wife’s affair. From what she knew it began about 5 months  prior about a month after the new manager joined, she noticed how they hit-it-off because of their similar personalities but concerned the assistant about the new manager is that he seemed to have a “ Jekyll and Hyde “ personality. One minute he is charming and the next he is basically a demon.

 

I spoke to me my wife two days later to express my concerns for her safety aswell as try to  painstakingly draw out information about the affair  which she  obviously tried to down play .  I barely  recognized the woman before me, it was like aliens  abducted my wife and replaced her with a look-a-like. Because of her lack of remorse I choose to file.

Three weeks later I was cooking dinner for my kids when I got an unexpected visit from a  pregnant woman. Turns out she’s the spouse of my wife’s OM and is carrying their third child, to make matters worse she’s his second wife. She  approached me because she was  gathering evidence to use against her husband as she plans on leaving him.

She also told me this isn’t his first cheating and last time he got caught he managed to turn it around on her thus making her fault he strayed. Apparently my wife wasn’t the only one he was sleeping with and she plans to confront these two extra women in there homes aswell. Before leaving she looked towards the table where my kids were eating and told me I was a good father and that I don’t deserve what I was going through..

 

Two weeks later my MIL phones me to tell me a  pregnant woman  confronted my wife in their home which had guests, MIL said the pregnant woman relieved my wife’s affair along with some  intimate details in messages she got off her H phone. She also informed my wife the She wasn’t the only OW/MW her H was sleeping with and after she was done she  straighten her blouse  then slapped my wife calling her a  stupid cow, told her how she saw a sad man feeding his children where as his wife was off being a slut. My wife was in a shaken state afterward then suddenly grabbed her keys and rushed out only to return the next day a noon with messed up hair, red eyes from crying and what appeared to be  bruising around her neck. She kept calling herself an idiot and how she “ Had to make this right” 

My MIL asked me to hold off on  divorce proceedings at least until my wife was in a healthier  state of mind. So I put my all into my kids, work and school just to  distract myself from the pain. I finished my degree and was set for  graduation, my wife got wind of this through our daughter and basically ambushed me at my job. Here’s how our conversation roughly went; 

Me: What are you doing here. 

Her: I just wanted to  congratulate you 

Me: Well thanks, if there’s nothing else goodbye 

Her: Wait can I watch you walk

Me : No that’s only for family and friends none of which applies to you anymore.

Her: Please I know how hard you worked for it

Me:Only if you stand behind a tree or something ( was being sarcastic )

 

Come  graduation day and then she is literally behind a tree . This Left me dumbfounded because I was being sarcastic. As I walked on stage to receive my prize I looked her way, I noticed tears in her eyes, her left hand over her chest and her right hand on her ring finger. The celebration that night was bittersweet.

Sometime later I learned from her assistant that my wife lost her job because of her MM. Apparently he was  embezzling funds. Although after an investigation it was discovered that my wife knew nothing of the matter but because of the affair ( courtesy  of MM spouse) it left a black mark on the company so they had to let her go. My wife mentioned none of this to anyone but instead tried to reconcile constantly, she would come over almost every to cook dinner and even do dishes aswell try to make me my favorite  desserts by hand. Seeing as how her  mental states had improved I decided to re-initiate divorce proceedings. When we were  in court she asked to speak before it all began: 

Her: I know you must hate me more than anyone else in the world right now and I don’t blame you. I betrayed you and our children in ways that I as a woman will never comprehend. My husband please know that my heart beats only for you, I know that means less that nothing coming from me but it’s true. I hate that it took this terrible and  disgusting  affair to realize how much of a treasure our marriage is. Please if there is anything left that can be  salvaged no matter how small I’ll take it. Please don’t give up on us I beg you.

 

The  judge suggested an extension of the meditation period. So here we are two months in to the extension and i feel numb towards her and I’m sure why. I would rather feel angry or rage anything but this numb feel

So sorry for the long rant but had to get it out there and any  advice is greatly appreciated and welcomed.

Edited March 3, 2020 by Trying to be strong

[BreakOnThrough]

Sorry for all that you went through, only you can reconcile what has happened and what is best for you and your children.  I wish you all the best going forward.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

I also vote you continue on with your divorce. You describe yourself as an excellent guy. I'm afraid your wife would cheat again if you were to resume your marriage as soon as she got comfortable enough to believe all was forgiven. 

At least you can parlay her current state into hopefully a good co-parenting arrangement. Don't give up on love. There are good women out there who will appreciate you when you're ready. 

[Marc878]

Infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving. You’d be better off putting her behind you. Sometimes there’s just too much damage. Cut contact except for text or emails kids only. Keep her out of your home. 

The thing is the capability is there for her to do it again. 

[Marc878]

Words are totally meaningless. Right now she is looking for a soft place to land. Your MIL is looking out for her daughter not you.

Edited March 4, 2020 by Marc878

[Daisydooks]

She is only sorry because she found out she isnt the only woman and got her pathetic ass dropped like a bad habit.

Proceed with divorce. Betrayal of this magnitude is not to be forgiven. She has no remorse. She needs a place to stay and doesn't want to live with her parents. This isnt remorse. 

She isnt sorry. She just didnt think she'd be caught. Been there. Done that. Move forward. 

I myself did a 180, and started counseling just to have someone to speak to/a sounding board. I found this helped me stay the course through divorce and helped me manage my unhealthy feelings of wanting to absolutely ruin his life. I hated what he had done to me, to us and hated that he ruined our life together. I couldn't forgive him. I didnt want to reconcile. I wanted him not to be a cheating a**h*** to begin with. 

I'm sorry you have found yourself here. Sending hugs and support! 

[spiritedaway2003]

Yikes. I feel for you and I am sorry for your situation. There is a lot of hurt and it is no doubt traumatic and devastating.

I am going to go a little against the grain and say that you take time for yourself, as the judge suggested, to figure out what you want, beyond the shadow of a doubt.   (By the way, I don’t necessarily believe that your wife is trying to manipulate the system but finding a way to express her remorse). Whether you choose to accept or reject it in entirely up to you; she needs to own up to the consequences of her actions.

People are not infallible, though infidelity breaks the heart of a relationship (trust). If you had already thought it all through and you know you can’t find it in your heart to forgive her, then proceed with the divorce. If you believe that you can find a path to forgiveness, that is also a path (no doubt a painful one too). Just as many people will tell you to leave, there are others who have been able to work through it. 

If you can’t find a path to forgive her (some can, others can’t. Neither is right or wrong — only you can decide on that), then proceed with the divorce.  I am not sure what kind of advice you are seeking here. Since you had already filed, I could only assume you had already thought through that process and can’t live with her infidelity.  If you have already decided, then proceed and focus on being good co-parents to your kids.

Edited March 4, 2020 by spiritedaway2003

[Rainbows]

What a story.

Good on the pregnant lady for bringing the truth to everyones table, whilst a mother and pregnant she must be going through a lot to deal with this too.

I wish that all stories of infidelity ended with this sort of justice. (My husband seems to be happy as larry whilst im dumped and looking after our infant children)...I was willing to forgive my husband, as you said it literally feels like an alien has abducted the man I knew?

Did your wife still see your children regularly or did she betray them in the sence of almost abandonment?

I hope you emerge from the numbness and feel one way or another, a healthy mindset.

[JTSW]

She broke your trust.

Continue with the divorce and find a woman who will feel very lucky to have you.

She made her bed, now she has to lay in it.

[CloudyHead]

I am going to play devil's advocate on this one.  From your wife's perspective, she made the worse decision of her life.  I have no doubt that her boss "love bombed" her - he made her feel special, told her that he loved her, told her how bad his marriage was, that he did not love his wife, that he wanted to leave his wife, etc. . . . all lies and your wife was manipulated by her boss.  When you have an affair, you live in a bubble.  It is an intoxicating bubble that you hate to leave.  I bet that your wife looks at the decision she made about the affair and cannot reconcile the affair with herself.  She has lost her husband, her family and her job because of this decision.

From the children's perspective, she is their mother.  They love her no matter what she did.  I do hope that you do not bad-mouth her in front of the kids.  I am a firm believer that parents do not bad mouth each other in their children's presence . . . When you bad-mouth a parent, you are bad-mouthing a part of that child as that parent is 1/2 of him/her.

From your perspective, the trust is broken.  Only you know if you want to repair that trust and salvage your marriage. 

My story:  I had an affair during my marriage (this was 10+ years ago).  I was very naive (even though I was in my late 30's) at that point in my life.  I fell for someone who was very narcissistic and love bombed me (I learned this later).  I lived in a bubble when I was with this man (who was also married).  He told me sad stories about his marriage, his wife - even cried at times.  He told me how much I brightened his day, sent me flowers, bought me gifts - looking back he treated me like a princess.  

My one regret in my life is allowing him to enter my life.  He destroyed my self-esteem, self-worth, self- confidence . . . everything about me.  Today - I have an awesome relationship with my ex-husband and our children.  My ex-husband and I sit together at our kids' school events, we celebrate our kids' birthdays and holidays together, we even have keys to each other's houses.  Weird?  Maybe.  But our kids are happy and love us both.  I remember a few years ago my ex-MIL was at my house celebrating one of our kid's birthday when she pulled me into a room and said that it just wasn't right that we shared celebrations of birthdays and holidays and that it made her uncomfortable.  I responded that her son and I want our kids to be happy and having all their family together for celebrations makes them happy and feel loved - that was more important to us than anyone feeling uncomfortable.  

 

[mark clemson]

Very sorry to hear your story and what you had to go through.

My guess is that the numbness you feel is comprised of three things. Clearly you had a lot of your identity wrapped up in a being a good husband and father. Your wife wounded you emotionally AND I think she damaged your sense of identity as well. So in part your numbness is that the emotional wound  is starting to try to heal. This is no doubt just at the beginning phase, but some of the "bleeding" has stopped or slowed. This is probably due in part to how badly your wife's situation went south. You have less of a need for "revenge" as life and circumstances have dished this out for you, so feelings of hatred that might have been there if she was still with the MM may be starting to lessen. No doubt there is still plenty of anger at her, but it maybe is in a less active form. Metaphorically, it's kind of like emotional scar tissue starting to form.

Another part of the numbness is, I think, that you have a gap in your identity. You seem to be a "family man" type and right now you don't have that and can't be it. You were starting to reform your sense of identity without her. However now you are attempting to figure out what to do about her attempts at reconciliation. Your identity is in a way "on hold" as you are at something of a crossroads and figuring out which way to go with this. This is probably the painful and unpleasant part as for many people having disruptions in their sense of identity is distressing.

A third part of this is, I think, your brain processing your wife's attempts at reconciliation. Your trying to figure out what to do, whether to go through with divorce vs. reconciliation. I think you're processing this in part with "unconscious" parts of your brain that are involved in planning. I suspect this part of your brain is in overdrive right now as you attempt (unconsciously) to weigh your plan to divorce against her (at least superficially sincere) attentions. I think these parts of your brain tend to focus on more logistical and practical matters. Emotion is being in part shut off or shunted to the side while your brain is busy trying to weigh your options.

Overall, you're trying to figure out if she's actually sincere, and the (apparent) change in her attitude has thrown a wrench into what would have been a straightforward plan for moving forward with your life.

Reconciliation or divorce is a big decision with a lot at stake for anyone, and particularly with the type of person you appear to be. I don't have specific advice for you either way, but I do think you'll come to the right decisions, eventually, for you. I would note that if she's truly sincere about reconciliation then her offer may remain on the table even after divorce, as that's something we've seen on these boards too. I wish you good luck going forward.

Edited March 4, 2020 by mark clemson

[JS84]

If her OM had really been Prince Charming instead of a toad you would still be in her rear view mirror. They almost always come running back when their life implodes from the affair. Yours is no different. 

You need to follow through with the divorce.

You feel numb because you don't love her anymore. Not like you used to.  The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

Not sure what the point was in dragging things out. Because she said some pretty words?

My advice is to maintain as little contact as possible and only discuss the kids, finances, and the divorce.

[preraph]

Ugh.  So sorry.   

You'll never ever be able to trust her again, and you shouldn't.  If she'll do it with an old bald guy she works with, she'll be tempted by just about anybody.  

 

You'll have to learn to be civil but also have complete boundaries and no mind games going on by her for the benefit of the kids.  But you need to probably get a judge's order to limit your communication and just keep it to those apps where you're only allowed to talk about the kids and only on the app itself which keeps everything for use in court should the need arise.  Being around her is only going to keep your head spinning.  Things can never be the same as you thought they were now.  I'm sorry.  The judge can order using that app.  

[K.K.]

This is perhaps the best title of a thread that I’ve ever seen here. 😂

I keep seeing that karma bus running that girl over and backing up and slamming her ass again. 

[usa1ah]

Like others have pointed out. 
 

the only reason she came back is because things ended with the OM.
 

She didn’t have a what have I done to my husband moment. 

 

She had a OM is cheating with how many others and I am not his one and only moment. 
 

It wasn’t the thought of you that ended her affair. If the OM was not sleeping with the other women as well, your wife would still be with him. 

[michzz]

Continue with the divorce. Crocodile tears are nothing good to see.

 

BTW, get tested for STDs. Who knows what this cheating  soon-to-be ex-wife exposed you to from her affair with a promiscuous man.

[WilyWill]

It's the classic case of plan A not working out, so suddenly plan B is an attractive option. There's no way she can ever convince you that you were anything but plan B. And she's still the type of woman who will always be on the hunt for "better" options (i.e., high-status men).

Continue with the divorce, split assets. You can then make a determination about what coparenting will look like. Sounds like she's a good cook. Maybe that's useful to you.

[Buffer]

Morning brother 
what a sad tail, yet it is still ongoing. 

what do you feel is right for you to do? there are a myriad of questions about her actions, her state of mind then and now l, how your children and the two of you interact. Let alone how can she make the relationship safe to cease the D and the build trust?

all in all it is up to you, can you see her in the role as mother and wife in five years from now? Or just mother with supervised visitation; paying you child support?

she abandoned you and your children! Never forget that. 
One day at a time

Buffer

 

[Just a Guy]

I have only one comment to make. If this is genuine then I would want to know what happened with your wife's first husband? Did he/she divorce her/him and if so for what reason? Was infidelity at all involved? Best wishes.