He wants what?

[Springsummer]

Just got off the phone from a  counselor. I complained to her how management are going to hire a less qualified person for a higher position instead of me. she asked her age. I said a few years older than me. I asked why, and she said maybe he wants sex. I couldn't believe what I heard. I asked again to confirm. The guy has a wife who has a prestige profession and is many year younger than him. Never met his wife so no idea how she looks like. but why would a guy risk a stable public sector job with good pension for an older woman(albeit she is good looking)?  Is the counselor off here or I am off here? or because I am not a  flirty person so he subconsciously wants to make my life miserable? I am a very uptight and righteous kind of person all my life. I can never do those things to advance myself.

is her hypothesis remotely possible?

Edited March 4, 2020 by Springsummer

[NerdGoneWild]

13 minutes ago, Springsummer said:

Just got off the phone from a  counselor. I complained to her how management are going to hire a less qualified person for a higher position instead of me. she asked her age. I said a few years older than me. I asked why, and she said maybe he wants sex

I am a very uptight and righteous kind of person all my life. I can never do those things to advance myself.

 

The way you said this makes me think your second sentence might be the answer to your first. I wouldn't want to promote someone who is uptight and righteous [known as self righteous]. Now if you simply mean you won't sleep your way to the top, that's one thing. But it sounds like more... It sounds like you might have a big chip on your shoulder. 

Edited March 4, 2020 by NerdGoneWild

[Springsummer]

1 hour ago, NerdGoneWild said:

The way you said this makes me think your second sentence might be the answer to your first. I wouldn't want to promote someone who is uptight and righteous [known as self righteous]. Now if you simply mean you won't sleep your way to the top, that's one thing. But it sounds like more... It sounds like you might have a big chip on your shoulder. 

righteous is the same as self righteous? maybe you need an education in the English language, then you can come back and post. It simply means I am not loose like you.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, Springsummer said:

righteous is the same as self righteous? maybe you need an education in the English language, then you can come back and post. It simply means I am not loose like you.

Wow.    Ok, righteous means that ones lives with firm morals.   Yes, this is you.  Self righteous means that one thinks that they are morally superior to others.  Perfect example being: "I am not loose like you".  So both you and Nerd are right: you're righteous and self righteous.   

As to your question, anything is possible.   But I'd look at yourself first.  Being more qualified than her on paper doesn't necessarily make you the best person for the job.  Does the job involve anything which you have less experience with?   Leadership?  Mentoring?  Are you resilient when dealing with problems at work?  Proactive when something goes wrong?   Have you asked your boss for feedback on why you were overlooked for the position?

 

Edited March 4, 2020 by basil67

[schlumpy]

10 hours ago, Springsummer said:

righteous is the same as self righteous? maybe you need an education in the English language, then you can come back and post. It simply means I am not loose like you.

Where did that "spring" from summer?

The solution to your problem is to go into business for yourself where you call the shots. No need to worry about promotions because you will be the top Kitty Kat. Easier said then done, I know, but it would be the perfect for you.

[chillii]

l think your counselors and idiot.

[Springsummer]

I think a certain poster is quite self righteous and judgmental. 

FYI: the person told me he is going to create a new same level position and have me in mind. I was baffled and setup an appointment to talk with him for half hour. Turn out he has no idea how and when the new position will be created and heck he has no idea what the new position is going to do. then I asked him who is going to fill the existing position? then he told me the woman's name. I asked what is she going to do? because she doesn't have the minimum education for the type of job and doesn't have the experience.  they will have to use managerial discretion to override that education requirement. after debating her merits...so I finally said you just like her then? and he said I like you too. wth...

Moderator: please respect my wish and delete this thread. It was my mistake to make the thread. my apology. it's very difficult to explain the details and what I went through. I am to the point of talking to counselor and doctor. it is no joke for me. I don't need any more aggravation and stress at this point in time. the last thing I want is someone who doesn't even work to make self righteous and judgmental and lecturing comments to make her feel good about herself. What made her think that I don't know?  

I actually have a lot on my plate now and no time to chat with people here. my mistake.

 

Edited March 4, 2020 by Springsummer

[PRW]

The counselor is just "winging it" and has no idea what the truth is. The counselor may have been burned in some kind of similar situation in the past and is living vicariously through your situation.  This manager seems a little weak and indecisive and is blowing in whatever direction the winds of office drama are blowing him rather then making good business decisions.  This can be common among men who are married to women in a "prestige profession" although it is unusual for her to be a lot of years younger. The guy tends to let the "strong wife" call the shots and make the decisions and he can be mussy and misguided when she isn't there telling him what to do.  Am I winging it too?  Yes. Just like the counselor, there is no way I can really know the real truth from where I am sitting.

Moderators don't typically delete posts/threads,...although on occasion they might.

[Springsummer]

1 hour ago, PRW said:

The counselor is just "winging it" and has no idea what the truth is. The counselor may have been burned in some kind of similar situation in the past and is living vicariously through your situation.  This manager seems a little weak and indecisive and is blowing in whatever direction the winds of office drama are blowing him rather then making good business decisions.  This can be common among men who are married to women in a "prestige profession" although it is unusual for her to be a lot of years younger. The guy tends to let the "strong wife" call the shots and make the decisions and he can be mussy and misguided when she isn't there telling him what to do.  Am I winging it too?  Yes. Just like the counselor, there is no way I can really know the real truth from where I am sitting.

Moderators don't typically delete posts/threads,...although on occasion they might.

Thank you for sticking to the post and question and provide in-depth analysis (winging it) instead of making assumption of my characters.

yes, the guy said he does the cooking in the house. he just does what the most senior person in the team told him to do.

[thefooloftheyear]

Maybe the counselor was trying to amuse herself by winding you up....I cant see any other scenario, but who knows?

I know its not generally a good idea for a counselor to do such a thing but maybe you caught her on an off day....

TFY

[vla1120]

19 hours ago, Springsummer said:

Just got off the phone from a  counselor. I complained to her how management are going to hire a less qualified person for a higher position instead of me. she asked her age. I said a few years older than me. I asked why, and she said maybe he wants sex. I couldn't believe what I heard. I asked again to confirm. The guy has a wife who has a prestige profession and is many year younger than him. Never met his wife so no idea how she looks like. but why would a guy risk a stable public sector job with good pension for an older woman(albeit she is good looking)?  Is the counselor off here or I am off here? or because I am not a  flirty person so he subconsciously wants to make my life miserable? I am a very uptight and righteous kind of person all my life. I can never do those things to advance myself.

is her hypothesis remotely possible?

This is your counselor as in therapist (and not career counselor or something to that effect?) I don't know why a therapist would speculate about the possible that management only hired this woman for sex (unless, in previous discussions, you've indicated that this manager might be inclined to behave in that manner.) I would take her comment with a grain of salt. 

If you want to know why she was hired instead of you, I don't see any reason why you cannot approach the manager and say something to the effect of "Thank you for your consideration for the (insert job title here) position. Is there any advice that you can give me to help me be more competitive in the future, should another opportunity arise?" 

[elaine567]

19 hours ago, Springsummer said:

. I complained to her how management are going to hire a less qualified person for a higher position instead of me.

This is about how competent you are at your job.
Many think they will promote the best worker to the elevated position, but many times they don't.
If they promote the best worker then who is going to do the actual job?

Example
Robert works in a bike repair garage, there is little he doesn't know about bikes he can repair 10 bikes a day.
George also repair bikes but he can only repair 5 bikes a day, on a good day.
If you promote Robert and take him into the office, then you are immediately 10 bikes repaired short per day, whereas if you promote George you are only 5 bikes short.
You can then hire a mediocre mechanic to take George's place in the garage.
Had you promoted Robert you would have needed to hire a top class individual or even two guys to get the work done.

[Tristian]

10 hours ago, Springsummer said:

Moderator: please respect my wish and delete this thread.

 

Thread closed from further replies.