Does she just need space or is she done?

[tpt10]

So I have been dating this girl for the past 2-3 months. I'm 25 and she's 26. We would see each other 2-3 times a week. Anyways, during first 2 months of the relationship she showed crazy high interest. She would say she misses me, cook for me, told me she can't wait to introduce me to her parents, say what we had was something serious etc. We had sex every time we hung out and it was always great, she would even say so.

Well, last week I noticed she started to pull back a little bit. She would still constantly text me and we would set up dates, but something was off. So what did I do? I got a little needy and started to pursue more (I was also vulnerable /weak during this time because my grandfather died). 

We went out last Saturday night and everything was perfect (she was flirty, complementing me, having fun) until I saw on her phone as we were leaving that she was texting another guy she met the night before. When I confronted her about it by asking her who it was, she told me "I met him last night when I was out with my friends, are you mad?" Too which I replied, "I am not happy about it." Anyways, we got back to my house and we talked about it. She asked me what I want in the relationship, and I told her to keep seeing her and doing what we are doing. She then confessed that last week she was pulling back, would not give me a straight answer why, but that she wants to keep seeing me too. I then asked her (bad move) if she wanted to see other people or just us two. Too which she did not give me a straight up answer, just said she did not know and was confused. We ended up having sex and she slept up on me the entire night.

The next morning, we got up and started brushing our teeth. She was grabbing on me and laughing like usual. We then went back to my room, she was laying on top of me, but she did not want to have sex (which we usually do). I immediately got upset because I got needy and thought it was because she was losing interest. I did not say anything, just said okay and the mood changed. She could tell I was upset. When she left, she usually hugs me and kisses me for a couple minutes before taking off. This time, she got in her car, rolled down her window and gave me a weak kiss. 

She ended up texting me, but was really dry. We then setup a date for Monday night and got off the phone. I ended up getting a text from her Sunday night that went like this:

Her: "I've been in my head a lot today thinking about the night we had and the conversations. I'm sorry but I feel like I need to step back from this relationship right now. I don't mean to hurt you, but I'm just confused. I Feel that something is just not right and don't want to drag this on unnecessarily."

Me: "Believe me when I say I had a ton of fun with you these last few months. It's rare finding someone that shares the same mindset and ambition as me. But if you aren't fully checked in, neither am I. If you need to step away, I get it. Feel free to reach out to me if things change."


The last thing I wanted to do was beg her back and show more insecurity. I still have not heard from her and she has not reached out. I do not plan on reaching out, I want to give her her space since I became needy and insecure and pushed her away. Do you guys think she will message me back or is completely done with me? I should also include that she was in a 6 year relationship, and broke it off with the man in September. She has casually dated but I was the first person she dated consistently. My neediness/insecurity pushed her away. 

I have set up a date with a new female I met to help me move on, but do not want to take advantage of the girl because I still have feelings for the girl above. What do you all think? Feel free to rip into me, I take criticism well.

Have a great day!

[pc31]

You did the right thing. Just pull it all back, for now. Try not to reach out to her, at all, if possible. I have a feeling like that she would come back in no time.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

The fact that she would text this to you instead of having a face to face conversation means she doesn't respect you, or take your feelings seriously.

Your response should have only been "Ok" or, better yet, you shouldn't have responded at all. Responding by telling her how much fun you had and telling her she's free to waltz back in anytime (basically if things don't work with other guys 🍆🍆🍆) made you look like a desperate man with no options or dignity. (Not saying this is actually the case.)

You need to block this woman and move on with your life. 

 

[elaine567]

4 hours ago, tpt10 said:

. My neediness/insecurity pushed her away. 

NO.
She just lost interest.
She was already puling back, met the other guy and dumped you.
Neediness, insecurity rarely pushes interested people away.
You were needy/insecure as she was making you so by pulling away.
You were reacting to her pulling back, you were not the cause of her pulling back.
Her "offness" predated you getting needy.
I think she probably decided to end it as soon as she started going distant, but she kept it going for a wee while.
She gave you sex that last night, but she just couldn't do so in the cold light of day.
She was already gone whatever you did that morning...
Let her go.

[d0nnivain]

She likes you but's she doing a typical girl thing, trying to soften the blow.  She's giving you false hope.  She liked you well enough but not enough to continue dating you.  Other men especially the guy she was texting hold her interest more. 

She's just done.  Time & space won't make it better. Even if it did & she realizes you are a good guy, so you really want a girl that came back just because she couldn't do any better?  

[scooby-philly]

Agree 100% with the other posters. Look - in a long-term, healthy and mutually happy relationship, we all go through days or weeks of "neediness". Someone close to us passes away. We lose a job. We hit financial difficulties, etc. It happens to most people. A person who both understands what a real relationship takes (and sadly most people in the world today don't) and who truly loves you and wants something long-term, understands the dynamic of a good relationship and won't run the moment you can't pull your weight 100% or need some emotional support. She's 26. Even if she's not ready to completely "settle down" yet....the fact that she probably started to emotionally unattach the first time you had needed her support is not a good sign. A lot of young women still expect relationships to be "perfect". They withdraw, run, or shut down the moment there's  hiccup of any kind. I was dating someone that was 24 (I'm 38) and she was completely inexperience, insecure, low self-esteem, came from a shame based and bitter, cold family,  and was hiding us from her parents. Yeah, I know, I'm stupid. I got a little needy and I think when she realized her sister was moving out finally (they both lived at home)she had an opportunity to make up an excuse and run when in reality she probably just though sh'ed be able to sneak out more and "play the field". And she dumped me via text and IM. But lesson learned for me - you can't single handly fix broken people - no matter how much you love/want them. They have to want to fix themselves. ANd it sounds like your ex, like mine, had no courage and no matter what they spewed from their mouths, their actions showed they had no respect for our feelings. Go NC and move on! At least it was only 2-3 months for you my friend! You will find better fish in the sea. 

[TeddyBundy1993]

Your relationship failed in honeymoon phase only. Most relationship goes through this patch where one partner asks for it and says he or she needs space. But it comes in years. You are dating for few months only.  

She has given many signs. Texting another guy in front of you refusing sex as you use to have. And final blow by asking space I really cant agree anymore d0nnivian. Girls are like that mate. You did great by not pushing her further and gave her space. Most probably she will come up by saying she wants separation be prepared for that. And understand no circumstances stay as friends. Trust me it's more painful and self degrading thing we men do. But be polite and walk away. 

[andytuotuo]

All I can say is that man I wish I could have been chill like you when I dealt with the last girl. You did the right thing to respect her and give her space. oh believe me you haven’t pushed her away comparing to some of the begging and pleading like I did!!! 
I do think it’s a good time reflect and think on this relationship. What you want with her, what do you see with here down the road. So when she come to talk to you, you can lay it all out. If she wants to come aboard, great! If she doesn’t show 100%, you have your answer and can move on.

I wish I had that much self respect like you do bruh! 

[ExpatInItaly]

She's done, OP. 

The fact that she was texting him while on a date with you says it all, unfortunately. My guess is she has known him longer than she is letting on, and probably met him at some point before she started pulling away from you. In any event, the very fact that she was communicating with him while you were right there with her is the nail in the coffin. She was so interested in chatting with him she couldn't be bothered waiting at least until she had a moment alone. 

Sorry, man. Space isn't going to fix this. Her interest level just isn't there anymore. 

[tpt10]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She's done, OP. 

The fact that she was texting him while on a date with you says it all, unfortunately. My guess is she has known him longer than she is letting on, and probably met him at some point before she started pulling away from you. In any event, the very fact that she was communicating with him while you were right there with her is the nail in the coffin. She was so interested in chatting with him she couldn't be bothered waiting at least until she had a moment alone. 

Sorry, man. Space isn't going to fix this. Her interest level just isn't there anymore. 

She wasn’t texting him while we were on the date. In fact, I never saw her on it once the entire evening until we were leaving. I know she didn’t have the # before, because it said “Maybe: Conner” (that apple function when you get a new number).

Regardless she still gave him her #. 

[tpt10]

14 hours ago, TeddyBundy1993 said:

Your relationship failed in honeymoon phase only. Most relationship goes through this patch where one partner asks for it and says he or she needs space. But it comes in years. You are dating for few months only.  

She has given many signs. Texting another guy in front of you refusing sex as you use to have. And final blow by asking space I really cant agree anymore d0nnivian. Girls are like that mate. You did great by not pushing her further and gave her space. Most probably she will come up by saying she wants separation be prepared for that. And understand no circumstances stay as friends. Trust me it's more painful and self degrading thing we men do. But be polite and walk away. 

No she wasn’t texting him in front of me. She didn’t text him the entire night (I was with her and she was never on her phone), she just had a new text message from him.

we still had sex that night. She just denied it in the morning. She was still all over me the next morning. Like she literally laid on top of me for 20-30 mins head on my chest.

 

So weird to me

[tpt10]

Sucks moving on! I refuse to reach out to her and I know that I am going to have to move on. I just don’t want to invest more time and $ in another girl with the possibility of this happening. 
 

She says “confused and stepping back” .. does this mean she just needs space to date more or is completely done?

Edited March 5, 2020 by tpt10

[ExpatInItaly]

It means she wants to date this Connor guy more and see where it goes. That is what she needs space for - to explore him. 

You're not her priority anymore, man. If she was that easily confused by a guy she just met, then I hate to tell you that her feelings for you were not very strong. 

Edited March 5, 2020 by ExpatInItaly